Chapter Four
"This is your room?" I asked, amazed.
"Mine and Mikah's." Leandra replied, following me in, "Our own personal space. You never know how much that means until you share a house like this with six others."
After watching football all day with Emmett, and laughing at the humans that got hurt, I finally relented, and allowed Leandra to show me her bedroom. I found the injuries during the game funnier than I probably should have, and way more entertaining than whatever the score was.
I had to admit. Leandra's bedroom was nice. The last room on the top floor of the house granted amazing views, and a very calming effect.
It was beginning to make me wonder, though, how the entire house managed to have such a calming effect.
"Even though they can hear every word we say." I pointed out, crossing the room to her dresser. Some framed pictures sitting on top caught my attention.
"Oh." Leandra laughed, following me, "That's Josh."
I glanced over at her before reaching out carefully and picking up the frame. The photo in the frame showcased a very happy-looking pair. The girl on the left I instantly recognized as Leandra. Younger than I was, but Josh looked even older than I was in that picture. She stood hugging him, grinning happily.
"Wow.." I couldn't help saying. There was another person out there with the same different shade of blue eyes that I had. I assumed his eye color was inherited from Heather, my dad's sister.
"And this is Zack." She continued, picking up another frame. This photo was of the three of them. Her standing between two boys, Josh to her right, and another to her left. The one to the left was Zack. Josh's younger brother, by the looks of it. His blue eyes were a more normal, bland shade, but not too much so.
"This was taken awhile ago." I muttered. I could tell, given how young she still was in this picture.
"Yeah." She murmured, "Twelve years, give or take."
I nodded a little, studying the picture. There were many others, of the three of them doing random activities. Indoors, outdoors. It was clear she had a good relationship with the both of them.
She handed me a third frame, and I gently set the other one down to take it.
"This is Hunter, and that's Heather." She pointed out a small baby boy, and an older woman. The smiling baby boy in her arms left little doubt. I had to laugh.
"I hope nobody who knows him has any doubt that Hunter is my dad's." I laughed a little.
"None at all." She replied, "He looks so much like him."
"More than me." I added, and she shrugged, "At least I have some of my mom's looks."
"Not that much." She shook her head a bit, "I honestly don't know how I didn't realize it before."
"I don't look that much like him, do I?" I frowned.
"Same hair color, same eye color." She pointed out, "You have his nose, and his eyes."
"Well, it's been awhile since you've seen him." I muttered, looking back down at the picture, "And my hair is longer than his, by far. Hair length changes the way someone looks."
She stayed quiet for a moment, watching me as I studied the picture.
"I know." She eventually said, "Believe me." I looked back up at her, "Just because you're his daughter, doesn't mean you're stuck with him forever."
I sighed, shaking my head slowly as I placed the frame safely back on the dresser.
"You're not getting it." I muttered, "I want to stay with him."
"You only think you do." She replied almost firmly, "He manipulates people-"
"Not me." I argued, "I know what I want, Leandra. When he manipulates people, they're conflicted. They're confused about what they want to do, which makes it easy for him to urge, but I'm not. I know I want to stay with him. As weird as it sounds, he's my other half. We're a pair, a team. I'm not as much of a savage as he is, but I'm his other half.
"I wish I could explain it in a way you could understand. He's not the same person to me as he was to you. He's never hurt me."
"He did." She argued herself.
"So he hit me?" I muttered, "So what? He loses his temper all the time, but that doesn't mean I should turn my back on him. I'll just hit him for it later, because that's what family does. Maybe not like your family, but we're family, just the same. I'm not anything if I'm not loyal."
"That's what he wants." She replied, "Open your eyes, Alex. He killed your mother."
"He killed her, so I wouldn't." I countered, "There was no way she would have survived that birth, and he knew that. He killed her, so I wouldn't have to feel the guilt. Do you know what kind of devotion that is?"
"You don't owe him anything."
"I never said I did." I replied, "There is no obligation to stay with him, it's true. Just personal preference."
The look in her eyes told me she was just about done arguing.
"I appreciate it." I told her, my tone softer, "How nice you and your coven have been to me, especially knowing who I am, but I've warned you from the start that I won't be changing sides. You're looking at me, and you're seeing me, but you should be seeing him. I'm half him, Leandra. More than just physically."
"You're more than him, Alex." She argued, but she sighed after a moment, "I'll back off, but keep in mind. He can change his colors in a split second, Alex. He doesn't have the loyalty you seem to have."
"You're wrong." I replied simply.
She sighed again, shaking her head but I stopped paying attention. I continued to look around her room. I stepped over to her bed and sat down. Bouncing a little.
She was quiet as she watched me.
"You know, I've been curious." She finally spoke up as she moved to sit beside me, "Are you gifted?" I stayed quiet, glancing over at her.
"Are you?" I turned her question around.
"I am." She nodded, "Remember?"
"That's right." I mumbled, remembering that she'd explained about her gift the first night she spent with me. Explaining about her family.
"I am." I sighed, giving a nod, "But I don't ever use it."
"Why not?"
"It scares me." I replied quietly, "I don't like what I can do with it." She stayed quiet, waiting for an explanation I really wasn't willing to give.
"Well.." She murmured after a moment of silence, "Have you tried working on it? Getting used to it?"
"It's not something easily worked on. It's pretty permanent, is all I know."
"Permanent?" She asked, surprised.
"I'm assuming." I replied, "I've used it three times in my life. Every time, I found when I went back that it stayed with those I'd used it on."
"Okay, now I'm curious." She laughed a little, but I didn't find the humor in it.
