Chapter Four
Monday evening, a full week after emailing the young woman the agreement, Miranda was in the car, riding home after a grueling day at the office. At the moment, she was on the phone with James, discussing whether they would make Cassidy pay for summer housing at Georgetown.
"James, I think we really need to teach her to manage her expenses," Miranda said, stepping out of the car in front of the townhouse. She walked across the sidewalk and began to climb the stairs. "And it would only be—" she stopped when she saw Andrea sitting on the top step.
"What are you doing here?" she whispered, covering the mouthpiece on her phone.
"We haven't talked in a week. I just kind of missed you," she said, shrugging. "If you're busy, I can leave."
"Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I'm here," Miranda said back into the phone.
"It would be what?" James asked.
Miranda bit her lip and nodded for Andrea to follow her inside.
"Sorry, I was just walking into the house," she said, continuing her conversation with her ex-husband. "It would only be two months for Cassidy—June and July. Have you seen their debit card statement lately? Nearly two-thirds of their spending is coming from D.C.," she said. She set her bag down on the kitchen counter, and pulled a bottle of white wine from the refrigerator. She held it up, and when Andrea nodded, she proceeded to pour two glasses. "Look, just think about it, please? It's not like we're going to let her go starving and homeless—it's just a little lesson. Login to their account tonight and look for yourself. I've gotta go," she said, hanging up.
"So, this was unexpected," Miranda said, handing Andrea a glass of wine.
Andrea sighed and set the glass down on the counter. "Look, I know you were ignoring me all week. It's okay if you changed your mind about us, but just f-y-i, it's common courtesy to communicate that," Andrea said, walking back towards the door.
"Wait," Miranda said, taking her wine glass and running after her. She caught up with her in the foyer. "No, I haven't changed my mind." She handed her the glass, and this time, Andrea took it. "Come, sit. We'll talk," she said, leading the young woman into the living room.
Andrea sat on the couch with Miranda, leaving a comfortable distance between them. "So, Cassidy likes to spend money?" she asked.
Miranda shook her head and sighed. "Andrea, I thought for sure you'd change your mind about us after signing the nondisclosure. This is too complicated—I'm too complicated. No one wants this. Why areyou here? Did you think we would just, I don't know, pick up where we left off?" she asked.
"Actually, yes, I did think that," Andrea said with a smile.
Miranda nearly choked on her wine. "You're serious, aren't you?" she asked, wiping the dribble from her chin.
"Absolutely."
Miranda closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was what she wanted. She no longer needed to worry about the young woman publishing an expose, so what exactly was holding her back?
"Miranda?" Andrea asked after a few minutes of silence. "What are you thinking about?"
She sighed. "You. I was thinking about how wonderful it felt laying next to you up on your roof, and how it's a miracle that I apparently have not screwed it all up."
"Nope, you didn't," Andrea said, setting her wine glass down on the table and reaching for Miranda's hand. "You didn't screw anything up. I was a little disappointed that you didn't trust me with your privacy, but I understand the need to protect yourself," she said.
"Would you lik—" Miranda began.
"Have you eaten—" Andrea paused. "You first."
Miranda blushed furiously. "I was asking if you'd like to come upstairs. You were presumably asking about dinner, which, no, I have not had," she said.
Andrea squeezed Miranda's hand. "How about we order something, and head upstairs while we wait for it to be delivered? Then you can fill me in on everything I missed this past week," she said, kissing her softly on the cheek.
Miranda whimpered. "Or, we could just skip dinner and stay right here," she whispered.
"You always have the best ideas," Andrea said, playfully pinning Miranda to the couch as she began nuzzling her neck.
Miranda tossed her head back and laughed as she wrapped her arms around the young woman.
For several weeks, they continued to see each other in the evenings and on weekends, always sharing text messages, emails, or phone calls everyday. To Andrea, it was like dating her best friend. They were well past the awkward getting-to-know each other phase, and the whole relationship just sort of seemed effortless.
