Josh's POV

I secretly prayed she wouldn't wake whilst I was here. Carlisle was clearly the one she liked and trusted, and I didn't want to feel responsible for freaking her out again. Carlisle had been at her bedside constantly for 3 days now, soothing her as she woke every few hours, confused and upset as to where she was. Sometimes she would wake up screaming and sweating from a nightmare, trembling under her duvet for a good hour afterwards. It was only fair that I took over for a while, even if it was just for one night. Carlisle had admitted he had become perhaps overly attached to the girl, and some time away from these four walls and with his family would probably do him a lot of good. I could tell part of him hated seeing her become slightly stronger each day, and part of me felt the same. The sooner she recovered, the sooner it would be that she would inevitably be put into a care home. I hated the thought of that. I hated the thought of her having to grow up never truly knowing what it is like to have a real family, with a real mother and father. Nobody would want to adopt a child so damaged - physically and mentally. Realistically, she would have problems with her health for the rest of her life and I had no doubt she would need intensive psychological therapy. We didn't know much at all of her background yet, but her fear of interaction with people made me think she had been kept separated from the world, imprisoned by her own caregiver. Carlisle and I had both agreed that one of the psychiatric staff should come see her, with the idea that perhaps they may know how to communicate with her more effectively and she would finally open up a bit more. I was reluctant to put her through the trauma of having to meet another person though, already knowing how much it would scare her. Carlisle's son Edward, was a psychiatrist however, and I trusted him as both a friend and colleague to look after my young patient if it was necessary.

She woke in the early hours of the morning, her cries waking me from my daydream. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here, honey, I'm here..." I quietly soothed, helping to remove the nebuliser from her face which she was frantically wrestling to get off. She stared wide eyed at me for a moment, tears now silently trailing down her pink cheeks. She looked round the room, before returning to staring straight into my eyes. "Carlisle?" She squeaked out, her bottom lip trembling as she said his name. I immediately felt guilty for not being the man she wanted. "Carlisle's gone home for the night to get some sleep. I'm not leaving until he comes back, okay?" I reassured her, but she stared still straight back at me with no response. She had so many drugs in her system that it was hard to tell whether she could actually understand what I was telling her. Her body seemed to become less tense after a couple minutes though, and her trembling finally slowed as her adrenaline levels restored. "Bad dream?" I asked, which she responded to with a slow nod. "Want to talk about it?" I dared to ask, a question Carlisle had always avoided. He didn't want to push her into opening up if she wasn't ready and lose her trust in him. She didnt seem to be too fond of me anyway, so I had nothing to lose. To my surprise, she began chewing on her lip - a nervous behaviour I found she did whenever she was deep in thought. Just as I thought she was about to speak, she shifted lower in her bed and pulled her duvet up to her eyes as if a protective mechanism."That's okay. You don't have to talk... But I'm here to listen if you do," I whispered, giving her hand a squeeze with a small smile.

"Why did... Why did Carlisle leave?" She asked, her voice breaking mid sentence and her eyes once again filled with tears. I began to see just how much she had become attached to Carlisle, and was probably deeply hurt by the fact he'd left her bedside. Promises meant a lot to children. "He just needs a bit of rest so he can take care of you properly... He hasn't left you," I tried to explain, but she shook her head as if not believing what I was saying. "Please honey, trust me. Carlisle will be back in a few hours," I whispered, lifting her chin so she would look me in the eye. "Have you seen what that band on your wrist says?" I asked, reaching for her left hand and holding the white hospital bracelet between my fingers. She stared blankly and just shook her head, and I assumed she couldn't read. Or if she could, she didn't understand what the bracelet was for or what it was saying. "When we check in a patient here, we print them out a band with their full name and date of birth on. Look what Carlisle put in as your name... Lilla Cullen," I explained to her, and her eyes squinted as if in confusion. I hadn't really wanted to point out the name on her bracelet, scared she would believe that this meant Carlisle would adopt her. The last thing I wanted to do was give her false hope."Cullen? Carlisle's name?" She clarified and I nodded with a smile. "He's put you down as a member of his family to keep your cover so social services don't get involved for now. Now why would he do that if he was planning on leaving you?" I asked with a quiet laugh, and to my surprise she smiled too. An embarassed smile, as if she had just received a compliment. She seemed almost flattered. "So... my name is Lilla?" She asked then, looking so deep in concentration now that I couldn't tell whether she was happy or sad with the name choice. "Well, are you happy with us calling you that?" I asked then and she nodded quickly, probably quite relieved she had a new identity. "But..." she muttered, squinting her eyes at the bracelet again. "My date of birth is wrong..." she mumbled quietly, her voice trailing off. Something told me that she wasn't happy about it. "I was born in 1999... I'm sixteen," she explained almost quite sadly, looking back up to me with furrowed eyebrows. It was quite different to the 2004 birth date Carlisle had entered into the system which had been a pure guess based on her size and behaviour. We both had agreed she couldn't be more than twelve years old. Even now I was still skeptical whether she was telling the truth or not; she couldn't be sixteen, surely? I couldn't help but let my eyes scan down her tiny frame. An undeveloped child's figure, not resembling an adolescents in the slightest. "That's alright, we can get that cha-" I began to respond but she cut me off mid sentence quite sharply. "Do I really look that young?" She asked sadly, and she began to fiddle with her hair which told me she was nervous for my response. "No, no... It was probably just a mistake," I tried to explain with a reassuring smile but I could tell it had affected her quite badly, and I felt a deep sense of guilt for the offence we had caused her. "I have no breasts like other girls do... I look nothing like the other girls on the television," she mumbled, flicking her eyes back to the floor. "Honey, not all girls look like those on the television. And anyway, that's just because you're a little underweight at the minute. As soon as we get some food into you, your body will start to change," I said, watching for her reaction. To say she was a little underweight was an understatement, but I was trying to comfort her, not scare her. My reassurance didn't comfort her though, and she just stared towards the wall with her eyes full of hopelessness, tears endlessly streaming down her face and falling onto the matress. She looked almost detached from the world - a look I rarely saw in children. A look iconic of a depressed child. This couldn't be all because of our conversation about her body, but I guessed she had quickly become overwhelmed with everything.

