A/N: So, long time no update huh?
I'm not going to make excuses, because the only one I have is life in general. I thank everyone who has kept up with this story and has been kind enough to message me or leave a review. I'm afraid I can't promise any more updates in the near future, because this story will be one that will never have a constant or rational muse, but I will try to write as much as I can.
This chapter started out perfectly planned, but slowly morphed into something unexpected. I don't know how I did capturing the song on this one, but I hope I did it enough justice. Thanks again for all of you guys out there reading this story. I just hope you enjoy. :)
Looking at it now
Last December
We were built to fall apart
Then fall back together
(Taylor Swift, 1989)
She was a spark, a lightening rod in the middle of a storm, caressing the ground with silent stealth before leaving with a bang. That was what Lucas decided as he sat across from the laughing girl, her hand reaching to cover her mouth and her blonde curls tossed wildly beside her cheeks. Maya was a hurricane, and he was in the eye of the storm.
They sat in the living room of his apartment, forgoing the couch to rest across one another. Each had a thick blanket laid across their lap and a mug in their hands as swirling steam emitted from the hot chocolate inside. Outside the window, snow could be seen falling in a rush of flurries against the dark sky.
It was December 23. Well, or it had been December 23 two hours ago when Lucas last looked at clock after wishing his mother a good night, but it was far too early in the day for their tired minds to realize that it was officially Christmas eve. Even if it wasn't, both were too busy watching their respective entertainment. For Maya, it was the man who had grown up an elf singing Baby It's Cold Outside while a blonde sales worker showered, and for Lucas it was watching Maya's face light up as she watched one of her favorite Christmas films.
Lucas had known that Maya was planning to spend the holidays alone, but he hadn't realized how alone until a few days ago when she called him to ask if he had any spare blankets. Her heater was out, and it only took a bit of prying on Lucas' part to discover Maya's mother had not been seen for almost two whole days, not an uncommon occurrence but one of her more poorly timed ones. Lucas had decided this was unacceptable and all but demanded Maya spend the holidays with him where she wouldn't freeze in her sleep. Of course she had refused him, too stubborn to admit that she didn't want to spend Christmas by herself, but her stubbornness was nothing compared to that of Mama Friar who, after hearing that her favorite Hart was all alone during the most wonderful time of the year, had gone to the girl's house with her son and all but demanded Maya spend the holidays at the Friar household. The blonde had no choice but to agree.
Usually Maya spent the holidays with the Matthews, but because Riley and her family were away visiting family Maya had been left behind. Of course the Matthews had invited Maya to fly out to California for Christmas with them, but Maya had declined. Riley and her family were some of the very few people she was comfortable around, Maya had told Lucas when it had come up in conversation. Just because she was fine in their household did not mean she would be fine in someone else's.
Sitting beside Maya in the Christmas Pajamas his mother had insisted they both wear (Ms. Friar had bought them without him knowing-when she pulled out a hideous pair of reindeer-clad pants and matching slippers for him to wear Maya had doubled over in a fit of giggles until his mother had pulled out a second pair)-and laughing with her over hot chocolate and classic holiday movies made him glad that she had turned down her best friend's offer. Lucas felt a bit guilty, knowing full well that deep down Maya wished she was spending this time with her actually family, but now that she was here he could not imagine a better way to spend the holiday season, or rather no better person to spend the holidays with.
"I love this part," Maya murmured softly, her eyes watching as the two characters on the screen sang the infamous holiday love ballad, though he was not quite sure if she meant for him to hear it or not. Wrapped up in heavy blankets with her hair pushed from her face and cheeks red from the heat of her hot chocolate, there was a vulnerability rarely seen in the young blonde girl. She hummed the song along softly, her eyes closing as if lost in another world.
A slight frown had appeared across her lips that Lucas felt a need to instantly wipe away, so without thinking he placed his mug on the coffee table and stood up, extending a hand in her direction. Maya had opened her eyes at his sudden movement and met his open palm with a confused eyebrow raise.
"Get up," Lucas instructed calmly. Maya opened her mouth and looked as if she was about to fight him, so he gave her an insistent look. Curiosity replaced her defiance and she slowly got to her feet and allowed her hand to grasp his. Her palm was soft, and her fingers small compared to his own hand's wide, calloused grip. He gripped her hand tightly, lifting it so their touch was parallel to her shoulders. He then used his other side to place her left hand on his shoulder before grabbing her waist. Maya did not react to the touch, her attention fixed on his green-eyed gaze.
"What do you think you're doing, huckleberry?" she asked him, feeling his body leading her in a sway that matched the rhythm of the song playing in the movie.
Lucas ignored her dangerous tone. "Why, Miss Hart, I thought my intentions would have become obvious by now, but perhaps the late hour has impaired your perception. I am attempting to woo you in dance." He moved his feet in a perfect waltz variation, supporting Maya as she moved along with him in surprise, her eyes widening slightly as she almost tripped on her reindeer slippers. As he spun her out for a twirl, she let out an amused laugh and shook her head.
"Dork," Maya teased, but her smile was back and Lucas' own grin relaxed at the sight of it. "They already finished singing."
Lucas kept swaying, leading her around the furniture of his apartment with ease in his steps.
