Additional warnings: Language, because Raphie.


It was with a hot compress in trembling hands and a lot less courage than before that Mikey found himself outside Raphael's door.

Gee, he could face a hundred Foot, Rahzar, Tiger Claw and the Shredder with a stiff upper lip, but is reduced to quivering limbs when it came to his own brother?

A very harsh, volatile and unpredictably rash older brother who could easily bend Mikey in a thousand ways, but still…

I can't believe this! Mikey thought glumly. Man, Donnie, I thought we're all good now. Why are you sending me to face the dragon alone?

"Uh, Donnie, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Mikey I just told you—"

"Dude, you saw how mad he was at me before! Oh man, what if he still is! He'll beat the ever loving cuteness out of me when he sees me!"

"Well, first of all, Raph's still got his bad leg and you're the fastest among us so I'm sure avoiding him this time won't be a problem. And second, you know how Raph is. He blows up practically every five minutes, so I'm sure he's calmed down a bit by now."

"Enough not to hurt the cuteness?"

"Mikey…"

"Fine, I got it. Go in there, give Raph his pack, make sure not annoy him too much. No fuss, no muss. I'll be totally –wait, D, you're not going with me?!"

"Trust me on this, bro. This is something you've got to do alone."

Normally, Mikey wasn't afraid of Raph and his infamous temper. If anything, Mikey privately enjoyed provoking Raph, as he understood that the anger was a part of Raph's personality and those rash words, chokeholds and slaps on the head are just his ways to express affection without going all soft. Besides, Raph never truly stayed angry at Mikey for too long. If anything, he seemed quite calmer after a minute of roughing around his youngest brother (which was Mikey's real goal to begin with).

But this situation was different. This time, Raph, if he felt anything like Don did, was more than just angry and not simply because of a silly prank or a stupid joke. This Raph would probably not be OK with just beating Mikey like his punching bag and a declaration of "Raphael is all wise and powerful."

But I owe this to Raph, just like how I do to Sensei, Don and Leo. Mikey thought. He promised himself he was going to make it better. He already fixed things with Sensei and Don, so he'd better do the same with Raph.

Besides, Raph needed his compress.

With a deep breath, he lifted his hand to knock.

"Don?" He heard Raph call from inside. Swallowing and clutching the warm compress, Mikey spoke up. "No, bro, it's me."

"…Mikey?" Was it him, or did Raph sound a tad unsure? Mikey decided to ignore it. "Got that right, dude. I even got your compress right here! So, mind if I come in?"


Mikey was no stranger to Raph's room. The youngest turtle had several fond memories of hanging out with his brother here, from debating and exchanging comics to distracting Raph from his latest fight with Leo and sleeping over to keep the nightmares away. So Mikey knew every nook and cranny of Raph's room well enough to not trip on anything in the barely lit by a neon lamp darkness (that, and Raph was a tad neater than he was) .

"Hey, dude." Mikey greeted his brother who was lying on the bed with his injured leg propped up a pillow. "How's the leg doing?"

"Been better," Raph sounded light enough to appear safe. "Hurts a lot less if I don't stand on it for too long. Don better be right about this leg getting normal by the end of the week."

"Dude, relax, it's Donnie. When's he ever been wrong?" Mikey waved the hot compress. "So where is this supposed to go?"

"You gotta wrap it around a towel and put it up my ankle. There should be one over there." Raph pointed at the foot of the bed.

Mikey squinted in the dark before finding a worn, white towel rumpled on the sheets and wrapping it around the compress. As gently as he could, the little turtle placed it as instructed. "So, all good, bro?"

Raph's lips tugged down a bit before shrugging and picking up his comic. "Sure. Thanks."

Mikey wanted to say he meant more than the compress but didn't really know where to start. While Raph was easy to talk to when it came to the lighter stuff and anything that had to do with missions or kicking someone's butt, getting him to open up about anything remotely like feelings was worse than pulling teeth, not unless Raph was the one to start it.

Apologizing worked with Don before. Maybe it will help now? Better than nothing, definitely. Mikey inhaled before opening his mouth.

"Uh, Raph, I'm—"

"Listen, Mikey—"

Both brothers looked at each other in surprise, and if it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, Mikey would have yelled "Jinx!" (Actually, he did that in his head)

Mikey let out a sheepish grin and waved a hand. "Wow, dude, awkward much?"

Raph smirked something teasing. "Heh, didn't know you knew that word."

"Dude, just because I'm not a walking dactotary doesn't mean I'm stupid! I know my English!"

The older turtle rolled his eyes. "Yeah, except for the word dictionary."

"Well, I said I know my English, not every word in it!"

"That doesn't even make sense, Mikey!"

"I know." Mikey winked. "I'm a genius like that."

Raph shook his head and chuckled. "More like a bonehead, bonehead." It was only then that Mikey noticed that his brother's shoulders loosened slightl but Raph's smile faltered a bit.

"Raph?" Mikey watched as the red masked turtle propped himself up his bed to a sitting position.

"Mikey, about what happened, in the sewers, earlier," Raph began, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I, you know I really didn't mean any of that, right?"

I'm not in the mood to deal with your stupidity right now, Mikey remembered, word per word. So do us all a favor and shut the hell up!