We sat for a moment in silence, just hearing the sound of her sniffles every few seconds. I tip toed over to her monitors, jotting down her vitals onto her file. Despite the improvement from when she first came in, her blood pressure was still extremely low and her blood oxygen levels were nowhere near normal yet. Not to mention she was still deficient in every vitamin going despite our efforts with a feeding tube.

I gently pulled her arm out from under her blanket, giving her elbow a quick once over which we had managed to relocate into place whilst she had been sedated. "How's that feeling? Any pain?" I asked, taking her hand and moving it upwards towards her shoulder to test the motion. She quickly resisted though, and pulled her hand away from me and held it protectively towards her chest. She looked at me with a hard stare and her face was all screwed up into a frown, which looked more cute than anything else. "Hey, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I asked softly, not quite understanding her sudden reflex since I had barely touched her at all. Her eyes flicked to the floor, and her cheeks flushed slightly pink. "I just... I thought you were here as a friend... Are you only here because you're my doctor?" She whispered sadly, and I felt my heart sink in my chest. She was lonely, and having Carlisle stay with her all the time had made her feel wanted - made her feel special. Now I got the impression she thought I was only here because I had to be with the purpose of treating her. "No, of course not honey... I'm here because I want to support you. I'm here because I want to be here," I whispered, taking a seat next to her bedside so I could talk to her at eye level. I still had to try my best to not intimidate her.

"You sleep a lot though, which means that when you are awake I will have to do tests and ask you questions. I can't see if you're recovering well otherwise..." I attempted to explain, but there was no response and her stare remained fixated at the floor. She was so sensitive, and I felt I needed to think through my words in my head a few times over before saying them. I had to be so careful not to offend her. "You're my friend, right?" She asked, her eyes looking up to meet mine. Her bottom lip was trembling, bless her, and her heart rate had spiked rather suddenly. Despite what I had previously thought about her disliking me, it seemed our relationship (whatever it was) meant quite a big deal to her. She considered me a friend, regardless of how little we knew about eachother or how much I had hurt and scared her. Perhaps she'd never had a friend before, and was rather desperate to form an attachment to someone. "Yes, of course... But I'm also your doctor. That means your health has to come first, even if you don't like that." I said in response to her question, and she gave me a nod in understanding. "Please don't be upset," I whispered with a half smile but she still didn't look too forgiving. I wanted to suggest to her the opportunity of getting one of my colleagues to take over my role as her doctor instead, so I could become a friend like she wanted. I quickly brushed the thought away though, knowing forming too much of an attachment with the girl would be dangerous. Being her doctor meant there were boundaries, which I supposed I liked being there. I didn't want her to become too close to me, as inevitably she would soon have to leave. Attachments would make that situation even harder than it already will be.

"Lilla...listen to me, honey," I whispered, waiting for a moment for her to acknowledge me. She turned her head to look towards me, staring into me with tired eyes. "How would you feel about talking to someone?" I asked, hesitating for a moment to think my words through. I needed to be careful in the words I chose, knowing this could easily upset her. "A specialist, perhaps? Someone who can help with those bad dreams you've been getting. There are doctors out there who can help with that, you know. You don't have to do it alone." I whispered, feeling my heart thump inside my chest. I was nervous for her response. "You mean a shrink?" She asked, eyes still staring emotionless back at me. "A psychiatrist." I clarified, knowing of the bad connotations that came with the word 'shrink'. I watched her expression quickly turn from deep in thought, to a look of panic and her bottom lip began to tremble. "You think I'm c-c-crazy?" She stammered, edging away from me ever so slightly. I reached out for her hand and clasped it between mine, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "No, nothing like that. Not at all," I soothed, reaching to brush away the fresh tear that had fell down her cheek. "I think it will be good for you to have someone to talk to confidentially. They can teach you ways of dealing with those worries you said you have... it's not good to bottle it all up." I attempted to encourage her, and I watched her stare towards the wall in thought.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, she finally nodded slowly towards me. "If you think it will help." She mumbled to me, and I gave her a smile in return. She must have respected my opinion, since I knew how much courage it must have taken for her to agree to my proposal. I sensed she was only doing this for me, so I mouthed her a 'thank you' and she managed to force a smile back towards me. Genuine or not, it was the first smile in a while, and it came as a relief to see.