Caroline came home from school the third week of May. Cassidy wouldn't be coming home until the end of July, so Miranda and Caroline planned to go visit her in D.C. the following weekend. For the first week Caroline was back, Miranda tried to spend as much time as possible with her daughter, especially since it was so rare that she had time with only one of them.
"Mom, why haven't I seen Andy all week? Are you fighting?" Caroline asked as they walked through an art gallery in Brooklyn.
"Darling, we're fine. I told her I wanted to spend this week with you because I've missed you so much," she said, hugging her shoulders.
"Mom, come on. I'm literally home all summer. I'm not going back for, like, three months! You have plenty of time to hang out with me," Caroline said. "Wait, doesn't Andy live here in Brooklyn? Can we go visit her?"
Miranda shook her head. "Yes, she's just off Kent St., but she's babysitting tonight. Every Friday night, in fact," she explained.
"Well, can we at least stop and say hello? I haven't seen her in years, Mom!"
She checked her watch. It was only half past seven, so Theodore would surely still be awake. "Fine, but we are only staying for a few minutes," she said, leading her daughter out of the gallery.
At Andrea's building, the doorman greeted them with a smile. "Good evening, Ms. Miranda. Andy didn't tell me you were coming by tonight," he said.
"Hi, Joseph. She doesn't know I'm coming. This is my daughter Caroline and we were in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd surprise her," Miranda said.
"Ah, I see. Caroline, a pleasure to meet you. You ladies have a good night!" he called after them as they made their way to the elevator.
"So," Caroline said, "you must come here a lot."
Miranda smiled and pushed the button for Andrea's floor. "Remember, this was your idea."
When Andrea heard a knock at her door, she figured that Emily had forgotten something. "It's open!" she called.
Miranda opened the door and walked inside, smiling as she watched the young woman changing Theo's diaper on the ottoman. "Hello, Andrea."
Andrea's eyes widened. "Miranda? Caroline? Hey, what are you guys doing here?" She quickly pulled Theo's shorts back on and picked him up.
"Hey Andy," Caroline said. "It was my idea. We were at this new gallery around the corner and Mom said you lived here, so I wanted to come say hi."
"Hi," Andrea said, reaching over and hugging the young girl. "Wow, you are totally all grown up. I think your hair was in pigtails the last time I saw you." Caroline blushed. "Your mom tells me you're studying lit at Yale—how's that going?"
"Oh, it's good. First year was a lot of pre-reqs, so I haven't had a lot of classes in my major just yet. But, I know you're busy tonight, so maybe we can chat later. You went to Northwestern, right?" she said.
"Yes, ma'am. For sure let's talk more later. Hey, can you hold him for a second? I've gotta finish unpacking his stuff."
"Sure," she said, taking the infant from Andrea's arms.
Andrea turned to Miranda. "I thought you were Emily—she was late bringing him over, and she literally just left." She carried Theo's diaper bag into the kitchen and pulled out a few bottles of milk to put in the fridge.
"We must have just missed each other," Miranda said. "How are you doing? How's your ankle?"
Andrea held out her ankle, which was wrapped in a bandage. It was discolored, and looked painful.
"Oh god, that looks much worse than the photo you sent. Did you decide whether you were going to sue the driver?" Miranda asked.
"Not yet. I mean as long as it heals and I don't have to miss work or get surgery or anything, it's fine. It was an honest accident," she said, returning to the living room. She turned to Caroline who looked confused. "I used a car service for a reception on Monday night, and the driver shut the door on my foot."
"Ouch," Caroline said. "I take it you missed the reception?"
"Yes, thank god," Andrea said. "I had him drive me straight to the emergency room at that point, and he was kind enough to wait for me and drive me home—no charge."
"I don't know why you didn't just call me," Miranda said, shaking her head.
"I didn't want to interrupt your time with Caroline. It's fine," she said, kissing her softly on the cheek.
