Auron had fallen asleep where he sat by the time I returned from wandering around close by. I could not stray too far from Auron because I never learned any magics besides healing and protection spells. My weak black magic was no match against he caliber of fiends that prowled Macalania Woods at this time of day. But I was sure that I would be helpful in our journey to come. Fiends ran rampant throughout Spira and increased daily as more and more people died by the thrashes of Sin and summoners were not around to perform proper sendings. More people were also victims of unclean deaths as they became frustrated and angry with their way of life. Would Sin ever stop? After your entire family is killed by a creature too powerful for words to fathom, one's simple choice in life is to end it and become a mindless, soulless fiend. The dead's only hope at that point was to be killed again by the hands of a warrior.
Auron was powerful, he was the most powerful, and despite his refusal to concede with the temple's wishes, he would always gain respect as the greatest warrior monk in all of Spira. I was pleased to be at his side, honored to travel these roads with him, however dangerous they might become, and secretly very very happy that I was the recipient of his love.
He noticed that I was standing behind him and looked over his shoulder. "Mae? What are you doing there?"
"Watching you. One of us should always be awake when the other sleeps. You nodded off."
He grunted and stood, shouldering his blade and took a step towards me at the edge of the clearing.
"We should go. They might still catch up with us."
I agreed and we departed for the Thunder Plans.
The following two days where nothing but travel. Crossing the Thunder Plains was a chore by itself as we had to consistently watch for lightning-strikes which were bound to strike open areas despite the ancient lightning rods erected sporadically through the center of the plains. Coming to Guadosalam, we rested only a few hours before proceeding across the Moonflow, and along Mushroom Rock Road where the temple priests has suddenly caught up with us. We dared not try to stand and fight. We were greatly outnumbered and killing a member of the temples was a crime that even we dared not commit. I know that they wanted the sphere we had stolen, they even might have been trying to capture me for engineering our escape and running away as well. Nearing the local Al-Bhed inn, Auron suggested we jump into the deep waters below. Bullets marked our bootprints, catching our loose clothing and sent up clouds of dust along our path. We dived and hid behind a ruin in the water and waited for the temple to give up and for the rain to pound down around us. We were tired and I could barely stay afloat with a bullet in my arm. Auron wrapped a tight arm around my waist and pulled me against him tightly as he held firm to the ruin behind us. His warm breath stained my neck, ponytail ticking my arms, and I gripped the back of his robe around his blade with as much force as I could spare. I could still feel the sphere against my hip in a pocket but with the weight of that and Auron's sword on his back, we could not stay like this for much longer. Bobbing up and down, I finally begged that Auron loosen me so I could try and heal myself. I was weak from lack of recuperative sleep and managed to only pull out the bullet, clot the bleeding, and close the wound; I was not strong enough to heal myself completely. We needed rest, food, clean water. These could all be found in Luca.
Tonight, when we managed to swim far enough to shore and slowly climb back up to the Mi'ihen Highroad, we slept under the stars. Auron kept watch for the night as I felt my magics slowly restore in my body.
Auron told me once that he was not fond of magic as he was of brute strength. He was a warrior, not a healer like me, so this bias came as no surprise. But when he hinted that I was useless, I countered this statement by slashing his hand open with a knife. As he cursed and the blood flowed onto my garment, I took his hand firmly between my own and ordered him to tell me that again.
"Useless, Auron? How many times have you come back to Bevelle and I've healed you? You've let me heal you so how can you say that magics like mine are useless? Can you heal yourself with a blade? Even fire is a form of magic. You cannot cauterize wounds without the fire to heat the blade. But that is an unnecessary pain that I can eliminate with a few words and the grace of Yevon."
I said my spell and it was like he had never been harmed.
"You've made your point, Mae," he huffed. "We need you…. I need you here."
As I now lay at the gates of Luca with Auron watching the Road for nighttime fiends, I smiled. Auron looked down at me as the smile faded and he asked me why I was happy.
"We have no home," he said.
"You sound accusing, Auron. It's your own damn fault."
"I must find another purpose."
I laughed and stood up, stretching. It would be dawn soon. "Not yet. Let's enjoy the freedom while we have it."
"We shouldn't waste time."
"Well do you have a plan?" I stood with firm hands on hips and wide eyes. "Because we can't go back to any of the temples so it's probably best we stay in the city and find work until something better chances upon us."
Auron looked away without demonstrating an ounce of agreement and then started off towards the city that was just awakening for the day. With a sigh, I followed him, realizing that maybe we should have had a plan before leaving the temple. There was not much Auron could do besides becoming a freelancer or a guardian to a summoner. But who would dare put their pilgrimage on the line by hiring a man who defies Yevon's law?
I trailed behind Auron in silence and wondered why he had confessed his sudden love to me and yet never followed it up with any sort of action? We traveled as a master and a servant, even after leaving Bevelle. I tended his small scratches and picked plants that I knew would fill us up for a little while. He only ever nodded a thanks, as if he had forgotten everything that happened prior to now. We acted as if he had never been drunk, had never mindlessly attempted rape, never apologized or said the three words that would make any other woman fall over in a faint. Therefore, when we found lodging in an old couple's basement in the heart of Luca by the stadium, I bared the door with arms out to either side and would not allow Auron to leave.
"What are you doing, Mae? Don't be foolish, let me pass."
"Not until you tell me why you said you loved me."
"Why are you asking this? Let me pass!"
"Then tell me why because nothing's changed and therefore your words hold no meaning for me."
He was visibly shocked. "What? Haven't I protected you? It was my excuse to leave the temple."
"Excuse or reason?"
"Mae…."
I lowered my arms slowly and felt ashamed. I looked down at the floor, observing faint shadows flow across the old wooden floorboards from the light that leaked through up above us. "You would not marry that woman despite the great benefits your position could have given both of us. You say you did not marry because you did not love her, because you claim you love me."
"It is the truth."
"How can I know this to be true unless I feel it in my own heart?" I stepped forward and clutched the edge of Auron's robe in a tight fist with a palm splayed firmly on his chestpiece.
"I will stay by your side as your servant and as your friend. Never as your lover because instability is not something you can afford. There would be too much pain to bear should something awful happen."
"Why do you think like this? We've just come here to start a new life but you already tell me about your fears."
"It's foolish," I said, releasing him but I did not step back. "I beg your pardon."
I studied his face and features drawn from observing too much death and sorrow in Spira's people. I reached out with both hands, applying my palms lightly on his cheeks, parting his lips with a light stroke of my thumb. Hesitant, I kissed him lightly. His own hands rose to peel mine away, closing his eyes as he leaned in for another kiss, deeper than the first, open and welcoming and seeking forgiveness.
He broke away, muttering something about finding breakfast. A faint blush stained his cheeks before he brushed past me, declaring that he would return shortly.
I was tired but my heart was beating too harshly to allow me to take a brief nap. Instead, I sat at the edge of the only cot in the room, watching bugs scuttle from corner to corner of the room, and practiced the little black magic that I knew in hopes that one day, I could be a black mage, a class that I always found slightly more respectable than a healer. I would not forget my white magics, however; they were necessary for Auron's well-being.
I wanted to be more than a servant and despite what I just told him about never wanting to be his lover, I desired more than ever to lay at his side with his lips to mine.
I feared what was to happen next, where we would go, what we would do and most importantly, who we might meet.
For our time in Luca, I could only sit and wait and work menial jobs as Auron trained on the Road, knowing all too well what the man in blue wanted of this fallen monk.