"Did they?" he asked, looking over at the television screen in mock-surprise to see that the movie had moved on to the next scene. "I hadn't noticed."
Maya rolled her eyes. "How do you even know how to do this? Last school dance I'm pretty sure you almost got pinned down by the nurse because it looked like you were having a seizure."
"That's because most of the dancing during homecoming was to fast pop songs, not meant for real dancing. Back in Texas we have something called Cotillion where dashing gentlemen, me…" Lucas turned her again and this time pulled her in tighter so her body was pressed closer to his. "…learn how to charm pretty young damsels." Lucas dipped her, Maya letting out a small squeak in surprise, and this time it was Lucas' turn to raise an eyebrow.
"Since we don't have an damsels, I guess you will have to do."
With those words, Maya scoffed and pushed him off of her, but her smile still lingered. Lucas stared at her, marveling how even in oversized Christmas pajamas and with reindeer on her feet she still managed to look beautiful.
Lucas knew he could do it now, that he could utilize this moment to say all the emotions that had formed throughout the years and had finally managed to turn themselves into three words that both elated and terrified him, but instead he continued to just watch her.
"I have something for you," Lucas managed. Maya opened her mouth the protest, but Lucas raised his hands at her and gestured for her to go and sit back down on the couch. "Hey, my house, remember? Now go sit down. I'll just be a second."
Before Maya could get a word out, Lucas turned to run into his room. He found what he was looking for almost instantly, the neatly wrapped gift having remained untouched in his desk drawer for months. Some days he would just open the drawer and stare at it, pondering whether or not Maya would actually like the present. Before Lucas could lose his nerve, he grabbed the wrapped gift and returned to the living room. Maya had sat on the floor, her gaze a mixture of defiance and curiosity as her eyes caught sight of the small box in the former-cowboy's hands.
"What is that?" she asked, though they both know the question is unnecessary. Their group had already exchanged presents before winter break had started, but knowing Maya would be in New York Lucas had saved his real gift.
"I know it is not time yet," Lucas began, slowly making his way to sit beside her as he extended the present. "But I don't think St. Nick will mind me giving this to you a day early."
Maya stared at the present, her eyes wide and uncertain, before reaching to take it from him. There was still hesitancy in her touch, one that had lingered underneath the surface of her skin when they had danced and was now paralyzingly apparent, but Lucas chose to ignore it as he watched her small fingers slowly unwrap the gift.
The time it took her to remove all of the metallic red and green paper seemed infinite, even though she ripped through it rather quickly before dropping the torn scraps into a crumpled ball beside her. Maya cupped the small, velvet box in her hand looking up at Lucas, whose gaze had fallen determinedly to the floor, before opening the edge. A small gasp escaped her before she could stop it, and Lucas' breath caught in his throat.
Even though he could not see the object that Maya's eyes had widened at the sight of, Lucas had memorized every edge, every light catching shine of what lay inside the box. He had spent hours staring it hanging the vendor's booth on his walk to and from the subway. The silver chain had hang beside a variety of necklaces and bracelets, shining in-between the copper and gold around it. A heart shaped locket, thin and almost sharp at the edges, with lilies carved around the border dangled back and forth, the wind blowing it side to side. Instantly he had known that it needed to belong to Maya, and, thanks to his pretty face and some good old southern charm, he had been able to convince the booth's owner to hold the necklace for him. It took two months of savings from a variety of odd jobs around New York, but they were all worth it imagining the necklace dangling from the blonde girl's neck.
Maya's eyes were wide, like two glass orbs, barely blinking as she stared at the piece of jewlery safely cushioned in velvet. Her hand reached over the box, opening the locket to reveal an image cut perfectly into the silver. It was of the four of them back when they had all attended Maya's art show in the fall. Riley was hugging Maya tightly, their faces caught by the camera in mid laughter. Farkle, having finally reached his growth spurt stood behind them with an aghast look, assumedly the cause of their laughter. Lucas was the furthest away, smiling in amusement with his gaze directed at both girls. Engraved on the other side, in script was the word Family.
At the sight of the picture, Maya's breathing seemed to stop and her expression became unreadable. Her mouth was a set line, eyes blank, and Lucas suddenly felt worry course through him. Maya Hart had never been speechless. She was the type of person to display her emotions, whether or not she was displaying the ones she actually was feeling or not.
Lucas scratched the back of his head, eyes glancing to the side. "If you don't like it, that's fine. You don't have to wear it or anything. I just remembered back in the 7th grade you said you had always wanted a locket and so I thought you might like this one…" Lucas felt his words escape him as he turned his gaze back on the blonde who was still staring blankly at the locket. His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry. You hate it," he said.
Maya finally looked up at his words, attention snapped as if someone had cracked a whip in the air. She looked at Lucas as if he was an idiot, and before the Texan could say anything else he felt her collide into his arms, almost pushing him to the floor by the force of her impact. Her arms gripped his sides in a hug.
Lucas and Maya had definitely become closer over the years-almost impossibly close, as Farkle and Riley liked to point out-but though Maya was perfectly comfortable sharing the same bed with him, and would grab his hand without a second thought if she wanted to pull him somewhere, Lucas wasn't sure when the last time she gave him a hug was. Lucas could not recall Maya Hart ever giving him a hug.