Miranda stiffened and Caroline grinned. "Hey Mom, Andy, I have an idea," she said. "How about if I stay and watch little Theo while you two hang out at the townhouse and do whatever it is you do when you're alone?"
"Caroline…"
"I think that sounds like a great idea, actually," Andrea said.
"Well, yes, I suppose…Caroline, do you even know what to do with a baby?"
The nineteen-year-old rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom. I'm not an idiot. Andy can just show me where she keeps everything and what Theo's schedule is, and then we're set."
"Perfect," Andrea said. Miranda took Theo while she showed Caroline around her apartment. She pulled out some loungewear for her to change into later if she wanted, and then showed her how to work the monitor. While she was in her room, she also grabbed a few things to toss into her bag. "He's a pretty good sleeper, but obviously, try not to make too much noise," Andrea added.
"And if you need anything at all, darling, please call us. We'll both keep our phones on." She looked over at Andrea, then continued, "We'll be over in the morning before Emily and Serena come to get him."
"Help yourself to anything you need. Mi casa es su casa."
"Gracias," Caroline said, hugging Andy, then hugging her mom. "Love you, Mom. Have a good night—both of you."
There was a good amount of traffic on the way back to the townhouse, but neither of them really noticed. They couldn't keep their hands off each other in the backseat of the cab. When they finally arrived, the driver honked the horn, at which point they parted and Miranda slipped him some cash. Miranda climbed the steps and opened the front door, and Andrea followed her inside. She walked over to the side table with the flowers to set down her keys, but Andrea pressed her up against the closet door, and the keys fell straight to the hardwood floor.
"Ooh!" she gasped breathlessly.
"Did you want to grab dinner?" Andrea asked as she nuzzled her neck. "Or," she said, licking the skin behind her ear, "should we open a bottle of wine?"
"No," Miranda said, "let's go upstairs."
Andrea stepped away and followed Miranda up the stairs into her bedroom. Since they started seeing each other, Andrea decided to let the older woman set the pace, and she couldn't help but notice that Miranda had been avoiding taking things to the bedroom. Tonight, though, something must have changed. Andrea pulled the bedroom door shut. "Miranda, we don't have to rush things," she said.
"I know," Miranda said, taking her hands and leading her towards the bed. "But believe me, this mattress is infinitely more comfortable than any couch or backseat."
Andrea smiled and wrapped her arms around the woman from behind. She leaned her head backwards onto Andrea's shoulder, and the young woman began unbuttoning her vest. "You know," Andrea said, "I have been meaning to tell you how amazing you look in this outfit."
Miranda glanced over at the mirror. She was wearing a fitted white crew neck tee, a teal and white pinstripe vest, and loose, wide leg chambray pants. "Mmm, you should have seen the looks on their faces when I walked in this morning. I finally had Alicia send out a memo that we would be doing 'Casual Fridays' for the remainder of the summer," she said. She turned around and wrapped her arms around Andrea's neck. "But enough talking," she said, kissing her and raking her nails along her ribcage.
Andrea groaned and tossed the vest aside. They spent the next few minutes fumbling with each other's clothing, and finally, Miranda pushed her back onto the bed. The young woman slid back and tugged the editor with her, and for a while they just enjoyed the nearness.
"Darling, you have no idea how much I missed seeing you this week," Miranda said while Andrea stopped to catch her breath. The young woman's head was resting on her shoulder, and her arm was draped across Miranda's abdomen.
"Mmm, I missed you, too," Andrea said, hugging her gently, then trailing her hand downwards and slipping her fingertips underneath the elastic of Miranda's underwear.
Miranda took several deep breaths, but once Andrea's hand ventured further, she sat up with a gasp. "I—I'm sorry, I need to get up."
"What?" Andrea asked. Her arm was still firmly wrapped around the older woman's waist.
"I—I get panic attacks. Please, let me up."
Andrea lifted her arm, and took both of Miranda's hands softly. "Look at me. Look at my eyes," she said calmly. "Good, now we can go get your medication or whatever in just a second, but just try to take a few deep breaths with me, okay?"
