A/N: Remember that time, two chapters ago, when I said I'd like to update every month or so? O.o Yeah we're gonna pretend I met that goal. ;D
Thank you to everyone who has not forgotten about this story! No, it isn't on hiatus; I'm just a lazy fuck who's been real busy with stuff. For the past year. Quick question before I get to the story: Do you guys like it when I specifically thank everyone by name? Or does it not matter? It does take a lot of work, especially when I go almost a whole year without updating. So what I'm getting at is do you want me to keep doing it? It would help a lot if you'd let me know, either in a PM or in your reviews.
Now, I have to warn you that this chapter is a wee bit angsty. *gag* But I think it's necessary to further the character development, so please bear with it and things will get more interesting in the next chapter.
Chapter Four – Rifts We Make, Rifts We Mend
Ultimately, Lucy handled the news of ex-circus members being targeted better than I'd expected. With a calm—if a little resigned—smile, she shook her head. "Thank you for your concern, Erza, but I'll stay here. We've only just begun our new life here." When I opened my mouth to protest, she cut me off with a gentle hand on my knee. "This is the place I want to live, Erza. I'm not going to run. If the killer does come here…I'm prepared to fight. I won't let my new life be upended so easily."
"Besides, she has me." Gray squeezed her other hand in his, a determined look on his face. "If someone does come after her, they'll have to get through me first."
I sighed, still not liking it. Jellal put a hand on my shoulder, catching my gaze in his. "If her mind's made up, you should just put your trust in them." His soft words made some of the frustration leave me. However, I'd be damned if I let them stay to face the danger on their own.
"Fine. Then I'm staying with you."
Lucy chuckled softly at my show of defiance. "Erza, you need to do what's best for you. You try to hide it, but I know that you're not happy here."
"I'm happy enough here," I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. She smiled gently, seeing right through my stubborn antics. After a moment, I scrubbed a hand through my hair and made a noise of dissatisfaction in my throat. "I just don't want you to be sitting here, waiting while some unknown danger comes ever closer. Please, Lucy. Come with us. You can come back once the killer is caught."
While Lucy looked away sadly, Gray spoke up. "I know how you feel, Erza. I don't like it, either. But Lucy wants to stay here, so much so that she's willing to fight. We should respect her decision. I promise you, I won't let any harm come to her."
Finally, I heaved a deep sigh that turned into a groan. When he put it that way, I had no choice but to accept it. Getting to my feet, I went out onto the balcony. The view from their cottage was lovely. This place truly was perfect for Lucy. Why can't it be perfect for me, too? I heard soft footsteps come up behind me, and a moment later I felt Lucy wrap her slender arms around my waist.
"Thank you, Erza," she whispered.
I brought my arms up to rest on top of hers, patting her hands softly. "I'm sorry." I'm sorry for everything, Lucy.
I felt her shake her head. "I'm sorry too." She pulled away, and I turned around to look around at the two Council soldiers. "You should leave as soon as you can," Lucy continued. "I'd feel better if you're far away by the time he comes here. Assuming this town is on his list at all. Maybe he won't even come here."
Her bright smile only made my heart clench in sorrow. I knew she was trying to cheer everyone up, though, so I went along with it to make her feel better. Forcing a teasing smile onto my face, I clasped her on the shoulder. "You're right. I'm sure there are far more impressive people he could be killing. You should be safe."
Lucy's eyes softened in gratitude. "Exactly. You're worried for nothing. Now, get going, you two! I'm sure your perfect city is out there somewhere, just waiting for you."
With falsely optimistic farewells, Jellal and I left their cottage. Gray had promised to check in with us every night, to let us know that they were safe. That was all I could ask of them.
For the next few days, a cloud seemed to be looming over me. My restlessness only continued to grow, and the only times I felt any relief were during our nightly calls with Gray and Lucy. At last, Jellal confronted me about it. We were in a small town about a hundred miles north of Hargeon, the town Lucy and Gray had settled in. The inn we were staying at was small and in poor condition, adding to my unease.
"You've been on edge since we left Hargeon," Jellal noted as we ate dinner together. We were almost the only two in the tavern on the first floor of the inn, as it was pretty late at night. We hadn't heard anything yet from Gray, and I was getting anxious. I kept glancing at the clock hanging behind the bar, watching the hands tick slowly by.
I grunted in response. Of course I'd been on edge! Lucy and Gray were on their own with a serial killer potentially on his way. They were sitting ducks! And here I was, of no use to anyone. Every town we passed through only made me feel more and more out of place.
After a few minutes of eating in silence, Jellal spoke again. "You don't need to worry. I'm sure they're fine. There's plenty of time before midnight, so they're probably just busy with work."
"Lucy gets off work at five," I grumbled into my stew. "That was almost five hours ago."
"Perhaps Gray found a more stable job then? He's a hard worker, so I wouldn't be surprised if he stayed a little late now and then."
"And leave Lucy all alone? When there's a killer out there?" I turned to him with burning eyes. "Lucy can't defend herself right now! She has no magic, remember?"
Jellal looked a little taken aback at my outburst. "I know. Gray is really reliable, so you don't have to worry. He'll make sure no harm comes to her. I'm sure he's more conscious than anyone about protecting her now."