"Sorry." I sighed, "I don't like talking about it."
Her smile softened, "I'm sure whatever it is, it can be worked on."
"Maybe one day I won't hate it as much." I mumbled with a shrug, "I guess I can see how it can come in handy, but it doesn't make me hate it any less."
"We go back to school tomorrow." Leandra changed the subject, "You're welcome to stay here during the day if you want."
"Thanks." I replied honestly, "I might take that offer. I'd rather not stay alone with Darren that pissed at me. Maybe if I'm here, he'll think twice about coming for me." I paused, "What is his gift, anyway?"
"His gift is the gift of others." She answered, "He takes an imprint of someone else's ability, and saves them for himself to use later."
That certainly explained what he meant by many incapacitating gifts. That made me a little nervous.
"I wonder how many he's got." I mumbled, frowning.
"A lot." She replied, "That's what makes him hard to face."
"He's probably got mine." I looked over at her.
"No doubt." She replied, "If it's something useful, he'd probably take it."
"I could definitely see him finding it useful, if what you tell me is true." I murmured in thought. It was true. I knew he could definitely find use for it, if he was into causing trouble without getting caught.
"Should I be worried?" She asked hesitantly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, looking over.
"Your gift.." She mumbled, "Is it offensive?"
"No." I answered, "If anything, it'd be defensive. It's hard to classify, really. It's used on others, but in a defensive way. It doesn't cause pain, or hurt anyone. Not really. It's not incapacitating, or disorienting. It's not really useful for anything but defense, but you really have to be sure you want to use it."
"Then how is that such a bad thing?" She asked gently, "A defensive ability isn't bad, Alex."
"This one is." I replied, before I sighed, "I don't want to talk about it." I stood up again.
"Okay." She murmured, "I won't push it." I heard the truth in that statement, so I didn't go far. I stepped back over to the dresser, looking over the photos again. She stood up as well, "Will you stay here tonight?"
"If it'll make you stop asking that question, I'll give it a try." I finally relented.
"You won't regret it." I heard her smile, "It's a lot better than that barn."
"You've mentioned that before." I mumbled, "Just keep Jacob away from me."
"I've said that same thing." She laughed a little.
"He's not very likable, is he?"
"You get used to him." She murmured, "After awhile, it's almost easy to ignore the fact he lives."
"So you said you'd explain about him." I pointed out, "So explain. Why's he such a psycho?"
And so I was informed on all that had to do with the wolves. Not werewolves, but different. Shape-shifters, that all just happened to choose the wolf form. It was actually kind of interesting. They were tough. Almost as tough as us, but definitely strong enough to cause our kind some damage, so I was right for being cautious.
Then came the explanation of imprinting. Apparently, it was impossible to resist, but instantaneous, and nobody knew why it happened. When they saw their imprint, something in the wolf just clicked, changing their entire world.
I found it kind of odd that a wolf would imprint on a hybrid. A hybrid was half vampire, what they were supposed to hate. Could we even breed? Maybe that wasn't the point of imprinting. If that wasn't it, then why would they imprint at all?
At least now I understood why he was such an asshole over me getting anywhere near Ness. She was just about literally his entire world. Everything he did, revolved around her. I'd be protective too.
"Well.." I muttered once she was quiet, "You can tell him that I have no immediate plans to kill and-or maim anybody, much less Ness. I'm not that brave, and besides. You're pretty much the only friends I have now."
"I thought you weren't looking for friends?" She smirked.
"I'm not." I sniffed, "You're pretty pushy, though. I like that."
True to my nature, I slept on the floor that night. It was oddly easy to sleep, and I was realizing the draw of having a coven on your side. Especially for vulnerable times like having to sleep.
Just like before, they knew how to stay quiet enough for me to sleep. It didn't really surprise me to find that I trusted them more than I trusted Darren or his coven. That trust also added to my ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Even on Leandra and Mikah's bedroom floor.
I followed Leandra down the stairs the following morning, getting passed in the hall by Emmett and Rosalie. Alice also, who chatted to Rosalie about something related to cars.
"Why are you the only one who carries a backpack?" I asked. I'd noticed that.
"Because I walk to school." She replied with a small smile, "I could get a ride from Alice or Rose, and have them drop me off, but I like walking. It's just easier to carry everything this way."
"Finally something we have in common." I muttered and she laughed a little, "How do you do it? Be around humans like that all day?"
"Very carefully." She and I stepped off the last step together, "It's not easy."
"I gathered that." I mumbled as Mikah came to her other side, "But isn't that like someone on a diet working in a bakery?"
She laughed again, "That's the fun part. Every week I don't kill someone, I get ten bucks."
"That's the spirit." I smirked. Jasper descended the stairs behind us, and I moved over to let him pass. I looked to Mikah, "Do you do this school thing too?"
"I do." He replied, "But unfortunately, she's on her own."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because she's forever fourteen years old." He answered like it was obvious, "Does she look like she could pass for a high schooler?" I looked her over.
I hummed in thoughtful agreement, "Good point." I laughed, "Wait. You're fourteen? I thought you were thirteen."
"Oh, bite me." She muttered, turning away from me and crossing her arms.
"You just mortally offended her." Mikah chuckled, looking to me as I looked to him.
"Oops." I had to laugh again, "My bad. Look, I was just kidding. You look thirty." She wasn't having it, though.
"So what happens if she can't hold out?" I asked Mikah curiously.
"That's the beauty of cell phones." He answered, "If she needs a break, she just gives either Esme or Carlisle a call or a text message, and she's picked up within ten minutes. Today, it's Carlisle, if I'm not mistaken."