Miranda closed her eyes and nodded.
"No, keep your eyes open. Look at me. Okay, deep breath in, and exhale. In, and exhale. Now, Caroline is at my place tonight, babysitting Theodore. They're going to be best friends by the end of the night. Emily is still struggling to lose the baby weight, which is just ridiculous. She's gorgeous and looks great. Next weekend, you're going to D.C. to see Cassidy, and you're going to tell her about the new limit on her debit card, right?" Miranda nodded and tried to take deep breaths along with Andrea. "How are you doing now?"
"I'm—I'm okay. That helped."
Andrea smiled and laid on the bed next to her, their hands still linked. "Is this what happened a few weeks ago, on my patio?"
Miranda nodded.
"Can you tell me more about it? I don't remember hearing anything about this back when I worked for you."
"Why would you have known? It's been going on for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until after Caroline and Cassidy were born that I finally started taking medication. I take a beta-blocker every day, and then supplement that with Xanax as needed. That—Xanax—is what I would have taken just now."
"If you don't mind me asking," Andrea said, "does this always happen when you're, you know, intimate?"
Miranda pursed her lips. "I guess so."
"What does it feel like? I mean, how can you tell the difference between panic and arousal?"
Miranda blushed and turned to look the other way. "I don't know," she said.
"Do you trust me?"
Miranda turned and nodded. "Yes, of course."
"Will you take a bath with me? I promise my hands will behave. It will just be relaxing, and my ankle is kind of sore," Andrea said. That last bit wasn't entirely true, but Andrea guessed Miranda wouldn't question her.
"Okay, sure. A bath sounds nice. I'll start the water," Miranda said, crawling out of bed and heading into the bathroom. She quickly stepped out of her bra and underwear and wrapped her silk robe around herself before starting the bathwater.
A few minutes later, Andrea entered the bathroom. She walked up next to Miranda and kissed her on the cheek. "You sure this is okay?"
Miranda nodded.
"Well, since I'm taller, I guess I will get in first," she said, slipping out of her underwear and getting into the bathtub.
Miranda turned the main bathroom lights off and left only the ambient lighting on that circled the room. After setting two large towels on the floor next to the bamboo bathmat, she took a deep breath, slipped out of her own robe, and then stepped in. She could feel Andrea's breasts against her back as she leaned against her. It was the first time they had both been completely naked next to each other.
Once Andrea felt the older woman relax into her, she softly kissed the top of her head. "I'm going to put my hands on your arms, and you can pull them to wherever it feels comfortable, okay?"
Miranda nodded and wrapped Andrea's hands around her waist. She turned a little to her side, and laid her head against the young woman's shoulder, twisting her neck and looking up at her. "Thank you for not being scared away by my trust issues," she said.
Andrea pressed a gentle kiss to her temple. "We all have 'trust issues'—there's no way to guarantee that someone won't lie to you or disappoint you or hurt you in some way. We're human. 'Trust' means deciding that you're willing to work for something because you want it. Because you want it to work out. Of course it's a risk, but that is what makes it worthwhile. 'Love' is a risk. You have to want it," she said.
Miranda was quiet for a minute, then she turned around. With her right hand, she brushed Andrea's cheek. "I do want it. I want this. I—I love you."
Andrea responded by crushing her lips against the woman's. They kissed for a while, until Miranda smiled and laid her head against the younger woman's chest, softly tracing circles against her skin.
"The water is getting cool—we should get out," Andrea said. She gently pushed the other woman forward so she could get out. After wrapping a towel around herself, she held out her hand to help Miranda from the tub, wrapping her, too, in a towel.
"How is your ankle?" Miranda asked.
"Feels much better," she said with a smile.
"Andrea," she said, reaching down and taking the young woman's hand. "Will you make love to me?"
Andrea nodded as she took her hand and led her back into the bedroom. She turned down the covers on the bed and took Miranda's towel as she crawled onto the mattress. Stepping out of her own towel, she climbed in after the woman and began kissing her and letting her hands roam across her smooth, soft, perfect skin.
