Obi-Wan was finally back at the Temple. She was supposed to start on her own assignment once she knew that her apprentice was away taking care of his, but the unexpected words of Anakin were brooding deep within her mind.

Do you love me, Master?

What a mess of a situation they were both in. Contrary to what Anakin may think, she wasn´t a fool. She noticed Anakin´s infatuation with her throughout the years; the way he smiled at her every time she dared to visit his saber practices against other Padawans at the Temple. Or how he'd started to keep his room tidy when she had mentioned her distaste for any kind of clutter or dirt.

She had the same feelings once towards her own Master. She could still remember how she would daydream about Qui-Gon as a young Padawan, how she blushed when his eyes shined in a certain way or the helpless smile she wore for hours when he complemented her on something. She thought that the young blonde Jedi would grow out of it the same way she had, even though in her case, her little crush died when Qui-Gon did, not with the passing of time or the maturity of the years.

But the awful truth was that she wasn´t disgusted or even uncomfortable about those dangerous feelings that Anakin had towards her. She was secretly pleased. She knew it was wrong, terribly wrong. She was his Master, his elder. His sister.

They had both connected with her deceased Master in more ways than many Jedi were with their own. For him, Qui-Gon was the man who liberated him, who believed in him when everyone else, herself included, refused to accept him. But Qui-Gon loved him, cared for him, gave him propose when his only destiny in life was to be a slave. And to her, her Master was a parent, a hero, a desirable man. He besotted her in ways most people didn´t, even when there were opportunities with other men, other Padawans, boys of her age who desired her in the same way she drooled over Master Jinn; but for her, there was only him. When he died, it was like a part of her did as well, she thought there was no way she could love someone ever again. After all, it was too cruel to love that much and lose that badly in just an instant. There was no possibility that she could allow her heart to grow attached to another after the suffering of seeing her dear Master perish at the blade of a Sith.

But then, Anakin happened. With his insolent behavior, his fiery blue eyes, his stupid smiles and permanent disregard of rules and insistent whining. All things most people would frown upon, they simply made up who Anakin was. And as usual, Obi-Wan found herself pulled at the unconventional personality of another equally unorthodox man. The same way she fell in love with the mysterious rebellious Jedi that Qui-Gon Jinn was, she became attached to the insurgent wild Padawan that was Anakin Skywalker.

After discovering her own feelings, she tried to keep her distance. Obi-Wan tried her hardest to be the perfect Master. To be completely in control of her emotions and mindful of her thoughts. She was the guardian of this boy that came to her fearful and lonely, and who was slowly becoming a man that was prophesized to be the Chosen One. She didn´t have time to weigh him down with ridiculous sentiments that weren´t even meant to be felt by people like them. There was too much at risk.

So she thought that she could live a comfortable life ignoring her own feelings at the circumstances, until he went insane and confessed his heart out to her. When Anakin saw Padmé, Obi-Wan had the hope, the tiniest of hopes, that he finally realized his mistake. After all, the Senator of Naboo was beautiful, young and gracious in ways that Obi-Wan could never be. Even when love was forbidden for them, the distraction of a most tempting prospect would take the young Padawan´s attention away from her. It will make him sober up all that unattainable emotion that was living inside him at the moment. When she reunited with the ex-queen she couldn´t help but feeling a spark of jealousy, it would take a blind fool to not be able to see the beauty that Padmé Amidala had become. Obi-Wan didn´t feel it necessary to wear beautiful gowns or impress people with strange accessories all over their hair, she knew that was something best reserved to people of higher social spheres, not for a Jedi. But the beauteous trinkets ignited a flame of envy deep inside her, especially when she realized how taken Anakin was with Padmé. Despite her unnecessary and petty jealousy, she knew that in the end she was going to be only a ghost of the past for the young apprentice.

