Chapter 4 – The Mirror
On a late evening, a few days later, Bellamy sat at his desk, along with Raven and Monty, checking on the progress the algae farm had made. Monty began talking about how he had found a way to increase the effectiveness and showed them a sketch of his plans. Bellamy looked closer, trying to follow Monty's shoptalk. Deep in thought he lifted his hand to scratch his chin when he realized he had unconsciously grown a small beard. Bellamy hadn't wasted any thoughts on keeping clean or shaving. He had been too caught up in everything. Letting out a small huff, he decided it was time to take a bit more care of himself. Getting cleaned up might distract him a little and maybe make him feel better. After the three of them had finished their discussions and agreed to put Monty's plan into action, Bellamy made his way over to the men's lavatories.
Like everything on the Ark they had been built for practicability, not personal privacy or comfort. There were several shower cubicles in a row, all made of steel; on the opposite wall, wash basins with small mirrors above were lined up as well. He left the knife he had brought to shave himself in one of the basins. On the far end of the room there was a cupboard, half opened, no doubt left abandoned at the evacuation.
It contained several thin towels; regarding the chilly air, Bellamy took two of them and entered a cubicle. They only had limited water resources of course, so the shower was more like a slight rain. However, as he got out and wrapped the towels around himself, he felt better nonetheless. Stepping over to the wash basin and taking up his knife, he began to shave his chin carefully.
For a few blessed moments his mind was at ease, preoccupied with the simple task of shaving, and he cherished it. Until he looked into the mirror… and saw two faces and two pairs of eyes stare back at him from either side of his own.
One pair was more blue than green, the other as green as the forests in summer. One face was pale, the white shade accentuated by the light blonde hair that fell in slight waves; the other was tanned, black hair contrasting the blonde on the other side.
The hand holding his knife slipped, leaving a deep scratch on his left cheek before letting the knife fall into the basin with a loud clatter. Bellamy gasped and stumbled backwards but the vision was gone as fast as it had come. He blinked once, twice and stared into the mirror. But it showed him nothing apart from himself. As his breathing slowed, his focus left the background of the mirror and instead his gaze fell upon his own pale face. A streak of red caught his eye. He felt the blood on his cheek where he had cut himself. With trembling fingers he tried to wipe it away.
Not daring to look into the mirror again, Bellamy snatched his clothes from the floor and hurried out of the room and back into his own. His room where he knew there was no mirror. He didn't even put on his clothes, not even feeling the chill on his skin from running through the Ark with only a towel wrapped around his waist.
It was only when he had entered the safe space of his room that Bellamy put on his clothes. However, he left as quickly as he came; trying to find one of the others. Bellamy didn't want to be alone; couldn't stand to be alone right now. He suddenly felt that as long as he was alone, the ghosts of his past might find him anywhere at any time. Bellamy blindly stumbled through the hallways until he practically bumped into Raven.
"Ouch, watch where you're…." she began to grumble, but stopped short when she saw his face. "Hey, are you ok?" When he didn't answer and just stared at her with a haunted look in his eyes, she tried again, her voice a little softer: "Bell, what happened?"
His name seemed to resonate within him, and his gaze focused on her. "I…" His voice came out as a raspy whisper. Bellamy cleared his throat, trying to focus on talking instead of the vision he had seen. "I… I just…" But by now, Raven had started to fully take in his half-shaved face and the cut on his cheek; she interrupted him, concern and alarm lacing her voice: "Why the cut? Where did it come from?"
"No, no… the cut…my fault… tried to shave, the knife slipped…" he rambled on. Raven asked again, even more confused: "But if it was just an accident, what happened that shook you so badly? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?"
There was silence before Bellamy slowly mumbled: "Maybe I have." Raven shook her head as she questioned again: "What do you mean?" He didn't answer and instead asked her with a strange urgency in his voice: "Where are the others?" "Down in the dining hall, why? What's going on Bellamy?" His behavior began to irritate her more and more. But before she got a real answer, Bellamy turned on his heels and ran off to find the others.
Utterly confused, she followed him, and later that evening, tried to ask him again about earlier. But Bellamy would not tell her anymore. Even though she still didn't understand, Raven felt it was private somehow. So she let him be, didn't ask anymore and during the six years on the Ring, Bellamy never mentioned the incident again. From this day on, he carefully avoided looking into a mirror. He let his beard grow a little, only trimming it with his knife to keep the length the same, so he wouldn't have to use any of the mirrors again. For six years, Bellamy Blake didn't look at his reflection, fearing that the ghosts of his past would find him again.
