Indefinite

By Airyo

Chapter 4


Why are you here?

She retreated behind her mask to escape the physical pain from Itachi's words. Her features smoothed into a haughty approximation of her father's default expression, grateful for the years that made her features more regal.

"You wanted to be found - Uchiha Itachi wouldn't be so sloppy as to leave clues unless it was a deliberate invitation," she said. It was a challenge and an entreaty. "I wanted to see you, so I accepted."

"Ah." He didn't take the bait and took a sip of tea instead. His hands were pale and long-fingered, just as she remembered, just with new wrinkles at the knuckles like weathered wood.

"I missed you," Hinata added. She winced at how needy she sounded. "Still miss you."

"I am right here," he replied. She wasn't the little girl ducking around the corner anymore, watching the object of her affections like a spy, but Hinata wished she could be. Itachi certainly didn't make it easy to be brave.

He hadn't changed at all. Still so cautious, so calculating. She could feel him analyzing her, fraying her into a thousand possibilities with nothing in reality. He was the genius, so she had to be the fool. Slowly, she stood and rounded the table so she was behind to him. The hard lines of his back seemed so weary. He let her wrap her arms around his shoulders and rest her cheek against where his neck met his shoulder. Now that she was touching him, Hinata could feel the tension thrumming through his body.

"Me too," she whispered. He didn't acknowledge her. "Me too," she repeated, almost pleading him to do something, anything.

Hinata lingered as long as she dared, but her courage waned.

Then, Itachi raised one hand and gripped her wrists, keeping her immobile. She felt him go slack, leaning back into her, acknowledging her. Hinata let out a of sob of relief. Itachi turned in his seat to catch her just as her knees gave out.

They clung to each other like two people drowning.


Months after she had left him at the Hyuuga safe house, Hinata felt his presence when she was vaulting through the forest. It didn't alarm her, as it was the aura of someone politely asking for an audience. As politely as someone who could easily kill her with a glance could be.

She landed on a large branch, dark hair fanning around her like ink. She turned, and watched Itachi drop to the same branch as her. They studied each other for a long moment. She hadn't expected to see him ever again, but Hinata was relieved to see that his dark circles had diminished, and his face had filled out slightly with much-needed fat. He looked healthier.

"You kept your promise." Itachi nodded. His eyes flicked over her, taking in the new jounin flak jacket.

"Congratulations, Hinata."

"Flying colors," she said with a faint blush.

"As expected," he said. "Are you returning from a mission right now?"

"Yes, I finished early."

She couldn't tell him that it was a solo A-rank mission for Intelligence, or that it was to investigate the depths to which Uchiha Sasuke had fallen. There was no need to pick at the scars of old wounds. And he probably already knew.

But she could tell him that she'd been chosen over all other Hyuuga. "Neji and Hanabi are stronger, but I am...more diplomatic." Sneakier, sweeter in appearance, and a far better actress. She didn't forget his words from last time. The mark of a good ninja is the ability to act.

"The world be a better place if there more people with your skills and less with brute force," Itachi said in a low voice. Hinata knew he was thinking of the Uchiha clan. She could only grasp at vague assumptions, but she also knew the expression that flitted across his eyes like the dark shadow of a passing bird. She had seen it in the mirror on days she feared the collapse of her clan, because her shoulders were not strong enough bear to the name. Only his had collapsed, sent crumbling to ground by his own hand.

Once a clan heir, always a clan heir, she thought.

It didn't make sense that a missing-nin like Itachi would feel guilt, not to mention save her. Nor her him. A lot of things about her relationship with Uchiha Itachi didn't make sense.

"I've been working hard," she said. "So the Hyuuga will be a unified house, a strong clan that will support the Will of Fire.

"A fine dream." The way he emphasized "dream" was condescending. Cruel, even.

"A goal," she corrected with a slight frown. Because it was something possible. She was a clan heiress too, and hearing someone speak ill of her clan was like ash on her tongue. "Our lessons from history guide us."

What was a clan heir without a clan?

Itachi's dark eyes narrowed in pain before his features smoothed to a blank slate. He looked away. A low blow. Hinata wondered if she should apologize, even though he had given the same insult to her heritage.

"I finished as planned," he said after a long silence. She studied his profile, wondering if this was another subtle jab.

"I don't understand," she admitted.

"My mission," he said, turning to meet her gaze. "I finished it precisely when I did, where I did."

HInata looked away, cheeks burning. An apology, perhaps, but also a not so subtle change of subject. Itachi wasn't as diplomatic as she'd assumed. The reminder that Itachi was human made Hinata feel a little less nervous.

