I'm soooooooooo sorry! Please don't be too made at me! Here it is! I hope the next chapter doesn't take so long but no promises. School is taking up more of my time than I thought it would so these chapters aren't going to get out as fast as they did over the summer. This is kind of a sucky chapter btw, I'm sorryyyyyy.


"Jeeze Dick, calm down. I mean, I like the attention and even the jealousy…but I'm not gonna last long…" Wally inhaled deeply, "if you keep this up…" he groaned, bucking his hips towards the younger teen. He sighed with relief and some disappointment when Dick crawled up next to him, a satisfied look on his face as he left the speedster teased. It had been two days since the charade with the prostitute and Dick hadn't been shy at all about making Wally understand he was a taken man. It was the perfect opportunity because Maggie was away for the evening, up to something she insisted on keeping private. Of course, Dick didn't really doubt Wally, but he couldn't help the jealousy imagining his boyfriend kissing someone else. As if reading his mind, Wally chuckled, leaning over to nip at Dick's lower lip.

"I'm gay babe. I promise. You're the one that needs to be worried about. You still like girls." He teased, watching the growing blush on Dick's cheeks.

"I love you Wally," Dick said with fast recovery as he tugged the older boy on top of him, "now can you please suck-"

And with that, the door to the motel room swung open. Dick tensed at the sight of the five males crowding into the room and could feel Wally tense up as he kept his position protectively over Dick's smaller body. With little guilt, Dick shoved the red head off of him and sat up, thanking whatever force had put it into his head that he should keep his brown contacts in, even though Wally had complained about it. He scanned the men, recognizing silently that each of them carried openly placed guns, and assuming each hid at least two other weapons somewhere on their figures. Dick wasn't worried about a single one of them and he knew Wally wasn't either. Still, he knew he should at least act like the muscled men and freshly loaded guns frightened him a little.

One man, one Dick recognized as the younger man from the strip club, looked between him and Wally with what looked like a hint of disgust. Dick didn't care what the man though, but he did hope that none of these men recognized Wally as the man from the car the other night.

"He's not one of ours…" one of them pointed out. Wally stood up, not caring who saw him tug on his boxer shorts.

"He's also not being paid to do this…" he snorted with an arrogant sound, looking for his clothes in the pile he and Dick had tossed down not long ago. Dick noticed that Wally didn't give any of the men a good chance to look at his face. Even though he couldn't speed his way out of there, the red head could definitely maneuver his way out of room. It relieved Dick that his boyfriend played everything off so well and he could relax knowing that the men hadn't gotten a good look at him.

"So…" Dick tugged on his own clothes nonchalantly, "You must be 'them'…" he said with a smirk. Dick tried not to give away how comfortable he was. Five grown men with weapons should scare any normal teenager getting involved in such a dangerous and risky business, but of course it didn't bother Dick at all. He knew very well he could take these men out in half a minute, but he tried to make himself come across at least a little nervous. He purposely started tapping his foot and fidgeting.

Dick hadn't gone into this blind by any means. He'd found these men the second Maggie told him about it. But he'd had to play along and not go 'looking' for these people. Dick also knew that one man, a tall African American with dread locks to his hips, was the big boss. He had on a purple suit, and gold hoops in both ears. He grinned at Dick.

"I've been informed that you want in Jason. There are some rules…of course…" he said with a wave of his hand. Dick nodded.

"Of course." He copied.

"Don't ask questions. Don't date our…employees…not that I'm too worried about any of our women now…" the man cackled, "You aren't allowed to emotionally bond with them. You must listen. There is no room for mistakes. And Jason, I recommend you don't get caught around these parts with other men. Bludhaven isn't a very friendly city," the man finished.

"Right," Dick answered, licking his dry lips. He was given a new supply of dime sized bags with white powder inside. This was the boss though and Dick knew he had him nailed. But he couldn't bust him right now, not while he was still "Jason". Inwardly, he smiled.


2 days later…at Mount Justice…

Dick peeled off his mask as he collapsed on the sofa in front of his teammates. They were pretty surprised to him around since he was away so often and none of them had known about his undercover mission. He was tired and ready for a long hot shower, a drink, and a nap, but unfortunately it was the middle of the day and there was an explanation to give. He at least owed his team that much.

