LOC4

Over the next few shifts DeSoto got to know his new partner better. Phil Nolan was a family man and dedicated to the fire service. Nolan had a three year old girl named Heather and a wife named Trudi; just what he had been hoping for in a partner. He wanted someone normal, calm and responsible, unlike his former partner, whom he hadn't heard a word from.

But he could also count on groceries and money showing up every three weeks for Joanne's chemo treatments. It was a blessing in disguise but also worried him; someone seemed to know Joanne's treatment schedule.

So he had gotten into a routine between Joanne's treatments feeling he was getting more rest when he was on shift than home. Roy loved his children dearly but they were in constant need and comforting since his wife spent a lot of time resting. Every free moment he was cleaning the house, washing clothes and supervising his children. More often than not, Joanne would be on the couch.

One late night, Roy held his wife tightly while lying in bed; he caressed her hair while she cried.

"Oh Roy. I love you so much but I'm scared," Joanne turned around and hugged Roy tighter. "I'm so scared." Tears ran down her face.

Wiping the tears from her face, Roy kissed his wife's nose, kissed her forehead, kissed both cheeks and kissed her hard and long on the lips.

"We're going to beat this Joanne. You're strong and they caught it early. You just leave everything to me and just get yourself well," Roy hugged her tighter, his eyes misting and his heart pounding in his chest. "I love you Joanne, with all my heart and soul. You just get better."

They fell asleep in each other's arms, still holding each other tightly when the alarm went off.

Roy saw the kids off to school and then went to work, holding and kissing his wife before he left to the station.

*****

Joanne sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Her husband had done everything leaving her nothing to do but rest. Her tired body was the result of her chemo treatment. She had never felt so tired in her life and hated it. Jessica and Chris needed her but she was useless. Her babies were getting independent as Roy had shown them how to work the toaster oven and how to help her.

"Damnitt," she threw a pillow at the TV. "I'm going to beat you, cancer. I'm going to beat you."

The children came home from school, made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a glass of milk and watched a little bit of TV before going to the kitchen table and doing homework.

Joanne fell asleep as her children did homework and whispered.

"Is Mommy going to be okay?" Jessica looked at her sleeping mother.

"Yeah, she'll be all right, Jessica. Besides you're not a baby anymore. Dad said Mommy is going to be sick for awhile and we have to be good for her," Chris bent down over his homework trying to hide his tears from his baby sister.

"I wish Uncle Johnny would come over ,Chris. I miss him and Daddy only said he transferred. What's transferred?" Jessica stood on her chair and leaned over to her brother.

"I don't know," Chris wiped the tears from his eyes. "Maybe we can call him. Dad has his phone number someplace."

"Promise?" Jessica's blue eyes bored into her brothers.

"Promise," Chris did a pinky promise as their mother stirred from her nap.

*****

He was loath to admit it but if Gage had still been around, he might have asked Gage to baby-sit or at least take the kids to a park or somewhere.

For Roy his shift being slow was hard going. With a busy shift he didn't need to think except the job at hand. Now getting ready for bed he clenched his hands, and then cupped them as he washed his face with cool water.

The lights went out in the dorm and DeSoto went into a restless sleep. It was two a.m. when he sat straight up, unable to breathe and unable to focus. In his haste to exit his bed he fell hard on the tile and tried using the bed for support. Still unable to breathe he fell down again.

"Roy," Phil wiped the sleep from his eyes, "are you okay?" He quickly knelt down to his incapacitated partner.

DeSoto nodded. "Feels like there's an elephant on my chest," he whispered.

"DeSoto," Captain Stanley appeared and looked at him. "All right," he said, looking at the now fully awake shift. "Chet, you get the oxygen, Marco get the drug box, and Mike get the biophone." The men made short work of their tasks and the equipment surrounded Roy.

"I'm fine," Roy's chest heaved. "Just fine."

"You let Nolan be the judge of that," Stanley looked worried as Phil took Roy's vital signs.

Cap was quickly on the biophone as Nolan relayed vitals.

"51 give patient a paper bag to breathe in. Send vitals again in five minutes," a calm Dr. Early advised.

"10-4 Rampart," Captain Stanley watched as Phil placed a large bag over Roy's mouth.

A few minutes later, the blond paramedic was breathing fine on his own, tired and blushing.