"That hasn't happened in a few months now." She argued, "I'm getting better."
"You are." He agreed, kissing her forehead. An involuntary smile came to my face as I saw that. I wasn't sure why. It was just a such a sweet gesture, and I wasn't used to seeing that. I tried to hide it as I looked away, suddenly very interested in the potted plant across the room.
"So you'll stick around?" Leandra asked me, and I sighed.
"We'll see." I replied, uncertainty in my voice. She accepted that, laughing as she nodded. She seemed to forgive me for mortally offending her.
It really wasn't long after they left before I was curious enough to look around the place. Esme was out, running some errand, and everyone else was at school. I didn't know where Carlisle was, but I was positive I was here alone.
What was I supposed to do now? What did someone like me do all day in a strange house alone?
I circled the living room, looking through all the picture frames sitting or hanging. A lot of them featured Leandra when she was smaller. Birthday parties, mostly. Some holidays.
A very irritated looking Leandra on what looked like Halloween. She was probably nine or ten in that picture, but I couldn't tell. She was dressed as a princess, with a very deep scowl on her face. Pink frilly, fluffy dress, ribbons in her hair. Sparkles, the works.
I had to laugh to myself. She must have lost a bet.
There were a lot of pictures featuring her. Most of them, actually. Most with at least one other coven member, and it was starting to become clear to me that they were very proud of her. They wanted to remember everything, and display that pride.
She'd obviously built a deeper bond with this coven than I previously thought.
Once again, I felt that small spark of jealousy. Other than the Halloween picture, most of the photos in these frames featured someone happy. The contentment I could see in her eyes was something she'd obviously had to fight for, but once she found it, it was given to her freely.
Why couldn't I be content?
It wasn't that I felt a sense of entitlement. Not at all. I knew better than to think that I deserved anything like that, just because I knew my dad just as much as she did, but that didn't stop me from wanting that contentment.
I wanted contentment, and what she described as a family. It was difficult to believe our kind could ever find something as amazing as family, but she had. She'd found them, and she held on for dear life. Just like she should have.
I wanted that. I wanted contentment, and I wanted a family. My dad was my family, but he wasn't anything like them. They were supportive of each other. They were there when the others needed them. I had never seen any of them hit anyone else, or cuss them out. I'd never heard any of them seriously insult anyone else. I'd never heard any of them yell.
And if they could treat someone like me nicely, what were they like to each other? I wanted to know.
Of course, I'd never admit that out loud. I could just imagine the intensity of the arguments to stay that would result from that confession, and I wasn't so sure right now I could keep arguing.
Shaking my head, I found myself wandering upstairs.
I fully intended to return to Leandra's room to wait for her to come back, but I was stopped. My interest taken by a half open door in the hall. Peeking into the unpopulated room, noticing that it looked a whole lot like a home office. The large desk across the room from the door only added to that observation.
The room interested me.
Probably hundreds of books lined the walls, and I got even more curious. I stepped in, and pretending to be a breeze, pushing the door slowly all the way open. Listening to the way the door 'woosh'ed quietly against the light carpet.
Why I waited, I wasn't sure, but I waited. When nothing in the room moved, I did. I stepped into the room, over to the closest book shelf, looking over the titles of the books there. I didn't understand most of what the titles told me, figuring it must be something so far beyond my education level, it wasn't even funny.
I stepped along the wall, looking for one I'd understand.
I was smart in the ways of survival, and fighting, but not like this. An education wasn't really something I'd ever gotten, or even wondered about. I could read, of course, and I was fairly okay with spelling and writing, but that was about it. I obviously had a lot to learn.
Books, tons of books. In about every language I could think of. Sorted by language, and subject. Medical, math, culture and history. I finally reached up, and chose one. Sliding it out of place, and holding it to me carefully as I opened it.
As I suspected, I didn't understand a damn thing. I was lost in the first paragraph, but that didn't stop me from flipping through the pages. Frowning, my brow furrowed as I attempted to make myself smarter by just looking at the impossibly long and irritating words.
"That's one of my favorites." I jumped a little, swiftly closing and placing the book on the desk beside me at Carlisle's voice behind me. I wasn't used to being startled. I spun to face him. Lost in my struggles to understand, I hadn't heard him arrive, finding me in here.
"Sorry." I immediately said, and he seemed surprised.
"It's quite alright." He replied, "I didn't mean to startle you."
"I was just curious." I muttered, "That's all. I was careful."
"And it's okay to be curious." He studied me, seeming concerned. I stayed quiet, watching him as well where he stood in the doorway. Waiting for him to be mad that I was in here. This was obviously his space.
But the irritation never came. He only softened his expression, sighing as he stepped further into the room. Around me, and taking the seat in the chair behind the desk. I watched him, until he spoke up again.
"Can I ask you something, Alex?"
"Sure." I murmured. Agreeing to listen to his question was the least I could do.
"I'm only curious." He told me which eased me, "Do you know what kindness is?"
"Not hitting someone for doing something stupid like this?" I laughed a little, hoping that was the case.
"In a sense." He replied, not finding the humor in that answer, "It goes well with patience. Understanding. Kindness is being aware, and considerate of others. Seeing the things they may be going through, and wanting to do everything possible to ease their pain."
"Okay?" I frowned. I wasn't getting it.
"Has your father ever shown you kindness?" He asked, and I honestly thought about it. I stepped slowly one step to the side, resting my hand on the back of the smaller chair in front of the desk. I fell silent, looking up and humming in thought.
