Author's Note: So, we're supposed to believe that Alice tells Tarrant she'll miss him when she wakes up, Tarrant makes a confused face, and then they stare off into the distance and that's that? Well, I can't believe that, so here comes my addition to the balcony scene. This was also originally going to be the final chapter of this very scattered ficlet. And it may still be the end if my muse never takes the wonderful ideas thrown out to me by Manniness (who also beta'd this chapter for me) and does anything useful with them. So, my apologies if 1. this is the end and you feel it unsatisfying or 2. if it takes a while before my muse returns from my other forthcoming story to this one.
Moonlit Remembrance
The silence that now existed was only on the outward. For on the inside, Tarrant's reason was screaming for him to say something. I'll miss you when I wake up. Her words reverberated loudly in his ears and a voice shouted to him not to miss an opportune moment. I'll miss you when I wake up. What more of an invitation did he need? "I'll miss me too when you wake up." As soon as he had said it, Tarrant was painfully certain that was not at all the thing his reason had wanted him to say. It sounded too mad!
Alice stood up straight and looked at him curiously, noting what seemed to be slight embarrassment in his features. "You know, I hadn't thought of it that way." Her response surprised him. "If I wake up, it would mean you couldn't go on existing doesn't it?" She pondered it for a moment. On the one hand, it only made sense that he would no longer be able to roam through Underland being delightfully mad if she were to wake up. On the other hand, he already claimed he had existed many years without her even remembering having dreamed him before. Suddenly, there was a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Confusion gripped Alice as she turned her gaze towards the balcony floor and furrowed her brow.
The Hatter hadn't meant to break the silence in such a way, but Alice didn't seem to think worse of him for it. In fact, her face seemed to betray that many Thoughts were hard at work behind her eyes. Tarrant felt a twinge of hope that perhaps she was close to remembering something. "I…I…think I should have said…" he stuttered a little before finding a bit of sanity to grasp onto, "I'll miss you too when you wake up."
The previous discomfort Alice had been feeling vanished and she immediately looked back at him. Now, more than ever, she didn't want to wake up. She didn't want to lose him. Even with his madness, he was perfect. Maybe it was his madness that made him perfect. She couldn't really say. She only knew she had never met anyone so committed to a cause besides her father. They had called Charles Kingsleigh mad, but he hadn't been. Not really. Yet, here was Tarrant Hightopp who was mad and he still managed to stay devoted to his duty.
And here I am not even willing to slay a Jabberwocky that can't even hurt me because it's just a dream. All of a sudden, Alice's thoughts took a drastic turn. Now she had to wake up. More than ever she wanted to escape. She wanted to escape piercing green eyes that could unknowingly persuade her to be the Champion if she looked into them any longer. But she couldn't look away and each second brought at least ten new untamed thoughts to her mind.
"Alice?" Tarrant hated the look of fear that had taken hold of her face. She was the Champion of Underland. She was supposed to have muchness not worries. He very slowly reached out his hands and cupped her face just as she had done for him.
As if proving she really was half-mad like Tarrant, this gesture brought her mind back to the moment. The only thought that remained was the White Queen having told her to share happy thoughts with those they were about. "You frighten me in a way I have never been frightened," Alice quickly grabbed onto his wrists so that he couldn't recoil. It was obvious he had already misinterpreted what she meant so she hurried to explain. "You are the most vivid dream I have ever had and more frightful than all the others. But it's only because you're more wonderful than all the others. I'm afraid of waking up and losing you."
She paused, seeing even in the dark of night, the way his eyes brightened until they seemed to glow. This only reminded her of what she wanted to say next, which wasn't quite as happy. "But I'm also afraid I don't deserve you. Absolem said I'm only almost Alice. You deserve the Alice. She's the one who would see to it your duty does not fail. You do not know how much I admire you for your strength and devotion," she finally brought herself to admit it in spite of how much it made her want to be just as strong and devoted to becoming the Alice, a realization that really did scare her.
Alice, of course, did not realize that the only duty Tarrant now felt was right there in his very hands. He thought hard about what he could possibly say to her. Thankfully, the touch of her held any madness at bay so he could think sanely enough. "I'm not as strong as you think," he sighed as he used one hand to stroke one of her curls, something he had wanted to do since the Chesire Cat had brought her to the tea party, before returning the hand to where it had been on her cheek. He recalled the way he had thought of abandoning the cause just to see her again and he didn't want her thinking more of him than she ought, especially if it meant she was thinking less of herself. "I had very slurvish thoughts of you, Alice," his eyes darkened with shame.
"Slurvish?" Alice didn't quite understand, but something about the way he said it made her heart leap even though he seemed ashamed.
"Aye, very selfish thoughts of you," his voice was low and a hint of brogue had appeared. "There were times I only wanted to live to see you again. I almost forgot my duty altogether."
"Hatter, I'm sorry," Alice was pricked with guilt, yet her heart beat somewhat faster at what his words implied.
"No," Tarrant shook his head quickly. "Don't ever be sorry." He leaned forward just a little more so their foreheads were nearly touching. "Even if you don' slay the Jabberwock, don' ev'r be sorry. You're still the Alice. Nay, you're more than tha'. You're my Alice."
There it was again, that feeling of desire that had come over her in the Red Queen's dressing room. And here she was now her right-proper Alice size. But she wondered if she should restrain herself or, better yet, run? After all, it was just a dream and one can't love a dream can they? She certainly didn't want to end up like her poor, delusional Aunt. However, Alice decided she didn't care anymore. This was her dream and, for once, any fear of it was completely gone as she looked deeply into the Hatter's eyes.
"I make the path," she whispered before she gathered what muchness she had in her and kissed him. A crazy, mad, wonderful kiss was the only way it seemed to Alice it could be described as. Then, for a brief moment, an image of Tarrant laughing joyfully, amidst a wonderful tea party, flashed within her mind causing her to pull away. "I have dreamed of you before!" she suddenly exclaimed. She looked at him as though it was the first time she'd truly seen him in a very long time. "I remember you, Tarrant. I remember! I know I've dreamed you before," she could hardly contain her joy. She wished she could conjure up more images and details from past dreams, but it didn't really matter because now she was certain she'd met him in dreams before. Perhaps those had been the nights she hadn't felt the need to pinch herself, she considered.
Hearing her, Tarrant nearly broke his vow to not Futterwacken until Frabjous Day. At the moment, he didn't even care that she was still convinced it was all a dream. All that he could think about was that she remembered him! And she had kissed him! This sent him over the edge and a different kind of madness took control as his lips met hers again, her own madness agreeing with the action wholeheartedly.
And with that, all Thoughts of duties and dreams were banished and even Time obliged to temporarily stop again so their crazy, mad, wonderful kiss could last longer than any kiss in any world ever had.
You know, maybe all I had to do was go ahead and post this. Because now, I feel the muse returning. Suddenly, it seems to makes sense to me what to do next. Oh, I love inspiration. Again, a very big thanks to Manniness :) Oh, and in the book, when Alice first arrives at the Tea Party, Tarrant does reach out to touch her hair, but then recoils. So that's where that bit comes from.
