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I THINK I'M A CLONE NOW

A dark cloud was spreading across the sky long before sunset, signaling the sign of something ominous in the air. Ranma tapped his leg impatiently, glaring up at the sky. He was sitting out on the back deck wondering about what Kuno had said earlier. It didn't bode well. Had Kuno finally gone mad or was there some other explanation?

He cringed as a raindrop landed on his face, then another. Then the whole sky broke loose and poured down on him. The now female Ranma sputtered and moved further back under the protection of the porch cover. "Geez, stupid rain. Where are those kids anyway?" Ranma grumbled as she rung out her pigtail.

Right at that moment a bolt of lightening struck nearby, lighting up the backyard with a blinding flash. Ranma blinked and a dark figure appeared before her, silhouetted against the light, holding a knife high above their head. "YAAHH!" Ranma was so startled she punched the figure in the face, sending him flying across the yard into the mud.

Ranma stood there panting for a moment. "Who- Who are you?" She shouted. When there was no response she ran out to see for herself. When she got closer her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. Daichi was laying face down in the mud. "AH! DAICHI! ARE YOU OKAY?" Ranma turned him over, spirals appearing in Daichi's eyes.

But after a moment the boy shook his head and blinked up at his father. "Dad? What was that for?" He moaned, rubbing his head as he sat up.

"Sorry, I didn't recognize you. You snuck up on me there!" Ranma helped him to his feet.

"Yes, I suppose I did, almost as though I were trying to catch you off guard." Daichi laughed and started to walk towards the house. Ranma watched him for a few seconds before following, his smile twitching at the corners.

"Daichi, you weren't uh… holding something a moment ago?" Ranma asked.

"Holding something? Like what?" Daichi asked, confused.

"Uh… nothing. Forget about it!" Ranma waved his hand passively. Daichi shrugged and continued towards the house.

Did I imagine it? Ranma thought. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. This is my own son after all. But the hair on the back of her neck was still standing on end.

Once inside, Daichi looked around the dining room and then in the hallway. And he jumped slightly when Akane stuck her head out of the kitchen. "Hi, Daichi! How was school? Dinner should be ready soon."

Genma and Soun, who had been walking down the stairs at that moment, took one look at each other and quickly retreated back up.

"School was fine. And dinner sounds great, Mom." Daichi said with a smile and no hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Akane blinked in surprise and smiled. "You really think so? Thank you, honey!" Akane grabbed him in a tight hug, which he didn't return because he was being squeezed too hard. After a few seconds Akane's face fell and she stepped back. "Daichi, are you… are you feeling alright?"

"I've never been better!" He said, swinging his arm up. "Why? How come?"

"It's just… nothing I guess." She answered slowly.

Ranma gave Daichi a scrutinizing look. There was something very wrong here. "So Daichi, where's Jatsuma?"

"Huh?" Daichi looked confused, but quickly recovered. "Oh, he should be along any minute. He wanted to talk to some girl."

"Well I'm glad to hear things are getting back to normal for him at school." Akane said, stepping back into the kitchen. "But he better get here soon, it's raining for heaven's sake. And if Makoto's not back soon we'll need to call Ryoga and see if she's there."

"Sure thing, Mom." Daichi said before turning back to Ranma, who jumped with a start. "Well, I got homework to get to. See you in a bit Dad." He smiled at Ranma much longer than she thought necessary then turned to go upstairs, not taking his gaze away until he was on the second landing.

Ranma sighed loudly. "I really am getting paranoid." She said, scratching her head. Then she made her way to the bathroom, pulling off her clothes in the laundry room that connected to the large downstairs bathroom.

After running some hot water she sat down in the tub, becoming a he once again. Ranma slipped down into the water so that only his nose and eyes were visible. The warm water was relaxing and he was quickly put in a daze. Steam was filling the bathroom but Ranma didn't feel like moving to turning to water off quite yet.

This Kuno thing's got me crazy! I wonder how many people he's already invited to that fake wedding? He'll just have to be left at the alter. I'm not even on the guest list. He thought with a look of satisfaction. That'd show that loon. I bet that picture of his kid was fake too.