After getting over his initial shock, Lucas wrapped his arms around the small blonde, marveling at how truly tiny she was in comparison to himself. When Maya pulled away a moment later Lucas found he was not ready to let go, but he allowed her to push herself off of him to where they were still only inches apart. There was that same intensity in her gaze, the one she got when she was staring a painting she was working on or speaking about something she strongly believed in; the one that Lucas could never look away from.
"Now you listen here, Huckleberry. This," Maya said emphasizing the word as she held the locket in front of him, the chain clasped protectively between her fingers at it sways. "Is the most thoughtful Christmas present I have ever received. You are not allowed to apologize, understand?"
The fierceness in her voice is enough to make Lucas nod automatically in response, and Maya's lip quirks upwards. Lucas watches as she pulled the silver chain so it parted around her neck and clasped the locket on with ease. The silver heart fell above her chest, and she strokes it, looking down at it as if it is a precious gem meant to be protected and adored. Little did she know, Lucas was looking at her the same way.
"Merry Christmas, Maya," he whispered, and when she looked back up at him her smile was wide. The passion returned to her gaze and she leaned forward. Lucas thought for a moment she was going to kiss him, but just before she reached his lips she moved her head to the side and whispered in his ear.
"Merry Christmas, Lucas."
.
.
Maya ran her arm across her forehead, smearing a streak of brilliant red paint above her brow as she inspected the canvas in front of her with narrowed eyes. She ignored the buzzing in the back pocket of her jeans, already knowing that the text could only be from one of three people, and she exactly what each of these people would say.
There would be Lucas' text, worded the same way it had been the every time he had sent it throughout the last few months.
Hey! Where are you?
Then there was Farkle, who Lucas would turn to after not receiving an answer.
Lucas is looking for you. Have you seen him recently?
And last was Riley, whose all too knowing stare seemed to travel through the screen.
You can't avoid him forever.
Picking up her paintbrush, Maya ignored her phone as she continued to add color to the canvas in front of her, small brushstrokes almost choreographed in their purposeful movements. She tried not to think about her phone or the messages stored inside, choosing instead to lose her self in the fluidity of her art, just as she had always done when she wanted to escape the world.
A little over two months had passed since she had stayed in the Friar household over the holidays. Two months had passed since Maya had started walking home by herself-since she had taken to eating lunch in the art room and staying locked in her apartment on weekends—two months since she had done everything in her power to avoid Lucas Friar.
Because it had been two months since the holidays ended, and she woke up with a silver chain dangling on her neck, branding a heart shaped brand on her chest that spelt out GUILT in bright, burning letters, leaving a pain that only stung more violently the day Riley returned with from California.
It had not been long after their freshman year homecoming dance that Lucas and Riley had broken up. Farkle and Maya had both held in their breath at the news, and the entire student body watched out of the corner of their eye to see what this new development would do to the infamous friend group. Riley and Lucas both had claimed their break up to be mutual, and nothing in their friend dynamic had changed. They still laughed and talked together, still hung out together with Farkle and Maya outside of school. The only real change their peers noticed was the absence of their former physical affection, holding hands and kissing one another's cheeks in the hallways, but even that had been missing from their relationship for a while. Despite the seemingly easy transition everyone around them observed, Maya saw what the rest of the student body didn't.
In the first two weeks after Riley had knocked on her apartment window saying that Lucas and her had broken up, Maya had seen the light lost from the girl's wide, brown eyes. She had seen her smile sewn into a soft line as the blonde let her friend lean against her shoulder. There were no tears. No anger. Just a numbness that turned Maya's blood cold and her world grey.
"The thing is, I'm not really sad," Riley had said a few days later. Maya had slept over at her house everyday the first week after the breakup, and had been just commenting on pictures in an old family photo album when they had turned the page to see Corey and Topanga's wedding photo. It was a Polaroid, a candid shot of them dancing that had apparently taken by one of the guests and given to them. After a moment of staring blankly at it her best friend finally spoke about what had happened for the first time since she had told Maya in the first place. Her head was cocked to the side, eyebrows slightly furrowed in the most expressive face Maya had seen her make all week as Riley ran her fingers over the smiling image of her younger parents.
"I mean I'm not upset we broke up. I knew we were going to break up for weeks and I was okay with it. I guess I'm just sad that I'm not upset, that I don't like Lucas like that anymore and maybe I never really did…"
Riley's voice had trailed off, and Maya knew there was nothing she could say. She just put her arms around her in a hug, and continued to hug her the entire night as Riley continued to stare at the page, lost in her own thoughts.
Maya did not see Lucas as often during the first few weeks after the breakup, but saw how his smile would drop when no one was looking, and how he would stare at Riley sometimes like he wasn't really sure of who she was anymore. She also caught him staring at her occasionally with a completely different expression, but Maya choose to ignore these looks.
No matter how much his presence made Maya feel as if she was listening to thunder, his smile warning of danger and his green eyes all consuming; it was terrifying and invigorating, and left Maya not knowing whether she should run and hide or dance in the rain.
