Purgatory, Stilwater, USA 2006
Johnny sighed as he looked across the crowd of Saints that were milling around, not seeing the one he wanted to see. Jessie, leader of the Saints now, had been avoiding everyone lately, even going as far as to avoid him. He had been by her side for too damn long to be avoided like this so he knew something was up, and unlike with the other Saints from the original crew he knew whatever had Jess hiding was something to do with Carlos and Eesh. Just then he saw the black and purple hair, curving around a pale face with dark sunglasses walk into the open air office above the ground floor. He watched as the the leather bound woman gave out orders to a few guys before turning to leave, the motion spurning Johnny into action. He started for the stairs, his eyes on Jessie as she walked to the hall that lead to only two places, outside or her private room, when suddenly a hacky sack came flying at his head. Quick reflexes had he snatch the soft ball from mid air, his head turning to look at Shaundi and her normal crew of misfits that mostly were intellectuals who got too high for their own good.
"Oops sorry Gat. That was a wild kick." Shaundi called before she headed towards him, one hand out stretched for the ball. Johnny rolled his eyes before tossing the ball at Shaundi, his eyes glancing up to see that Jessie was no where to be seen. The young stoned moved closer, one eyebrow raising as a smirk played on her lips. "Trying to catch the Boss before she disappears again?"
"Trying being the best word to use. Not exactly in the best shape to run after all." He answered her distractedly before realizing who he was telling this to. His eyes glance sharply at the girl beside him, his eyes telling a silent command that had Shaundi raising her hands defensively.
"Yo no worries about me telling people how you are willing to chase after Boss. I will just go back to my hacky sack." With that she smiled at him and walked off, tossing the cloth ball at one of the others. Johnny sighed then headed up the stairs, hoping she was in her private room and hadn't took off out of the building yet. Pushing open the door he found her on the bed, her old beat up guitar in hands. As beat up as the instrument was he knew how well she cared for it, having watched her replacing strings and carefully shining the wood.
"I was wondering where your bitch ass was. I saw you come in then Shaundi kicked that fucking hacky sack at my head." he said to her, hiding his smile as she startled and looked up to him. He closed the door behind him, missing her own smirk at his respect of her privacy. Ever since the incident from when she was just the kid he taught how to be a banger he had shown some respect to her privacy. He never told anyone anything he knew she would want to hide and when she came in here to play he always closed the door behind him. He turned around to see her lowering her head once again, hiding her smirk with her hair as she went back to strumming her guitar. "Not my fault I seem to be the only fucking person who isn't a goddamned diva around here."
Johnny let out a laugh, the sound cut off by a groan that had Jessie's head snapping up to look at him with wide eyes. He made a face at her, rubbing the spot where the sword Jyunichi had stabbed him unconsciously. Whether he liked to admit it or not, which he never would to anyone even Jessie, he wasn't invulnerable. The soreness he felt when laughing or lifting shit heavier than a pistol was a good reminder of that. He sat beside her and elbowed her side gently, his head shaking some as he looked to the younger woman."Fucking A Jess. I'm fine. Stop freaking out every time I say ow. Gun shot wounds aren't as sore as swords wounds is all. I am alive and I'm not gonna die from laughing."
He watched as she rolled her eyes at him, wanting to smile at how little she had changed even after cheating death like she had. He knew the constant deaths that followed the Saints, from members like Lin and Carlos to innocent bystanders or now Eesh, got to the open hearted girl beside him. He had known her for too long not to see that she hid a lot of the pain, a lot of the guilt at every member of the Saints that died under her watch. That being said she had changed some lately. She avoided him, she didn't take others with her, and she looked like hell as if she wasn't sleeping right. He watched as she licked her lips, her hands moving as if to distract herself from the conversation, a new sign something had changed recently. "Fuck off Johnny. You know damned well it ain't that fucking easy to forget a day like that. Anyways I'm a chic. I get to worry and you can't say shit."