"He makes sure I don't get rained on at night." I pointed out, sitting down in the chair I now stood near. He allowed that with a nod. Just so it'd be less awkward to talk to him. He was already sitting. I wanted to, too.
"Anything else?"
"Not really." I shook my head, "He caught people for me when I was a baby, but hasn't since. I usually have to catch him one when we hunt together." He frowned a little, so I added, "He protects me."
"How so?" He asked, interested. That was one thing none of them had asked before. They knew he protected me, but I never told them exactly how he would protect me.
"Well.." I muttered, "When I was younger, I used to be really curious. Especially about the humans. The ones we hunted, so instead of killing them right away, I'd try to talk to mine. They weren't very talkative. My dad whooped me until I learned not to do that.
"Even sometimes when we weren't hunting." I laughed a little, "He hated it when I'd run off to a park or something to look at the other kids closer." My small smile faded, "I don't think he ever understood why I wanted to. All he'd tell me is that the humans were bad. Good for nothing, and that I needed to stay away from them. I didn't believe him until I eventually learned for myself, though." I trailed off, looking down. I didn't want to get into that.
"What happened?" He asked. It looked like I'd have to. I didn't like this memory, because it scared me, but I wouldn't let him know that.
I made my voice as carefree as I could, "I ran into one bad human. A man. About three years ago, I was about three. I was stupid, and careless. This bad human picked me up and tried to walk off with me. As soon as I realized what he was doing, trying to take me from my dad, I wanted to fight, but I was too scared to. This guy was huge, much bigger than I was at the time. I didn't know anything yet about how to fight, or what to do.
"Dad fixed him before he could get me into the car, and he took me back. I didn't get it at first, but he told me that most humans are bad like that. That they all wanted to take me from him. Which is why I needed to stay away from them. I've hated them ever since, and definitely avoided anyone who drove a car like he did."
"Not all humans are like that, Alex." Carlisle told me, "But he is right in the fact that you should be careful." He frowned, "What kind of car?"
"The kind that had 'Police' written on the side of it." I answered, leaning back in the chair.
"The man that tried to take you was a police officer?" He asked, and I shrugged.
"I guess." I said, "I don't know what they look like, but that's what his car said."
"Alex, he was trying to help you." He reasoned.
"He was trying to take me away." I frowned, "How is that helping me?" He didn't reply, shaking his head and looking down.
"That's when my training really started." I continued stiffly, "Both against humans, and our kind. I can kill a human so quickly, they're dead before they're even surprised."
He still didn't reply, only keeping his gaze down onto the wooden surface of the desk top. Silence rang in the room, and I could almost tell what he was thinking.
"I don't kill for no reason." I finally admitted to him, and he looked up, "I kill for a reason. Either hunting, or self-defense or preservation. My dad always makes fun of me for it, but I don't like just.. Killing others for no reason."
"The fact that it bothers you proves that you hold compassion." Carlisle explained, "A sense of empathy for another living being, whether it's human or vampire. I'm assuming that's something you never learned from your father."
"Yeah right." I snorted, "He'd kill someone just for looking at him wrong. For looking a certain way. I'm not like that. I know everybody thinks I should be like that, just because of who my father is, but really. I'm not."
"I believe you." He replied with a small nod.
"I'm a little rough of a person, but I'm not so bad." I shrugged a little, "I'm like him other ways, but not that way. And there's more to him than that." His expression softened, "He's not so bad if you overlook the other things. He's.." I sighed, "I don't know. He's more than the psychopath that everyone thinks he is. There's more to him than his anger, or how unstable he is. He only gets like that when he has to."
"Has to?" He frowned.
"When he's threatened, I guess." I replied, "He gets mean. Just like me. I'm just not as ruthless as he is, sad to say. I never have been."
"Having compassion isn't something to be ashamed of, Alex." He told me, and I shrugged a little, "It's a good thing. I beg you, never lose that."
"I still don't know what compassion means." I admitted quietly, "It's just a word to me." I had to continue confessing, "You're different, though. You're not like anyone I've ever met before, so.. Is that compassion? Being different?"
"Compassion is caring." He murmured, "Taking another life remorselessly is wrong, and compassion is the opposite of that. It's knowing pain at another's pain. It's hurting when others hurt. Guilt at wronging them, happiness at helping them."
"But why?" I asked, frowning in confusion, "Why do you do what you do? Why bother having compassion at all? Why does it matter to you if someone else hurts? I mean, I know why you'd mind if your coven is hurt or happy, but everyone else? Me? Why does it matter?"
I honestly hoped my questions weren't offending him. I only wanted to understand, but he didn't seem offended.
"I want to show you something." He finally murmured, standing up. He crossed the room to an old filing cabinet, pulling open the third drawer down, "These are old. Very old, but I keep them to remind myself why it's so important to me to do what we do. Why I do what I do." He was going to answer.
I listened quietly, watching as he lifted out a thick manila envelope. He turned to me.
"You say there is more to Jack than that, and I'm sure there is, but this is the side of him we've seen, and the only side we've ever known."
He opened the envelope, and pulled out a stack of photos, handing them to me gently. I carefully turned the stack around to look at the first photo curiously. That curiosity quickly turned to an emotion closely related to alarm. Nearly panic as I took in the sight of the picture.
Shocked, I wasn't even sure what I was looking at at first. I looked back up at him, and he easily read my expression. It was clear that this was someone's back, by the placement of her equally bruised arms resting at her sides, but it was almost unrecognizable. Just deep, very dark bruising in welts and stripes across the skin. Some darker than others, but all were vivid.