She was waiting for the moment when Lucas realized that he in fact did love Riley, and that Riley would follow in her parents footsteps and stay with her middle school soul mate just as her parents had-just as she had always wanted—but weeks passed, and that didn't happen.
Soon enough everything returned to a new state of normal. The light returned back to Riley's eyes, and her smiles became just as wide as the Sahara. Lucas's own smiles fell less and less, the force holding them up relaxing along with the rest of his demeanor. They all laughed and hung out together just as they had before Riley and Lucas had started dating, but Maya found herself unable to forget the blank look in her best friend's gaze. She never wanted to see that look again, and so she continued to wait for their re-blossomed friendship to bloom into romance once more.
Over a year later, she was still waiting.
The problem was, there were times within that year that she forgot she was waiting—that even if Riley did not like him now she had liked him once and could like him again. It was hard to remember this when Lucas matched her nicknames and jibes with his own wit like a spar, rallying back and forth until the invisible net disappeared between them and Maya found herself standing right underneath his nose with cat-like grin, when she would come to school and find him wearing a cowboy hat and a belt buckle just because he knew it would make her laugh during the long days when her mom would go missing, and times where they would just sit and talk with their voices hushes as if sharing secrets but really just calling out what the other was thinking but too afraid to say.
All of these instances were friendly, nothing questionable, but then there would be moments where Maya could feel his eyes on her, or after one of their teasing sessions he would step just a little closer than normal and her breath would hitch, and there were times where she would wake up in her apartment with her head leaning against his shoulder with his hand draped across her waist. Then there were those instances where Maya would just find herself smiling just staring at him without even realizing it, until the moment she blinked and realized he was staring back, and Maya could feel the pounding of her heart as it banged against her chest.
No matter how loud her heart beat got, her brain screamed louder, and it reminded her to look away and wait for fate to twist his hand, because fate wasn't kind to girls like her—especially when they tried to hurt their best friend.
Christmas had been different, because for a moment Maya's heart didn't just scream it thundered.
Lucas and his mom had taken her in. He had stayed up with her, allowing her to flip through every Christmas movie playing on the television one after another and did not leave her side because he knew that her mother's absence hurt her more than she was letting on, and her he had twirled her into his arms with their feet practically falling on top of one another thanks to the traction of their reindeer slippers the gravity of those actions fell upon her. There had only been one person that Maya had ever allowed herself to count on, because only one person had ever cared enough to try and understand her. Somehow, Lucas not only tried but he did, and when she opened the velvet jewelry box to find the silver heart locket all Maya could think of saying where three words that had stunned her silent.
A week later after returning to her own bed, her fingers had run across the metal surface of the locket with a gentle tenderness as those same three words returned, and that is when her mind was finally able to speak out again and not only drown out her heart, but silence it.
Because Maya had known as long as she remembered those three words, she would not be able to wait for anything for too long. She had executed the only solution that came to mind, and avoided Lucas.
It was subtle at first, like weaning herself off an addiction. Maya started not waiting for him after school, claiming art was taking all of her time. She began to not reply to texts, missing scheduled group outings and backing out of pre-made plans until slowly the most she ever saw Lucas was in classes where she would ignore the intensity of his gaze.
Lucas had noticed. He wasn't an idiot, which was one of the reasons why Maya had allowed herself to become associated with him in the first place. Maya never gave him the chance to question her. She was like the roadrunner and he the fox, always missing his chance to confront her by a few inches. All it took was knowing the right time and place to run, and after years of running from her problems Maya had gotten pretty damn fast.
Maya glanced up at the clock, checking the time. 4:55. She had been distracted by her art, lost in the memories of the canvas, and that temporary mind lapse meant she had only five minutes before Lucas got out of baseball practice. Giving a forlorn look to her incomplete painting, Maya rushed to pack her art supplies. She knew she was cutting it close, even at her quickening pace it still took her three minutes to get everything settled, and taking one more glance at the clock Maya cursed herself for getting distracted.
Leaving the art room, she only took two steps out the door when the small form of her fellow Sophomore, Yogi came up to her. Even though the boy who had shared a seventh and eighth grade history class had three years now to grow, he still managed to look no older than ten as he stood nearly four inches beneath her. He stood only a few inches away, chin raised as he blinked up to her.
"Hiya, Maya!" he said, his voice quick as if nervous. Maya gave a polite wave and tried to step around him, practically hearing the clock ticking behind her, but the small boy followed her movement, an innocent smile on his face.
"Yogi," Maya started impatiently, her voice borderline dangerous as she took a calming breath. "What do you want?"
"Um…" Yogi continued to stare at her wide-eyed and did not say anything, but when Maya tried to step around him again he continued to block her way. After repeating this process for a third time, Maya's eyes narrowed and she grit her teeth.
"Move," she hissed, practically making the small boy jump. He paused for a moment, but one good look at her face was enough for him to scurry away. Maya shook her head as she watched him go.
With quickened steps, she headed towards the front doors, purposefully ignoring the clocks that hung overhead that reminded her that it was nearly four minutes passed five. She thought she was home free when she managed to make it outside, until she noticed the tall, heavily breathing figure, leaning against one of the pillars.
