DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT – Stephenie Meyer does.
Many thanks to my Beta, RandomCran for her skills and amazing suggestions. She is also fabulous author, please look her up.
Sleep had evaded me and so I was a right mess in the morning. I was thinking I'd call in a sick day. I hadn't used up many of those. I knew it wouldn't be a big deal.
In the light of day, I also knew what I had to do. I picked up my cell from the night table and stared at it for at least five minutes. I hated making phone calls, and I wasn't sure I could do it. I had to cancel this ludicrous "date".
Maybe I'll wait a bit.
It was still early after all. I called in sick and then I went back to bed. Sometime later, I awoke to my phone singing, feeling surprised. Without thinking, I picked it up and answered.
"Hello." My voice cracked a bit.
"Bella? Is that you?"
"Umm…yes."
Oh no, I'm not ready to do this! Think. What will I say and how am I going to say it?
"Oh, hi - thought it was someone else for a sec'. Good morning. Sorry to bother you at work."
"Oh, I didn't go in today. I think I'm sick. Sorry, but I have to cancel our… um… plans."
"What? Oh, no. Really? Well, perhaps tomorrow, then. It's just that I'm not in town for too much longer, and… I…" Edward suddenly seemed at a loss, and I didn't help out at all by saying nothing.
"Tomorrow? Probably not a good idea. I could still be catching."
Yeah, sleeplessness is catching. Watch out for those zzzzz's.
"Ok." He actually sounded dejected. "I'm really sorry to hear that you're under the weather and hope it passes quickly."
"Thank you. And thanks for asking me to… the movie. Sorry." The call was over.
Phew! That was easier than I'd thought it'd be, really.
I turned on the TV. Didn't matter what was on. I just needed the white noise to drown out the crazy thoughts in my head. Why did I turn him away? Who was I kidding? Why did Edward have to suffer for my insecurities?
I ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration, groaning softly. The cat somehow sensed I needed comforting as she hopped onto my bed and climbed on top of me to knead my chest. Yeah, it wasn't quite the same as what I so desperately needed. A man's touch. I huffed to myself as I swung my legs off the bed and stood up, going to the dresser for a fresh set of underclothing to change into after my shower. Tori got the hint and jumped off.
Disappointment. Hope… gone.
The day dragged on and on. I caught up on housework. Read a magazine. Had a nap. Again. My fatigue must have been due to the stress of the day before and the events of the morning. I was zapped.
After my nap I made myself some coffee. That's what was missing from this day. Oh yeah, and I hadn't eaten a thing yet.
Not really hungry. A banana. And maybe yogurt.
I knew I'd probably get light-headed if I didn't have something.
Maybe a muffin with my coffee.
Breathing easier now.
It was all over. I could go back to normal.
Back to boring.
When I sat down to surf the internet and have my coffee, I noticed the red light blinking on my cell. I picked it up, expecting it to be Amanda. She texted me often. It was nice to know what she was up to now that she wasn't living at home with me anymore. She had been out for lunch with her friends at the Eaton Centre.
"Oh," I tapped in my reply. "I was just there yesterday."
Yesterday. I'd almost forgotten. How? I suddenly felt so bummed out. I'd let something fall through my fingers. But what? My cell buzzed again and I picked it up. I froze, staring at the screen.
"How are you feeling? Better I hope! Hope to see you soon. Edward."
Oh. No. What do I do about this? Do I ignore it and not reply? Should I be thankful? Gracious? I don't have a clue.
"Better, I think. Thanks."
Leave it at that, please.
But he didn't.
"Good. I'll check on you tomorrow, to see if you're better, ok?"
It was exhausting, trying to get out of this—date?
"Okay."
"…'til then. E."
Maybe if I let it happen, it'd be done. He'd leave town and that'd be it.
Yes. That's what will happen. What a mess!
I didn't want to think about it any longer.
Maybe I'd feel worse the next day. The thought actually gave me some hope, but I decided to think about what to wear, just in case. If I were honest with myself I was getting just a little bit excited. But I quelled that feeling until it passed. I had talked myself into expecting disappointment, to protect my fragile heart.
Work and then… what?
A date?
It just sounded wrong. A date usually implied both parties were willing. I was not one hundred percent willing. Was I?
Just think of it as helping a friend or something.