I ground my teeth in frustration. "He shouldn't have to protect her," I spat. "Lucy is an incredibly capable fighter. She can take care of herself! If she only had her magic she could easily take out the killer." As I dropped my head into my hands, I clenched my fists in my hair to try to calm myself down.
"What's this really about, Erza?" Jellal put a hand on my back to soothe me. "You're not acting like yourself. If you're worried that the killer will come after us, you don't need to worry. I'll always protect you."
As soon as the words left his mouth, something snapped inside me. I jerked to my feet, sending the stool skittering across the floor. The bartender and the five other patrons looked over at me in surprise, but I ignored them. "I don't need you to protect me!" My fists were shaking as I stormed out of the inn tavern, leaving Jellal staring after me with a pained expression. I knew I was being unreasonable. My springs were just so tightly wound at the moment, I couldn't control my own emotions. Cursing, I kicked a stone along the street as I simmered in my own pathetic weakness. Coming to a bench, I lowered myself onto the wood and dropped my head into my hands.
I had no idea how much time passed as I sat there, hating myself more and more. Jellal was the last person I wanted to snap at. He was just trying his best to help me move forward, but here I was, stuck on my damn pride. A sigh escaped me as I fisted my hands against my forehead.
"Going through a bit of a rough patch, are we, dear?"
I looked up at the kindly voice addressing me from my side. An older woman who I recalled had been in the tavern when I stormed out was standing there, clutching a worn brown shawl around her thin shoulders. She was probably on her way home and happened to pass by me, remembering my outburst. Embarrassed, I buried my face in my hands once more.
"Mind if I sit with you for a spell?" she continued amiably.
Without looking up, I nodded. The wood creaked as she lowered her old body onto the bench next to me. She sighed in contentment as she settled down. For a few minutes, neither of us spoke.
"Looks like it'll start snowing again tonight."
Not exactly in the mood for small talk, I didn't respond.
Undaunted, the woman pushed on. "It's a cold one this year, ain't it? Of course, when you get to be this old, the chill seems to pass right through ye." She gave a hoarse chuckle. "You know, you remind me of myself, a bit."
Surprised at the unexpected comment, I raised my head and looked at her appraisingly. What part of me reminded her of a nosy old lady set on interfering in other people's business?
"When I was younger, I used to fight with me husband a lot. I've never been of good health, so I was often sick and unable to leave the house. Me husband, Albert, made the biggest fuss whenever I tried to leave the house to get a job. One day, I remember I decided to put me foot down. We got into a huge shouting match, and I even called him horrible things." I noticed her fists clench ever so slightly as she relived the old regret. "In the end, I left the house to go seek employment on me own. I wanted to prove to him that I was strong enough to pull me weight. I knew he was only worried about me, but I just couldn't stand it. We didn't feel like equals."
Equals, huh? Now that I could understand. Jellal had his magic still, but I didn't. The power gap just felt unsurmountable. I knew it wasn't his fault…but I couldn't help it. Biting my lip, I hugged myself and listened to the old woman's story.
"Eventually, I got a job at a factory. Of course, as you can imagine, it was short-lived. With my poor health, I collapsed and was tossed out into the streets. Would've died, likely, if me husband hadn't found me and brought me home." Her voice grew quiet as she relived the experience. "He was crying. Said he was sorry he let me misunderstand his motives for keeping me home. In fact, I hadn't misunderstood. I just was so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't see how hard he was working for me so that I wouldn't worry.
"Now, I won't presume to know exactly what's goin' on between your husband and ye, but if you'll accept some advice from an old-timer like me, I would advise ye to head on back and set things straight. In sewing and in relationships, it's best to mend rifts quickly, before they have a chance to grow any bigger." Hoisting herself to her feet, she turned and gave me a warm smile. "Take care, dear."
I watched her hunched back as she made her way down the snowy road. After listening to her, I found that my anger had all melted away. It was replaced with the resolve to make amends with Jellal. Whispering a thank you in my heart to the wise old woman, I began to head back to the inn.
Unfortunately, I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going when I left. Now, trying to find my way back was proving to be a little more difficult than I'd anticipated. As I turned down another snowy alleyway, I noticed several cold flakes brush my cheeks. Looking up, I saw that the sky was dotted with white. Clicking my tongue in irritation, I hurried on. The last thing I needed was to be lost in the snow.
As the minutes ticked by, I found myself no closer to a street I recognized. The snowflakes only continued to grow in size and frequency, and I was getting worried. However, as I stopped under an eave to rub my freezing hands, my worries expanded to include the four men that closed in on me.
"Well well, what do we have here?" one of them leered, deliberately looking me up and down. "What's a sweet little thing like you doing out so late? And all alone, at that. Are you lost?" The look in his eyes was enough to set my blood boiling. Pushing off from the wall I'd been leaning against, I made to brush past them.
"And where do you think you're going, sweetie? Let us walk you home. I'm sure we can warm you up in no time." Their hungry laughter grated against my ears as they stepped in front of me to block my path.
"Leave me alone," I growled. When one of the men tried to reach for my wrist, I slapped his hand away.