Lucas was still wearing his baseball uniform, the stark white stained with grass and dirt. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, as if he had just sprinted. His green eyes widened triumphantly at the site of her, and Maya froze underneath his stare.
Fuck.
"Why Miss Hart," Lucas stared in between his heavy breaths, a grin came across his features but it was tight and laced with an emotion Maya couldn't place as he tipped his imaginary hat at her. "Fancy meeting you here."
.
.
Lucas tried to catch Maya's eyes for what felt like the hundredth time as they exited the subway, his right hand twitching with a mixture of nerves and annoyance as she continued to stare straight ahead.
It had taken five bucks and a wounded pride in order to meet Maya outside the school before she could leave without him. His baseball coach, the same man who coached the football team had looked more amused than anything when Lucas had asked him to let Yogi leave practice fifteen minutes early. The older man asked him, a knowing smile forming on his features, if Lucas' plea had anything to do with a tiny, fiery blonde girl, and when Lucas did not answer he just clapped his student on the back and agreed not only to let Yogi go early but to make sure he did not keep the team out any later than their scheduled time on the field-an occurrence that rarely happened. Yogi took a little more persuasion as he, like much of the student body, was slightly terrified of Maya, but five dollars was enough the bribe the water boy to face his fears and carry out Lucas' request.
Maya had been avoiding Lucas ever since the end of winter vacation. He had noticed it instantly, so used to the girl's constant presence that even the slightest absence was enough to send him into Maya-withdrawal. At first he had thought that maybe something in her home life was going wrong, or that she was fighting with Riley or Farkle. But Katy Hart was hadn't left on one of her adventures since returning home after Christmas, and neither of their other friends claimed to have any trouble finding time with the rebellious artist. It did not take long for Lucas to realize that he was the problem, and he was set on doing anything he had to in order to fix it.
Because the thing about Maya-withdrawal is that it never got any easier. Every added day felt heavier, harder to get through, as if he was missing a leg or an arm but forced to go throughout the normal routine of his day.
"Well, this is where we part," Maya said, one of the only things she had said after agreeing to take the subway home with him. Her eyes were still avoiding his. "Thanks for the escort, huckleberry. I'll see you in History."
Lucas frowned as she started to walk away, and he grabbed her hand to keep her back. Maya flinched as if he had burned her, and the pained look in her eyes was enough to make Lucas' heart break.
"Maya, what's going on?" he asked as he forced her around so their eyes finally met, her blue irises wide, arriving at the question faster than he had planned to, but he was unable to take the look in her eyes-a mixture of sadness and fear Lucas recognized from his own mother's blank stare back in Texas. The gaze was enough to make him flinch in return, and he gaped at her with a shaking fear of his own.
"What did I do?" he whispered, trying to recall every interaction he had ever had with the blonde to find the one that could make her look at him like that, the look that made him feel like a monster.
As is being snapped back into another reality, the doe-eyed look Maya was giving him instantly narrowed. This was a look Lucas had seen before, and its return gave him some relief despite knowing full well what that look meant. It was the look she wore when she was bracing herself, guarding her true feelings and replacing them with wit and anger.
"Not everything is about you, Ranger Rick," she snapped at him, pulling her hand out of his grip, but Lucas was prepared for this reaction.
"No, it's not, but this is," he replied back, not missing a beat. He had fought with Maya Hart, both jokingly and for real, many times over the last three years and he knew how to play her game. It was all about attacking back and attacking fast, otherwise she would give up or lose interest. "You've been ignoring me for weeks now, and I want to know why."
Instead of replying Maya continued to glare at him, standing on her tiptoes because even with her heeled boots she was still almost a foot shorter than him. She was waiting for him to give up, to leave in frustration of her silence, but the lack of an answer just made Lucas' shoulders slump forward, his hand reaching out to caress her arm before dropping at the memory of the her flinching at his touch. He dropped his hand at his side, voice lowering.
"Maya, please," he begged. "Just—just tell me what I did wrong."
Maya's gaze faltered at the desperation in his voice, and Lucas thought she was going to answer him as she opened her mouth, eyes softening completely, but then a thought stopped her and she closed her mouth mid-way, eyes traveling back down to the concrete sidewalk underneath them.
"Why do you even care?" she whispered, her voice so soft that Lucas almost didn't hear her. She then lifted her head, eyes shining with that same fearful look once more as her voice raised. "You shouldn't even notice if I'm ignoring you. You should be focused on Riley or Farkle or someone else more important."
Lucas was stunned, taking a moment to process the words before the bile rising in his throat brought his mind back. He now realized the meaning of the fear in Maya's eyes. They were not afraid of him, but of something deeper, something that had entirely to do with Maya and whatever toxic thoughts had managed to spread within her mind despite Riley, Farkle, and Lucas' best efforts to push away. Lucas' hand gripped her shoulders, looking past her pain look with the desperation to make sure she would listen to him as he stared straight into her eyes.
"How in the world can you still think you aren't important?" Lucas asked, because when he looked at Maya all he could see was heart, a heart bigger than she wanted anyone to see and bigger than many would get the chance to know, and so he found himself saying his next words before his mind could stop them.