Yet in a quick unexpected move of destiny, Anakin surprised her once again by re-aligning his convictions towards her; when she, mistakenly, laid her hand over his arm when they talked about his mother or when he exploded with uncontrollable emotion the other night, talking about love and desire. Obi-Wan was lost at the sudden turn of events. She resisted, of course. Fought to keep her words right, to not give hope, to not fall into the childish game that Anakin wanted them both to play. It was hard, almost impossible when he was swearing her adoration, promising devotion and infinite passion. She wanted to give in so badly, even if it was just because she was lonely. Even if it was because she was tired of fighting off her feelings, rationalizing her heart and shielding her mind. In the morning, when she thought she got back a grasp of sanity, he not only surprised her with another provocation, but with action.

He kissed her. Took her breath away in a single motion and showed her the passion he pledge so fervently just yesterday, that they were not only words, but a true surrender. She gave in, this time. Weak, drained, enchanted and impotent to do anything else but to kiss him back. To let herself feel for the first time in so long. That was what she wanted when Qui-Gon lived, she was the one then, she remembers, crafting fantasies about kisses and promises of real love. And now, filled with frustration, yearning and a little of her own unconditional love, she gave her lips to Anakin.

In that moment, in that single perfect moment, she doubted everything. Her precious Code, her motives, her conviction to the Jedi way, her incessant battle against her own selfish wishes. How could feeling something so beautiful be wrong? How could anyone deny her the bliss of having this? She could almost cry at the impotency of her frustrations. Anakin kissed like he did everything else in life. With passion, intensity and untamed ferocity, his lips were rough and soft all at the same time, moving so naturally, fitting so perfectly against her own like two missing pieces. His breath finished where hers began. His hands were holding her waist tightly.

And the minute they separate only to regain some breath, all that had just happened flew back to her with apprehension. She was sent back to the feelings of shame and guilt that drove her from these feelings in the first place. Even though a single look into Anakin´s eyes broke her heart into million pieces, she could not relent this time. So, she walked the halls with him, listened obediently to the Council's instructions, talked with the security captain of Padmé with him staring at her back, and gave him a last goodbye not knowing when she would see him next.

She let go, for what seemed like the first and last time, but then he turned, hurt and sad, to ask her if she loved him back. As if her torment wasn´t big enough. As if her longing could not grow stronger and wider until it craved a hole on her chest. He smiled at that, not knowing her heart nor her mind, and walked away whispering his goodbye, disappearing into the crowd. And she felt as if she couldn´t breathe anymore without his eyes on her, she felt as if he was gone forever and she was lost on her own again. She could have said something, she could have stop him on his tracks, try to make him understand but there was no point. He was gone, and it was better that way.

post/147575470383/more-female-obi-wan

(Female Obi-Wan Kenobi)


Anakin and Padmé were comfortably seated in the improvised cafeteria of the cruiser, shyly looking around trying to not been identified; Padmé was wearing a headpiece that had a long yellow veil that covered her hair and part of her face, giving her a false appearance of a peasant, even though she still looked regal all the same. It was curious to see the former Queen of Naboo wearing a gown that any other Courscanti woman would wear instead of her more intricate arrangements and wardrobes. Anakin was barely recognizable himself without his Jedi robes, he used to wear some unconventional colors to distinguish himself, with darker shades of brown and leather black tabards instead of the creamy or sandy colors that the other Jedi seemed to enjoy and favor more.

They had barely talked during the duration of the trip, Padmé still too worried about her dear politics and her troubles with the Military Creation Act, while Anakin was still thinking about what he had said to his Master, wondering if Obi-Wan bothered to think about it as much as he did, he highly doubted it. He had managed to catch some sleep in their assigned quarters but was risen immediately when the nightmares about his mother plagued his mind. Hearing her screams in apparent agony and her face contorted with tears of pain. If Padmé noticed any of it, she didn´t say, Anakin was grateful for that, he didn´t want her to see his weakness.

As a way of making conversation, Anakin ventured in talking about Padmé´s homeworld instead of focusing in his fears.

