Hey, people. I'm sorry there was a slight gap between this chapter and the last one...although it could just be me, so if you were fine with the time-period of the gap, then please ignore all of the above. As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's been fun writing for Darcy so far, and I hope you have as much fun reading it as I have writing it.
Darcy sat at her desk, slumped down in her chair and staring at the wall in front of her. It was plastered with countless pictures, some big, some small, of her and Peter, Emma, Manny, and combinations of all of them.
Three pictures in particular caught her eye. They were all from back when she had dated Spinner, when they had gone camping with the rest of the Friendship Club. One showed her getting her lunch with Kim, another with her playing volleyball with Melinda, and the last one was of her and Spinner sitting together on a log in front of the lake. His right arm was draped around her shoulders and she laughed as he kissed her cheek.
What struck her about these pictures was how happy she was in each of them. She hadn't had a care in the world, maybe with the exception of worrying about Spinner. She had been the one telling others to have faith, to believe that Jesus would help them through everything.
She couldn't say that now without feeling like she was lying to herself. Where had Jesus been when she started drinking, when she left her drink out so a rapist could spike it, when she had passed out on the couch and the stranger had taken her into the bedroom?
Where had he been then?
Darcy jumped when the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Darcy? This is Ms. Sauve."
She had forgotten about the meeting. "Hi," she replied meekly.
"Darcy, you missed our session today."
She didn't bother apologizing. She just stayed silent.
"Did something happen today?"
Darcy had to clear her throat to find her voice. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm just thinking that if you skipped your hour today, it might be because something happened. Maybe something you didn't want to tell me about?"
"No, nothing happened."
"I'm sorry, Darcy, but I find that hard to believe."
Darcy didn't say anything. What could she, without giving something away?
Instead, Ms. Sauve broke the silence. "Why don't you come in right now? Just for an hour or so, to see if anything comes up."
She shuffled through some of the excuses that immediately sprang up in her head, but she decided that it would be easier to just do what she was told.
"What time do you want me there?" she asked, without attempting to sound enthusiastic.
"Meet me in twenty minutes?"
Darcy smiled bitterly at no one. "Sounds like a plan."
Darcy sat slumped in her usual chair across from Ms. Sauve for what seemed like the millionth time since her accident. She had gotten used to just sitting there, staying silent in the hope of either being able to leave early or the non-existent chance that Ms. Sauve would forget about the whole thing.
While she stared at the floor to avoid Ms. Sauve's burrowing eyes, she played with a fray on her sleeve and tapped the guitar-strum pattern of a Linkin Park song that had been stuck in her head for days now, the lyrics repeating over and over in her head.
Wake in a sweat again Another day's been laid to waste In my disgrace Stuck in my head again Feels like I'll never leave this place There's no escape I'm my own worst enemy
"Darcy?"
Her head jerked up. Ms. Sauve had always waited for Darcy to talk; she had never really pried.
"Darcy, it's not healthy to keep stifling whatever feelings you have inside. You really should tell me what's on your mind--I can help you, but only if you let me."
Darcy feigned an expression of deep thought. "Well, I'm kind of hungry, I have a huge test tomorrow that I need to study for, my head has been aching since this morning, and it's kind of cold in here."
"Have you been getting headaches often?"
"No, it's just a stress headacheā¦I'm tired," Darcy insisted, shaking her head. Why did everything always have to be taken so seriously?
"When you say 'tired,' do you mean physically or mentally?"
Darcy rubbed her right temple. "I don't know, whatever kind of tired it is when you want to sleep for ten days."
Ms. Sauve looked at her for a moment, in that way that counselors do when they are trying to find a hidden meaning behind your response, a look in your eyes that shows the truth.
"Have you been having trouble sleeping at night?"
I don't know what to take Feels like I'm focused, but I'm scared I'm not prepared I hyperventilate Looking for help somehow, somewhere And no one cares I'm my own worst enemy
"A little. Just stress over school and stuff, that's all." She didn't even convince herself.
"What specifically about school is stressful for you?"
Darcy clenched her teeth, trying to suppress her frustration and wishing that Ms. Sauve would stop reading into everything she said.
"Normal stuff, like all the homework and tests." She could feel the frustration beginning to show plainly on her face, though she was trying hard to conceal it. "I doubt I'm the only student at Degrassi who could say that."
"Maybe, but they haven't cut their wrists."
Darcy stared at her, fighting tears, biting the edge of one of her sweatshirt sleeves. Ms. Sauve must have seen that her eyes were shining, as she handed her a box of tissues, but Darcy didn't move. After a while she looked away, still furious with Ms. Sauve. She had no right to talk about her like that, about her accident, without knowing what had happened beforehand. And since Darcy had no intention of telling her that, Ms. Sauve never would.
Ms. Sauve took a few notes in her notebook and glanced at the clock near the door.
"Well, it looks like there are less than ten minutes left. Why don't you head home early?"
Darcy flashed her a half-hearted smile and left the room, relieved to be done with the session and going home.
As she maneuvered through the deserted hallways she passed by a Friendship Club poster. She began walking faster, tears welling up again, the song blaring louder than ever in her mind.
I've given up I'm sick of feeling Is there nothing you can say Take this all away I'm suffocating Tell me what the fuck is wrong
I felt the song ('Given Up' by Linkin Park) matched Darcy's current personality/morale perfectly, if I do say so myself. It's a pretty good song, although I could live without the severely pissed-off screams in the middle...but enough about that--how about you guys review? That would just be lovely. Oh, and TV Guide says that next week's episode (after the Spinner/Jane/Darcy one) find Marco doing something unthinkable to get extra cash, and no, it's not gambling again. But TV Guide is implying that it's even worse than the past stripping and drug dealing done by other characters. Just thought you might want to know. I'm the nicest person ever, I know.
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