You're in the same spot that he left you in six months ago, and you're watching him walk away again. And even though you've healed, watching him walk away without a single glance back, rips you in half. You thought you meant more to him than that, but it's obvious that you didn't. And even after all this time…the harsh realization that you mean nothing to him hits you like a ton of bricks. You let out a scream as your knees give way under you. Before you know it his black boots are in your cloudy field of vision, and you are being held into a chest that you have become so familiar with. You clutch at his shirt, pulling him closer to you. He's smoothing back your hair and kissing you on the top of your head.

You think that you can hear him telling you that it's ok, that he's here, that it will get better again. And you think to yourself that this is the second time in as many days that he's held you while you cried over another man. You don't hear him close the door with his foot as he sinks to you on the ground, you don't hear the knocking on the other side of the door or JJ's voice as she's asking you what is wrong. You only focus on your breathing…and his voice. He uses his sleeve to wipe away your mascara, and your foundation comes off too. You're sure that you look a mess, but it doesn't seem to phase him as he tilts your head up to make eye contact with you.

"Garcia," he begins " breathe with me." And as you concentrate on breathing while staring into his warm brown eyes, you see the color flickering back into focus.

Breathe in. Hold. One. Two. Three. Breathe out through your mouth.

Good.

You repeat the steps.

"Are you going to be okay here if I let JJ in?" He asks, and you find yourself nodding. You're busy wiping at your face and fixing your hair. And before you know it he's gone and replaced by the soft lines of your other co-worker. You don't have to strain yourself in order to hear that Luke has taken off after Derek, and for a second you think about racing out to stop whatever altercation is about to happen.

"What did you do to her?" You hear him shout after Derek, who has probably made it to the elevator by now.

"Nothing that she didn't want at the time." Came Derek's reply and the lack of remorse in his voice washes over you. You let it seep into your pores and penetrate your bones. He isn't sorry. You tell yourself, repeating it over and over again until you force yourself to believe it.

You don't think that they will escalate to physical violence, but they are both headstrong, and in their own ways they both love you. Or so you thought. You hear something, someone, slam into a wall and a low growl of a voice tells you that Luke is the one speaking.

"If you hurt her again you will regret it. Understood?" You stare openly at JJ. The confusion on her face is blatant, and you wish that there was an easy explanation for the scenario that is playing out before you all.

"You'll never replace me, no matter how hard you try, Amigo." You close your eyes, praying to whoever will listen, that Luke does not snap. Not because you want to save Derek, he's not sorry, but because Luke is on duty. He still has his credentials and Derek is considered a civilian now. You stand, throwing JJ a look that says I'll explain later, and run into the hallway. You see them, with Luke pinning Derek to the wall by the elevator with his fist raised.

"Luke," you whisper, and you know he can hear you because he relaxes. "Don't." He releases his hold on Derek, looking him dead in the eye before turning his head to look back at you.

"You're not worth it." You hear Luke tell Derek. "But she is." And he walks back towards you, tossing his arm over your shoulder and walking you back to your office to start the day.

You don't turn around.

Color doesn't manifest itself there anymore.


Hours.

Days.

Weeks.

They pass.

Slowly, but they still pass. You put your life back together, or you try to at least. This time you have a needle and thread and you try and sew the frayed edges back together in neat lines, careful to not leave any scars. There are some pieces where the blood needs to be staunched before you can continue stitching, but you trudge through. You explain briefly to the team what happened almost three weeks ago, but honestly, you find that it's none of their business. They look at you with pity in their eyes, but you ignore it. Silly girl, they must be thinking, to allow someone to use you that way. But they don't understand, they will never understand.

You slowly find that your old clothes don't fit anymore, not a single damn item. And so you drag yourself to the mall, because if you wear one more loose fitting dress you just may lose your mind. You don't remember the last time you did something mind numbingly boring, but you revel in the fact that you can shut down for a small while. You pick out clothes for hours, things that you would never have dared to wear when you were bigger. Is that a crop top? It's white, and you pair it with a white skirt and bright pink blazer. The small expanse of skin that the outfit shows is alluring to you, and so you run your finger over the milky flesh in the dressing room. All while staring at your reflection, wondering who this woman was standing looking back at you. While you've seen the changes that your body has been going through, you've never really seen it now have you?

