Chapter Four

Rose was gone from Court now. She, her mother, and Edison Castile had left a few hours ago. Vasilisa had come to tell me that I didn't have to worry about her verbally attacking me anywhere again. Between her and Tasha they just didn't understand though. Rose had only been trying every method she knew to break through to me. In the end I was the one attacking her with hurtful words.

She had once been the love of my life, she still was honestly. Something I had never intended to find. I thought she was beautiful the moment I laid eyes on her in Portland almost a year ago. She was even more so now. It hadn't taken me long to fall in love with her or her to fall in love with me. The night of the Equinox dance it had taken everything in me to stop myself and tell her i had not felt the same for her. And on the night we finally gave over to our feelings and made love it was perfect. The circumstances surrounding it were terrifying, but it had made me realize I loved her more than anything. But all of our plans to become a real couple after she had graduated were ripped away when Nathan jumped on me in that cave and ended the life I had made for myself. And more importantly the life we had just planned for us.

I had awakened to find I was a monster and I relished in it all. I tore through my homeland taking life after life, loving every drop of someone else's blood that poured through my body. When I was told Rose was hunting me I laughed coldly. She had tortured one of Galina's idiots into giving me her message.

She was coming for me.

I had told Galina what an asset to her group Roza would make. I couldn't explain it, I didn't love her because that was a feeling I no longer possessed anymore. I had become obsessed with her very existence. She was my property. I asserted that claim the moment I brought her back to the estate, essentially pissing Nathan off.

I spent a few weeks trying to persuade her to join me on her own terms. And when my patience ran thin she acted as if she was ready. She played me well. It had made me proud even as a Strigoi. She had so much fire it would do me well to have her by my side as I took over, she even helped me get rid of Galina and Nathan. But when it was all said and done I had my estate and the stake she had buried in my chest, and Rose was tucked safely back in the mountains of Montana at St. Vladamirs. I could have left her alone. She thought she had killed me, set me free were the words we'd once used.

But I couldn't. It became a game to me. A game where she would gave to look over her shoulder, until it wasn't fun anymore. That's when I kidnapped Vasilisa and Christian knowing she would come. I looked right into Vasilisa's eyes and dared her to come after me. It resulted in a lot of bloodshed that was also now on my hands, and I was free of that state. I was a dhampir with a lot of guilt and no room for anything else.

Which had been the reason I had let those disgusting, untruthful words exit my mouth in the church. She was talking about how much she loved me and that I hadn't done anything wrong. In turn I broke her down, I ruined us, and she left for it. Weeks later I found out she had gone to Turkey to live and work for her father. Abe Mazur. That sure did explain a lot of her personality. Janine Hathaway a bad ass Guardian, and Abe Mazur who frightened everyone if any one said his name had come together to make one of he most lethal dhampir I knew. She was a force no one could take down...

Until three months after she had left. Lissa and Tasha had been sitting around complaining for the last hour about how Christian had gone to visit Rose and Eddie. Christian had been trying since Rose left to no avail to get Vasilisa to just admit she'd been wrong in the way she had treated her friend. Tasha was really the only person the Princess had on her side, even I was tiring of it all. Adrian would only come to converse with Christian, he would intentially ignore the Princess, and shoot mental daggers towards me as I always just stood in the corner to have some semblance of my old life.

This evening was different though. Vasilisa seemed drained mentally and physically. Tasha on the other hand was ramped up in her ill placed thoughts and opinions of Rose.

" I mean she just left her duty to protect Moroi. So she could do what, live with her rich Moroi father and not actually have to do anything? She is going to drag Christian down. Maybe her daddy should know how she left the Academy after the attack to be a blood whore. I saw the marks on her neck after her trials and graduation."

I internally flinched, those were marks I had made on her. Marks I had forced upon her. She was not a blood whore. She had risked her life and everything she had worked hard for to keep a promise we had made to each other. I wish she hadn't of, but if she had stayed here I may not have come after her. Meaning I would still be a Strigoi. A blood thirsty monster.

All of a sudden Vasilisa's eyes went blank, like Rose's would when she was in the Princess' head, and her hands gripped at her throat. Something was seriously wrong here, as she acted like she couldn't get air. And then she was gripping her head and screaming.

