Chapter 4

They stood still looking into each other's eyes. They said not a single word for about a minute. Then she started.

"What's wrong? What happened?" she was impatient.

"I wanna talk to you about last night", he was unconfident.

"Castle…" she began but Rick interrupted her.

"No, wait. Let me tell you." He hesitated a little bit. "I'm very sorry for that night. And I'm so sorry for that I don't remember if we… if I hurt you."

Beckett couldn't answer anything. She just stared at him.

"Oh, please, say something", he begged.

"Rick, I…I don't know what to say. Sorry." She lowered her eyes. "And don't be sorry. I don't remember it too."

Kate looked into his eyes and smiled lightly. He answered in the same way.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

Castle's smile faded away. Hers too.

"Wh-what?" she asked.

"I need to tell you one more thing."

"Related to our accident?"

"Maybe. To some extent. I…", he made a beginning but stopped as he saw Josh coming up to them. Kate noticed him too. She didn't know how to react.

"Hey!" Josh hailed Beckett.

"Hey!" replied she.

Castle just stood aside silently. Kate glanced at him and wanted to ask what he wanted, but he just nodded and said, "It doesn't matter…" He turned around and headed for the elevator. "… anymore", he whispered to himself. Kate only followed him with her eyes.

"Well…", began Josh.

Kate looked at him.

"Oh, thank you for coming. I was afraid you wouldn't come again. I just want to say that I'm sorry…"

"There's nothing you have to be sorry for."

"Really?" Kate smiled again. But there was something different in the smile for Castle and in one for Josh. For the latter it was an ordinary smile, and for the former that radiated… warmth, relief… home. But it was too late to realise that. Her 'warmth' has just gone. Maybe, forever.

Esposito and Ryan were watching them, and their smiles left their faces at the moment Josh appeared. Certainly, they too realised Kate missed her chance. The chance to be with HIM.

Josh left some minutes ago, Kate was standing in front of the whiteboard leaning on the desk, looking for some details they could miss, any clue that would help them move on. But there was nothing. She didn't even noticed Javi and Ryan come up to her. They just stared at the board.

"Any ideas?" asked Beckett.

"I don't believe it was Gold," said Ryan.

"Me, too," added Esposito. "First of all, it's too easy for the case to be solved. Second of all, he's a coward. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah. He's the guy who likes talking too much, but not doing it."

"OK. If it is so, who can have a motive?" said Kate still looking at the pictures.

There was nothing in answer, but silence. At last, she glanced at them. As she did, they turned their head to the whiteboard. It seemed to her suspicious.

"Are you OK, guys?" was the question.

And again silence.

"What's… going… on?" asked Beckett in a curt way.

Silence. Kate just stand up and looked like she was mad at them.

"Are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on?" she was almost yelling. Suddenly, she smiled.

"Oh, I got you. You miss Castle. What? Need a new insane theory whose aim is a plot against government? Come on, guys. If you just want to have fun, you can find another joker like him."

"But you can't," Esposito said suddenly.

Kate could find nothing to say in answer. She stared at Javier motionless, her smile vanished.

"You think you can replace Castle with some surgeon? Why the hell do you need him? To have another relationship and break up in the end? Just remember how many times Castle helped you, how he supported you when you needed that support. And if you forgot I had told you before, he's here not for another book."

After this word he became silent. Every one of them didn't say a word. Only Kate was trying to put her thoughts together and answer something, but she didn't succeed. Esposito turned around and left. So did Ryan. Beckett left alone. Sometimes it seemed she was always alone. Or, maybe, it didn't seem…

Dusk was coming outside, and Beckett was still standing in front of the whiteboard looking at it, trying to find missing links in the case. But all she could think about was what Esposito told her. "Is he really waiting for me?" was in her mind. She looked at the picture of Matthew Gold but saw there Castle's face. It seemed as if she was looking not at the board, but through it. Suddenly her eyes widened, and she whispered to herself, "How fool I am". Kate understood what Castle wanted to talk about, what he was going to say. He wanted to say he loved her. He dared to tell her about his feelings. But he didn't. And she didn't know whether she was ready to hear that.

About two years ago Kate realised she was in love with Richard, but under circumstances she didn't admit to him. And now the story went the same way. But this time he had a chance, but missed it.

