A/N: Thank you everyone for you kind words and congratulations. We appreciate them.
And to the Guest who had a friend shot, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am humbled that my stories can help you a little during this time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
-AR
Emily starts to pack her new extreme weather gear under the watchful eye of her son. He frowns as he plays with her thick gloves.
"Big, Mama."
Emily smiles at him. "Yes, they are. Hopefully they will be warm, too. Otherwise I'll be a frozen Mama popsicle!" she says with a chuckle.
He grins. "No! Mama no be a popsicle."
"Not even a grape one?" He shakes his head. "Well, okay, then let's hope everything I bought will keep me nice and warm."
Henry nods. "Si, Mama. Warm."
She takes her gloves from him and tucks them into the duffel bag that will go with her to Iqaluit. Her main suitcase will be left at a hotel in Montreal. She will have to stay overnight in Montreal on Tuesday and continue to Nunavut on Wednesday. Arrangements had been made to leave her suitcase there and just take a few things north. After she zips the bag she sits down on the bench and pulls Henry into her lap.
"Want to know something pretty cool about where I'll be?" Henry nods eagerly. "It's where the magnetic north pole is. That is where- -"
"SANTA LIVES!" Henry says excitedly.
Emily studies his eyes a moment and sees the joy and wonder alive in them. So much for a quick nerdling lesson in the poles. She smiles and kisses his cheek.
"That's right. Santa lives at the North Pole. Now, I figure he and I will be pretty busy but if I bump into him should I tell him you and Rocky are being good?"
Henry nods. "Si! Henry and Rocky very good, Mama! Promise!"
She hugs him close. "Good boy. I will put in a good word for you then."
"Okay. And you and Mommy been good, too. Should get pre'ents, too."
Emily grins. "I'll make sure he knows."
Henry frowns a minute, thinking. Emily waits until he finally looks at her.
"Will Santa find me?"
"Santa knows a lot of things, Henry. I promise he will find you at your Daddy's house." Henry frowns, still not convinced. She strokes a hand through his hair. "Tell you what? I promise to track him down while I am up there and tell him myself."
Henry's eyebrows rise in excitement. "Really? You promise?"
"I most certainly do, Champ. I will make sure Santa knows just where to find you."
Henry gives her a big hug. "Love you, Mama."
"I love you, too, Champ. Very, very much."
"Any chance you love, Mommy, too?" JJ asks from the doorway, where she had watched the entire conversation.
Henry hops out of Emily's arms and runs to JJ. "Hi, Mommy! I love you, too."
JJ lifts him up. "Good. Because I love you so much." She peppers his face with kisses.
He giggles and squirms. "Mommy silly!"
"Oh I am, am I? Well guess what?"
"What?"
"I might be silly but you are ticklish!"
Henry squeals as JJ sets him down and starts to tickle him. After a second he stiffens.
"Uh oh!"
JJ lets him go and he runs for the bathroom down the hall. He stops just before he gets there, his shoulders slumping. JJ winces.
"Oh, Henry. I am so sorry," she says.
He slowly turns and shrugs. "Acc'dent, Mommy. Mama say happens."
JJ walks up to him. "Yes, honey, it does. And when I tickled you it happened because that can even happen to adults."
"Like you?"
"Yep, even like me."
"You gots pull-ups?"
JJ chuckles. "Nope. So for me it is even more embarrassing. Come on, I will help you get cleaned up and changed."
As they walk into the bathroom, JJ looks over her shoulder and sees Emily standing in the doorway of the bedroom. The brunette gives her wife an encouraging smile, knowing JJ has come home early to make absolutely sure Emily's health is stable enough for the trip into the frozen north.
"But, Emily, what if you- -"
Emily takes her wife's hands and stares into her eyes. "Jennifer, I will be fine! The headaches don't come as frequently now. All of us have old injuries that will hate the cold. And I am sure Iqaluit has a doctor or two on the off-chance I do have a bad headache or something."
JJ studies her wife a moment then shakes her head. "I just…I'm having…you push yourself too hard sometimes, Em. Why not let Morgan go? He can- -"
"DAMN IT, JEN! I am NOT going to have this argument with you! Stop coddling me! I will be fine."
Emily turns and storms off towards the bathroom. JJ, furious, follows her. "Don't you DARE walk away from me spouting off how you'll be fine! How many times have you run yourself into the ground on a case? How many times have you been carted off on a stretcher? How many- -"
"I'm going to read PAPERWORK! The worst POSSIBLE injury I can get is a fucking PAPERCUT!" Emily shouts, stopping her wife's rant.
"And you're going out to see some of the sites! Geezus, Emily, have you thought about what could happen out there? Freezing temperatures, wild animals, a fucking KILLER!"
"Who is most likely in Minnesota where YOU will be!" Emily points out.
"Yeah, well…maybe…but…damn you! That doesn't change the dangers you face going up there!"
"Oh, so I should stay in the States and risk Derek dying in my place? Or Reid? Or Rossi? Tell me, Jen, who should risk their life reading reports to make you feel better?"
JJ's eyes narrow. "That's NOT a fair question!"