A friend? I didn't know him. It was like a blind date, but my eyes were open. Weren't they?
Look in the mirror. I stepped over to the mirror by the front door, leaning close. Ugh. What could he possibly see in that?
Yes, my eyes were open, but somehow they felt closed.
Never mind. Try to be positive.
I was. I was positive that he'd be sorry about the whole, stupid, plan. I just needed to get through the day.
Breathe.
I woke up alert, and was amazed that I had actually fallen asleep. With everything my brain was trying to sort through, it felt like a miracle.
I was thinking of all the possible outcomes of our impending date. All of them were pretty bad.
He could ditch me at the theater, after finding out how ordinary –and normal- I am.
Or he might forget about it altogether.
That wouldn't be bad, would it? At least then no one would know what I was doing there; just out to a movie by myself. People do that all the time. I'd done it before. It was not a bad thing. My heart started to tremble. My body's reaction surprised me. And almost immediately, I realized why. Who the hell was I kidding? I would be crushed if he did not show up. Deep, deep down I wanted this so badly.
Push that feeling down. I won't be any good at work if I let that happen. Deep breaths.
I arrived my usual fifteen minutes early for work at the doctor's office where I was the receptionist. Having braved the crowded train ride in from the suburbs, I was feeling the effects of my lack of caffeine, evidenced by lack of coherent thought.
I imagined seeing him again. Those eyes, flickering to mine. Him, grabbing me by my hand. Could I keep up? I would sure as hell try. We would share popcorn and possibly sip from the same straw. His lips surrounding the straw, sucking…oh…
"So what do you think?" It was my co-worker standing by my desk, with a stack of patient files in her hands. She was about to file them into the cabinet beside my desk.
Think? The word registered and I blinked a few times, dropped my head and began to shuffle papers on my desk. I scrambled to try and think if I had heard or could remember what she had been saying. My mind had definitely guttered quickly. I was sure my cheeks were flaming red, judging by the lump in my throat.
I needed to be fanned, hard. Oh, hard… Shit, I really needed to stop thinking about him. Everything just seemed so surreal, even the ordinary. Was this ordinary? I didn't know any longer what was up, what was down.
Was I awake? At work? This was different.
I didn't usually daydream at work, it was too busy. But it was lunch hour and the patients stopped arriving for half an hour, long enough to catch up on paperwork. Uh oh. Now I was behind, I was sure.
"Sorry, I must be a bit distracted." Lack of sleep and being "sick" yesterday. Better clear my head and get myself together fast. Crap.
"Can you ask me again? Sorry."
She looked at me quizzically and laughed as she began to place the folders in their respective spots. She looked over her shoulder at me as she stepped to work on the next cabinet over.
"What is up with you, Bella? You look flustered."
"I'm okay, just tired, Lauren. I had a rough night. My stupid cat kept mewing all night." That sounded plausible, I thought.
She shrugged but I could tell she continued to watch me, all afternoon.
I finished the day somehow. It was agony. I felt like lead weights were attached to my neck and arms.
Work was so busy, thankfully, that I didn't have much time to think about the date. Thank you, God! The only time it creeped up on me was when my co-worker asked me what I was doing after work. I lied. Going home. Maybe to a movie. It was Wednesday, so it wouldn't be super busy at the theater. What movie? Um…I'll see when I get there, I guess. Back to work. Took a while to settle myself down after that, but when I finally did, the rest of the day sped by.
And then it was finally 4:35. Finished.
Buzz… buzz… my cell.
Calm down or you're going to end up in the ER. Do you really want that?
Curiosity was getting the better of me. Would he really be there? Maybe my memory was exaggerating what I'd seen the day before yesterday.
?
EPOV
It was boring as hell in my hotel room. It didn't matter what city I was in or which hotel I was staying in, they were all boring as fucking hell. I was going out of my mind. I wanted to scream, run, hit something. Anything to break out of this mental jail I was in.
Then she popped into my head again; the one with the amazing shimmering brown eyes. Something about her stuck with me.
Did I save that number on my i-Phone?
Hmmm… let me check.
Yes, it was there. Should I call?
Why not?
It couldn't hurt, right?
Call.
Her phone rang three times. She didn't answer so I tried again, in case I had the wrong number. Even though I knew I had the right number because I had called her at the bistro as soon as she gave it to me. Why wasn't she answering?