He could have stayed like that for hours. But only a few minutes had passed when he heard a click and light tapping noises, like someone had opened the door and was tiptoeing across the room. Ranma sat up quickly and saw someone, but couldn't tell who it was because of the steam.

The figure jumped in surprise, realizing he had been caught, and held something square over his head like he were about to throw it. Ranma realized what it was almost immediately, a toaster!

"WHOA!" Ranma grabbed a bar of soap squeezed it. It slipped between his hands and shot at the assailant, hitting him right between the eyes. The figure fell over backwards and the toaster fell to the floor with a clang.

Ranma jumped out of the bath, angry as a bull. "WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" He shouted.

The person didn't answer but retreated through the open door, still trying to get their footing. "HEY!" Ranma charged after them, grabbing a bathrobe off the rack in the laundry room as he went by and pulling it on as he ran.

Unfortunately this slowed him down just enough. He made it into the hallway just in time to see the front door close shut. He ran forward and slammed it open. "GET BACK HERE!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Two voices screamed. Jatsuma and Daichi had only been three feet away when Ranma burst the door open and both look severely alarmed. Daichi had fallen to the ground and Jatsuma was holding his chest.

"GEEZ! Dad, are you trying to give us a freaking heart attack?" Jatsuma shouted. "What are you doing?"

"Did someone just come out here?" Ranma asked urgently, looking around.

"No, I didn't see anyone." Jatsuma said, annoyed. "Why? What's going on?" He slouched over slightly as Daichi grabbed his arm for support while standing up.

"Can we as least get in out of the rain?" Daichi complained. "I'm wet enough already."

Ranma blinked. "Daichi, what are you doing back outside again?"

Daichi looked confused. "Well it's easier than tunneling everywhere."

"No! I mean, why did you go outside again if it's raining? Weren't you upstairs doing your homework?" Ranma asked, exasperated.

"Dad, if I had already been inside I would have stayed inside! Where it's DRY!" Daichi sputtered angrily. He and Jatsuma were thoroughly soaked by now. Ranma stood aside and the boys sloshed into the house, tugging off their wet shoes and socks at the door.

"So…you haven't been home at all yet?" Ranma asked slowly.

"No." Daichi said again.

"But! But you were here! I saw you in the back yard! And…" Ranma paused, his sons staring at him.

"Dad, are you okay?" Jatsuma asked with his eyes narrowed. "You're all jittery."

"Listen," Ranma lowered his voice and leaned in. Daichi and Jatsuma did likewise. "There's something very strange going on here. In the backyard I thought I saw someone with a knife standing over me, but it just was Daichi." Daichi's mouth opened and Jatsuma's eyes grew wide. "Then I was taking a bath and someone came in and nearly threw a toaster in the bathtub. I chased them outside and ran into you two and you told me you haven't been home yet. So I'm starting to think this Daichi isn't our Daichi but another Daichi! And he's trying to kill me!" He hissed in a low voice.

Daichi and Jatsuma looked astonished. They turned to look at each other for a second. "Wow, Dad." Jatsuma said, breathless. "So you've finally gone over the deep end, huh?"

"I'm telling you what happened!" Ranma said angrily. "Come in the bathroom and look at the toaster if you don't believe me! The Daichi clone dropped it!"

But when they went to the bathroom, there was nothing but water on the floor. The bath water was still running and the toaster was gone. Ranma's jaw dropped. "It was here! I know I saw-! He must have come back for it!"

Jatsuma sighed and rolled his eyes. "Come on! Do you honestly believe there's a clone of Daichi running around, trying to murder you? Do you know how ridicules that sounds?"

"YES! But it's the truth!" Ranma spat.

"I think you're finally going senile." Jatsuma mumbled.

"And I think you're asking to be grounded for a month!" Ranma threatened.

"Hey…" Daichi said slowly, speaking for the first time in a while. He was now remembering that he saw that woman who looked just like Ranma in girl form. With all the confusion going on earlier he had forgotten. "I don't know if it has anything to do with this…but it can't just be coincidence…"

"Hmh? What is?" Jatsuma asked, he and Ranma looking at him curiously.