There's always been that small piece of denial when your weight is concerned, you've always felt inferior to the others. Not as in shape, never as in shape. Round, that's a shape though. You smile at yourself, realizing that you've lost 30 pounds, just from running and dieting in six months. That's five pounds a month, and while it doesn't seem like much, the sweat you produced losing all that weight tells another story.

Your phone rings while you're in the outfit, and it's Luke telling you to get to Quantico as soon as possible. Something has happened and Spencer has been arrested… And so you throw your shoes back on and quickly make the purchase of the outfit that you're wearing. You forget how easy it is for you to run now, but still, the fluid motions of your legs moving in the heels and the bandage skirt should surprise you. They surprised the other patrons of the mall. When you arrive at work, you forgo the elevator, instead, you hike up your skirt and taking the stairs. You pause in the hallway to right yourself, tugging on your blazer and fixing the hem of your skirt as you walk into the bullpen.

You notice his eyes immediately, staring at you, taking you in. You shrug your shoulders and smile at him, before racing into your office for your laptop and your tablet. He hands you a cup of coffee as you walk back through the bullpen, and neither of you exchange words as you climb the stairs in front of him. But you can feel his eyes burning a hole into the back of your head. He's curious about what you're wearing, you're sure of it. But Penelope Garcia, he's just amazed that nobody has ever taken the time to actually see the true beauty that you are.

"Garcia, you're here." Prentiss starts. "Luke, Rossi, and I are going to fly down to Mexico and see if we can't get anywhere with getting Reid's charges dropped. Lewis, I want you to go to Reid's home with Walker and search for anything there. JJ stay with Garcia and be prepared." She says, gathering her go bag and walking out the door. "Wheels up in 20."

Luke stops to press a gentle kiss to the top of your head and pats JJ on the shoulder. The kiss sends tingles through your spine and a desire pools in your belly. But you bat those feelings away, telling yourself that you won't ever let it happen again. There are no feelings there. Not on his end anyway. And once he's gone you relax, because you can finally think straight again.

You're focused now, sitting in the conference room, frantically refreshing the Mexico Police Database, the one you hacked. Your heart is racing and there's a cup to the left of you, still full of coffee, now cold where it once was warm. You're searching for what prison they're sending Spencer to, and you still can't wrap your mind around the fact that Spencer has been arrested. Spencer was in Mexico. Spencer…

You trail off because you find the prison detail they have assigned him to. It's not good.

Your blood runs cold, and you try to find anything about the victim, you search and dig, and you haven't moved from this seat in over four hours. There's a nagging voice in the back of your mind that's telling you to move, so you switch to the tablet and walk to the bathroom. It's on your walk back that you discover that the victim was also an American citizen. So you run, faster than you've ever run before, and you tell JJ who calls Prentiss who tells Luke to go get your boy. He's coming home.

And when he shows up, he looks beaten down, and gaunt, and when you hug him this time it's you commenting on how thin he's gotten. But you hug him anyway, squeezing him and letting tears roll down your face. Because at least you know that he's safe. He's ok for now.

You steel yourself for the fight that you're about to take part in. The fight for his freedom.

How long will it take?

Hours.

Days.

Weeks.


There's something about the way that he smiles at you when he thinks you're not looking. He's driving you to meet his family, though you're still only just friends. Normally this would cause your mind to go into overdrive but today it's blank. You're relishing in the fact that you're finally wearing a pair of jeans that hug you just right, and they're not uncomfortable. The material slid up your thighs so easily, and the zipper so smoothly that you thought it must be a prank at first. When was the last time you wore jeans? You can't even remember. You've paired the jeans with heeled sneakers and one of his ARMY t-shirts since this was sprung on you at the very last moment and you didn't have anything else available. You've tucked the front of the shirt into the waistband of your jeans, leaving the rest to hang loose. Your hair has grown in the last eight and a half months, and you let the wild mass of curls air dry around your face today. The sunglasses you're wearing block anyone from seeing your eyes, but they're perfect for spying on people He holds your hand up to his lips and gives it a light kiss.

"Garcia, thank you for coming with me." He says to you, still holding your hand in his own. You look over at him and smile.

"Anything for you, my hot cup of coffee." You respond light heartedly. You laugh, loud and wild, tilting your head back. He starts to chuckle right along with you.

"My grandmother is going to love you. My mother maybe not so much." He says and you turn to look at him.

"Nobody can dislike me, I'll have her loving me by the end of the night."