"Sorry guys," Roy tried to stand up with ten hands helping him.

"Man, Roy," Chet shook his head, "something botherin' you?"

Roy looked at each man with respect and love. He had trusted each of them with his life, even Phil. His little attack had shown him his heavy load was going to kill him.

"Guys, I…hell how can I say this?" Roy looked at Hank who nodded.

"Um, Joanne has breast cancer," DeSoto clasped his hands in front of him and waited.

"That's tough," Mike came over and patted him on the back. "If you need anything I'm there for you pal."

"Tough break," Chet ambled over and wondered if Johnny had left because of it.

"Same here," Marco came over. "I'll say a novena for her and put her on our parish prayer list, Roy."

Phil looked at Roy, then Stanley and thought of Johnny and sighed.

"Hey I'm there for ya anytime partner. Any time," Nolan looked at the men. "I don't know about you but I'm dog tired."

"Well, I think it's time for lights out…

Tones sounded for the engine leaving Phil and Roy alone.

*****

The phone rang at the Nolan's.

"Hello," Phil answered as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen

"Hey Phil," Johnny replied his voice sounding distant and hollow.

"Man Johnny, you're a hard one to get a hold of. I must have left a dozen messages," Nolan listened to the music in the background.

"Sorry Phil I've been busy. So what's up?" Johnny's voice went up.

"Um, I don't know if you heard but Roy DeSoto's wife has breast cancer." Nolan stated plainly and heard silence.

Phil heard nothing in the background and he could swear Gage had stopped breathing.

"Johnny are you okay? Johnny?" Phil almost yelled in the phone.

"Yah, man I'm fine Phil. Listen I got to go . . . I'm real busy and . . ." Phil could barely hear his friend's voice.

"Wait a minute Johnny. Trudi and I haven't seen you since I transferred over three months ago, so come over for dinner one night when you're not busy," Phil closed his eyes, wondering what pain Gage was going through hearing about his former partner.

"Um, Phil," Johnny's voice sounded strained. "I'll let you know, k. I got to go. Give my love to Trudi and Heather."

Phil heard the click of the phone. He shook his head; the busy he heard about his former shift mate was lots of OT.

***

It seemed it was another long shift until the phone rang.

"Fireman Marco Lopez," Marco answered the phone since he was closest. He looked at Chet and frowned. "It's for you pal."

"Um, I'll take it in the dorm; Kelly quickly made his way out of the dorm drawing stares from Roy and Phil.

Still reading the paper a few minutes later, a downcast Chet came back into the dayroom. Looking up from his paper, DeSoto looked at his crestfallen shift mate.

"Something wrong Chet?" Roy could see the deep frown in the bushy haired Irishman.

"Yeah, yeah. A good friend of mine is hurt, real bad. Not that it would matter to you of course," Chet's hands were clenched to his chest. "If you'll excuse me I got some phone calls to make." Kelly quickly disappeared from the room.

Phil shrugged, "Kelly always like this?" Nolan felt shivers run up and down his spine.

"Yeah he's like Ga-Kelly is a weird duck but you'll get used to him," DeSoto went back to his paper and didn't give a second thought of Chet's 'good friend'.

****

Roy half expected to find more groceries when he drove Joanne home. He had gotten used to the groceries and pizza for the last few months. Every few weeks, his benefactor knew when his wife had treatment and so far he didn't have to work OT. Every moment he spent with his family was growing more precious every day. Until reality hit him cold in the face.

The family was asleep as he went over the bills. You thought you had good health insurance until this happened. Even the money slipped in the groceries helped some but since Joanne didn't follow the usual protocol he was having to fight the insurance company tooth and nail.

Wrapping her arms around her husband, Joanne kissed him on the forehead.

"Now what are you doing up so late for?" Her scent always drove him crazy.

"I'm going over bills babe," Roy turned around and kissed his wife passionately. "The damn insurance.. .'

"Roy you know the doctors are fighting for us. It just takes a little time. We'll be all right," she tenderly kissed him back.

Turning his chair, he brought her over to his lap and held her gently and kissed her nose.

"You know Roy, now I've got my strength back and the kids are asleep," she whispered in his ear. "I'll let you do all the work, that's if you're up to it." She took both his hands, the bills forgotten, and led him to their bedroom.