God I'm anxious.

What's wrong with me?

I need…

"Where the hell have you been? We've been busting our butts off here." Conner growled at the boy. Dick groaned and wiped his face with his gloved hand.

"I was on an undercover mission from Batman. Had to nail a ring leader. I got him…so…mission accomplished." He said as he closed his eyes. Megan floated over to him, her eyes full of concern.

"What's wrong Robin?" she asked as sweetly as she could manage. Dick shot up and glared at her.

"Don't call me that. My name is Dick Grayson. I don't have a mask on do I?" he told her, then shook his head in regret, "Sorry…I'm just exhausted…"

or something…

Why did I do that?

Why can't I think straight?

Straight…straight…straight…

Gay…gay…gay…

Me…Wally.

Wally…

"Hey…maybe you should lay back down Dick…you looking sick…" it was Artemis. She was talking and Dick could hear her…but her voice sounded farther and farther away. And she was slowing down in a way. Dick stood up and looked around. He could see Kaldur and Artemis come to his sides to support him. Megan and Conner were trying to ask him questions but he chose to ignore them instead of paying attention. There was no way he was going to put his energy into listening to their worries, but he wasn't sure why he chose it that way.

"You're in so much trouble…" the voice belonged to the newly arriving hero, Kid Flash. He was staring at Dick. Actually he was glaring. Dick was sure of it. There was no way for him to deny what he knew the older boy was seeing. What was he seeing? Dick grabbed at his clouding head.

Why?

Why?

Why?

He's so angry…

No…he's hurting…

I did it…

And all I can think about…

Is getting my hands on…

Another line…

"You think I don't know what it looks like to come down from coke?" Wally growled as he sat his now undressed partner on their bed. They were in Wally's apartment and by this time, Dick was at a point where he was finally coherent again. He watched as Wally sped back and forth in the room, grabbing at his own red hair.

"Wally…" he tried to interrupt the speed talking.

"No! You know what it did to me Dick! You know how bad it is!" Wally yelled at him.

"I'm fine Wally…I just thought it might help…" Dick answered calmly.

"Help? That's what I'm here for Dick! Bats is going to ruin me for this. You drink like the world is going to end and now you're on drugs?" Wally hissed, stopping in front of the Wayne ward. The red head started breathing deeply, but slowed down to a calm after watching Dick's eyes grow shameful.

"I know you're hurting. I've been there…I'm still there. but this isn't the way…you know that." Wally said sternly, though with more compassion. The hero was helping Dick undress and then starting undressing himself. Dick watched the boy he loved. He admired Wally so much for all of the things he'd been through and dealt with. It amazed him to believe that Wally really was happy after all of his hell. He made Wally happy…in the beginning, but now he wasn't sure if he was just causing him more pain. He knew in the back of his head, if he didn't get it together, he was going to lose the older boy.

"I want you to talk to me Dick…tell me what's really going on inside of you." Wally said, now stripped down to his white briefs he'd worn with his costume, "Is it me?"

"What?" Dick asked, his head snapping up at the question.

"I know you're dealing with being gay. I know the media has made it hard on you. I also know that I'm your first boyfriend. I know that I'm the only one you've slept with. And you're really young…" Wally told him quietly from where he was standing. He sighed and gave into the desire to sit next to Dick, and the boy wonder leaned his head onto Wally's bare chest.

"I mean that you weren't like me. Aren't like me. I have been in other relationships, with boys and girls. I've had time to make up my mind about things, and I fell in love with you a long time ago. I'm sure you're curious about what it would be like to be with someone else. Like a girl." Wally half laughed at his own words. Dick tensed, not knowing what to say to the red head. It felt like his heart had jumped out of his chest, but he couldn't tell if it was because he was shocked by what Wally had said, or if it was because his boyfriend…might actually be right.

"It's only natural Dick. I'm not going to lie, sex with a woman is a lot different than with a man. Maybe…I mean…I really love you…god, I love you Dick Grayson. But if you need out…" Wally's voice clicked to a stop and Dick managed to move at least two feet away, completely surprised.