"DINNER TIME!" Akane's voice rang through the house.

"WE'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE!" Ranma called back.

"NOW!" Akane yelled back with such ferocity that they were all running for the dinning room, including Soun and Genma who were falling down the stairs in their hurry.

Minutes later they were all in the dinning room, sitting around the table, waiting to see what concoction awaited them tonight. Akane came in carrying a large platter with different types of seafood covered in a red sauce. She looked completely happy as she sat down next to Ranma and set the platter in the middle of the table. "Well? Dig in!" She said.

Everyone stared at it and gave in to the inevitable. Daichi and Jatsuma were the first to take some; they had been raised on this kind of stuff and could stomach it more than most people. Genma and Soun soon followed, tears streaming down their faces. Ranma just looked at it suspiciously, then he noticed Akane was staring at him.

"What?" Ranma asked.

"You're not eating." Akane said, her smile twitching slightly.

Ranma smiled nervously. "I'm not all that hungry."

"But…I made it just for you." She said with quiver in her voice. Then she picked up a piece with her chopsticks and held up to his face. "Say ah!" She said happily.

Okay, now Ranma was thoroughly weirded out. Akane wasn't acting like herself at all. He narrowed his eyes. "Akane, what the heck-" But he didn't finish his sentence because she stuck the shrimp in his mouth with a violent shove, hitting the back of his throat with the chopsticks. "GAHHH!" Ranma gagged and sputtered, holding his neck as the shrimp went down.

Akane smiled sweetly. "What do you think?"

"I think you're crazy!" Ranma snapped, breathing heavily once his windpipe was free.

Suddenly there was a lot of gagging a sputtering around the table as Daichi, Jatsuma, Soun and Genma slumped forward and across the floor, twitching slightly but stiff. "P-p-paralysis p-p-powder!" Genma stuttered.

Ranma gasped and tried to stand up but found he couldn't move either, his muscles were seizing up. Akane stood up with a curved grin on her face and glare in her eye. "Now I have you right where I want you, Ranma Saotome!"

"What?" Ranma gritted his teeth as he struggled not to fall over. "You! You're not Akane!"

"Clever observation, but far too late I'm afraid!" She cackled. Then she picked up the large tray off the table, food flying everywhere, and smacked it down on Ranma's head.

"OW!" Ranma fell to the floor, unable to move or fight back.

The imposter held up the tray for another attack. "I'll teach you to mess with my happiness!" And she smacked him again.

"OW! GEEZ! WHAT'D I EVER DO TO YOU?" Ranma shouted, his blood boiling.

"You made my life a living hell!" She hit him again. "My whole youth! Spent in agony! I won't let you destroy what I have accomplished!"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Ranma spat.

"I don't suppose you do! But what does it matter?" She held up the tray again, but a hand caught her wrist from behind. She looked back in horror to see the real Akane holding her back. Akane had ripped robes hanging loosely around her arms and legs and she was huffing like an angry buffalo, her red face contorted in fury. "eh?" The fake Akane squeaked.

Akane heaved and threw the imposter, knocking down the sliding doors to the backyard as the imposter rammed into them and landed in the mud outside, rain pouring around her. "THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO TIE ME UP, THROW ME IN A CLOSET, PARALIZE MY FAMILY AND ATTACK MY HUSBAND!" Akane roared.

Ranma smiled. Akane could hold the imposter off until he could move again! "Akane!"

Akane looked around with concern. "Daichi! Jatsuma!" She hugged her two, still paralyzed, sons tightly. "Oh my god! Are you two okay?" She cried as they gagged. "M-Mom!" Jatsuma wheezed.

"Hey! I'm the one who's hurt!" Ranma complained, pointing to the bumps on his head.

"I- I think it's starting to wear off!" Soun said, moving his hand slightly. Genma smiled, "Yes! I can feel my strength returning now!"

"I'll teach you to mess with my happiness!" The imposter stood up in the yard. She was quivering and covered with mug. But she no longer looked like Akane. Instead, she had red pigtail and cherry blossom kimono.

Daichi gasped. "You! I saw you earlier today!" He pointed towards her.