"That's Leandra." He explained, "Those bruises were almost a week old at that point." I closed my eyes briefly, before looking back down at the picture. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I'd been kicked in the stomach. The deep bruising all over her back was enough to make my stomach roll. It was absolutely horrifying.
He stood in silence as I flipped to the next photo. A closer shot of the bruising.
"These pictures were taken as evidence that we never got to use." He added, "Against Jack."
"He did this." I muttered quietly, but it wasn't a question.
I realized in those few minutes as I flipped through the stack of eight photos that as much as I was trying to make them see the side of my father I knew, they were trying to make me see the side of him they knew. Probably for my own good, given the sight of these pictures. They terrified me, scared me into thinking with an open mind.
It felt horrible to be torn this way. To see the photographic evidence first hand of exactly what my dad was capable of. It hurt me.
When I couldn't look at the pictures anymore, I kept my eyes down, holding them out to him again. I tried so hard to hide the fact that those pictures, feeling the pure suffering from the girl in the picture, had brought tears to my eyes. I hated that she was hurt that badly by anyone I knew personally.
It was a completely different thing to hear it than to see it. To see it made it undeniable. Of course, she was fine now, but it still scared me.
"M-Maybe he's different.." I whimpered, my tone quiet, "Maybe it's not the same person."
"There is always that hope." Carlisle replied softly, "But I'm afraid I wouldn't count on that too much."
"She never.. I didn't know it was that bad." I muttered, shaking my head, "Darren said six years. Six years of that? How did she not die?"
"I'm still asking myself that same question." He replied honestly, "She did mention that the abuse got worse the older she got. I imagine he conditioned her tolerance level." Could my dad have been doing that to me? Was that why he'd never hit me like that until recently? I swallowed nervously, glancing up at him.
"It doesn't surprise me that she didn't mention how bad it was." Carlisle continued, "Leandra is.. She's certainly someone I'm truly lucky to have in my life. We all are. Her strength alone makes her irreplaceable, but to know her heart makes knowing her a privilege."
"She told me." I admitted, "She thinks the same of you."
I really didn't know what to think of her, to be honest. In one way, I was jealous of her. She had the family, the strength, the courage I didn't see in myself, if I was honest. I was jealous, but then I thought of all she had to go through to get all of that, and it made me sad.
I never got to know anyone like this. I'd never known anyone on such a complicated level before. This was certainly a time for firsts.
"He's never done anything like that to me." I reasoned, looking up at him, "It's never been that bad."
"That's relieving to hear."
"But not enough. Not enough to change your mind." I muttered, and slowly, he shook his head. I looked down, "He's not a good person. I know that, you know that, but.." I trailed off, unsure how to keep going.
"I know." He nodded, "Situations like this are the hardest."
"I have to admit, though." I murmured, looking down, "I've learned way more about my dad than I think I wanted to. I don't know what it's going to be like when he finally does come back."
"I couldn't say." He replied, "It truly is your decision, Alex. What you decide to do is up to you."
"How am I supposed to turn my back on him, though?" I asked, shaking my head, "Even knowing all I do. It just makes all of this more confusing."
"You're torn." He sighed, and I nodded, "It's understandable. From what I understand, though, I know you deserve better."
"I'm not better off on my own, Carlisle." I reasoned, "I know that for sure."
"Nobody said you had to be on your own." He countered, "I know Leandra would never stand for it."
"I'm a complicated person." I muttered, "More than I think you can see. It's not just a choice. It's not as simple to me as making a decision. Nobody's understanding that."
"Why not?" He asked, "Why can't you simply decide?"
"I wasn't raised that way." I stood up, "I wasn't raised to settle down."
"There is always room for change, Alex." He replied, standing as well, "The only one forcing you into the same routine is yourself."
"That's just how I am." I sighed, "I guess I inherited the wrong side of my father's stubbornness."
Carlisle was very easy to talk to, I was surprised to find.
He just gave the impression of someone that paid attention to every word, and actually cared about everything he heard. He was very good at it, also. I was never really one to talk a lot, unless it was to piss off my dad, but Carlisle was easily able to press just right to keep me talking.
He'd answer anything I asked, which also helped me understand him a little more. He told me a little more about this 'personal preference' to working with humans. A little history, and the fight he gave every day since he was turned.
How despite everything about them and their nature being against them, he chose to stick to this path. Even I had to admit. That took more determination than I was capable of understanding before.
Before I even knew it, most of the day had passed, and I heard the unmistakable sound of everyone returning home downstairs. Leandra's laughter wafting up the stairs had me amazed. I was deeply astounded at how she could still laugh after going through not just one beating bad enough to get bruises like that, but six years of them.
Carlisle and I descended the stairs, and I realized I was curious. Nobody seemed mad that I was still around. Leandra even seemed happy to see me.
"God." Emmett groaned, sitting in the chair, "Why can't something interesting ever happen there?" Meaning, at school. I could only imagine how mindlessly boring going there every day had to be.
"Start a riot there." I suggested, perching carefully on the arm of his chair, "It'd be pretty funny to see."
"Not gonna happen, badger." He replied, "But entertaining to think about." The room fell quiet. The others seeming to just unwind in the living room, allowing me to think, until I suddenly moved.
I smacked Emmett's shoulder, "Hey."
"Ow." He actually muttered, "What?"
"I never asked." I said, "I know Leandra and Alice have gifts. Do you?"
He grinned, "I'm strong."