"I like you, Maya," he began, his tone implying the seriousness behind the simple word, and her eyes grew even wider as he said it. "I really, really, like you."
Lucas had imaged a million different scenarios where he admitted his feelings for Maya, but on the side of a busy New York street in the middle of an argument had not been one of them. Even though the simplicity of the statement did not seem to do what he feltjustice, the words had felt like honey slipping from his mouth, and Lucas was surprised he did not choke on the sweetness.
Maya stood still, her breathing growing hard. The fear was still in her eyes, but for a moment it disappeared. There was another emotion there-joy, happiness, Lucas could not tell- but before Lucas could find out what it was it disappeared and in its place the same wall that Lucas had spent years breaking down was built back up in blink. Maya put her hand on his chest, and pushed him away.
"Yeah, well you can't," she said, stepping back as she crossed her arms over her chest and turning away. Lucas swallowed a breath. He stood there, still, until he realized Maya had already walked yards away from him.
"Maya!" he called out, not quite sure what he planned to do but his body acting on instinct. She didn't turn around and he cursed heavily under his breath as she began to get lost within the New York traffic. His feet broke out into a sprint as he followed the bobbing of blonde curls through the small throng of people, grateful for years of being forced to run around the track as he once again stepped in front of her, blocking her path.
"Lucas," Maya said through gritted teeth, but once again she was avoiding his gaze. "Move."
People were watching them as they walked passed, both annoyed and intrigued by the two teenagers blocking their path, but Lucas didn't notice them.
"Why?" he demanded, voice rising to be heard over the New York traffic. Maya still did not look at him as she tried to sidestep passed him, but Lucas was quicker.
"Why, what?" Maya growled through clenched teeth, but her voice was lower, softer. "Don't tell me you can't handle rejection, hop-a-long."
Lucas ignored the jibe, knowing full well she was just trying to frazzle him, distract him. It wasn't rejection that was bothering him; Lucas had prepared himself for rejection since the day a blonde girl with a cute smile approached him on the subway, but this wasn't rejection. This was something else.
"You can't just tell me I can't like you and then walk away," Lucas declared.
"Well, I just did," Maya huffed, and she looked up at him, her features blank, and Lucas knew that he wouldn't be getting any answers from her, about why she was avoiding him or anything else that had been confessed. Whatever Maya was dealing with she had to come to terms with it herself before she could come to terms with him.
"Okay," Lucas relented, the word painful coming out of his mouth as he stepped aside. Maya gave him a skeptical look, her brows furrowing in the cute way that made it harder for Lucas to let her go. At her hesitation, Lucas let out a sigh.
"It's clear you aren't going to talk to me, and no matter how much I want to fix whatever is wrong I know I will only make things worse unless you let me. So I'll let you go, and if you need me," he paused in the middle of the sentence, once again feeling the urge to reach for her hand but stopping himself. "I'll be there."
Maya blinked, and Lucas saw her hand clench into a fist at her side before relaxing again. She took a few steps forward as if waiting for him to jump in front of her again. When Lucas didn't, she paused, looking over her shoulder, her eyes were wide again, and her gaze reminded him of a confused kitten watching the outside world through a window, not understanding why it couldn't go outside. It was almost enough to make Lucas grab her in his arms and never let her go, but he managed just a nod of his head as Maya said.
"Alright."
She turned, not looking behind her as she traipsed away through the throng of people. Lucas stood there staring after her until her blonde hair was just a fleck of gold against the darkening street. All Lucas could think about is how this was not how this conversation was supposed to end. It was not how any of it was supposed to end.
But Lucas knew this is the way it had to end. That is, if he ever wanted to get a shot at another beginning. He had waited this long for Maya Hart. He could wait some more.
No matter how painful it was to watch her walk away.
.
.
Maya made it halfway to her apartment before turning around and sprinting to the other side of town, her breathing heavy, her palms sweaty, and her mind racing as she climbed the familiar apartment fire-escape two steps at a time. It took Riley only half a second to open the bay window to let her best friend in after the blonde's first knock.
"I'm a terrible best friend," Maya said before Riley could get out a hello. Her voice came out fast, breathing still coming out in quick huffs, and she began to pace the room after stepping inside.
"I'm the worst friend in the history of friends. Why? Because I'm a fucking Hart and it is in my genes to screw things up, and if there was one thing in my life I never wanted to screw up it was our friendship, but I did and now I'm going to lose you and..." her voice was a flurry of vowels and her eyes danced wildly back and forth but Riley stopped her before she could say anything else and pulled her into a hug.
They stayed like that while Maya's breath calmed down, and Riley ran her hands over her friend's back. They didn't say anything, and slowly Maya's body stopped shaking and Riley was able to guide her to the bay window to sit down.
"Maya, you are anything but a terrible friend. In fact I don't think you could ever be a terrible friend even if you wanted to," Riley started after her friend had calmed down. She brushed a stray blonde curl out of Maya's face. "But I know right now you feel like that, so I'm going to sit here and listen because you are my best friend, and you will always be my best friend, and nothing you say is ever going to change that."