I decided to text her.
Please answer.
I tried calling again. This time she answered.
"Bella? Is that you?"
"Umm… yes."
Shy, just like I recalled.
"Oh, hi - thought it was someone else for a sec'. Good morning. Sorry to bother you at work."
She hesitated before answering. "Oh, I didn't go in today. I think I'm sick. Sorry, but I have to cancel our… um… plans."
My heart sank at her words, but I wanted to sound upbeat, to cheer her up. "What? Oh, no. Really? Well, perhaps tomorrow, then. It's just that I'm not in town for too much longer, and… I…"
"Tomorrow? Probably not a good idea. I could still be catching."
It was difficult to hide my disappointment; to keep it from leeching into my tone. "I'm really sorry to hear that you're under the weather and I hope it passes quickly."
Just my luck. Find normal. Lose normal. Shit.
"Thank you. And thanks for asking me to… the movie. Sorry." I thought I detected a hint of disappointment in her voice, although she was hiding it extremely well. It could have been my wishful thinking, but I didn't really want to believe that.
I let it go for the time being, but resolved to text her the next day. I was nothing if not persistent.
My sleep was fitful. I tossed and turned and woke multiple times, all the while having the same damn dream. Not sure why I kept waking up, but thankful that I was able to fall asleep quickly after each time. I couldn't even remember the dream when I finally did wake, hard as I tried. It left me with a feeling of something unresolved.
As I was brushing my teeth, she popped into my mind, again. I spit out the water and searched for my cell phone.
I took in a deep breath as I tapped out my text:
"How are you feeling? Better I hope! Hope to see you soon. Edward."
Her reply took a bit too long for my liking. I knew I was pushing her, but I was now at the craving stage. I –needed- to see her again. I didn't care if it was on her coffee break or just to ride home with her on the train. She had to see that I wasn't some crazy actor-type.
Wait - follow her home on the train?
I'd say that was crazy, period. I shook my head and laughed. I had never felt like this. What was this – smitten?
I started to get ready for another dull day. Then my cell alert started blinking. I quickly snatched it off the bed to read Bella's reply:
"Better, I think. Thanks."
My hopes soared. I started to pace while raking my fingers through my bronzed chaos, willing my mind to slow down and think. I sensed I needed to gently coax her into our date.
She said a movie would be fine. I mentally fist-pumped, having worn her down. She wasn't going to regret it. I was going to make damn sure of that. I agreed to call her the next day with deets.
There. That wasn't too painful. For me, anyway. I was actually looking forward to the following day, for a change.
But there was still one more mind-numbing day and night to get through. Maybe I'd check out the Internet… again. After powering up my laptop, I sat and stared at it for a long time, not really knowing what to do. Frustrated, I moved it to the coffee table.
Instead, I flopped on the bed, clicked on the TV and stared at it for hours. Then I picked up the room service menu and perused that for an eternity before I decided to order fish and chips. Yeah, I really was that homesick. I knew it was as close as I was going to get to a real English home-cooked meal. I didn't have any acting jobs on the go, just one fucking interview after another.
Before I knew it, it was getting dim inside the hotel room. I stood up and walked to the window to look at the outside world. The street below was congested with evening traffic. People going home from their jobs and going out to dinner, no doubt. I envied their lives. I knew for a fact that they envied mine. How ironic that was. The grass really was greener on the other side.
I was going to go insane. I turned the TV off, then the lights. I laid back down on the bed and closed my eyes.
There was silence, except for the air-conditioning unit blowing air into the stuffy room. The air coming in actually smelled stuffy, too.
The air was just adding to the stifled feeling I had, being in this fish bowl of a life I was living. I couldn't escape it and I was suffocating. I needed oxygen, something fresh in my lungs, and life.
Bella. Just thinking her name I felt a sweet breeze flow through my thoughts. I couldn't explain why. The current that was so obvious between us when we'd met was electric - and addictive.
3:13 a.m.
I couldn't sleep. I hated not being in my own bed. I missed home so much. I missed normal.
Normal. Thoughts of Bella came to me, again. She had my number.
What the hell was I thinking when I gave it to her?
She didn't look like the type to do anything psycho, did she? I sure hoped the hell not. Only a crazy person would ever want to join me in my life of insanity.