"Relax, dude, it's cool. I would have done that to me too, if I was like you and there was another me who was being all annoying. And you don't have to be sorry for that, brah! I totally deserved it."

Mikey's smile didn't reach his eyes as he sat next to his brother's good leg. "Don told me how hard it was for you guys after Leo and I snuck out to get that brain worm. I guess it's harder on you since you're the one with the broken ankle and all. I mean, I know I'd feel totally uncool if you bros were in trouble and I'm pretty useless because of a bad leg." Though I'm still useless without one.

"Mike—"

"When Leo told you what happened, he didn't tell you everything. He didn't exactly let me talk, did he?" Mikey continued. "After we failed to get the brain worm before, you guys were so down that we'd have to wait again and I just had enough. When Leo said he was gonna go alone, I—I stayed up all night waiting for him to leave. I figured he wouldn't want anyone with him then. But he needed someone to watch out for him, and he was going so fast that I couldn't risk missing him to wake you guys up. So I followed him by myself to Shredder's lair and made him take me with him. We got as far as where they kept the worms, but…"

"Tiger Claw got you."

"Yeah, then Mega Shredder happened. We tried cutting it down to size but it caught me by my grappling hook. Next thing I knew, I was flying into its mouth!" Mikey grimaced at the memory. "Man, it was like going down this slimy tunnel trying to squish you—out of this world gross, I know—and then there was this acid pool with a worm in it! What's with bad guys and worms? That thing nearly ate me alive! Good thing I have my kusarigama!"

Mikey could feel the temperature in the room fluctuate between too hot and too cold, and hurried forward in an attempt to dodge a Raph-plosion™. "But dude, I made it out! I climbed that squishy tunnel by myself and whacked those teeth to bits—cool right?! Then you made the thing blow from the inside which was awesome! And we even got the brain worm too, double awesome! So I really, really didn't get it why you guys are acting like…"

"Like somebody died?" Raph's voice was sharp, almost cutting, and Mikey nearly flinched away. "Or did you really miss the part where you almost did?"

Mikey paused, choosing his words as carefully as he could without lying. "I guess you could say, yeah. It didn't really matter because I made it out and we—"

"Didn't matter? Mikey, that was whole freaking point!" Raph's hands were suddenly on his shoulders and Mikey had never felt so small under those flashing emeralds. "The reason why we're all supposed to do these things as a team is so that we can watch each others' backs and make sure that sort of thing never happens! And do you really expect us to be happy about getting a brain worm when it nearly got you killed?!"

Well, duh, of course not.

Mikey knew his brothers cared about him enough to be saddened by his death. But if given the choice, his life over everyone else's, there really was none. His family would understand, and they'd get over it. It's not like he was indispensable to the team the way Leo, Raph and Donnie are. Mikey was just the clown, the jokester who everyone had to save at one point because he kept screwing up.

But before Mikey could try to explain, he felt arms around him, pressing him against a warm plastron, making him gasp in shock.

"Goddamn it, Mikey, don't do that!" Raph's voice cracked like glass shards and the words, pulled out forcefully. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't think—! Shell, this is so messed up, but we'll fix it, all right? (Fix this? Silly Raphie, that's my job, Mikey thought) Just don't ever look like that again because that's not supposed to be you and it's just so damn freaking wrong!"

"Whaddaya mean?" Confusion laced every letter of the question. "Look like what, Raphie?"

The older turtle shifted, and baby blues were filled with shimmering green. "Like it wouldn't matter if you were gone."

Mikey sucked in a breath. "But Karai—"

"Not even saving Karai is worth that, Mikey! And if Leo's the one who made think you that way, I swear I am going to beat the lovey dovey green outta him!" Raph said so firmly, laden with embers that Mikey was scared he wasn't kidding. "The way he's been acting is begging for it!"

"You know how much Karai means to him, Raphie!"

"And just because he's got it bad for a girl doesn't mean it's OK for him to forget everything else!" Raph snapped. "Shell, he woulda ditched us back when Tiger Claw took off with Karai, remember? Did he even come to see you after your shell got knocked loose?"

"But it's not Leo's fault." The little turtle defended, a touch desperate as he clutched his older brother tightly. "It's just me being selfish! It's stupid and it shouldn't have even crossed my mind, because at least I'm not under Shredder's control. Don't blame Leo, Raphie, it's my fault. Please, please, don't get mad at him because of me."

A second of quiet before Raph's forehead met his, the other's voice all exasperated, frustrated yet tender. "You're a whole lot of things, Michelangelo, but you are definitely NOT selfish."

"Raphie…"

"I sure am, though, so until we get you fixed, I'm staying angry at whoever I damn please."

There was wetness on his face and salt on his lips as he spoke shakily. "But I'm OK, Raphie. I really am."

Raph's arms around him tightened. "You're not, stupid baby brother. But I swear, no matter what, you will be."


Woah! This part grew into a far bigger behemoth than I expected, considering that this chap was the hardest for me to write and underwent several revisions. I did my best to write Raph but I'm not sure if I got him right. Hope he wasn't too OOC. :D

Again, thank you so much to all my readers/reviewers/story followers/everyone else who gave this baby a try. See you at Leo's chapter!