"Yes, I was afraid I had blown my cover!" The Ranma-look-alike said spitefully. "But now, it's too late for you, Ranma!" The girl lunged forward, but Ranma had already started to regain some of his mobility and he kicked up his foot and sent her flying over him into the corner of the room where she landed upside down.

"Damn you!" The imposter cursed.

"Get her!" Genma, Soun and Ranma lunged at the imposter and quickly tied her up so she couldn't escape. The girl cursed and fought but moments later was sitting in the corner of the room with ropes tied around her.

"You'll pay for this! Unhand me!" She spat, trying to bite at Ranma's hand.

"Mom, you can let us go now." Jatsuma said grumpily. Akane was still holding both of them tightly, not wanting to let them go anytime soon. "Oh…right." She reluctantly released them.

"What were you saying before, Daichi?" Ranma asked.

"I saw her earlier!" Daichi repeated. "Near the waterway! I thought she was you at first!"

Ranma glared at her. "So that's why you disguised yourself as Daichi first! Because you knew what he looked like! So what's your grudge against me anyway?"

"Hmph. Why should I owe YOU an explanation?" She huffed angrily, sticking her nose up.

That was when it struck him and Ranma's face fell. "You… You're the one who's married to Kuno!" He shouted.

The Pigtailed Girl looked horrified. "You leave Kunokins out of this!" She snapped ferociously. Everyone stared at her in utter dismay with their mouths hanging open.

Jatsuma scratched his head irritably. "I think we're a little behind the times. Who's this Kuno person?"

"Only the most handsome man in the world!" The Pigtailed Girl shouted. "That he would dote on one such as you, Ranma, is beyond me!"

Daichi and Jatsuma's mouths fell open and they stared at their father. "It's not how it sounds!" Ranma shouted in annoyance. "That idiot Kuno was in love with my girl form! And no matter how many times we tried to show him the truth, he was too dense to get it!"

"Don't you talk about my Kunokins that way!" The Pigtailed Girl kicked his shin.

"AH!" Ranma gritted his teeth. "Listen you! You better start explaining yourself! Why do you look like me? Why are you trying to kill me? And why are you married to Kuno?"

The Pigtailed Girl glared at him. "Why? WHY? All of this is your fault Ranma! You see, when I was a young girl I fell in love with the brave and noble Tatewaki Kuno. He was a man among men! A pillar in the grave of despair!"

"What does that even mean?" Jatsuma whispered to Daichi, who shushed him.

"I loved him with all my heart, but was too shy to let my feeling show." She continued sadly. "When I finally gathered enough courage to confront him, my love was spurned!"

TWENTY-FOUR YEARS EARLIER

A shy looking young girl held out a box of chocolates and a love letter to a seventeen year old Kuno, her red face staring at the ground. "Please, Upperclassman Kuno, accept my gifts and… date with me?" She half whispered.

Kuno looked noble and forlorn. He clinched his fist and held it up in determination. "I am truly sorry. But I can not accept your gifts."

"W- What?" The girl's head snapped up and her gifts slipped from her hands and fell to the ground.

"You see my heart belongs to another." Kuno said dramatically. "The lovely Pigtailed Girl!"

PRESENT DAY

"He said he only had eyes for the Pigtailed Girl! I was heartbroken!" She spat angrily. "So I turned to the Terono School of Martial Arts for help!"

Soun gasped loudly. "Of course! Terono School! They're famous for their chameleon technique!"

"Chameleon technique?" Akane asked.

"The chameleon technique is something only the most dedicated students can learn." Genma said seriously. "It allows anyone who masters it to change their appearance at will, taking on other forms."

"What?" Jatsuma asked, breathless. "No way!" Daichi exclaimed.

"What are you saying, Pops!" Ranma said angrily. "How come I never heard of it?"

"Yes! Chameleon technique requires a great amount of discipline!" Genma continued. "A chameleon disciple must carry vast amounts of make-up and clothing hidden on their person at all times so as to be prepared for any situation, should it arise!" He said with admiration. "That's one of the reasons I never mastered it myself."

Everyone fell over in dismay. "So basically they just change their clothes really fast?" Ranma asked in annoyance.

