As the title suggests this story goes into a very dark place. So if you do want to travel into the scary woods please take her gun with you
I honestly have no idea how long this will go.
I'm no good at this. Angst that is.


"You don't even get to speak to me. Don't even try. Not after what you did to my girl" Lanie says in a voice filled with anger and contempt

The two are riding in the back of the morgue transport vehicle

"Are you not even going to hear me out?"

"NO! You have no right to even speak with me"

"Did she even tell you what I found?"

"What do you mean? FOUND! What did you find?"

"Oh I see how it is. She didn't tell you everything, did she?"

"She told me that you couldn't respect her wishes and stay away from her mother's case. She asked you to leave it alone but you just kept digging into it anyway"

"Did she tell you about the evidence that I discovered?"

"Evidence? Discovered? What did you discover?"

From that statement I can tell that she has not told her best friend about the information I gave to her. I suppose I deserved that recoil from Lanie. I just wanted to help Kate. I just wanted to give her some form of hope, some relief from her pain.

If I can give her some relief, then maybe she will be willing to give me some relief. Oh how I want her to give me relief. If I can just get her in my bed, everything will be perfect. Since we already share so much. Wait. I am not sure that is what I want anymore from her


#*#*#*#

In Kate's Eyes

Why can't he just leave it alone? All that man does is try harder and harder to irritate me. He brings in a forensic professional to look into my mother's case. The case I had decided to try to move on from. But NO he had to dig deeper and deeper and cause me more pain.

I guess he doesn't care that it brings me pain. Well I will bring him pain as well. He will have to find some other woman cop to follow around. Maybe she will have less of a back story for him to use.

My hope for whomever he selects next is that he is more interested in following her for cases than he seems to be in interested in getting into her pants.

The release party for the Nikki Heat book is finally here. That means that soon after today I will be rid of him for good.

OH! Wait, Captain Montgomery just told me that he is going to write another book and I am stuck with him for another long extended period of time.. HOW long must I tolerate him?

When I finally gathered the nerve to ask about the book I was in for a shock. He said the next book is NOT Nikki Heat but he is being asked to re launch a spy thriller

I don't understand my own feelings. I thought I was going to be glad to get him out of my hair, but I actually felt my heart sink into my stomach when he told me he is leaving.

For some strange reason my heart is wanting him to stay. What is wrong with me?

Then my heart skips a beat when I find out he has been asked to continue Nikki Heat. Part of me is glad, part of me is frustrated. Deep down! I am really glad he is still going to be here. I don't understand what is wrong with me

The cases came and the cases went. I guess I have to accept that he has helped solve several of them. I really don't want to admit it, but he has been a good partner to me. He has stood by me on so many occasions. He has even saved my life a time or two

Actually more than twice

But Then IT happened.

We discovered the man who killed my mother. The hit man. The one who was hired to put his knife into her body and take her away from this earth and from me

The man who did not care that he drained the life blood from her. Did not care that he took her life but he destroyed mine as well and took my dad down a pit into the hell of alcoholism

The writer was there for me again. He made it happen. He provided the money it took to make the discovery and he almost gave his life in doing so. Coonan wanted to kill him but I couldn't let that happen.

I killed the man who took my mother from me before I was able to get the information I needed from him. I had to make a choice. Either get the information from Coonan or let him kill my…what is he anyway? My tag-along? My partner?

My friend?

It was at the moment I pulled the trigger I realized how important he had become to me. He really has become important to me. I finally admitted to him that I liked having him around. I want him there when I find the person who ordered my mom's murder. He has become someone that important in my life. A real friend to me.

That's why I can't let my feelings go any deeper when it comes to him. But it is getting harder and harder every day. I have to pull back and keep him at arms length. Having men friends helps me to do that.


#*#*#*#

Castle's View

I am still in need of relief but I have come to believe that the mind less sex and empty relationships are not really the answer. I gave up on the booze some time ago. It is not helping and a short fling with some ex-sex just proved that there has to be something else to fill that cavity

I have noticed something about her. When we are working a case, we seem to get into a zone where I feel her inside my head. I start thinking about a solution to the crime and I find her inside me. While she is in there I feel relief from my hurt.

She seems to take away my emptiness at least for the time while we are connected. I laugh about it because the boys see it and they are always commenting about us doing this linked brain thing.

But then the Coonan case occurred. I couldn't tell her why I was so ready to help get the assassin. I wanted answers from him but she killed him before answers could come.

I wished he had just killed me too

#*#*#*#


Kate's View

Then we get a call that sends us into a new direction. He calls her Nikki Heat

I get a call from a murderer who is determined to make us chase him down before he kills again. His first victim has 5 bullet wounds with carvings of letters on the projectile. They spell "NIKKI"

Then the second victim has four and this time "WILL"

The FBI showed up to take over and he found a new muse in the agent. Jordan Shaw. More brains and beauty for him to be around.

But I have a problem. I actually felt jealous when he started following her. WHY?

When the third and final victim was found the words "BURN" finished the message.

This guy wants to kill me


#*#*#*#

In Rick's Mind

I found myself wanting to protect my muse more than my prior desire of sex. I am not sure what happened but I find myself felling different toward her now

We found a suspect that we all thought was the perpetrator of the killings but he killed himself before we could arrest him.

Then I realized he was still at large and determined to kill HER. I rushed to her place to warn her. I watched as her apartment was destroyed in a bomb blast.

I felt my insides burn with pain and I rushed in to try and save her. When I entered her place my only desire was her safety. I found her naked in her bathtub. The tub had saved her life. But something changed inside me and I don't understand. This was my perfect chance to see her in all her naked glory and I turned away. I wanted to respect her modesty. I was actually embarrassed that she was naked.

WHY did I feel that way? For over a year I wanted to get her naked and now she is there and I had the chance to look but…

I didn't

I feel different now. Different about the relief I have been seeking. What I wanted from her before was what I have wanted from all the other women. Their body. Just their body and nothing else.

But now, for some reason I feel different. She has actually given me something else. Something different. She has given me friendship and that is filling me with a certain level of relief

If I can find relief in friendship, her friendship I may be able to survive until that day I find my answer