"I look forward to seeing Naboo again" he commented, smile friendly on his face "I´ve thought about it every day since I left. It´s by far the most beautiful place I´ve ever seen…"

Padmé stared at him with an apologetic smile.

"You were just a little boy then. It may not be as you remember it; time changes your perception" she offered, brushing his excitement away.

"I think time has given me more mature feelings to enhance perception" he insisted.

Padmé seemed to stop at that, as if thinking about something curious that suddenly crossed her mind "It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi…" she mussed more to herself than to Anakin "not being able to visit the places you like…or do the things that you like…"

"Or be with the people I love" Anakin added with a shrug, thoughts suddenly returning to Obi-Wan once again. "Ridiculous", he thought.

"Are you allowed to love?" the Senator wondered with quick interest. Her head coming closer slightly, eyes shining with curiosity. "I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi"

Anakin smiled sadly at that.

"Attachment is forbidden,possession is forbidden, even compassion. We are designed to love unconditionally, it is central to a Jedi´s life, so you might say we´re encouraged to love" he explained away, right hand moving the soup on his plate with a lack of motivation.

"You have changed so much" Padmé said as a passing comment. There was something in her voice, a brush of fondness that made Anakin´s cheeks color red with embarrassment and pleasure. Padmé may not be Obi-Wan, but she was beautiful and kind, she was an angel on her own right, if Anakin could change his heart as easily as he wished to, he would choose to love her instead, in a heartbeat. Loving Padmé wouldn´t hurt, it wouldn´t be denied and taken away, it wouldn´t leave him hanging between confirmation and refusal. It would be fulfilling, peaceful and perfect. If he could only hold on to that, he wouldn´t be feeling this pain.

They continued talking, sometimes about Naboo, about his mother, about his missions and trials as a Jedi as much as her experiences as a Senator of the Republic. Anakin found himself enchanted by her smile and besotted with her laughter, so much that he almost forgot about his issue with Obi-Wan entirely,.

"Before…" Padmé starts with a slight whisper.

Anakin raised his eyes to see her with a questioning look on his face.

"You were dreaming about your mother earlier, weren´t you?" she finally finishes. Her melted chocolate eyes hide a spark of curiosity and sadness.

Anakin hesitates to answer, speechless and underwhelmed by the change of conversation. He thought he had kept his thoughts and worries well hidden deep inside his mind, but it seems that Padmé has noticed anyway. Defeated, he replies.

"Yes…I left Tatooine so long ago, my memory of her is fading. I don´t want to lose it" He says putting aside the remainders of the soup he was eating. His eyes displayed a sadness well above his years "I´ve been seeing her in my dreams, vivid dreams, scary dreams. I worry about her"

"Maybe you should visit her" Padmé advises with a warm comforting smile.

Anakin lets a dry chuckle escape through his lips. "That´s impossible" he declares with bitterness. "We are not permitted to visit our family nor communicate with them. A Jedi must let go of his past"

"We must not have attachments" Obi-Wan´s soft voice whispers inside his head. It was as if she was right there with them, murmuring into his ear, reminding him of his duty, the code, the rules, all the set of little nothings that Anakin could care less about.

"That seems a bit excessive" the Senator comments under her breath, almost as if the remark escaped from her mind and into her mouth.

Anakin keeps himself silent, measuring Padmé´s reaction to the thought.

"I mean" she tries again "I do not claim to know more nor better than a Jedi" she ponders with a slight blush of embarrassment over her cheeks "but in my experience, love is rarely a weakness. I see it more as a strength. I do not see why one should be private of it"

"It´s more complicated than that" Anakin explains "Most Jedi are taken from their families when they are too young to understand about bounds, so they don´t really have a past nor a family to miss. I´m a rare exception. I came to the Jedi old enough to know what attachment is."

"Too fearful, too angry, too dangerous" he remembers the words that the Council used to refer to him when he first came to Coruscant. He wondered how different life would have been if Obi-Wan hadn´t chosen him.