It was no coincidence that it was precisely when she would be in the area, because as Hinata was beginning to understand, nothing about Itachi was by accident. His existence was a curated sum of calculated decisions.

Hinata wondered how badly she had messed up his plans she pulled him back from death.

"I'm glad you are better," she said. Itachi gave her a bewildered look, if he were capable of such an expression.

"Take care," he said. Then, Itachi disappeared before she could reply.

Hinata stared at where he had stood.

Well, she thought, at least he hadn't disagreed outright.


As Hinata's record of successful missions as a jounin increased, so did her time outside the village. At first, it was an occasional thing that both of them could pretend was coincidence. But she found herself missing his presence, fraying her attention for him.

It almost get her killed, when she let enemy stray just a little too close because she'd thought it was Itachi.

She had to think, had to be truthful to herself. Maybe, for all their good intentions, she should stop blinding herself to the dangers of...whatever this was. Whatever she hoped it would be. She didn't have the luxury of being a silly little girl, still searching for love and her own person. She knew who was - a valued Jounin who loved her village, who served her village. Who was loyal to her village.

She nosed through the files she could access, and talked to those who knew more. She used every trick the Hyuuga and Kurenai and Konoha ever taught her, all the while wondering if it was a warning sign that she was looking for reasons to justify herself.

It is always better to know, she thought.

Then one day, she dared to press Naruto for details. Naruto, whose words and enthusiasm always poured forth like puppies eager for treats, bowed his head and told her in stark language how Itachi had systematically broken Sasuke - his body, his heart, his mind, his soul. It wasn't the clumsy mistake of a boy, but the methodical, deliberate work of a monster. With the precise strokes of an artist, Itachi had made a madman in his image.

"Is it true?" she asked him. For the first time, she found something more than cold pity in her heart for Sasuke, who had forsaken everything that Hinata ever wished for like trash.

"It is."

She waited. Itachi looked away, eyes locked on the soft pastels of the sky.

"I subjected him to 72 hours of watching our parents die. I made him watch as I stabbed our Mother and Father repeatedly." He continued in graphic detail, but horrors upon horrors had a way of blurring everything until none of seemed so terrible. "I've done - and will do - terrible deeds." He finished with a slow sigh.

Hinata didn't know what to say. She wasn't even sure how she should feel, should react. It sickened her that Itachi would do what he did on his own violation, but on the same thought, she'd done worse at the command of mission scroll. The only difference was that it came from someone else. She'd still chosen to follow through.

Where was the line? Was there even one?

If there was nothing else, she had to believe in herself, in what she felt.

"I'm not one who can nor would forgive you," she told him. She looked down at her hands, heart beating an uneven rhythm on her eardrums, and wondered if even now she understood . "A long time ago time, I asked you why you did what you did."

"Hinata, I -"

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "Please don't answer me. I don't want to know if you're lying or telling me the truth." Because she knew him enough that she will be able to tell.

Because then he would only confirm the awful history of Konoha what she already suspected. Some secrets belonged in the grave after all.

"We're going to war," she whispered.

"So you are," he murmured, voice ever softer. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree trunk. He looked exhausted. "Sometimes I think war is the only sure thing in the world, even more than the sunrise." He turned to her, eyes ink black and haunted. He opened his mouth and shut it again. He shook his head.

Any confession would be more curse than blessing.


She crossed paths with Sasuke only once after they go to war.

It was such a bad parody of a meet cute that Hinata could cry. They walk by each other in between the two medical tents, both just another face in the long line of injured soldiers. She didn't recognize him at first, because she'd been fighting for 2 days straight. Her vision was blurring from fatigue and overuse of the Byakugan.

Then, she tripped and fell flat on her face with a squeak. He didn't try to catch her. But, he paused to see that she could get back up. The small hint of humanity was enough to loosen her lips.

"Please don't die." Sasuke stopped and glared at her, cursory sneer more confused than irritated. Hinata preferred the sneer to the blank expression he usually adopted. She looked away, fiddling with her index fingers. He waited for her to explain herself. It hurt Hinata, and she was angry that Sasuke had been twisted into someone who would react so badly to someone wishing his wellbeing. "Even after everything...I think he wants you to alive and happy."

Sasuke blinked. His expression was painfully vulnerable for one moment before he shuttered everything away. "He's alive."

Hinata ducked her head because she already said too much. She jumped when he laughed with relief tinged with heartbreaking hysteria. She watched him walk away with wide eyes.

Because he was Itachi's foolish little brother, Sasuke sacrificed himself three days later to gain Naruto the chance to end the war.

No one dared to disagree when Hyuuga Hinata and Team 7 argued for his posthumous reinstatement into Konoha.