-1Chapter Four
Not much about the old Grey homestead had changed. The house was still the simple box house it had been the last time Meredith had seen it. Stark white with light blue shudders, potted rose bushes on either side of the dark blue door, grass cut so short it was burning in the hot Texas sun. Silently, Meredith took all this in. A tiny part of her wiggled with excitement, crying out home, home at last. This was no longer her home though. It hadn't been since the day her father had banished her. There had been no telling her side, once Thatcher Grey made up his mind that was that. Meredith was to blame for Denny's down fall. End of discussion. Good-bye Meredith.
She couldn't resist sneaking a peek at her sister. When she had called she hadn't expected Lexie to show up. Yet, her younger sister had. A mere fifteen minutes after they had hung up Lexie had arrived, driving a shiny red Honda Civic that still had the dealership tag in the back window. Lexie had still been dressed in pale pink scrubs. Her sister had just been admitted to nursing school the last time Meredith seen her. That had been four years ago, shortly before Samantha's first birthday.
"You can stay in your old room," Lexie said in a toneless voice. They had exchanged a total of three words during the drive from the drive inn to the Grey house. "Samantha can either stay with you or take my old room."
Meredith nodded, unbuckling her seat belt. The tow truck arrived before she could say the automatic thank you that was on her tongue. She kept quiet as Lexie directed them towards the back of the house. There was an old shop back there where their father had tinkered with cars. A history teacher by day, and a hobbyist mechanic by night, that had been Thatcher.
"Mom's car is still in the garage. You can use that until your's is fixed." Again there was nothing in Lexie's voice to give away what the younger woman was thinking. "I have an account at Harold's. You can take the car down there to fill up. The gas in it is kind of old but it should make it to the station." Keys jangled as Lexie unlocked the front door.
Samantha tugged on Meredith's hand. "I need to potty," she whispered.
"The bathroom is just down that hall. First door on the right. There's a picture of your mommy and me when we were little right next to it." Lexie answered before Meredith could point her daughter in the proper direction. There had been genuine affection in her voice when talking to the child. That was something, Meredith told herself. At least her sister wasn't holding the family grudge against an innocent child. Not that she had expected her too. Lexie, by nature, wasn't a mean person. Once Samantha had disappeared down the hallway and into the bathroom, Lexie turned to face her. "You look like crap."
"Nice to see you too," Meredith said stiffly. She knew how she looked. She didn't need her beautiful sister telling her how horrible her appearance was.
"Things been that bad?" Lexie asked. Meredith snorted. They both knew the answer to that. "Sorry. Stupid question. You wouldn't have come back here, or called me, if they weren't." Finally, something in her voice. Hurt. Meredith was taken aback by it. "Honestly, Meredith, this is just like you. You never think about how things are going to effect anyone but yourself."
Anger. Pain. Shock. Meredith wasn't quite sure what to name the emotion that threatened to consume her. The old Meredith had been just that way. She hadn't thought about anyone but herself. She had known about Lexie's feelings for Denny, but she had ignored them and gone after the man herself. She had known, subconsciously, that Denny was a fraud and hadn't spoken her concerns aloud because heaven forbid the world knew how little her husband thought of her. She had known the life she led with Denny wasn't conducive to a child, but she had still kept the baby after she found out she was pregnant. She had paid for her sins in tenfold though, and, really, she wouldn't change any of them. They had shaped her into the woman she was today and she had a beautiful little girl to show for it. Perhaps she wasn't much now, but she would be.
"If you can't take care of yourself, then what makes you think you can take care of a that little girl? Don't you think she deserves better than living in a car? Don't lie and say you weren't living in that wreck, either, Meredith. I heard Samantha ask if you guys were going to still sleep in the car. My God, Meredith, what were you thinking? Oh. Wait. Yet again, you weren't." Lexie shook her head, her dark hair spilling loose from the clip that had been holding it back. Her father's daughter. Same dark hair, same blue-green eyes that could see inside a person, or at least give the pretense of doing so.
"Don't judge me," Meredith cried. She had known calling Lexie would be a mistake. "Yes, I've made mistakes, but I'm sorry not everyone can be as perfect as you!" Perfect, Lexie who had never done anything wrong.
"I'm not perfect. Far from it. And who said I was judging you? I'm not. I never have. You've just never wanted to see that." Lexie tugged her scrub top over head, leaving her in a light weight, long sleeved cream colored thermal and her scrub pants. She clutched the top in her hands, holding it before her like a shield. "And I don't know how to make you either."
Meredith doesn't know how to respond. The woman before her wasn't the bitter girl she had last seen. "I'm sorry," she said softly, uncertain what else to say. Lexie stared at her. They both know what the apology is for, and it had nothing to do with their current conversation.