"What are you saying Wally?" he demanded. Wally half smiled, but it didn't completely transfer to his eyes and he took Dick's hands in his own. But before he could say anything, Dick interrupted him, yanking his hands away and standing up.

"No, you're not going to break up with me!" he yelled, something he rarely did, "So I'm curious? Who wouldn't be? It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you! There's a lot on my mind lately. Bruce and I have been fighting a lot, and of course I'm fighting this drinking problem. It's hard…and then when it comes to us…we have no privacy. I'm not ashamed to be with you Wally…I'm just afraid that somehow…you're going to be taken away. We've been attacked by the public more than we have by our own enemies. Is it too selfish that I want the perks of a normal relationship?"

"Dick…" Wally said, standing to join him, "We're not normal to start with. We're super heroes. And you're a celebrity. A gay, rich, celebrity. And me, the terrible influence and poor victim of his dad's abuse and rape, is dating you. What kind of normal are you looking for?" he asked. Dick groaned.

"I don't know…being able to go out and eat at a nice restaurant without ending up in a newspaper. Being able to kiss you in public without being stared at. Maybe even…" then Dick cut himself off, feeling a heated blush rise to his face. Wally raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe what?" he asked.

"Maybe…even…getting…married…someday…" Dick stuttered. He absolutely refused to look up at the speedster, there was just no way he could swallow his embarrassment. He was sure the jokester would laugh or push him away. Instead he felt Wally pull him into a tight embrace, hot skin wrapped around him. Dick was surprised to feel the shaking of his boyfriend's shoulders and wasn't sure if Wally was crying or laughing. Maybe it was a little of both. Dick felt himself being lifted and placed roughly on the bed.

He watched Wally climb on top of him, and Dick didn't try to take control this time. This time he trusted himself to the speedster, knowing there was nothing to really fear. He closed his eyes, Wally's tongue was running up his neck and greedy kisses were placed along his jaw line and lips. It was easy to get lost in the ecstasy of Wally's hot skin, his heavy breathing, his skilled and knowing hands travelling around him. Dick shivered slightly as his boxers were removed and he and Wally climbed underneath the blanket

Dick wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling. He was sick from coming down, excited from the electric touches of pleasure Wally was giving him, and filled with an overwhelming need to get his emotions out. Desperately, he reached up and clung to Wally's skin. There wasn't a soul in the world he would rather be with at that moment.

"Just let it out babe…It's just us…" Wally whispered seductively before letting his teeth close gently around one of Dick's nipples, eliciting a small whine. Dick squirmed, a little uncomfortable with the unusual submissive position he was in. Still, he liked how the older boy was taking charge. Looking into the pair of loving green eyes, Dick reached up and landed a kiss on Wally's lips, then pressed his tongue inward, forcing its way in.

Wally gently put his hands behind the backs of Dick's knees and forced his legs apart before going down on him, telling Dick he wasn't allowed to close his legs. This was actually very easy for the acrobat due to his flexibility. But it was challenging to concentrate on as he was getting head from his lover. Dick didn't bother holding back his moans. Dick was cut off though when two of Wally's fingers went into his mouth. Happily, Dick lubricated the digits with his saliva, rolling his tongue over them. Then he tried to relax as the wet fingers dipped out of his sight.

Dick could feel Wally's lips curl into a distorted smile around his member. It was because the speedster was successful in getting the boy wonder to moan loudly for him and it continued as he pumped his fingers. Dick shivered at the familiar, amazing feelings his body was having.

Wally's amazing…

He's such a man now…

Well he always has been…

But…

He's happier, more confident.

I love him so much…

God…

Please help me…

Get better…

"Wally!" Dick screamed as he came. His hands were entangled in the speedster's red hair, holding him in place. Dick could feel his face overheating as he watched Wally come up and watched him swallow the substance. Without a warning, Wally took the younger teen and Dick let himself cry out.


Dick licked his lips nervously before entering the mansion he used to call his home. It was still his home, but more and more often, he found himself being less and less comfortable being there. He was definitely enjoying being with Wally more than his guardian. The older that Dick got, the less he and Bruce were seeing eye to eye. No longer did he want to be the Batman. No longer did he want to be the person who sacrificed and risked everything for the sake of a mission, no matter how noble.