Tasha was trying to pry her hands from ripping her own hair out. I was about to call for a doctor, a guardian, anyone really. I thought she was losing her mind. Then she cried out three words that made my blood run cold.

" Rose is dead!" she wailed

Those words brought me down to my knees. That couldn't be right, I knew the kind of fighter she was. She'd gone up against me several times in the gym and during my time as a Strigoi. Tasha was looking at Vasilisa like some victory had been won, not that the Princess noticed this. It made me sick to see her like that, like she was happy. I made the choice right then to distance myself from her. Her constant advances were tiring anyway. I decided to just distance myself from everyone. Something in me just shut down.

I stood up making my way to the door and leaving both woman to themselves. If I hadn't of pushed her away, if Vasilisa had been more understanding, Rose would still be here at Court.

Before I could open the door and make my exit Tasha asked the Princess if she was certain Rose was dead. Something in the way she said it made my stomach roll.

" The bond broke, I felt it. The only way that could happen was if Rose died. And I watched and felt the whole thing." she wailed. With that information I walked out and slammed the door behind me. We had no one but ourselves to blame. I went to drown my sorrows in a bottle, something I swore I would never do. But really I had noting left to lose.

I hadn't been asleep long when I woke with a headache and someone pounding on my door. Without thinking I got up and answered it. There stood Tasha with a smile on her face. The memories of last night started pouring back in. Rose was gone forever and Tasha was smiling.

" Dimka I was thinking since there isn't really anything for you to do here, well you could finally come and be my guardian. You could learn to be happy with me."

I said I would never hit a woman, but here in this moment it took all of my will power to keep from doing just that. Tasha looked so smug you would have thought she'd been the one to kill Rose. Had she truly been that threatened of her? How had I not seen this before?

" Tasha I will never love you. I don't even want to be your friend right now."

She jerked back like I'd slapped her, but I couldn't find it in me to even care.

" Why couldn't you? I could give you a family. An easy life." she yelled.

" Because you aren't her. She was the only one I ever wanted that with." I tried to remain calm as I spoke.

Anger flared up in her ice blue eyes. I could feel the air around me getting hot. Her emotions were controlling all of her including her element.

" She is dead." she said with ice in her voice. I could see now why Rose had distrusted her, while I couldn't see past the connection to Ivan I still had through Tasha. But here, now in this moment I hated my old friend. She was every bit the spoiled Moroi Bitch she claimed she wasn't.

" Get out Natasha!" I screamed at her. She lost the ice and fire and retreated to the door, with one last hopeful glance she left. I went back to bed, trying to forget my very existence.


It had been a few weeks and I was on my way to see Guardian Croft. Apparently they had finally decided I wasn't a threat to anyone. Except myself now. I was downing at least a bottle a night.

I was almost there when I walked up on a very public argument between Christian and Vasilisa. Adrian was there and looked like he hadn't slept in days. Tasha was there also. She looked at me and then looked away, I was still angry and doubted that would ever change. I was going to mind my own business and continue on my way. Until I actually heard the words being said that is.

" It's your own damned fault Liss. We wouldn't have even been there had you not thrown every bit of darkness you had into her." Christian yelled loudly at her.

" I hadn't meant to. I was just so angry. She would let you and Adrian come visit, but refused to acknowledge my apologies." She retorted back trying to hold her image together.

I remembered the first time Rose had taken Vasilisa's darkness away. It had taken everything I had and was to bring her back to me. But for Vasilisa to purposefully do this to Rose made me feel more disgusted then I already had been feeling. I was beginning to hate everything the Moroi stood for. They were spoiled and we were nothing to them.

Ivashkov was watching me closely. I was looking directly back at him until Christian landed his final blow at the Princess.

" Yeah do your apologies extend to telling Rose you should have saved your family instead of her? You know it wasn't just her on that road, we were all there trying to make sure you couldn't pull a stunt like you'd done again. Guess what Princess you got your wish, Rose died on that road, and you led her there." Something was off in the way he said she'd died there. Maybe he truly had come to see Rose as a true friend.

The Princess was crying and Tasha was yelling at her nephew for acting the way he was. But I just saw Adrian still staring at me, it was a little unnerving.