"For what? Marrying the most amazing man ever?" Lexie teased, the stopped. They both knew Denny hadn't been the most amazing man ever. "Sorry. That was just all kinds of wrong."
"Eh. I'm over it," Meredith lied. She would never be over it. Until the day she died the hell Denny put her through would haunt her. Words had been his weapon, couldn't have the preacher's wife sporting bruises. She almost wish he had been physically abusive, then the wounds would heal.
"No you're not," Lexie said quietly, the eyes Meredith had thought cold moments before were brimming with tears. "Nobody gets over those sorts of things." Dark hair curtained Lexie's face as she looked down. When she looked up her cheeks were damp. "You're not the one who should apologize. I should. I should be the one begging you to forgive me for being such a brat about Denny, and for not standing up for you when Dad told you to get out. I don't know why I didn't say anything, except maybe I was still mad that you had the life I thought I wanted. I shouldn't have let Dad tell you to leave."
"It wouldn't have done any good. We both know how Dad was. Thatcher's word was law." Meredith's arms itched to wrap around her sister. It had been so long since she had held Lexie close. She missed that the most, the way they would hug one another for no reason at all.
"Still, I should have said something!" Lexie insisted. She chewed her lip, then threw her arms around Meredith, almost knocking the more slender woman to the ground. "I've missed you so much!"
"I've missed you too," Meredith choked, unable to hold back her tears any longer. She sobbed, her body shaking violently from the agony she was letting loose. It all spewed forth. Every last dirty detail of her marriage, of her drunken night in Dallas, of her perverted boss. All of it tumbled out. All of it except what had happened back at the drive inn. Shame kept her from admitting to her sister that prostitution had held more appeal than calling her.
"Don't worry, Meri, you're not alone anymore," Lexie promised, "you have me now." Meredith's face sobered up. She knew her sister meant well, but at what cost would Lexie be helping her? "I know what you're thinking, and I don't care. They can all kiss my ass. Most of them can't stand me anyway."
"Really?" It baffled Meredith how people couldn't not like her sister. Lexie was pretty, had a kind disposition, and helped others. "Why?" Lexie looked away. The why went unspoken, but Meredith knew. It was because of her. People avoided Lexie because she was Meredith's sister.
"It's okay," Lexie promised. It wasn't though. Nobody should be punished for someone else's transgressions. Meredith knew that all to well. "Besides, it isn't like I haven't given them my own reasons for them to dislike me."
"Really? What did you do?" Meredith found it hard to believe that Lexie had it in her to do anything remotely worthy of exile.
"Well, for starters, I defended you." Meredith looked at her in shock. "Don't look so surprised. You're my sister. No way in hell I was letting them bad mouth you. That's my job. I earned it. The rest of them can shut the fuck up." Lexie tossed her hair back, wincing when she seen Samantha coming down the hall. "Oops. Sorry. Auntie Lexie has a potty mouth."
"She's heard worse," Meredith murmured. Heard, seen, and experienced. A shudder, along with the familiar cloak of guilt, took control of her body.
"Still. I'll be more careful. Anyways, I defended you, and I might have broken up a marriage." Lexie rolled her eyes, tossing her scrub top from hand to hand.
"You did what?" Meredith could do little more than gap. She had been gone too long. Lexie sighed, then launched into a length tale of having an affair with one Alex Karev while he was engaged to a Rebecca Moore. Alex had been drunk, had one too many shots at his bachelor party, and Lexie, well, she had no excuse other than he was hot. Rebecca walked in on Lexie riding him like a pony, complete with cowboy hat and boots. "And she called off the wedding."
"Can't say that I blame her," Meredith tucked a lock of her limp hair behind her ear. The unknown Rebecca had no idea how lucky she was, to have been spared the embarrassment of a cheating spouse.
"I can't either. Alex blames me though. Like I made him have sex. Puh-lease. He's such an asshole. Amazing in bed, but sucks as a human being." Lexie continued to toss the top back and forth. "He's only gotten worse since Rebecca married Jeff Pope and had a baby. He just needs to move on."
Moving on wasn't easy though, Meredith wanted to say. She didn't though. Alex was an ass. He did suck as a human being. He didn't deserve her pity, yet, for whatever reason, he had it. "Lexie, could you do me a favor? I mean, other than letting Sam and I stay here." Lexie nodded. "I need you to watch Sam while I look for a job." Samantha started to whine, then stopped when her mother shot her a look. She would suffer in silence, not wanting to be left alone with an aunt she didn't remember. Meredith braced herself against the sad look her daughter sent her way. One day, she hoped, her little girl would understand. Until then, she had to be strong.