It wasn't hard to smile at the familiar and refreshing sight of his butler approaching. Alfred, who was way more than a butler really, had in his hand a cup of tea that Dick could smell from across the room. He took the cup gratefully and sipped it, the warm liquid temporarily sating his dry throat.

"Where is he?" Dick asked, taking another glance around him.

"Master Bruce has gone to Peru for a conference. He'll be indisposed for the weekend and leaves his trust in you Master Richard." Alfred answered, stepping to the side as Dick walked by him. Dick didn't mean to be rude to his old family friend, but was disappointed knowing he couldn't talk to his guardian at that moment.

Collapsing on his large bed with a sigh, Dick groaned into his pillow before flipping over to stare at the ceiling. He honestly couldn't say exactly how he planned to talk to Bruce, but Wally had threatened him that morning. He had to tell Bruce about his problem, though both Dick and Wally were nearly positive the detective knew already. Still, Dick thought that if anyone could help him get in control, it was Batman. Despite the problems they were having, he knew Bruce loved him and he knew he could trust him. Still…Bruce was away.

I'm alone right now…

There's no one to catch me…

Not until it's too late anyways…

That craving has been gnawing at me…

Alfred wouldn't be able to do anything…

And KF is with Flash in Central…

He would be angry at me…

No, not anger…heart break.

Wally would be heart broken.

Just one line…

Just a few drinks…

Dick wiped the residue from his nose and upper lip. Now he was on to the bottle of vodka. It was long ago that he lost the need for a chaser, lost the sensitivity to the burning sensation it caused going down his throat. Actually, he was sure he'd have a hold in his throat by now. Still, the liquid went down smoothly as he took it straight from the bottle. It was warm and familiar, comfort with a sense of danger. Soon, the guilt would pass he knew. Soon, he wouldn't be able to feel the hurt, the confusion, the hidden anger. Because that's what getting cross faded did for him. The perfect pain killer. The perfect pain killer that he knew was killing him in the process and as much as he knew it, he couldn't seem to stop.

Wally had always said Dick could drink a large amount for a normal human. Wally didn't get drunk, his metabolism burned the alcohol off way too fast. Dick was jealous, but at the same time, he could imagine the frustration Wally must've had wishing he could drink away his sorrows. It made Dick so angry with himself that he was oblivious when Wally was being abused. The speedster had been so good at hiding it for such a long time. Dick never felt the desire to hide anything and he thought maybe it was because he had to hide the most important part of himself, his identity. Of course there was a little weight lifted when he could show himself to his teammates. Dick was up front with his problems, he talked to Black Canary like everyone else. He didn't try to hide the way Wally did, or the way Artemis lied about her family, and he didn't choose to hide who he was like Megan, and he didn't feel like an inadequate super hero like Conner.

Dick looked at his cell phone, trying to focus on the moving buttons. Moving. Everything was moving, spinning, dancing in front of his eyes. He read the name on the screen. How long had it been since he'd started wasting himself? A few minutes? No…a few hours? More than a few? He wasn't sure. He picked up the phone and pressed the green talk button.

"Dick? Hello?" the voice asked, "what are you doing?"

"Babs…" that's all Dick could really manage.

"What's wrong? Are you…okay?" the girl asked, her voice full of concern. Dick tried to concentrate on the feminine voice, let it relax him. He wasn't sure what he answered but Barbara hung up, saying she was on her way over. Dick was kind of relieved because at least it wasn't Wally who was going to see him, but at the same time, he wasn't sure he wanted his ex-girlfriend and occasional partner in crime fighting to see him either. By the time she got to his house, Dick was starting to feel sick.

"You're drunk?" Barbara gasped, looking at the half empty bottle of vodka on the floor. She pinched her nose in disgust as she walked over to Dick.

"Babs…I have…to tell…to tell…you something." Dick said as he stumbled back onto his bed. Barbara glared at him, but sat by his side.

"What?" she asked him.

"I'm gay…" Dick answered. Barbara rolled her eyes at him.

"I know. Everyone knows that." She snorted.

"But…I like girls too. So I'm not gay."