"Strong?" I snorted, "That's not a gift. That's a trait. I'm strong."
"Stronger that usual." He replied as if it were obvious, "Come on."
"Probably stronger than me, then." I smirked, and he slowly returned it.
"Wanna test that?" He asked, and I immediately shook my head. Definitely not. Even if I was sure he relied on that strength to win fights, and I could out-move him, I still didn't want to see what would happen if I didn't move quick enough.
"I'm not stupid." I laughed a little.
"I'm stronger than anyone here." He bragged, "But it's not anything fun, like Jasper's gift." I looked to him.
"What's his gift?" I asked, curious.
"He fucks with emotions." He replied. I stayed quiet for a moment, frowning in confusion. Fucks with emotions? Changes them?
Alice sighed, "Really, Emmett?"
"Emotions?" I stood up.
"How people feel. Like if they're sad, he cheers them up. If they're mad, he calms them down. It works with defenses, too- Ow!" Alice slapped him upside the head, but I wasn't paying attention to that. I was piecing it together.
Why I had felt so calm the first night here. Why I lost most of my defensiveness, and why I was so cooperative. Jasper had made sure I felt that way. He got me to cooperate. He made me cooperate.
"What the hell?" I growled, not liking what I was being told, "He controls how I feel?" The room tensed. I could feel it, and I knew they knew I was pissed off. Of course I was pissed off! All I was thinking about was the fact that Jasper had forced me to feel the way he wanted me to feel.
"He didn't mean anything by it, Alex." Alice told me immediately, "He was only-"
"I don't give a flying fucking shit what the hell he was doing." I snapped, turning my glare to Jasper, "I like my emotions right where they are!"
Anger burned through me, and he must not have been controlling it, because I was back in normal emotional territory. I rounded, heading for the door. I was too mad to stay around them any longer. Not and keep my word about not wanting to hurt anyone.
Leandra, trying to ease me, followed, "Alex, wait."
They all followed, gathering just below the porch as I stopped in the yard. I didn't like my options taken, and that's what he did, but I wanted a chance to think twice. As I thought before, they were about the only ones on my side. I didn't especially want to leave, but I didn't see any other way to sort through this.
"No." Jasper spoke up, "She's right. I should have told her earlier. She has every right to be angry with me."
"You're damn right I have every right." I spat, and I turned, heading for the trees. I'd leave for now, but come back when I calmed down. I had to calm down before I did something stupid.
"No," Leandra followed me, "Don't leave."
"Let her run away." Jasper called after her, "It's her choice." I stopped, growling quietly as I turned to look at him.
"Jazz.." Alice murmured, "What are you doing?"
"Pointing out the obvious." Jasper replied to her, but his eyes were on me, "When she can't handle something, she runs away."
"I don't run from anything." I snapped, "Least of all, someone like you." Up on the porch, Emmett chuckled, watching closely as he leaned against the wall, "But I don't have to stand here and be manipulated, either."
"I was only doing it for your own good."
"How the fuck would you know what's for my own good?" I growled, stepping back toward him. I could feel the tension from all those watching as I stopped directly in front of him. Obviously challenging him.
"Alex.." Leandra followed me, "I wouldn't."
"I'm not afraid of him. I'll drop this fucker." I must have moved faster than he expected me to, because I managed to lay a decent slap to his face on the last word.
Silence. I didn't back down, however, my glare staying just as intense as he slowly looked to me again. Recovering from the slap I gave him.
"Oh shit." Emmett finally chuckled, "Bam."
Surprisingly, he wasn't mad. He gave a single nod, before he spoke.
"Okay." He muttered, moving to the side, "I'll tell you what. You say you're not afraid. Prove it."
"I don't have to prove anything." I watched his every step, not letting him out of my sight.
"You're right." He said, "You don't have to prove anything, but you want to. You want to prove it, so go ahead. Give me one good fight, and I won't ever say you're afraid of anything again. You have my word on that."
"That's it?" I asked, "One good fight, and you'll never doubt me again? Too easy." I paused, "But one more thing. I give you one good fight, and you'll never fuck with my emotions again. Got it?"
"Deal." He replied, "So what do you say?" This could be the way. I wouldn't have to leave, and I'd get to drop him.
"Fine." I agreed, "I'm game."
"Hell yes." Emmett chuckled, "This is the entertainment I was looking for."
"Shut up." Leandra told him, "This isn't funny."
"Rules." Jasper took my attention again, "This isn't meant to be a fatal fight. No losing body parts, or killing."
"Got it." I muttered, "And no teeth."
"Exactly." He gave a nod, "Other than that, anything goes. Pinning is the goal, and the one who stays down or forfeits loses."
"Fine." I agreed easily with his terms.
I couldn't help feeling like he'd been looking for an excuse to test me like this, but I had to admit. I was eager to prove myself. Just like he said. He doubted? I'd give him no reason to doubt anymore. If it meant I could stay around without being manipulated, then all the better for me.
Not to mention the bragging rights. Oh, the bragging rights.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Leandra asked, coming to my side, "I wouldn't if I were you. He's really good at this."
"Good thing you're not me then, right?" I replied, "I'm not afraid of him. I don't back down from a challenge. Especially when I know I can win."
"Sorry, badger." Emmett called, "My money's on Jasper. Fifty bucks."
"Then you'll lose that money." I called to him confidently, "I'll take that bet, but add a hundred." If by some miracle I lost, I'd just give him fifty from the money I won off of him the other day.
"Hundred and fifty? You're on." The smirk that came across his face didn't change my mind in the slightest. I stepped away from Leandra, to the open part of the front yard.