Maya gave her friend a small smile, knowing full well the brunette fully believed what she was saying was true, and it probably was, which only made Maya feel worse as she felt Riley take her hands. Even though she was avoiding her friend's eyes, Maya could feel the acceptance and love rolling off the Matthew's girl in waves just as it always had. Riley knew her better than anyone in the world. She had proved that many times over, and she proved it again with her next words.
"Does this have anything to do with why you have been avoiding Lucas?"
Maya swallowed, not sure whether or not she wanted to hug her best friend or run away, but a squeeze of her hand gave Maya enough courage to say the words she suspected Riley expected to hear-the words she had wanted to say less than an hour ago but couldn't.
"I like, Lucas," the words slipped out and sounded strange as they echoed throughout the bedroom. Maya had heard them play out countless of times within the confines of their mind, but she had never dared say them out loud. Hearing them brought a shiver to her spine, her chest lifting, as if she had been clutching something so incredibly tight that now she had let it go her body was numb.
Even though every time she had pictured herself sitting with Riley and letting the confession slip from her lips it ended with hurt—hurt in her best friends brown eyes, hurt in her heart—Riley's lips just quirked upwards as she brushed away another loose curl.
"I know, peaches."
"I liked him for a while."
Riley's smile didn't falter, and she adjusted herself so Maya could lean her head on her shoulder.
"I know."
Maya blinked, but didn't move. She was waiting for the fallout, for her friend to realize the gravity of what she just said and push her away, but Riley stayed. Just as she always had.
"He said he liked me," Maya admitted softly. "I knew it before. I knew it but I didn't want to believe it, but today he said it." She pulled away from her friend. "Riles, he shouldn't like me."
Riley shook her head. "Maya, why in the world shouldn't he like you?" You're amazing. You're witty and smart. You're talented and passionate. Lucas would be crazy not to fall in love with you."
"But it wasn't supposed to me," Maya said, her voice quickening once more, and she pulled her head off her friend's shoulder. "It was supposed to be you, and it was you, and even when it wasn't you guys were supposed to fix it and get back together. You were Corey and Topanga and I…" Maya's voiced trailed off as she struggled to find the words, but Riley put a finger to her lips.
"Maya," she began, her voice gentle but stern and she readjusted her grip on her best friend's hands as she looked her straight in the eyes. "I liked Lucas like you like your favorite movie star. I thought in order to be like my parents I had to find the Corey to my Topanga, or my Topanga to my Corey, and for almost two years I tried to believe that was what we were."
She let out a breath, and a small smile came to her face.
"But Maya, I'm not my parents. No one can be Corey and Topanga, and I don't need to marry the guy I met in middle school, or any man, in order to become the person I want to be. I know that now, and I think you knew that too." Riley paused and Maya kept her attention on her best friend. Riley was smarter than anyone gave her credit for, and even Maya was sometimes surprised by just how perceptive her best friend could be, especially as she continued.
"You're afraid of Lucas liking you because you are afraid of anyone liking you, which is why you push so many people away, and now Lucas is trying to become a part of your life that you haven't let anyone take charge of because you don't want to get hurt, but here is the thing. You are going to get hurt. You are going to get hurt if you let him in or push him away because relationships of any kind bring pain, but it is when you work through that pain that you know those relationships are worth having." Riley stopped as she leaned in to hug her friend, and Maya hugged her back.
"You are worth having, Maya. I don't know if I can ever make you realize that, but you are."
At the words, Maya hugged her best friend tighter, and Maya knew whether or not she ever let anyone else into her life that no one would ever replace the girl sitting next to her, because Riley had always accepted her just for who she was, and never let Maya apologize for it. Riley was her best friend, and being with her now gave Maya no doubt that she always would be.
"Thanks, pumpkin," Maya whispered as they pulled away, and Riley's eyes sparkled.
"Anytime, peaches."
There were no answers given in their conversation. There were no instructions on what to do next, but Riley's words were enough to send any last quivers of fear from Maya's body. She knew what she had to do, even if it meant taking off every single mask she had painted for herself over the years. Maya sighed as she opened her mouth to speak, but a knock on the bedroom door interrupted her. Riley answered it with a 'come in' and Cory Matthews appeared in the doorway. He barely looked in Maya's direction, as if he had just assumed she would be present, but he was frowning and there was a rare seriousness about him that chilled the room.
"I just got off the phone with Lucas' mom," he started, and he looked between both his girls, a heavy breath leaving his body. "He was hit by car on his way back from school. He's-He's in the hospital."
.
.
The next two hours were a blur, Maya's body moving from Riley's bedroom, to the backseat of Mr. Matthew's mid sized sedan, to the hospital waiting room but her mind trailing slowly behind, as if it had decided to walk behind them as the world sped by. She was robotic, not speaking as she went from one place to the next as if following the guide of an instruction manual. She waited in silence with Riley by her side, still not saying a word as her friend rested her head on her shoulder. All she could think about was breathing, in and out, and how the sterile white walls of the hospital coupled with bright, fluorescent lights was making her head hurt.
She did not speak. She did not move. All she did was wait.
Maya was tired of fucking waiting.