Her words hit him like a ton of bricks, the feeling that a wall was now between them eating at him. What the hell had happened to his Jessie, the one who told him every feeling she had? The one he knew would come to him about anything? Johnny reached over and pulled the instrument from her hands, forcing her to look at him angered that she was pushing him away like this. He had no clue why it angered him but he always had worked by following his instincts and he was sure as hell not going to let her push her away like this. He watched as the glare she started with faded away, wanting to flinch as he saw a bit of confusion and fear filled her eyes. He knew he usually let her slide on shit but this was different. She was hiding from him and he wasn't gonna deal with it. He paused for a moment, gathering what he wanted to say so he wouldn't say it wrong before his lips parted. "Don't fucking give me that shit Jess. Especially not any of that 'I'm a chic' lying bullshit. You ain't some prissy diva or like Shaundi where you are smart but usually too fucked up to use those smarts. Using that excuse is fucking stupid. I don't know why you have felt like you need to avoid me and lie lately but I am fucking tired of it. You used to be a silent motherfucker with everyone but me. Now I have to basically stay here and wait near this fucking room just to fucking talk to you for five fucking minutes. What the fuck is your issue?"
As he let everything out he watched as she bounced up from her seat on the bed, her long legs having her pace as she listened to his words. He was generally confused by how she pushed him away since Aisha's death, not even taking the time to wave at him anymore when she did a stop by the hideout. After a few moments she paused, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip in a way that looked painful to even him before she finally responded. "Look... I dunno ok. I dunno what to tell you. I... I just don't wanna lose anyone else ok? I think...I think I have lost enough people... and I don't need..."
She was lying. He knew her well enough after all these years to know that, his body off the bed and grabbing her by the chin with his right hand before he even realized he had moved. His left rose to pull his sunglasses from his face, his dark brown eyes staring into her silver ones with one of the most serious looks he had ever given her. "Don't fucking lie to me Jess. I have known you too fucking long to be getting lies from you. Don't fucking disrespect me like that."
Johnny watched as the young leader's eyes narrowed, a look he had only seen when she was pissed at someone. The trembling of her chin in his hand and the way it seemed to bleed away into tears told him there was much more than that going on in her head. Her hands lifted and beat against his chest, the soreness of the sword wound not hurting him as much as seeing such sadness on her face."Fuck you Gat! The fuck do you know about how I felt seeing Aisha laying there and you fucking bleeding out on me? The fuck do you know about how long I stayed by your side in the goddamned hospital, praying your dumbass would make it?... I fucking care enough n...not to go through that again... I can't go through that again Johnny..."
As her words trailed off her released her face, pulling her into his arms in a gentle hold. One hand rose to stroke her hair as she cried against his chest, his mind spinning a bit with what she had told him. She stayed beside him in the hospital? Why hadn't anyone told him? He was sure since no one had it was because she hadn't even told anyone else until now. The bigger thought was the rest of her words. Jessie cared about him. Johnny couldn't wrap his mind around that, not considering how long she had just been 'that kid' to him. The admission had him looking over their time together, seeing where she had shown her feelings towards him and when he stopped seeing her as a kid and started seeing her as a woman. The train of thought had a new realization that left him more reeling even as Jessie moved away from and turned to the mirror in the room. He had started falling for her. He didn't know when or how but he knew he had some feelings for her. Those feelings battled in his mind with the guilt and sadness of losing Eesh, the only woman who had put up with his shit since middle school. He looked at the woman fixing her makeup, his hand lifting to slide his sunglasses into place on his face. He could see her glancing at him in the mirror and knew that her admission, whether meant or not, needed a response.
"Jess... I... fuck man... I fucking care about you too ok? But I just lost Eesh... I … Fuck, you know what I am trying to say Jess. Look no matter what I am by your side ok? Death ain't gonna claim me that fucking easily. So …. Just stop hiding from me Jess. That's all I ask ok?" With that Johnny turned and left, not giving her any time to think out a response, honest or not. As he closed the door behind him he heard the muffled sound of something hitting the wall, a sigh leaving his chest for the third time today.