Jasper seemed just as confident, if not even more so given his smirk. He wouldn't be smirking when I got done with him. I stood across from him as I pushed up my sleeves. I didn't want to be hindered in any way.
"Keep it fair, kids." Emmett chuckled, "Go on."
I'd wait for his move first. I wasn't stupid. Leandra warning me had told me that I needed to be careful when it came to Jasper. We had to have stood there for over a minute, just watching each other. Was he hesitant? I returned his smirk.
"I'm waiting." I muttered.
"Someone make a move." Emmett called, "I'm getting bored."
Understanding my side of things, Jasper actually obliged me, and made the first move. Coming right for me, but I dodged his advance easily. He slid, turning and he attempted a good hold on my arm, but I twisted free, ducking around him and gripping his arms instead. Securing him so I could kick him away from me.
He wasn't done however, turning back around to face me. I growled a little, narrowing my eyes. Carefully watching his every move.
He moved for me, and I punched him in the face. Of course, not liking that, he rounded, reaching for me yet again. I ducked, blocking his grab, and punching him again. In the side this time. Less disorienting. I had to block another grab, jumping back.
He was learning that I was more physical than he thought.
"Holy shit." Emmett was highly entertained. I didn't let that steal my focus, though. Jasper was watching my every move now, finally starting to realize that I wasn't some inexperienced little kid.
He made one more attempt, following me as I ducked, but I spun, twisting from his grip. Rolling to the side, I gripped his ankles and yanked backwards. Pulling his feet out from under him, and he hit the ground.
Down on my level now, however, he managed a grip on the back of my neck. I fought him back to our feet, writhing as he nearly got a good hold around my middle. I saw an opening, though, at the last possible split second.
Ducking backwards, stepping around him, I turned around and gripped the front of his neck. Giving him an almost airborne choke slam, straight onto his back. Dazing him, obviously, and giving me time to step back. He was fine, as I wasn't trying to kill him. The point of this wasn't to actually hurt him. Essentially, this was training. Just like he told me, this wasn't a fatal fight.
I watched as he got back to his feet, regarding me differently now.
He paced to the left, trying to circle me, but I countered. Stepping the opposite direction until we circled the yard together. Keeping him directly across from me. Letting him know, through body language, that I was not someone to take lightly or approach.
"You're good." He finally spoke, "I'll give you that."
"I thought you were better?" I taunted, smirking a little, "Come on. Don't let some little half-breed beat you. Don't tell me you're scared?"
"I'm not scared." He replied honestly, "But I am cautious now. You definitely have my attention."
"Good." I said, "Because I'm thinking maybe, I can teach you a few things. If you're planning on fighting my father with that kind of inexperience," His eyes narrowed at that word, "You're fucked. I learned from him, and he's still got plenty to teach me."
I braced myself as he darted forward.
Blocking each grab he made, and I had to admit. He was quick. He wasn't going as easy on me anymore, and it was getting harder to keep up, but I was keeping up. Until he caught my arm, and brought it behind me, nearly securing me that way.
I reached back over my shoulder, grabbing a solid hold of his neck with my free arm, and flipped him forward as I ducked forward, landing him on his back yet again. Hard enough to make him slide a bit on the gravel. I jumped away from his attempt to grab my ankle like I'd done to him earlier.
He jumped to his feet this time, not giving me enough time to put distance between us, and it was back to blocking. Countering each grab. He was pushing me back, backing me up, moving me where he wanted me. I knew this.
He wanted my retreat stopped, which would make it easier to out-move me. So as I sensed my back reaching the tree, I jumped to the side, and spun. Jumping high enough to kick him upside the head, and using that as leverage to land much further back than I could have without it.
He spun immediately, his hand closing firmly on my upper arm, and flipping me forward. Landing me on my back this time.
"Holy shit." Emmett repeated, his amusement heavier.
"That's more like it." I muttered, climbing back to my feet, "Can I point a few things out?"
"By all means." He replied.
"Have you noticed where you're going wrong?" I asked, and he waited, "You're doing all the offensive moves. Giving me time to defend. Your best bet would be to either avoid fighting me at all, and let me get away, or wait for me to move into the offensive."
"I have noticed that." He agreed, "I'm a fast learner, Alex. I was testing you."
"Right." I snorted.
"I needed a taste of what your fighting technique was." I explained, "And I got it. I understand you now."
I didn't like how confident he was. It made me edgy, and I was sure he was helping that along, trying to psyche me out. I growled wordlessly under my breath. I didn't like what he was trying to do.
Yet again, he moved for me, and I stepped to the side, blocking his grabs. He changed it up, however, adding one grab I hadn't been anticipating, and yet again, I wound up on my back. Actually surprised at being there.
"Like that's fair." I growled, climbing back to my feet. I was starting to see the truth in what he mentioned about learning my technique, though.
It was once more back to blocking, but I was also back to retreating. I didn't like my odds this time. He swiped for my neck, and I ducked, rolling away as quickly as I could.
Changing my direction at the last possible second, I moved for him now. Catching him off guard, obviously, as I managed a punch to his face. Knocking him off his feet, and kicking him away from me before he even hit the ground.
I was learning just as much about him as he was about me.
He hit the ground several feet away, but got right back up and raced for me. I ducked a swing, but tackled him. Knocking him off his feet, rolling forward and using the momentum to throw him back across the yard.
Nothing I tried was working anymore. He wasn't giving me a chance to regroup, and settle back into a new match. He was right back at me, and I was right back to blocking. This was what I knew as the overwhelming technique, and it was effective.