Shit.
Why didn't I think before I spoke or did anything? It was my character flaw. I'd have to work on that.
I put my headphones on and finally fell asleep listening to Debussy. I always found the music so calming.
My dreams found me on an escalator looking for something, or someone. I wasn't exactly sure. Every time I thought I'd found it/her, the direction I was moving in was all wrong again. And by the time I reached the right escalator, it had switched to a different one. I couldn't keep up. I was so tired from the angst in my dream that I woke up feeling more exhausted than I remembered being before sleep.
11:36 a.m.
It was going to be another frustrating day. I could tell.
I didn't think I'd fall asleep again so I decided that I might as well shower and get dressed. I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.
Fuck.
My hair was the result of too much gel and hairspray. Pretty fucked up. I was afraid to touch it because the PR people were hyper-aware of my image and I couldn't just do what I wanted with it.
Ridiculous.
I took a very hot shower as it always helped ease the tension in my neck. At least this hotel had decent, fluffy white towels to dry me off with. I glanced in the mirror at my naked body.
What was all the fuss about? If they could only see what I see.
Wait, no. I don't really want that.
I put on a white t-shirt and a new pair of designer jeans. My stylist said they made my ass look tight. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Right.
I felt like I was being micro-managed to death. I wanted to escape so badly, but where to? I could fly anywhere. I did have the resources, but I didn't want everyone to totally freak out. Maybe just a short excursion. Just something, anything different. Maybe the movie night would be a good start.
The waiting was going to kill me. There was nowhere I wanted to go, so I called my sister, Alice, always the one to cheer me up. I hoped she was not too busy to talk. She was a model and usually off to some amazing locale on shoots. I couldn't remember her schedule.
I need a distraction from my distractions.
"Edward! So glad you called. How the hell are you? Where are you?" she squealed into the receiver. God, it was so sweet to hear a familiar voice.
"Ali, I've missed talking to you. How are things? Where are you?" I shot back at her, not answering any of her queries. I was freaking tired of answering questions.
"Well, I'm in Milan, getting fitted for a runway shoot tomorrow and then I'm going to get some days off to go home! I'm so excited. When are you going home?" she inquired full of hope.
"Not sure. I'd have to ask my manager, Mike. I can't keep track of my own life any more. It's crazy-ness. I envy you. Going home. Sounds like heaven."
My mind recalled memories of home. Mom making scones in time for tea. Yelling at me for not taking my sneakers off when I came in. Teasing Alice about her latest boy crush.
The call was making me feel even more caged in; living in rooms where you couldn't even open the windows, like an animal. I felt like punching a wall. If only that wouldn't result in being exposed in the tabloids. I couldn't even go home when I wanted to. I was officially miserable.
Alice had to go, so we said our goodbyes.
Maybe I should go for another run to Starbucks.
Maybe I could meet another person who was oblivious to who I was. Someone I could talk with.
No.
I didn't want to meet anyone else. I was not sure why, but I wanted to see this situation with Bella through.
I wasn't really the type to run after the ladies. One night stands were never my thing. So why was I going to try and see this woman?
I. Don't. Know.
The day dragged on and on. The only bright spot was that Mike had arranged for us to have lunch at the CN Tower. They only had to block off half the restaurant to ensure my privacy. That must have cost a small fortune.
The wait staff was falling over themselves attending to my needs. I was embarrassed for them. How could I possibly have this kind of effect on everyone? Only a short time ago, nobody knew me from Joe Blow. I made an effort to be gracious. I posed for pictures with them and signed autographs.
I only had four interviews scheduled that afternoon. That was the real acting job, trying to sound fresh for each inane, repetitive question. It was boring as hell.
Once back in my hotel room, I braced for another night of mind-numbing TV. I decided to search the Internet for exotic cars.
There's one that's really interesting. It's a Super Car, called the Plethora, made in Montreal. Not far from here I think. 750 Horsepower. more than $400,000. Looks fucking fantastic. I'd love to test run that baby. That would be something different. I'll have to talk with Mike to see if he can arrange it.
My online time wasted a few hours. Finally, it was late enough to sleep.
X-X-X-X-X-X
A/N: Edward…hmm… what do you guys think?
The 'Drill' – you MUST know it by now… 3