Kate was thinking over everything when her cell rang. She looked at the screen. That was Josh. Beckett was staring at it not feeling like being able to push a green button. Suddenly she answered.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, I'm just calling to ask you if I should wait for you tonight."

"Ehm…," she paused. "I think you should."

Josh felt she smiled.

"So, how long should I wait for you?" she heard in the phone.

"Guess, about 10. I have enough work to do."

"OK. See you."

"Bye."

She pushed the red button much quicker than the green one. The smile vanished from her face at once. She remembered Javier's words again. But Castle left today afternoon and she didn't see him so far. And if he comes back? She tried not to think about it and dived into work.

"Well, the case, the case," she was repeating to herself in that way making an effort to throw unnecessary thoughts away.

Next morning Kate came to the precinct but Castle wasn't there. She looked disappointed. Ryan appeared in a couple of metres in front approaching her.

"How is it going?" asked Kevin.

"Fine," Kate answered quickly. "So, do we have something new?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"Well, I was thinking over all the clues, but I couldn't find the motive. Gold could kill the victim because she disgraced him in public. But it's ridiculous. So he didn't. Her ex-husband was her opponent in court. He lost the case. It was his first lost case. His reputation collapsed. He failed. And since now no one from the higher class will hire him. So…"

"So, you think he was able to murder his ex?" asked Ryan with surprise. "She was his wife."

"So what? First of all, she was his main enemy. In court, of course."

"She was his son's mother!" exclaimed Ryan.

Beckett opened her mouth to say something in answer but stopped. Son. Right.

"We didn't questioned his son. He lived with the victim. He might know something."

"Or nothing."

"Let's give it a shot. Besides, we must question every one connected to the case. All relatives, friends…"

"All right, I got it." said Kevin and went to his working place.

In a minute Javier showed up. He passed Kate silently, so did she, because she knew she wouldn't find words for answer.

Rick was sitting in the chair at the table in his office. He was trying to type another chapter of his upcoming book, but he couldn't. All thoughts were about Beckett, because writing about Nikki Heat he imagined her. Castle was overemotional so that he wasn't able to concentrate on what he was writing.

He was ready to help Kate with the case, but it was first time he didn't even know what the case was about! And he had no interest to get involved. All he wanted was to forget everything that happened to him within past two days. Or maybe, the whole story starting with meeting Beckett.

He closed his laptop, leaned on the back of the chair and stared at ceiling.

"What's wrong?" he heard familiar voice. "You're not writing. Your muse left you?"

It was Alexis. Nice girl with red hair and charming smile stood at the door looking with her beautiful eyes at her father.

"Hey! No, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"It doesn't matter." he muttered.

"Anything happened? Why aren't you at the precinct solving a usual crime?"

"Oh, nothing really. Just… I feel like I have to stop. Like I have to change my priorities. Change lifestyle. Or something like that."

"Whoa!" exclaimed Alexis coming up to Castle. "I don't like you. What's up? You argued with Beckett?"

"Well…yeah," Rick decided not to tell her the truth. She's young and doesn't need to know adults' problems.

"And what is that?" she asked.

"Oh, come on! Don't make me do it. I don't want to remember it."

"But you'll have to. You know I won't give up so soon."

He had no choice but to tell her. But it wasn't necessary to tell her the truth! And he could make a story on the spot.

"OK, here's the story. The case we're working on is some kind of dangerous. Beckett asked me to stay away for my safe, but you know me. I can't just stand aside when something interesting is happening."

"Unfortunately, I know. So what is the case?" suddenly asked Alexis. Castle couldn't find anything to say in answer. As usual, unordinary thought came to his mind.

"Well, a guy is killed. And there's Italian mafia implicated in the crime. And it went so far that I should stay at home and try to keep a low profile."

"Oh, my poor! So that's why you can't write. Need new feelings? Or a bullet in your head?" said Alexis jokingly. Rick just smiled and nodded.

"I get it. I'll stay at home and you'll be my muse."

"I think you won't use me as a muse writing a bedroom scene?" she said in the same way as she did last time.

"You'd better watch some cartoons on TV," he said and kissed his daughter in her forehead. She smiled and went away. He was alone. Again. Face to face with his feelings. He was glad he was writing a book, so that he could express what was going on inside of him.