"Talk to me," she said as she palmed Miranda's breasts, laving at her hardened nipples. "Tell me what feels good."
"This—this feels—good," Miranda stammered. "It's—ohh—my heart is racing."
"Hey," Andrea said, softly brushing her cheek with her right hand. "Look at me, open your eyes." The woman's eyes fluttered open. "Still okay?"
Miranda nodded. Andrea kissed her softly as she slid her hand down Miranda's body, cupping her sex.
"Oh, god!" Miranda cried, throwing her head back into the pillow. The younger woman slid down her body and before she realized it, she was choking out her orgasm, making noises she didn't even think she was capable of.
Andrea curled up against Miranda, gently kissing her shoulder. "Miranda Priestly, I love you."
Miranda started crying and turned towards the young woman, softly weeping into her neck.
"Hey," Andrea said sweetly, "you okay?"
"I don't know what's come over me—I can't help it," she said.
Andrea wrapped her arms around her and held her close, gently rubbing her back. Just as she was about to kiss Miranda, the phone rang. Andrea leaned over and saw Caroline's name flashing on the caller ID and handed it to Miranda, who wiped her eyes before answering. "Hello, sweetie is everything okay?"
"Hi Mom, I'm really sorry to interrupt you, but I think Theo is sick. He has a fever and won't stop crying," she said.
The phone was close enough so Andrea heard the conversation. "Emily told me he was starting to teethe," she whispered. "There's some children's Tylenol in his diaper bag."
"Sweetie, he's probably just teething. Can you give him some Tylenol? Andrea says it's in the diaper bag. Or, even try filling a bottle with ice water and let him chew on that."
"I'm really nervous. I don't want anything to happen to him. I'm sorry—I know I'm probably catching you at a really bad time, but can you please come over?" Caroline begged.
Andrea took the phone from Miranda's hand. "Hey Caro, don't worry about it. How about you give him the Tylenol, and a bottle of ice water like your mom said? He doesn't need to drink it, but he should like chewing on the cold nipple. Then, if he doesn't calm down, we'll be right over."
Miranda took the phone back. "Sweetie, it will be fine. His gums are just sore. Call us back if you can't get him to sleep, though."
"Okay, Mom, thanks. Again, sorry to interrupt."
"Don't worry about it. Hopefully I won't talk to you until morning," she said, ending the call.
"I'm sorry—"
"Don't apologize," Andrea said, pressing her finger to the woman's lips. "It's life. Stuff happens. Let's just get some sleep," she said, kissing the woman gently.
"Are you sure?"
Andrea nodded. "Next time," she said. "Right now, I just want to go to sleep so I can wakeup with you in my arms."
Later that week, Miranda received an upsetting voicemail. It was Thursday afternoon and she was leaving the office a little early so that she could pack a few things. She and Caroline were planning to drive to Washington D.C. to see Cassidy that weekend, and they were leaving first thing Friday morning.
"New York Mirror, Andy Sachs speaking."
"Andrea, it's me. Can I come upstairs?"
"Hi, sure. I'll meet you at the desk," Andrea said. She quickly hung up the phone and sprinted down two flights of stairs to the reception area. Miranda swore she would never step foot in The Mirror's offices again after seeing her picture in the paper last week, so Andrea was already curious about this unexpected visit.
"Thanks, Jane, she's with me," Andrea said, taking Miranda's arm and leading her into an elevator. "What's wrong?" she asked as soon as they were alone.
"Why does something have to be wrong?"
"One, you're trembling. Two, you're here. Three, you're supposed to be packing for your weekend. Shall I continue?" The elevator opened to the third floor, and Andrea let the woman back to her office, closing the door. "What is it?"
"There's been a change of plans," Miranda said, her voice quivering as she took a seat. "I need to fly to Houston tomorrow morning, and—and—" Before she could finish, she began gasping for air.