Whistling, he turned to his companions. "Ooh, looks like this one's got some bite. I bet she'll be fun."
As they reached for me, I reached for my sword. Of course, it didn't appear. Too late, I realized the disadvantage I had. "Let me go!" I screamed as I thrashed in their grip. Hot tears stung the backs of my eyes as I struggled to get away. Was I really this useless without my weapons? Jellal! Please…help!
No sooner had my desperate wish formed in my mind than I heard a familiar voice ringing out. "Let her go, now."
"Jellal!" I cried, straining my neck to see him past the ring of men around me. He was standing under a streetlamp, his golden eyes glowing as rage burned within. It was the most welcome sight I could imagine.
"Oho?" the one who had tried to grab me first hummed in annoyance. "And who do you think you are?"
"Her boyfriend." As soon as the words left his lips, he rushed at the men so fast they didn't have time to react. A cry of shock was all they had time for as he delivered well-aimed punches to their jaws. Within seconds, they were all lying unconscious at my feet.
I turned to Jellal with a lump in my throat. As our eyes met, a tear slid down my cheek in relief. "Jellal, I'm so sorry—"
Before I could finish, he pulled me into his arms and crushed me against his chest. "It's fine," he murmured thickly into my hair. "I'm here now. I won't let you go." Scooping me up into his arms, he carried me back to the inn. While part of me wanted to protest, I decided to humor him. After all, it was my damn pride that had landed me in that situation, to begin with.
Once we were safely back in the room, he set me down on the bed and placed his hands on either side of me. "Are you alright?" he asked me gently. His eyes were so concerned, so loving that it made more tears spill from my eyes. Unable to speak, I merely nodded as I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his face down to mine. When our lips parted, he wiped away my tears with his fingers. "I'm so sorry, Erza." Turning tormented eyes on me, he pressed his forehead against my chest. "I can't imagine how hard it is for you, not having your magic. I shouldn't have been so insensitive earlier. You have every right to be angry and afraid, but that doesn't mean you're weak. My desire to protect you comes from my love. Even before you lost your magic, I wanted to protect you. I know you're strong. You're the strongest fighter I know. I've never looked down on you, or seen you as anything less than my equal. However, you are the most precious thing in the world to me. I can't not want to protect you, especially now that there's someone out there who wants you dead." He brought his face up again and looked me square in the eyes. His gaze was so passionate that my breath caught in my throat. "Please understand."
With a watery smile, I pressed my lips to his and let him taste my love. "I do understand," I whispered, pulling away. As I met his gaze, my smile became firm. "I've realized a few things in the past hour. Firstly, I've been selfish. I was so caught up in my feelings of uncertainty and uselessness that I didn't even try to understand how you must be feeling. I allowed myself to foolishly think that my concern for Lucy was greater than your concern for me. I was utterly unreasonable with you, and for that I am so, so sorry. I want to protect Lucy…but I also want to protect you. And it's not because you're weak; it's because I love you. It was stupid of me to think that it would be any different for you." I looked away with a self-deprecating smile. "I guess I'm just not used to not being on my own. I'm still new at this whole love thing, after all. So…please forgive me."
Jellal slid his fingers under my chin and turned my face toward his. "There's nothing to forgive. We're both just trying to figure things out and doing the best we can. Of course we'll make mistakes, but that's how we grow." With a loving smile, he leaned close and pecked me on the lips. "Besides, now's the part where we kiss and make up, right?"
I laughed as he leaned in to plant more kisses on my mouth. "We already did, remember?"
"Hmm," he replied huskily, pushing me slowly back onto the bed. "I can't quite remember." As his fingers traced my hipbones through my pants, I was more grateful than ever to have fallen in love with such an understanding man.
"Thank you, Jellal," I whispered against his neck. "Thank you for protecting me when I was too prideful to see my own weakness."
"I told you, didn't I?" He glanced up at me through his eyelashes, slowly planting a deliberate kiss over my heart as his gaze held mine. "I will always protect you. So please, if there's anything on your mind, or if you ever need to talk about something, please don't hesitate to let me know. I want us to be honest with each other."
With a soft smile, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. "Alright. Total honesty from here on out. So…did you ever get the call from Gray?"
Nipping my nose, he grinned down at me. "Not five minutes after you left, he called to tell me they're both safe. They were having a date night, apparently."
With a groan of embarrassment, I let my head fall back against the mattress. Of course I had overreacted so spectacularly over nothing. "I'm an idiot," I mumbled, hiding my face in my hands.
Laughing softly, Jellal moved my hands away from my face. "Mm, I can think of other words that better describe you." He kissed my jaw and murmured, "For example, kind." His lips slid to my throat next. "And compassionate." Next, they moved across my collar bone. "And determined." As his lips moved down my chest, his fingers worked on unbuttoning my shirt. "Strong." My back arched into his touch as his mouth sucked hotly on the swell of my right breast. "Resilient." His hot kisses trailed down my stomach, leaving a wet trail of fire from my sternum to my navel. "And utterly, completely gorgeous." As he brought his lips back up to meet mine, I was willing to believe that anything was possible, as long as Jellal was by my side.