"The hell it isn't! You're saying I should stay here so who should go there? If it's as dangerous as you seem to think who should go in my place?"
"I don't…I didn't mean…FUCK! You can be so DAMN infuriating at times!"
"And you can be selfish! Why the hell am I suddenly not able to do my job? When did I get so fucking weak in your eyes?"
JJ looks stunned. "I didn't say you were weak, Emily. Far from it! I said you tend to not stop when you should. You don't take care of yourself the way you should. And you have 4 kids who want you around, not to mention a wife who wants you around."
Emily shakes her head. "Don't you dare try to guilt me using the kids. Or you! That's not fair, Jen. Don't you remember what destroyed Hotch and Hailey's marriage? The same kind of shit you're pulling on me right now. I am GOING to Nunavut. And I will see you either in St. Paul or Quantico in a few days. Case. Closed!"
Emily turns her back on her wife. JJ studies the brunettes back a moment, still pissed even though she knows Emily is right.
"Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want," JJ mutters as she turns and walks out of the bathroom.
Emily grabs her toothbrush and starts to put some paste on it. Her hands are shaking so much she just throws both things back down on the counter and leans back against the wall. She runs her hands through her hair, trying to figure out what to say to get through to her wife. She had tried talking. Talking had turned to yelling. Cussing had started. And finally ended with anger, cussing and completely not hearing each other.
"Shit," she mumbles.
She pushes off the wall and walks into the bedroom. She is surprised that JJ is not there. She checks both kids' rooms but still no JJ. After clearing the top floor of the house she moves to the middle level. Still no JJ. She raises an eyebrow and goes to the basement. She finds JJ walking swiftly on the treadmill.
"Jennifer…it's late. Just…come to bed."
"No. I'm too mad."
Emily sighs. "Fine. But while you're down here working through your tantrum ask yourself how you would feel if I treated you the way you've just treated me. I'm not a porcelain doll, Jennifer. And I won't be treated like one."
Emily turns and marches back up the stairs. JJ stays on the treadmill a few more minutes, imagining this argument with the roles reversed. Finally she hits the stop button and leans over on the control pad.
"I'd kick her fucking ass," JJ admits to herself. "Jennifer Prentiss it has been a long, long time since you were this wrong and this fucking stubborn about it. Get your head out of your ass and apologize. Don't let her leave with this chasm between you."
JJ takes a deep breath and heads upstairs to eat a large serving of crow. She isn't surprised to hear the TV on in the living room, knowing Emily would have to calm down before even trying to sleep. JJ walks to the doorway and stares at the stony countenance of her wife.
"Hi," she says, and immediately realizes how dumb that sounds.
Emily slowly turns to look at the blonde. She sees the shame haunting the blue eyes. "Hi."
"If you ever talked to me or…or ordered me not to do my job I would so kick your ass. I would feel like crap that you thought so little of me." She walks over and sits on the coffee table in front of her wife. "And then I would expect you to get your head out of your ass, admit you were very, very wrong, and apologize." She reaches and takes Emily's hands in her own. "I am so, so sorry, Emily. Everything you said was right. I was being selfish and childish and completely unfair to you and to the team, even. I shouldn't have used the kids against you and I should trust that you know your limits. You have been so good about not pushing yourself. Well, maybe you pushed a little past the limit while you ran that task force." Emily nods in agreement. "But for the most part you have lived the promise you made to me and our children and our families after your coma. Truth is, I am scared because I won't be there to watch over you and neither will anyone else from the team. I just feel like…like you being alone means something will happen and I'll have no way to help you. I hate it."
"Jennifer, nothing bad will happen to me. Do you know how hard it is for me to go up there and leave you knowing you are going to be where the killer is most likely hunting? But I trust you and I trust the team. That's all I can do."
JJ nods. "I know it's hard for you. I swear I do. But I have the team. You're soloing. It…it fucking terrifies me, Em." She takes a deep breath. "But I know you are the best person on the team to do what needs to be done. You'll understand the medical reports, you'll ask the right questions, you'll see the signs in the land that gives us an idea who this guy is. And you'll do it all without making the RCMP feel like the FBI is trying to say we know the job better than them." She grins. "You're more like your mother than you want to admit."
Emily raises an eyebrow. "You're apology just took a nosedive."
JJ smiles. "Emily, I was wrong. I am so, so sorry. You have my full support for what you are doing on this case."
Emily lets out a long sigh. "Thank you, Jen. I didn't want to leave with this…this shit between us but I thought your stubborn streak was going full steam ahead on it."
JJ grins. "It kind of was. Then you made an effort and I acted like a shit. I did what you said and turned the conversation around. I am so sorry I hurt you, Em, because I know that's what I did. Please say you can forgive me?"
Emily pulls JJ over onto her lap. "I'll forgive you this time, Jen. But if you do this to me again I won't."
JJ nods. "Understandable." She rests her head on Emily's shoulder. "But…if a polar bear eats you can I tell you I told you so?"
Emily bursts out laughing. "You are such a twisted woman, Jennifer Prentiss."
"I know. But I hope you love me anyway."
Emily lifts JJ's chin and stares into her eyes. "I love you more than words can say."