He helps you out of the car with Roxy at his heels. You reach down to pet her and she licks at your hand. He holds your hand as you walk up to the side of the house, and you think it's strange, but you don't disentangle yourself from him. You let him lead you to his family, introducing you to his grandmother, his parents, his aunts, uncles, and lastly his three brothers. You smile and play with his nieces and nephews, you sit with Roxy as his father tells you stories of his childhood. You listen to his mother talk about you in Spanish to his grandmother, but you can only make out a few words. Beautiful being one of them. Haunted being the next.

You have fun. Genuinely.

It's a light hearted feeling, to just let go. You relish in the weightlessness of an empty heart. You notice him looking at you as he's drinking a beer and talking with his brother, Samuel you think his name is. He lifts the bottle up to you and you wave back as you turn your attention back to his father, Carlos, and continue to listen to the story of how toddler Luke loved to eat soap. You laugh again, and it's the best feeling in the world. Everything has melted away, there's no Derek, no BAU, no serial killers. There's just you, him, Roxy, and his family. He approaches you and when he reaches you he leans down to kiss the top of your head, you've pulled your hair back into a ponytail now, and your cat earrings are proudly on display. He checks in on you, making sure that you're okay before going to talk to his grandmother. They're only a few paces behind you, but with the story his father is telling you, you can barely hear their conversation.

"You seem happy, Lucas." You hear her say, and from the corner of your eye, you can see her pat his cheek. He smiles at her, holding his hand over her own.

"I am happy, Abuela." He looks over to you, and you silently thank whoever is listening for your sunglasses, because you stare right back at him. "She makes me happy." You smile.

"I'm glad." She says, reaching to her left hand to pull something off of her finger. "I want you to have this, baby." She continues, placing something into his palm.

"I can't Abuela." You hear him say, trying to hand the item back to her. You see the sunlight glint off of the diamond.

"You can and you will." She responds.

"We're just friends." You hear him say, trying once again to hand her back the ring.

"Your grandfather and I were just friends too you know. But when the time is right, you will be prepared." He smiles down at her and leans down to kiss her on the cheek.

"Gracias, Abuela," He says, pulling her into a hug. "I'll let you know when the time is right."


You sigh as you curl your toes into his plush carpet after taking your shoes off. You turn to look at him as he walks through the door with Roxy at his side. You untuck the shirt from the front of your jeans and he laughs at you running your feet across the carpet, it's something you do every day. And even though he's offered you numerous foot rubs, you still prefer this method.

"Am I ever going to get my shirt back?" He asks, and you look up at him.

"Did you want it back?" You ask him, turning to walk to what you refer to as your side of the couch.

"Not really, besides it looks better on you anyway." He says, grinning at you as he grabs himself a beer from the fridge. "Do you want anything?" He asks but you're already behind him in the kitchen. You're fiddling with the hem of the shirt, and you're extremely nervous. You look down at your feet and notice that he's wearing the black cat socks you bought him the other reach around him to grab a bottle of water from the open fridge. Uncapping the bottle you bring it to your lips and drink. You can see his Adam's apple bob as he too takes a sip from his bottle, swallowing hard.

You wonder what the hell it is that you're thinking as you plan out your next move. Do you just lean in and kiss him? Do you pull him towards you? Do you wrap your arms around his neck and drag his face down to you? Do you even go through with this? Yes, it was a nice day, the best one you've had in eight months, but do you really want to change this? Do you really want to ruin the friendship that you both have built together? You went from hating him, to ignoring him…..

You choose to lay your head on his chest as he wraps his arms around you. You sigh, thinking that this is nice and that you could once again get used to it.

"Did you have fun?" He asks, releasing you and walking to go sit on his side of the couch. He places his arm on the back of the couch and you settle in next to him, sticking your toes under Roxy, who opens one eye to look at your feet.

"I did. Your family is nice." He laughs, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch over you. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

"Garcia, I want you to know that I want you. I want you more than anything in the world. And when we get together, because we will, I want it to be because you want me and only me. I want you to be ready. I don't want it to be because Derek came back and fucked with your heart again." He sighs, placing a kiss on the top of your head. "You need a friend right now, more than a boyfriend, and I'm going to be that friend for you."

But you don't hear him.

Because you fell asleep the moment he kissed the top of your head.

You're safe, Penelope. He won't hurt you.

Ever.


A/N: The muse won't leave for this one. Let's hope it stays forever. :)