"That must have been hard" Padmé mentions with pity, her eyes portray a distance look in them. "You, here, in such a big terrifying planet without your mother."

Anakin smiles at her words. Padmé was the first person in a long while who has finally understood his struggle, she has not bothered to remind him that it was unbecoming of a Jedi to feel such things, that it was not right to worry about his mother or to simply desire other things in life. For the first time, Anakin felt fully comfortable with someone else.

"Indeed" he agrees "It was difficult at first. Too many rules, I used to get into trouble over the smallest things" he laughs with melancholy.

"I was naturally gifted at too many things though, so it didn´t take much time at all to catch up to the other apprentices" the Padawan remarks with pride in his voice "all the others used to get a little jealous of that too, but not everything was terrible. I wasn´t alone. I had Obi-Wan."

Despite his sorrow and disappointment towards his Master, Anakin can´t help but smile warmly at the thought of her. Of how she used to take care of him, how she subtly defended him in front of the other Masters when they told her he was too arrogant or too aggressive during lessons. Obi-Wan was his life guard, his friend and his family.

"You must be so grateful to her" Padmé observed at his loss of words.

"I am" he declared without hesitation. "I certainly am"


After a small trip to Dex and the Archives of the Temple, Obi-Wan wasn't completely sure that she was able to find the answers she was looking for regarding the location of Kamino. This led her on her search of Master Yoda. She found him in a training room with what seemed like twenty younglings in a session. They were all wearing helmets that covered their eyes, moving their tiny training sabers around trying to hit the little droids that flouted around them. Obi-Wan couldn´t help but smile at the sight that brought so many memories back at her.

"Don´t think… feel. Be as one with the force. Help you, it will" Yoda preached in front of them before catching Obi-Wan staring at them by the door "Younglings, enough!" he instructs "A visitor we have. Welcome her."

The group of children suddenly removed their helmets and turned off their training sabers, looking up at her with eyes of adoration. A couple of gasps could been heard in the room the moment they realized who she was. The famous Sith Killer. The Jedi Knight knew that her popularity had increased from the very moment she had slain her Master´s assassin. Obi-Wan wasn´t proud nor fond of the attention, it always made her feel uncomfortable and out of place, but she could understand why the little ones would feel drawn to her precense.

"Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, meet the mighty Bear Clan." Yoda points out.

Obi-Wan smiles with warmth at the happy faces of the younglings before saluting with a respectful bow.

"Welcome, Master Obi-Wan!" The cheerful voices of the initiates exclaim.

"I am sorry to disturb you, Master" She starts with a shameful blush on her face. Yoda waves her embarrassment away with a movement of his hand "What help to you, can I be?" he asks.

"I´m looking for a planet described to me by an old friend. I trust him. But the system doesn´t show up on the archives maps."

"An interesting puzzle. Gather round the map reader, younglings. Master Obi-Wan has lost as planet. Find it, we will try…"

The children move around instantly, a tiny blond one runs to shut the lights off and turn on the projector. Obi-Wan is reminded for a moment of a young Anakin Skywalker. A bitter smile covers her face for an instant before dissolving into nothing, staring at the star systems appearing around the room, trying to remember where Kamino is supposed to be.

"This is where it ought to be…" she quickly points at a blank space between the stars "but it isn´t. Gravity is pulling all the stars in this area inward to this spot. There should be a star here… but there isn´t" she finishes.

Yoda looks at her with curiosity for a moment before smiling and asking a question to the class, wondering how could a star and its planets simply vanish while the trails of its existence reminds. A child quickly suggest that someone has erased it from the archives, Obi-Wan frowns at that. No one can do that. However, Master Yoda seems pleased at the comment, saying that it must have been the case, as the old troll catches Obi-Wan staring with strangeness, he speaks.

"Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is. Uncluttered. To the center of the pull of gravity go, and find your planet you will" he states. A peaceful smile at the Knight´s silence and incredulity reminds.