" Well aren't you going to uphold your vow and protect her from us?" he sneered. I just turned and walked away having had enough of all of this. I guess I would always be grateful that Vasilisa had wielded the stake that brought me back. But after what I just witnessed that was all. I had just lost all respect for her. How could she intentionally hurt Rose that way?


For months now I've been getting up, hitting the gym, Guarding meetings, hitting the bottle and going to bed.

Today had been no different, except that my baby sister was sitting in front of me with a look of panic and hurt on her face. I had pretty much just spilled the entire contents of the last two years. From meeting Roza to how I was dealing with it all now. Something had told me not to go to the bar on my way home, but I'd gone anyway. Vika and Christian had been at my door when I'd stumbled home.

" Please don't be scared of me Vika. I'm not going to hurt you." I said feeling all the pain I had been holding in made worse at the thought of my sister hating me.

She launched herself away from Christian, who looked saddened by everything I'd said, and hugged me tightly.

" I'm not scared of you brother. But you have to believe things will work out in the end." I didn't really see how but I nodded anyway.

We talked or they talked I listened kind of, and by the time they left I had decided to take a leave of absence and go see my Mama. Seeing my sister made me realize how much I'd missed my family before all of this had even happened. I missed them even more now.

Guardian Croft gave me two weeks of leave, and as I drove down the backroads of my homeland I was never more grateful to be away from America. This was the peace I had needed for so many months. As long as I didn't think of my time ripping through here a blood thirsty monster. I shook the unbidden thoughts away and continued to drive.

When I arrived at my childhood home there were small children playing in the front yard, and one bored looking Paul. He had grown so much since I'd seen him last. And these must be my new nieces.

The front door opened and my Mama appeared taking a hard look at the vehicle, and when I stepped out her hands went to her mouth. Within moments my mother's tiny arms were wrapped around my waist and mine were wrapped around her shoulders. Both of us shedding tears.

" Why have you not come sooner my son?" she asked quietly.

I knew I should have come home sooner, and I knew she already knew what I was about to say to her. I said it anyway needing my mother's comfort more now then ever.

" Roza died Mama." she tightened her grip on me and said she knew. But something in the way she'd said it was off. I decided it was my own grief and in my head though. She led me into the house and the onslaught of my two sisters and grandmother. The latter telling me it would all work out just like Vika had.

After dinner my mother shooed me away from the chores. Paul whined saying it wasn't fair, Karo gave him a stern look and he began washing dishes. I made my way outside. It was dark and the stars lit up the night sky. It was truly beautiful. I wondered if Roza had stood in this very spot marveling at the same sight. I knew she had been here. When she'd come to free my soul she had told me how my family had been doing. I felt unbelievably close to her right now, almost like she was here with me.

" Roza if you're listening I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. And I promise to love you all my life." I whispered to the sky and wiped the fresh tears away. With one last look to the beautiful sky I went to help Paul with the dishes.


The time I had spent in Baia had been good for me, short but good. When I returned to Court I threw myself into my work, trained harder, and put the bottle down. I felt that it was the best way to honor Roza.

Vika and Christian had left before I had returned, though I wasn't sure where they had gone. Honestly I trusted Christian to take care of my baby sister. Even if technically it was her job to care for him. I'd just wished she could have been here the last three months to see the changes I had made. I was still depressed about all that had happened, but i was making the effort. That counted for a lot.

Today had been a long day and I was ready to go to sleep. But as I approached my door I saw a woman in a nice blouse and skirt. She had her hair in a tight up-do. She was a dhampir because I could see the top of her promise mark and many molnija marks. From behind she seemed so familiar, but I couldn't see her face from here. In one hand she held a blonde wig! That seemed strange to me, but I supposed I'd seen weirder things.

She knocked once, twice, three times and waited. When I didn't answer the door she sighed. I knew that sound, I'd heard it many times when she didn't get her way. I felt my jaw drop, my eyes widened, how was this even possible?

She turned and saw me standing there gaping at her. She was even more beautiful then the first time I'd laid eyes on her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it had to be a trick.

" Hello Dimitri." she said quietly.

It was her. Her voice was like music waking me from a long miserable nightmare.

" Roza."

I breathed out not trusting my voice at all.