Chapter Four
"I'm sorry," he said, apologetically. He couldn't have look more innocent, but I knew better. I knew he wasn't innocent at all.
"It's okay, just unexpected," my breathing was labored. "I don't know if I'm ready, Chase."
"Okay," he said, the look of disappointment clouded his face. I was positive he had done this before.
"It's not you, believe me, it's not you. It's just, this is my first time."
He looked back at me, took a deep breathe and, "Mine too. Wh-wh-what?! My eyes grew wise. I was in total disbelief.
I had to laugh at that, "Yeah right. You're such a liar!" he turned away and buried his face in his hands. I heard the sound of sobs.
"Chase, I'm sorry," I said. I felt like an idiot, although I wasn't sure what for. I wasn't sure of what I said that was so wrong. "I'm so sorry. I just assumed that you had done that before."
"No," he said, "that's not it."
"Than, what's the matter?"
He started, "Two years ago, at summer camp one night, some of the guys and I were playing a game of poker. When everyone got tired, most of us went to bed. I stayed up because I couldn't sleep. All of a sudden, I was laying in my bunk, I hade the top one, this kid, Danny Edleman, who was a year older than me, popped his head up. 'Hey, Anderson, you awake?' I said, 'Yeah.' 'I got some beet. Want to drink a little?' Being a teenager who was new to drinking I said 'Hell yeah.'" Tears began to form in his eyes as he looked up at me. I put my arm around him, and his hand with one hand and caressed his hair with my other.
He continued, "So we snuck out the front door with the six pack of beer and still in our pajamas. We were sitting by the lake; it must have been at least two thirty or three in the morning. We had already finished two cans each; he was starting on his third when he asked me if I jerked off. I told him yes, because I did; and than he asked if I've ever seen another guy naked before, and I told him no because I hadn't; than he asked me if I wanted to and out of curiosity I said, 'Sure, why not?' he put the beer down, got up, and took one piece of clothing off at a time. Finally the underwear came off." He laughed, "I can't tell you how hard I got.
"Than he laid back down and grabbed his beer. He asked me if I wanted to touch it. I was scared, but I was more scared of not making friends so I went for it. But it was too much for me to handle. I touched it once and freaked; I don't think I've ever run faster in my life. We spoke to each other a few times during the month that we were there. Than camp ended and we lost touch, pardon the pun; never heard from him again."
I didn't know what to say, I was at a loss for words. All I could come up with was, "Well, at least you've seen on in person other than your own, I can't even say that." What an idiot I was! He put his head in his hands and started to sob again. I could feel the chunks rise higher and higher in my throat. "I'm sorry," I said finally.
"It's okay, I just, I don't know why it upsets me but it does. I guess," he picked up his head and the tears ran down his beautiful face, this time he really did look one hundred percent innocent, "I guess I just regret not staying and going further with him. You know?"
"Chase," I said, "there are worse things than not touching a penis."
"But if I had, than we wouldn't have this problem," he said still sobbing.
I took my shirt off and wiped his face gently and compassionately, "I'm happy we have this problem."
"Why? I feel so embarrassed."
"Well, because that means I have you pure; you and only you; no one else to share you with. Get it?"
"Yeah."
"It also means that you trust me enough, which I'm grateful for," I kissed him. I began to second guess my unready-ness to let him touch me. I lightly touched his cheek and pulled him on top of me, I kissed him again. I continued to kiss him as I undid the zipper on my pants. Than I took his hand and slid it down my stomach to my groin; he jolted.
"Are you sure," he asked me.
"Yes, I'm sure," I replied, looking into the blue oceans that were his eyes. And he reached into my pants.