"But Master Yoda who could have erased information from the Archives? That´s impossible, isn´t it?" she argues perplexed.

"Much harder to answer, that question is"

Obi-Wan mouth grimaces at the implication while Yoda frowns slightly. She thinks that the whole mission is getting more elaborated and tangled that she ever imagined it to be. After all, she has had plenty of missions that involved protecting important people before: Senators, Ambassadors and the like, but nothing as shady and mysterious as this case.

Obi-Wan strides over to the door and is about to leave before Master Yoda halts her movements.

"Look different, you do" he remarks.

Obi-Wan stops and stares at the tiny Master. Speechless and confused, Obi-Wan tries her best to leave her face blank of any emotions. "I don´t understand…" she starts and stops, surprised.

"To you, something happened, mmm, yes?" he cryptically pondered with a strange gleam. Obi-Wan nervously glances at the children, who have all occupied themselves with chatting and laughing at each other, oblivious of the two Jedis conversing in the room.

"I don´t think so, no." Obi-Wan fixes with a rushed voice. "It´s the mission, I guess. Everything is turning out to be more complicated that we thought."

"Mmm" Yoda hums. "A storm inside you, there is" he insist. "Your feelings, mixed are. Your mind, clouded is"

Obi-Wan let's lose a shaky breath at the sudden suspicion in Master Yoda´s voice. She wants to run and hide from his presence. There was no way he knew about what have transpired between her Padawan and herself, right? And even at that, she couldn´t be so obvious in her despair. She was a Jedi. Trained to control her emotions and not allowing her feelings to show through, even when they were difficult and painful to keep hidden. But Master Yoda wasn´t a fool. If there was someone who could see through her careful crafted armor, it was him.

"Something happened. Nothing of consequence" she lies even when she knows she ought not to. "Another of Anakin´s antics, I´m much too used to them by now, you should not worry, Master" she finished with a smile.

Master Yoda countries his searching gaze, "worry, I do not. Afraid I am, that you do, Knight Kenobi"

Before she could answer back, Yoda gives her a final smile, before turning back to the class, ready to continue with the lesson. Obi-Wan blushes red from head to toe, she quickly leaves the room ashamed and mortified that Master Yoda may know about her feelings for Anakin.

The whole temple knew about them two, how could they not? The Sith Killer and the Chosen One. They looked like a match made by the Force. Maybe they were. With Anakin´s constant stunts and disobedience, Obi-Wan tried her best to keep him in line and to get him to follow every rule inside and outside of the Temple, but the young man had already made a name for himself as the problematic hot-headed Padawan. Children loved him but Masters loathed his behavior. If that wasn´t enough to get Obi-Wan shameful reprimands from her peers, she could only imagine what they would be saying of her if they found out about Anakin´s romantic feelings, or, even worse, the kiss they already shared.

By the time she finally made it to a desolated hall of the Temple, her heart was beating hard and fast against her chest. She pressed her forehead against the crystal of the one of the tall windows. Releasing a long breath, she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Obi-Wan turned away from the window and was about to head back to her corridor before a tall figure appeared from the corner of the corridor, walking calmly toward her.

"Oh, Kenobi!" the cheerful voice exclaimed while one hand was raised in a salute.

Obi-Wan didn´t have to turn to know who exactly the one who was calling her was.

"…Quinlan." She muttered with disdain.

"It´s been a long time without seeing you, old friend!" he said cheerfully.

"Not long enough…" she managed to whisper to herself.

"Oh, come on!" he laughed away "You don´t have to pretend that you didn´t missed me" he said with a little wink.

"That´s because I didn´t" she said with a straight face.

"You wound me so." He puts a hand on his heart and gives Obi-Wan a pained expression before breaking out into a broad smile again.

"It's been awhile since I've seen you walking the halls alone, where is that little Padawan of yours? The little punk follows you around like a puppy."