The two share a tender kiss. When it ends, JJ strokes a hand down her wife's cheek.
"So…any chance I can take you upstairs and give you some memories to keep you warm?"
Emily smiles and nods. "I think that sounds like a perfect idea, Mrs. Prentiss."
JJ stands and extends her hand to her wife. Emily turns off the TV and stands. Their fingers entwine as they make their way upstairs for a farewell celebration that lasts for a couple hours.
Tuesday morning Emily gives Henry a big hug. "So, I promise to speak with Santa while I am up north. And I will call you tonight from the hotel. But after tonight I may have a hard time getting back in touch with you. It will kind of depend on work, okay?"
Henry nods. "Okay. Mommy not going?"
Emily shakes her head. "Nope. I am going all alone up to the cold North Pole."
Henry steps back and stares at his mama a moment. "Be back!" He turns and races for the stairs.
"Hey! Henry, wait!" Emily calls but Henry doesn't stop. Emily looks at her wife who just shrugs. Emily moves to Rocky. "So, will you be a good girl while I'm gone, sweet girl?"
Rocky smiles. "Si, Mama, Rock good!"
Emily smiles broadly. "Wonderful! Wow, Rock, that was pretty much a complete sentence. Good girl!"
Rocky smiles and gives Emily a big kiss on the cheek. Emily hugs her close.
"I love you, Rocky. I will talk to you tonight and see you in a few days, okay?"
"'Kay, Mama. Love Mama."
Emily hugs and kisses her once more then stands up with her, handing her off to JJ. "I think Mommy wants a hug and kiss bye-bye, too, Rocky."
Rocky smiles. "Love Mommy!"
"I love you, too, Rocky," JJ says as she hugs and kisses their daughter.
A second later they hear Henry's measured steps coming down the stairs. Emily walks over to meet him. She frowns in confusion when she sees what he has. He extends his arms to her and she picks him up off the third step.
"Here, Mama, to keep you warm and not lonely," he says, offering her Bear-Bear.
Emily's eyes tear up. "But won't you need Bear-Bear to sleep?"
Henry shrugs. "I love Bear-Bear. But Mama need him. I gots Ska and Tiger."
Emily holds him close. It takes her a second to collect her emotions enough to speak. "Thank you, Henry. This is the best going away present I've ever been given. I promise to bring him back to you safe and sound in a few days."
"He keep you warm?"
Emily leans back and looks in her son's eyes. "He'll keep me so warm I might need to wear shorts in the snow."
Henry giggles, knowing that is silly. He hugs her. "Love you, Mama."
"I love you, too." She turns and sees Jen has put Rocky in the highchair. "Ready to say goodbye, Mommy?"
JJ nods, tears in her eyes at the gesture from their son. "Oh, yeah. Definitely."
Emily hands Henry over and walks over to Francesca. She takes a breath to control her emotions. "I fly to Montreal today. Then tomorrow in a very tight window I fly to Kuujjuag then to Iqaluit. If the weather turns, it could change the flights. I'll let you know if that happens."
"Okay, cara. And coming home?"
Emily sighs. "Same deal in reverse. Truth is, Francesca, if the weather gets really bad I could get stuck there for who knows how long."
Francesca sighs. "I see. And does Jennifer know?"
Emily nods, grinning. "Yes, she does. But the kids don't. I swear I will try to stay in contact with them as much as I can. If the satellite phone has issues I will call collect. Promise me you'll accept the charges," she begs with a wink.
Francesca chuckles. "Of course, cara. Now, you be safe. Watch out for wild teddy bears."
Emily holds up her stuffed companion. "This is the only one I plan to cuddle with. Promise."
"Em, I think your car just arrived," JJ says.
Emily glances over her shoulder. "Okay. Thanks, Jen." She looks back at Francesca. "Give them a hug and kiss for me every night."
"You know I will, cara." She kisses Emily on the cheek. "Ti amo, cara."
'Ti amo, Francesca." Emily gives her a hug and kiss then turns to her wife. "Walk me out?"
"Of course."
Emily kisses both her children once more. JJ takes her wife's hand and walks her to the door. She watches as Emily slides Bear-Bear into her briefcase. The doorbell is rung and JJ opens it to let in the driver. He takes Emily's suitcase and duffel bag to the car. Emily pulls JJ close.
"I will text you when I land. After I get checked into the hotel I'll let you know my room number. Promise me you'll be safe in Minnesota."
"I promise. You promise to be safe at Santa's."
Emily grins. "I promise."
The two share a strong hug and deep kiss. Then, like pulling off a Band-Aid, Emily steps away from her wife, grabs her purse and briefcase, and is out the door. From the curb she waves once more then climbs in the sedan. JJ watches until the taillights turn the corner. She sighs.
Why the hell is she so unsettled about Emily going off on her own?
"Get over it, Prentiss," she mutters to herself. "She'll be fine. Go to work so you can help her and the team find this guy. The sooner you do, the sooner she is in your arms again."
She closes the door and goes to grab her briefcase, trying to follow her own advice. But her feeling of unease doesn't seem like it will abate anytime soon.
