4 | besotted

strongly infatuated

I wake up sweating, shallow gasps leaving my lungs with an unusual ferocity. I blindly hit the power button on my cellphone. Squinting past the harsh light, I see that it is 3:59 AM.

With a sigh, I fall back. It was another dream about Ethan—a different one. In my dream, I had gone and spilled everything to him. Me being a wolf, the imprint...everything. And what had he done? Pushed me away and continued on with his life. The possible reality of the dream left a bitter taste on my tongue. All last night, my mind was off of Ethan, and for the first time in forever, I had truly, wholeheartedly enjoyed myself. But, of course, now my mind had to remind me that everything was about Ethan now. After all, he was the one thing that was supposed to make life worth living-—the one I was supposed to care for, to protect...the one that would give me strength.

Yet, he knew nothing of this. Who knew if he would even accept it, when he found out?

I roll to the other side of the bed. Who said he had to find out? The imprint just required that I be near him, not have any relations with him. I could just linger in his shadow my whole life...a depressing scenario.

With these thoughts whirring in my mind, my eyes flutter shut.

The sun dancing across my eyelids is what jolts me awake in the morning. My body is unusually exhausted, and my stomach is growling, but a sense of relaxation is about me as I pack up and check out. As I get into the car, ready to drive again, I look out at the city one last time. I think I'd like to return back, someday.

In Canyonville, I stop to get food and fill up my tank. I'm getting closer.

Almost four hours later, I stop in Red Bluff for a late lunch. Ethan is close, I can feel it. I am nowhere near prepared to see him, and yet, I cannot wait. My mind is abuzz. There is no choice but to go.

The primitive, animal part of me takes charge as I practically sprint towards the car. The sun is setting, and I hate driving when it's dark, but how long am I going to torture myself? I can't stand waiting the whole night knowing that he is only a few hours away.

A mad drive later, it is almost midnight and I stop. He is so, so close. There isn't even a need to drive anymore. Parking in the lot of some random building, I stumble out of the car. The night air is refreshingly cool on my feverish skin.

Where am I? It seems like it should be familiar. Not like I'd been here, but rather like I had seen a photo of it at some point. Long, sloping streets; tiny, colorful houses...where had I seen that before?

My blood tingles in my veins. The wind whispers in my ears. So close.

I walk down the street, letting my body guide me, pausing in front of each house. No, not this one. Not this either. I finally stop in front of a pistachio green house with a wide window. This is it. Ethan is inside.

I close my eyes. Finally. The butterflies in my stomach flap violently, until I realize that panic has begun to set in. I am too much of a coward to do this...to face Ethan.

Staggering back to the car, I collapse in the backseat. I came all this way just to back out. No matter how much I had convinced myself that I could do this, that I deserved to be with my imprint, it all crumbled away on his front steps. I am hopeless.

I quietly cry myself to sleep in the backseat of my car in a strange city, feeling more alone than I ever had before.


A/N: This is the last of the angst for a while :) Any guesses as to which city Leah is in?