"Yes." Genma nodded.

The imposter Pigtailed Girl was grinding her teeth. "Do you want to hear my story or don't you?" She snapped.

"Please, continue." Soun said.

"After years of training I was finally able to master the Chameleon technique!" She continued. "After that, I took on the guise of the Pigtailed Girl! This was shortly after your wedding to Akane, Ranma, and my poor Kunokins was leaving to live in Hawaii. I couldn't stand it! I had to go after him! If only to have him hold me or kiss me just once! Then I could be happy! So I took a boat and followed him across the Pacific Ocean!" She paused, smiling. "I met him on the shore and we ran into each other's arms. I had never been so very happy. Then…he proposed right there. How could I say no?"

"I'll tell ya a few ways!" Ranma growled, clinching his fist.

"That's…so…beautiful!" Genma sobbed. Soun wiped his tearing eyes with a tissue. "WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?" Ranma snapped.

"So you just married him? And he still thinks you're Ranma?" Akane asked, astonished.

"Yes." The Pigtailed Girl said. "We could have lived out our days happily in Hawaii. But… Kunokins decided he wanted to come back to Japan. And as long as Ranma lives my disguise is in jeopardy!"

Right then there was a loud knock coming from the front door. "Akane Tendo! I have come to make amends with your husband! I brought him a new invitation!"

"AHHH!" The Pigtailed Girl hopped up (her legs weren't tied). "Kunokins! I can't let him find me here! He might draw the wrong conclusion!" She made a dash for the yard.

"You're not going anywhere!" Ranma snapped, grabbing the back of her ropes. "You're staying right here and telling Kuno the truth!"

"Smoke screen!" An explosion of smoke flew from the Pigtailed Girl, cloaking the dinning room.

"Whoa!" Ranma fell backwards from the force of the blast and landed on the table, a pitcher of ice tea falling on his head.

"What is going on here?" Kuno stuck his head in the dinning room. Apparently he had let himself in. Then he gasped. "Pigtailed Girl! What are you doing here?"

"HA!" Ranma stood up as the smoke cleared. "Busted!" He shouted triumphantly. But then he noticed the imposter Pigtailed Girl was nowhere to be seen.

"She escaped!" Jatsuma shouted. "With a smoke screen! That was awesome!"

"Or deranged." Daichi said.

"Let's go with deranged." Ranma snapped in annoyance right before Kuno caught her in a hug. "GAH!"

"My dear wife! What are you doing here at the house of Ranma Saotome?" Kuno asked. "Oh! I understand! You came to visit your old friend Akane! But you didn't have to come alone! I would have accompanied you!"

"Would you back off!" Ranma tried to push him away.

"Man," Jatsuma scratched his head, smirking. "You hear about this sort of thing on television, but you never think it could happen to you. Our own father…"

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Ranma said irritably, finally pushing Kuno away.

Kuno gasped. "Dear Akane! Are these your boys?" He rounded on Daichi and Jatsuma who recoiled.

"Yeah, that's Daichi and Jatsuma." Akane answered.

"They're precious!" Kuno pinched Daichi's cheek as though he were a two year old. "But I have not come for a mere visit! I have come to reconcile with Ranma! Perhaps I was too rash in uninviting him. I would not want to deny him the pleasure of attending our wedding!" Kuno put his arm around Ranma's shoulders, a giddy smile on his face.

Ranma glared and punched him. "Wouldn't want that!" She shouted sarcastically.

"In fact, you should all come!" Kuno pulled out some extra invitations and passed them out to Daichi, Jatsuma, Soun and Genma.

"We also have a sister." Jatsuma said. Kuno handed him a second invitation. "And she never goes anywhere without her boyfriend." Kuno handed him a third. "And he has family too-"

"Don't encourage him!" Ranma shouted.

Kuno laughed. "Ha ha! Of course! Why should we deny them?" He stuffed a handful of invitations into Jatsuma's hands.

Meanwhile on the roof, the imposter Pigtailed Girl was hanging upside down off the side of the roof and looking into the room. Damn you Ranma! You're already ruining everything! She thought angrily.