Andrea turned and reached into the garbage can for her paper lunch bag, which she had thankfully just disposed of minutes before Miranda's call. "Here," she said, handing it to the other woman. She knelt next to her and gently massaged her back. "Slow, deep breaths," Andrea said. While the woman tried to catch her breath, she tried to figure out why she might have this unplanned trip to Houston, and why it might be so upsetting. Recalling that Miranda's mother was originally from Houston, she reasoned that it must have something to do with Miranda's sister Louise.
"Good, good," Andrea said, gently brushing her cheek. "Whatever you need," she said.
"She's dead—my sister."
Andrea gasped. She wasn't expecting that. "Oh no. Miranda, I'm so sorry," she said, hugging her tightly.
"Me too. I didn't even know she had moved. She was staying with some distant cousins on my mother's side, I guess. She—she—I have to go settle her estate."
"So soon? When did she die?"
"Three weeks ago. The state will take her possessions on Saturday if I don't go there—"
"I'm coming with you," Andrea said.
Miranda looked up at the young woman through her damp eyelashes. "You are?"
"Yes," Andrea said, softly wiping the tears from the woman's eyes. "I won't let you go by yourself. It's me or Caroline."
Miranda shook her head. "I don't want the girls to know—not yet."
"Okay, then it's me."
"What shall I tell Caroline? We were supposed to visit Georgetown this weekend."
"Tell her I had a family emergency and you're coming with me. Let her go see Cassidy by herself—she is nineteen years old."
Miranda took a deep breath and rested her head on Andrea's shoulder. "Thank you," she said, frowning. "There should be some sort of requirement for spreading deaths out more than this."
Andrea bit her lip and took Miranda's hand. "What can I do for you?"
"Take me home."
Their time in Texas was brief, and Andrea didn't get to meet any of Miranda's cousins—not that she wanted to, but she couldn't deny her curiosity. Louise Princhek was a very wealthy woman when she died, and since there was no beneficiary listed on any of her accounts, Miranda was able to step in as next of kin, her closest living blood relative. Her financial adviser arranged for two trust funds to be setup for Caroline and Cassidy when they reached the age of twenty-four. At least she had a few years to decide how to tell them.
Louise died of complications following a triple-valve bypass surgery. She was cremated and laid to rest in a nearby cemetery, next to Cassandra and Ellen. Andrea stood several feet away while Miranda knelt at her mother's grave, brushing the dirt off the stone.
"She loved freesias," Miranda said. "For Aunt Caroline, it was peonies, but my mother—she always had her beloved freesias growing out back, or bunches from the flower shop indoors. I remember my father saying that if he could find a freesia plant that would successfully grow in New York's climate, my mother would have been a different person." Her fingertips gently brushed the pink-and-white funnel-shaped flowers. "I planted these…thirty-three years ago."
Andrea sat on the ground next to her and hugged her. "I didn't know either of them," she said, "but if I could talk to them right now, I would thank them both for making you the magnificent creature you are. I would thank them for challenging you, for shaping you, for loving you in their own special way. And I would tell them how proud they should be—that their daughter, sister, has worked so hard and achieved so much. How they should be proud of what a wonderful mother she is, and of the beautiful girls she raised."
She leaned over and kissed Miranda on the cheek. "I'll wait for you in the car. Take your time," she said as she stood and headed back to the road.
When Miranda returned to the backseat of their hired car, she curled up on the backseat and laid her head in Andrea's lap like a child. The young woman leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against her head while she stroked her arm. Before today, there were times when she caught herself questioning the validity of their relationship. Andrea's youth and innocence was, at times, so strong, that it made her feel old and jaded by comparison. But today, something shifted in the atmosphere.
Today, as she sat on the cool grass, mourning the lives of her mother and younger sisters, Andrea spoke with such maturity and wisdom that she wouldn't have believed it if she weren't there herself. This innocent young woman was proof that age is, in fact, only a number. Happiness, peace, and love were all within her reach.
The End.
