Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.
I won't be inspired to do any more unless I get ten more reviews people. So review and I'll give you a bomb! I mean a cookie.
I mean a bomb.
By the way, if you like Lord of the Rings AT ALL I wrote a fanfic called The Grey Ship, and I think it's the best written of all my fanfics, and I'd be much oblidged if you'd check that out.
Enjoy!
The Continued Torturement of Minerva McGonagall in the form of the "Never Agains" of Hogwarts
Specifically Directed to the Marauders and/or Weasley Twins
Established by Minerva McGonagall
151. Inferi are not to be brought into the school and introduced to Mrs. Norris.
152. Mr. Filch is not to be given catnip. With Mrs. Norris it's amusing, but with Mr. Filch, it weird.
153. Number 12, Awesome Place does not exist.
154. Stop following Mr. Diggory around with glitter, randomly shaking some on him and shouting, "Oh my god, he sparkles!"
155. Enticing Mr. Pettigrew with cheese and then forcing him to do embarrassing things has ended up with him in mental therapy.
156. The Broomstick incident counts.
157. Mr. Potter, you are not allowed to sing that Ms. Evans is a "California Gurl", because that song is quite sexist and annoying.
158. Mr. Weasley, ask Ms. Johnson to the Yule Ball already and stop sending her love letters in the form of unicorns.
159. Said unicorns cannot speak, and dressing yourself up as one to tell me how much you WANT to speak to Ms. Johnson is disturbing.
160. Forcing Mr. Snape and the giant squid to have a grudge match, no wands permitted, is extremely illegal.
161. Zac Efron music is NOT allowed is this castle. On any grounds. I will likely use an Unforgivable Curse on you if it happens. Yes, Azkaban is worth it.
162. Don't stand on the staircase, wait for Mr. Diggory to come down, and shout, "Look, there's Cedric! In this series, he dies, and actually STAYS DEAD!"
163. Although I must admit that it is pretty amusing.
164. Do not attach a collar to Professor Lupin that says, "If found, return to Tonks."
165. Locking me in a cupboard with Ms. Evans brings out the temper of both of us. What did you expect to happen?
166. Don't answer that question.
167. My office is not your playground. Or Peeves' playground, so stop letting him in.
168. Inviting your parents and older siblings to Hogwarts to hold a nine-part harmony to not appropriate. Plus, Charlie just cannot sing.
169. The Muggle movie Titanic is just too long to show on a projector in one class period. And besides, Professor Binns would notice that, at least.
170. After watching you force Mr. Lupin to wear a French maid's outfit in the middle of History of Magic and get up and dance disco style, I must concede defeat.
171. You really should get help for your chocolate problem, Mr. Lupin.
172. References to Muggle manga pass right by Mr. Longbottom, Mr. Weasleys'. He does not know of Naruto.
173. Grass is green. Not violet. Keep that in mind next time you try redecorating the girls' dormitory.
174. Taking off Mr. Snape's trousers and making them dance for the Great Hall is just plain wrong in so many ways.
175. Professor Moody does not need a pick me up. Trying to get him to drink out of anything other than his hip flask gets people sent to St. Mungo's.
176. And yes, that includes orange juice.
177. Fang is a coward. Forcing him to face the Hungarian Horntail is plain mean.
178. Yes, I know that 1 plus 7 plus 8 equals 16. Your point, exactly?
179. Mr. Orlando Bloom is famous enough in the Muggle world. Quoting an interview where someone said "His breath smells like flowers." is amusing for no more than the first ten times. And yes, I know the interview was real.
180. How I know that I will not divulge.
181. Attempting to build a Muggle roller coaster in the Forbidden Forest angers the centaurs, and Merlin knows we have enough problems with them after the Umbridge incident.
182. You are allowed to make parodies of popular Katy Perry songs, but please do it on your own time, and not in my classroom.
183. Binding and gagging Mr. Snape and feeding him to the Giant Squid isn't going to work, as I'm 95% sure it's a vegetarian.
184. Don't do it anyway, as there is that other 5%.
185. Saying "Why can't Sirius Black just Apparate into the school?" around Ms. Granger gives us teachers migraines, and beside, we're all sick of repeatingly having to tell her no one has read "Hogwarts, A History".
186. Possessing the ability to con the whole school, including Mr. Snape, to dance like an Egyptian continues to astound me.
187. Mr. Filch, despite what you might say, does desire the ability of possessing all ten fingers. You are not allowed to relieve him of the quality.
188. Walking up to Professor Quirrell, stopping, sniffing, saying "What's that smell?" and then staring pointedly at his turban is not recommended.
189. Especially after he takes it off.
190. Boredom inflicts its unwelcome rays on all teenagers. You are not special (in that sense), and you should not take drastic action involving the Muggle Prime Minister and an elephant if boredom inflicts itself upon you.
191. The Hogwarts school library is designed for you to read books, not a place for you to sneak Mr. Lupin on the full moon wearing a ballgown.
192. Like I said, Mr. Lupin, you really need help with that chocolate problem.
193. When you fall asleep, Mr. Weasley, your twin Weasley, whichever one it might be, is not allowed to carry you into my office and leave you there for me to find. You know, both of you are extremely difficult to wake up.
194. Don't make raunchy jokes about that last rule.
195. Trying to Transfigure Fawkes into a toothbrush is a futile effort. It annoys Professor Dumbledore and toothbrushes don't cost that much, people.
196. Peeves does not want to be encased in a giant sphere of bubble gum.
197. Also, I'm disappointed in you Professor Lupin for teaching the twin terrors Waddiwasi.
198. Lying won't help you. I'm afraid you're getting a tampon for Christmas, Remus.
199. Doing the moonwalk in school corridors causes traffic problems and is starting to annoy Ms. Evans.
200. I will win my battle to have you locked up in Azkaban one of these days. I will win!
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