I missed one grab, and wound up harshly on my back.
I was much slower at getting up this time. He was wearing me down, and he knew that. That was his advantage. Being a full vampire, he didn't get tired or lose energy like I did. He was faster, stronger than I was, but that didn't mean I was done trying.
I got back to my feet, glaring at him where he stood.
"Uh oh." Emmett laughed.
"Be careful, Jazz." Alice called, her tone nervous.
This time, I darted forward first. He tried to counter, but I landed another heavy kick to the side of his head, dazing him just long enough to kick him again. Punching him back upright, I ducked a counter, and punched him again, this time knocking him off his feet.
I got the placement right. Finally.
He caught a hold of my wrist, flipping me off my feet, but I managed to hold on, bringing him down with me. Rolling to the side, I gained the momentum I needed, literally launching him away from me.
He hit the house, denting the wall with the force of my throw. I climbed to my feet with a growl, racing for him before he was ready, and knocking him off his feet yet again with a well-timed sweeping kick at his feet.
We rolled, each breath I gave was a growl. Off the porch, down the steps. The group dispersed, giving us room. His goal now was to pin, and regain control, but he was failing at that.
I managed a roll backwards at the same time as he tried a full restraining pin, breaking his hold on me. I rolled one more time, giving me the distance I needed to jump to my feet, and spin right as he came for me. Landing a good kick to his side, he flew to the side. I raced forward, grabbing him and slamming him to the ground.
He reached out immediately, pulling me to the ground as he stood up. I countered, grabbing his arm and sticking my leg up, placing my foot against his chest. Bracing myself, I kicked outward. Launching him back. Rolling backwards, flipping to my feet as he raced for me once more.
I was ready however, greeting him with a solid punch to his stomach. This one hardly phased him, however. He gripped my arm, but I countered, breaking his hold with one arm and blocking another grip with the other.
I jumped back, but he followed, and I braced myself. Ducking, dodging one more grab, and I noticed immediately that he left himself open. He swung once more, and I took the opening. Gripping his wrist tightly.
Jumping to the side with the grip on his wrist, I swung him around, and threw him as hard as I could across the yard with a snarl of effort, right into the base of a tree. Knocking the tree over with the force with which he hit, and he hit the ground right along with it.
Everything seemed to still after that. I stood there, literally panting with exertion, waiting for him to start up again. Both fists clenched at my sides. Nobody said anything as he slowly climbed back to his feet, seeming surprised as he turned to look at me.
Of course, he was perfectly fine. Not hurt in the slightest, but I knew I'd have a few bruises. Just from the struggles, completely unintended. I stood there, watching him closely as he walked back over to me.
I glared, but he didn't seem to want to keep going.
"Truce." He told me, and that eased me. I visibly relaxed, my tension unable to stay up. I gave a nod, sighing.
"Truce." I agreed.
"That was amazing." He admitted with a small chuckle.
"You sound surprised." I muttered, crossing my arms. I couldn't help being relieved, though, that he decided to call truce when he did. If that had continued, I'd have lost. Guaranteed.
"Okay." He gave me a nod, "I stand corrected. You are quite the opponent."
"Thank you." I replied, "But you're not so easy to beat, either." I had to hand it to him.
"And that's how shit gets settled." Emmett chuckled.
"Pay up." I snapped his direction, "I technically won that."
"What?" He muttered, disappointed.
"She's right." Jasper told him, "She did technically win that, because I was the one to call truce."
"Dammit." He sighed, digging into his back pocket for his wallet.
"No more fucking with my emotions." I told Jasper as Emmett laid three paper bills in my hand. Jasper held his hand out for a handshake, and I hesitated only a second before giving him my hand. Bracing myself in case he decided to go against his truce, but he only added slight pressure around my hand.
"You have my word." He told me with a nod. I smiled a little, nodding as well.
"This is all fine and dandy," Alice murmured, returning from somewhere, "But you two need to fix the house before Esme gets back and skins the both of you." She shoved a bucket of plaster into Jasper's arms, "You have twenty minutes."
"I blame Emmett." I muttered as she shoved a bucket of tools at me. I looked down at them, slightly confused.
"How's it my fault?" He gasped from the porch.
"It was all your idea." I replied, "Don't you remember? It was your suggestion that we fight. Shame on you." I wondered if he could tell I was joking, but I didn't have to wonder long. His smirk and chuckle answered for me.
"Of course." He replied, "How could I forget?"
He descended the steps, and took the bucket from me, much to my surprise. I was fully intending to help fix the dent in the wall. Not that I really knew what I was doing, but I didn't have much choice now but to let him do it.
Leandra came to my side, nudging me a little with her elbow. I looked over at her, and she smiled, her expression asking, 'See what I mean?'
Shaking his head, Jasper started up onto the porch as Emmett already got to work. Carlisle moved to Leandra's other side, smiling a little also. I was beginning to see. How things had changed. Once I stopped fighting against it, I let myself see. This coven was more than a coven, and despite how I continued to fight it, I liked it.
"Let me help." I finally said, ascending the porch steps. Emmett looked down at me as I came to his side, his smirk still there, "Show me what to do."
A/N: Well that was exciting. :)
I apologize for this chapter taking so long. It's been crazy around here, but I finally got it out. :) I hope it was worth the wait.
THANK YOU to those that reviewed last chapter! :D I love love love them!
Chapter five.. I won't even estimate on that one. Ha I tend to give a time-frame, and it's never right. It's there, though.
So.
Until Five, my friends! :D