Twenty minutes after they arrived and were told to sit, Miss Friar walked through the door. There was a dazed look in her eyes, her hair slightly damp and drying into an untamed frizz as if she had been running her hands through constantly in the last few hours. She scanned the waiting room, her eyes stopping on the three of them as she let out a shaky breath. Cory stood first to greet her, and accepted her embrace as the green-eyed woman through her arms around him. She looked relieved to have someone, anybody to hold, and it it took her a moment to let go as she got around to hugging the girls.
"He's going to be fine. He has a tibia fracture, and a concussion, but he has woken up and is fine. You guys can see him soon…" her voice trailed off as she got to Maya, embracing the blonde girl last. Maya hugged her back tightly, the words floating in her mind as if swimming in a tub of gelatin, slow and weightless. As the older women pulled away she looked at the three apologetically.
"I'm sorry to call y'all like this. When we came we didn't know how bad it was. He-he was unconscious and it was going to be on the news, and I knew he would have wanted you to find out from me…" Her voice became soft again and Mr. Matthews leaned over to put a comforting hand on her shoulder as he gave her a small smile.
"You have nothing to apologize for. We're just glad Lucas is okay," Cory assured. Riley nodded next to him.
"What happened?" the younger Matthews asked. Maya remained still beside her side, still quiet.
Miss Friar shook her head. "Drunken driver at this time of day. It was right outside of our apartment. I saw the sirens from the window, the Lord's blessing. The doctors say he was lucky," at the words tears were forming at the corners of Miss Friar's eyes, but the southern woman quickly brushed them away, and managed a watery smile.
"They are just finishing up a few tests. You guys can go and see him in a few minutes, if you don't mind waiting."
"We don't," Riley responded automatically, looking at her dad who just nodded.
Miss Friar hugged them all again, squeezing Maya tightly in her embrace, before letting them all go and hurrying back to presumably where Lucas was staying. The three of them sat down again, as Maya's mind managed to slosh out what had just been said.
Lucas was fine. Lucas was going to be okay. Lucas was all right…
These thoughts warmed her numb body, allowing her release a huge breath. Riley looked at her knowingly, and squeezed her friend's hand.
With these thoughts to calm her, time seemed to speed up to its normal pace, and before the blonde had realized it a half hour had passed and a tall, willowy nurse opened the door.
"Visitors for Lucas Friar," she said, her eyes busy eyeing a clipboard in her hand.
Maya and Cory both got up, but Riley stayed in her seat as she grabbed her dad's hand.
"You go," she said at Maya's questioning look, and pulled her dad back down to his seat. "We'll be there in a few minutes."
Cory shot Riley a confused expression, before looking back at Maya. Apparently her faze was enough to give him the realization he needed, and so he just nodded in response.
Maya followed the nurse down what seemed like an endless hallway, the sound of her heeled shoes clicking like a metronome in her ears. She felt her breath halt in her chest once more, the lights unbearable brightness returning to her and making every step seem harder then the next. Finally the stopped at a door and the nurse tilted her head to indicate that this was the right room before scurrying off to her next nursery duty.
The knob felt cold in her hand as she turned it, slowly opening the door. Lucas sat in his a white-sheet bed. There were some bruises forming on his body, and his right leg was elevated in the air. The top of his head had a long cut at the top, put close by a row of neatly sewn stitches. At the sight of her, the teenage boy gave a large grin, green eyes sparkling.
"Hey there, shortstack."
At the sound of his voice, Maya felt the her body begin to shake. All of the emotions she had ever felt for Lucas flood over her— from the confusion and longing of the last couple months to the heart wrenching worry and guilt of the last few hours—and before she knew it she had thrown herself onto him from across the bedside. Her lips found his, and she kissing him her arms holding his head in her hands. Surprised, Lucas did not move for a second, but quickly kissed her back, running a hand across her trembling back.
It felt like standing in the midst of a thunderstorm, the ground shaking beneath their feet, as thunder and lightning danced across one another behind the curtain of grey. It was electric, the shock flowing down their spines and bursting back through their lips.
Lucas pulled away to catch his breath, and was met with the Maya's tearful blue eyes. He cupped her cheek in his hand, and his tender touch was enough to give the blonde girl the courage to speak.
"I like you," she whispered, echoing the same words Lucas had spoken mere hours before. "I really, really, like you."
Lucas just stroked her cheek, his hand falling down her jaw until reaching a strand of her blonder hair and coiling it around his finger, and Maya let out a slightly rueful laugh.
"I'm not allowed to like you," she murmured, but Lucas continued to play with her hair.
"Funny," he replied, his voice was slightly horse, perhaps from pain or medication, but he made no indication of discomfort despite the blonde girl practically sitting in his bed. "I've been told the same thing."
"It's practically a rule," Maya continued, but she found herself drifting further and further from the conversation as she stared into Lucas' eyes. His face was getting closer, not even an inch a part from her own, to the point where their noses were practically touching. He continued to stare blankly at her, his fingers running through her hair, until the same cheek-filled grin overcame him once more, but this time there was something different in it, lighter.
"Well then," he said his voice trailing into Maya's ears from across her cheek as she felt his breath tickle her lips, and she sucked in a breath.
"Good you've taught me how to be a rule breaker."
Then his lips found her once more, and they were back in the eye of the storm.