Obi-Wan grimaces, "His name is Anakin. And he is on a mission at Naboo"

Quinlan seems surprised by the information.

"Really? On his own?" he questions with a frown on his face. Obi-Wan has never seen him that serious before. Obi-Wan nods her head, giving him an affirmative.

"Who in their right mind came up with that idea?" Quinlan muttered with clear revulsion. His manners rivaled that of a young child's.

"The Council. It was not a decision per se, but more of a petition from the Chancellor to protect an old friend, so we didn´t have much of a choice" Obi-Wan says with a shrug. She sits on a bench along the hallways walls sensing that Quinlan had more to say.

"Still, that´s Bantha poodo" he mutters through clenched teeth, taking seat next to her.

"Oh, please, don´t start with the Huttese" she implores with a shake of her head, tired his repulsive language.

Quinlan managed to laugh at her despair and inclines his head to the side with one of his famous playful grins.

"Hey, don´t look at me like that. It was your boy who taught me everything I know!"

Obi-Wan almost choke at the mention of Anakin as "her boy". Shame was already consuming her from the inside out, she didn´t need the reminder of her sins from the mouth of the most sinful Jedi she knew.

Before she could say something or just blatantly walk away from the unscrupulous Jedi. Quinlan´s face was suddenly too close to hers, Obi-Wan gasped in surprised as the Kiffar man´s lips were almost touching her chin, but with a silent huff from the older Jedi, he let his head fall and nestle into the crook of her neck. Obi-Wan wanted nothing more but to push him aside, but the weight and heat of another being grounded her.

"I really missed you, Obi" he said with a whisper of a voice. "I really did."

The past nickname that he used when they were Padawans felt both odd and familiar at the same time, something she hadn´t heard in a while.

They used to go on missions together from time to time when they were both young, they developed some kind of a friendship on those missions. But after some turn of events, the death of her Master, their Knighting and the arrival of both Anakin and Aayla to their lives, the distance grew and the connection between them flattened.

"I thought we were past this, Quinlan" she murmured close to his ear, staring at his wild black hair against her shoulder blade. He let out a snort and bitter laugh.

"Maybe you are, Obi, but I don´t think there is a man in this entire world that could possibly forget about you" he confessed, finally lifting himself from her person. Obi-Wan was silently grateful of the new accomplished distance between them.

"We are no longer children" she announced with a lifted eyebrow before rising from her seat, trying to avoid a conversation they already had in the past. Quinlan started at her from below with a calm smile, something rare on him.

"Anyway…" he started with a surprising clap of his hands, Obi-Wan almost laughed at the sudden change in the mood "you better keep an eye on that Padawan of yours. I wouldn´t leave him alone with my underclothes, let alone with a mission all on his own."

Obi-Wan rolled her grey eyes.

"You are a Knight and I wouldn´t trust you with holding my robes. Also, we all know you don´t wear any underclothes." She teased with ease, reviving an old joke of the past.

"Low blow, Kenobi" he said with his usual raspy voice, but his smile was intact on his face. "Well, see you around, Obi. Take care of yourself, though I wouldn´t mind going to rescue your sorry ass."

"You wish…" she declared in a breath.

Obi-Wan gave him a small smirk before walking in the opposite direction towards her quarters.

post/147575403343/female-obi-wan-kenobi

( a cartoonish version of Obi-Wan looking at Quinlan Vos while he talks)


So, here it is! :) and this one it is edited. I upload two pictures, so please follow the links to see.
Next chapter it´s already done, just needs the editions made by my wonderful Beta Alice :)
This chapter has Obi-Wan´s point of view, I thought that would be a good change so you can all understand her feelings and thoughts. I´m not sure when I´m going to post the next chapter but it´s gonna be up here before sunday I hope, so keep an eye here. I would aprecciate comments, doubts, or anything you have to say :)

For those who want a more accurate image of how Obi-Wan looks like, just imagine Gemma Artenton as an anburn Jedi and there you go.