"Then you're a bisexual. Please don't tell me this is why you're drunk? Come on Dick, we need to get you in bed." Barbara answered, standing up to encourage her friend to sleep.

"What if I sleep with a girl? Will things…things change?" Dick asked, laying under his blanket.

"Don't say stupid things Dick. You love Wally West remember?" Barbara tried to assure him. Dick grabbed her wrist as it went to his bedside light and stopped her.

"No. If he was a girl, it would be different. Easier." He said loudly. Barbara sighed before turning away from the young hero.

"Love isn't easy," she nearly whispered, "I'll call Bruce." And the lights were out and Dick was alone. He felt more alone at that moment then he had in a long time. But his head was swimming and his body was spinning in circles. A still spinning he couldn't ever explain.

Love isn't easy…

Love isn't easy…

Love is hard…

Love is hard…

Then why…do I love?

Why do people love?

Why?

Why does Wally love me?

Why do I hurt him if I love him?

I love him…right?

I love Wally…

I love Wally…

It's not easy…

Loving him isn't easy…

Love isn't easy…

Love is…love…


It wasn't often that Dick felt uncomfortable talking to Black Canary about his problems, usually he was relieved to have the weight removed from his shoulders. Today though was entirely different though because she insisted that Bruce join them. Dinah believed there was an obvious lack of communication, a huge deal between any super hero and his partner. Not being able to communicate could mean someone's death during a mission. Black Canary instructed Dick to talk to Bruce and she would mediate if necessary between them.

It wasn't like Bruce was really a heartless terror, Dick knew better. Of course Bruce loved him and came rushing back as soon as he heard his ward was having a terrible melt down with substance abuse. Still, Dick wondered if it would be different if Bruce had been Batman instead. He wondered if he himself was one of those sacrifices that his guardian would give up if he had to.

"Dick…" Bruce started, then cleared his throat, "I don't know why you would turn to drinking. I've shown you the ways to cope with things that are bothering you. I've had you trained so you wouldn't end up bitter like me. I though maybe you'd go on a rampage against villains though…not a drinking binge."

"It wasn't just a binge…I've been meaning to tell you…" Dick replied carefully, "I drink. I've…been drinking…for months now…" he admitted. He swept his palms through his dark ebony hair and blinked his blue eyes rapidly before looking up to the billionaire.

"Why?" was all the man asked.

"A lot of reasons I guess…I'm stressed out. I'm worried all of the time. Everything is conflicting. With being Dick Grayson the playboy kid, being Robin, becoming a leader, being gay, having to put Wally in the spot light all of the time. I wish I had just kept pretending to be straight if only for his sake. Hell, I don't even know if I'm gay or straight to be honest. And then there's you…" and then Dick stopped. He was having this conversation…this real life conversation…with his mentor. It was like one of those weird talks he usually had with Wally or even Black Canary every now and then. This wasn't about any villain or mission. This was personal. And suddenly he found he was very afraid of what the man in front of him, the man who raised him, was about to say.

Not to Dick's surprise, Bruce Wayne dismissed Dinah from the room and sat down next to his ward. For a long time, the two just stared at each other. Read each other, like only trained detectives could do.

"I know it's hard…to pretend all of the time. To be something you aren't. Coming out of the closet to the public was the one really honest thing you've been able to do, through no fault of your own. I don't care if you're gay, straight, bisexual. It's just a label. Like whoever you want to Dick. And if you love Wally, then the rest doesn't matter. He understands when you're in public with women. He understands when your picture ends up in the paper. And he definitely knows the hardships of life, he can handle this." Bruce explained, "but maybe you can't."

"What…do you mean?" Dick asked him.

"I've know you've been drinking. I even know you've been using drugs. I hoped you would be able to help yourself…but I think it's safe to say you need and want help," Bruce replied sternly, "So I'm giving you time off. You need a break from the hero life. And I know…that you disagree with a lot of what I do. So go think."

"Go?"

"Take your boyfriend on a trip. Go do something that isn't going to stress you out. No drinking, no drugs, no powers, no paparazzi." Bruce said with half a grin.

"Where am I supposed to go do that?"

"How's space sound to you?"