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Chapter 4.
James
"Price wait up!" I yell.
I can see that she's heard me but she still doesn't slow down. In the end I'm running down the hall after her. Finally catching her arm I manage to spin her around. "Potter what the hell?" she all but yells.
"I was screaming out to you. Didn't you hear me?" Something is up with her though. She looks slightly spaced out. "Price... you alright?"
"I'm fine! I've just got a lot on today. What's up?"
"I just um... I wanted to say that the other night when we were in that chamber... I didn't mean to imply that-"
"Sure you did. I call you James, show you a little support and all of a sudden I want to jump your bones. Well FYI Potter, I don't! I know you better than you think I do and I certainly know that girlfriend of yours!" With this she turns on her heel and starts off down the now empty corridor.
But I can't let it go. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
She whips around to look at me. "It means exactly what you think it does. Your girlfriend's a bitch and you know it... only you're too gutless to cut her loose because you think it'll make you something like your dad!" She hardly takes a breath throughout the entire speech but now that she's done I can see that look of regret on her face.
"So this is your opinion huh?"
At least she has the decently to look embarrassed by her outburst. "I shouldn't have said that. It's a habit I'm trying to break." she all but whispers.
"Don't kid yourself Price! You act on impulse. It's what you do." It's official that I'm seething now. "What do I care what you think of me. I've got my own issues without you dragging me through your shit too."
Looking skyward she shakes her head. "I know Potter. That's just it!" What the hell? "And if you noticed... the other night when you tried to bring them up I was smart enough to pass."
Now I'm feeling a little guilty. She's getting teary. What is up with her at the moment? "I would have listened you know?"
She just nods her head. "Yeah then you would have found some way to deal with it and that's not your role in my life Potter."
Taking a step closer I find myself asking the first thing that pops into my head. "So what is my role?" She stares at me for what seems like forever before she finally answers.
"You're my quidditch captain." Then she turns and walks away, leaving me feeling more disappointed than I should.
"James!" Someone shouts from behind me. Turning I see Lilly coming towards me. "Hey have you seen Mia? I've been trying to find her all day."
"Yeah I saw her on the pitch this morning. You know what she's like... it's how she's coping." Lilly nods once.
"Well she needs to come back up to the castle. We've been summoned to the headmistress's office. So go get her and I'll find Ant."
She's gone before I can argue that I saw Mia hours ago and she's probably off somewhere else by now. Not what I want to do right now Lil!
When I reach the pitch however, Mia is still zooming around. She's so far up that I can only just make out her hair fluttering out behind her. "MIA!" I gesture at her to come down and I watch as she circles the pitch once more before landing gracefully in front of me. I swear she definitely got the best genes when it comes to a broom.
"Is it past curfew already?" she asks in a small voice.
"No no... Lilly said that we've gotta come up to the castle for a quick meeting with Professor McGonagal. You alright to go?"
Her face pales as she looks longingly back at the sky. It's a minute before she speaks again. "All I want to do is fly. I never want to come down anymore James." Her voice cracks and I bend down to give her a hug. "When I'm on the ground everything is awful again and my mind just won't shut up." She's crying into my robes. "What's wrong with me?" I want to kill our father more than ever.
I pull her back to look at her. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing!"
She nods her head before moving back from me. "Let's go. Maybe it'll still be light enough to come back out when we're done." She begins to move ahead of me.
"Maybe." I say quietly, following behind her.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
Antonia
"Mum!" I yell running towards her. Her arms around me feel like something from so long ago, from before... when things were different.
"I've missed you so much." she says into my hair as she gestures for Lilly to come forward from behind me to join our cuddle. "My beautiful girls."
When we were little our mother would stroke our hair until we fell asleep... or at least until she thought we were asleep. I never let myself drift off until I heard my father whisper from the doorway. Even when we got older she would still come in to check on us and brush a stray hair from our cheeks when she thought we were asleep. I'd be able to hear them talking in the kitchen late into the night. His voice and her hands were the last things in my head everyday. Everyday until the night we came home to find our house full of Aurors and our mother wrapped in a blanket on the living room sofa. I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he turned to look at the three of us walking through the front door. It was like he'd forgotten that we were alive. Our appearance was like a burden that he couldn't handle at that moment.
But we were meant to be home at that time. We'd promised Mia that we'd be home from Diagon Alley in time for the quidditch match. We'd said that she couldn't come with us because we'd be home too late... because Dad said that it was better that she stay home. So she had... and she'd hidden under her bed while my our mother screamed in the room beneath her own. That was where our father had found her huddled hours later, under her bed waiting for him. A quick charm had swiped her memory of the worst of that day, leaving her with only the knowledge of what had happened and not the experience itself.
I've thought about that day every single time I look at our mother. Every time I feel her hands or see the scar that runs down the side of her neck. If I had offered to stay home that day with them maybe those death eaters wouldn't have gained the upper hand... maybe my Dad wouldn't have slept with his partner at the ministry... maybe she never would have called my house drunk at the end of the summer... maybe I wouldn't have to see the look in my Mum's eyes right now.
"Mummy!" Mia's call rouses me from my second of revelations. She is wrapped around Mum as fast as she can push Lilly and myself away.
"You've already grown so much... It's only been a couple of months munchkin!" Mum says taking a good look at the inch our youngest sibling has grown in the past weeks. I look up to see James standing in the doorway of the headmistress's office.
Standing up, Mum walks slowly over to him. I'm trying to gauge his expression. I can see anger written all over it, but there are tears too. Before he can let them out however, she lifts her hand to wipe them from the corners of his eyes. "Always trying to be so brave." My brother takes our mother into his arms at that moment and doesn't let her go for a solid minute.
Finally releasing her James notices the rest of us in the room. "How long are you here for?" he asks quietly.
Pulling back from him my mother makes her way over to a cluster of cosy chairs in the corner of the vast office. "Just for the afternoon. I have a lot of things to sort through at home." There is a silence as we all consider what this could mean. "Why don't you all come and sit down and we can have a proper talk about what has happened."
Nodding I am the first to make my way over to our mother. My sisters quickly follow but James remains by the door. "I won't listen to you defend him. I'm telling you now!" he says sharply.
My mother's face remains passive as if he has said nothing. "James sit down."
My hands are shaking. Mine are the only ones and my cheeks flush in embarrassment. Why can't I keep cool!
"I take it that your father has already come to speak with you and I can only imagine what you have been going through the last few days." Her eyes water slightly before she continues. "I'm so sorry that I didn't come sooner... I'm so sorry... for how things have turned out."
"Mum you didn't do anything wrong!" James bursts out. "It's Dad who should be doing the apologising."
"James that's enough!" Lilly says sternly.
"You're defending him?" he asks incredulously.
"Of course not but I do want to hear what Mum came to say!"
Mum smiles at Lilly. "James you need to understand... you all need to understand..." But she can't finish.
"Has Daddy moved out?" Mia's voice is soft and on the verge of tears.
"Yes baby he has."
My little sister nods slightly before going to sit on the seat next to James. "Is that what you came to tell us then?" she asks.
"No. I came to check that you were alright. I came to make sure that you were taking care of one another since I haven't been there to do it for you. I needed to make sure that you were -"
"Mum it's you that we're worried about. How have you been? Who's been looking after you?" says Lilly.
"Maybe we should come home." James says running his hand through his hair.
"Yeah we should be looking after you!" Mia pipes up.
I sit in silence watching my siblings offer to go home. Home? Home is the last place I want to be right now! It's the last place I've wanted to be in a long time!
"No no no! You are all going to stay here. Your Aunt Hermione has been helping me out and things will begin to get better... for all of us... soon. So I don't want you worrying about this alright? I'm the mother and I am the only one who is allowed to worry."
We sit quietly watching our mother struggle to get her words out. If she worries any more there won't be anything of her left. I can see James about to open his mouth again so I finally take charge. "You're right Mum! You don't need to worry about us worrying. We know that everything is going to be OK." My siblings are looking at me like I've gone nuts. "And we are looking after each other. You just need to look after yourself."
"Antoni- " James begins, but he is cut off by Lilly.
" -Ant is right James!"
My mother smiles at me and I feel my eyes filling. But I'm angry! I want her to be the mother! I want her to worry! But I know that it would kill her at the moment. I find my voice again. "I have to go." I say walking over and hugging my mother once more.
"So soon?" she asks brushing my hair back from my face. It sends me reeling back.
"Yeah... I have... an exam. I... have to go!" Then I'm out the door before I can focus on the other faces in the room.
A few metres down the hall I have to lean up against the wall for support. I want to kill someone! I want to kill my father for putting me in this position. I want to kill myself for not being able to fix it!
But before I can catch my breath a voice sounds from behind me. "Where's that luscious sister of yours Potter? Off with your boyfriend I suppose. You should really keep that sharing business under wraps. Some might find it a little... what is the word I'm looking for? Ah yes... Grotesque!" Well at least I won't have to put my hand through the wall. I think as I turn and throw my fist through Scorpius Malfoy's face.
Before he can look up I push him in the chest. "I swear I'll do worse to you than this if you tell anyone you piece of trash!" I sneer at him.
In an instant he's got his wand out and my hands are bound. Wiping the blood from his lip he flicks his wand in my direction again and I feel my own lips seal.
"I find that a spell is often more useful in these situations. Now I think we need to get something straight here. I am not going to tell your sister... because you just did my job for me!" he says calmly as I see Lilly standing outside the room that I just came from. James and Mia are standing behind her. Our mother must have gone by floo.
"Lilly!" I yell as my lips come back to life. But she is turning away from me. "Lilly it's not like that! Lilly!" But she is already down the corridor.
I look up to see Malfoy skulking away and Mia tugging on James robes. He is staring at me with something akin to disgust. "James what's going on?" she whispers. But he ignores her and walks towards me.
"Of all the things to do. Of all the times... you're just like Dad!"
I flinch at his words but manage to face him my anger building. "I am not like him. Ace and Lilly were never together. They were never going to be together. God James you're so damn dense! This isn't a new thing. We've been together since before the summer!"
"Before the summer!" James yells. "What the hell is wrong with you? I swear to Merlin that I could kill you right now! How could you do this to Lilly? She's your sister! Your family!"
"James just shut your face! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"
"Oh I know alright!" He is seething, but I am worse. My heart is pumping so hard in my chest that I think it just might break out of my ribcage.
"You know what? I don't give a shit! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Don't you bloody get it? For the past year all I've wanted to do is get away from you all! To get away from what happened!" My breath is coming in raggedly and I can feel my head spinning.
"Antonia-"
"No! I can't do it anymore! I can't keep anymore secrets. I don't-" But I never finish my sentence. Before I know what is happening my eyes are blurry and something hits my face... hard. A second later I realise that it's the stone ground. My body is shaking and I can feel the frothing at my mouth. All the muscles in my body are stretched to breaking point and I can feel myself convulsing. Then everything goes black.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
