Part Two: The Wayfaring Stranger: Chapter Two
The next day, Ben decided that the family would not go to Church, but would spend some valuable time together. He was all too aware of the undercurrents of tension between his eldest and youngest sons and was determined to try to breach the gulf that seemed to be stretching wider by the hour. That morning, Joe had neatly dodged around Adam as they were called for breakfast and slid into the cherished seat on his father's right-hand, where he sat ensconced with a triumphant smile on his face.
Adam stood stock-still for a second, with an aggrieved expression on his face, before sitting down next to Hoss. Deliberately ignoring the situation, Ben wondered if he should invest in a round table.
"Who would like to go fishing?" A ready chorus indicated all three of sons regarded as an excellent idea. At least there is one thing they can agree upon, Ben thought with relief.
Ben set a slowly, steady pace on the ride out towards Lake Tahoe, out of consideration for Adam, who was finding riding just as difficult and painful as he had anticipated.
"Do not rush ahead, Joseph!" he called out and was relieved to see Joe rein back obediently, even if he did throw a reproachful look back over his shoulder. "That boy rides entirely too fast for either my peace of mind or his own safety," he explained to Adam. "He simply doesn't seem to know what danger is."
Adam thought back to a time when he too rode with carefree abandon across the wide pastures and felt a sneaking sympathy with Joe. Not that he was tempted to follow suit. At this precise moment, Adam was concentrating very hard just to move in unison with his horse and felt that anything more than a slow walk or, at the very most, a gentle jog was quite fast enough. He had quite forgotten just how high up you were on horseback. Looking down, he saw that his right leg appeared to have developed a disconcerting habit of sticking out at an unbecoming angle. Pulling it back into the horse's side, Adam felt a twinge in his knee and winced slightly. He had the distinct impression that just walking would be a painful chore tomorrow.
Father and son rode side by side up to the top of the ridge, where they halted, absorbing the beauty of the landscape that stretched out before their eyes: the dark, verdant green of the forests, the emerald-blue of the lake and the purple-grey hues of the mountains, over-arched by a pure sky that serenely framed the scene.
"This is what I missed!" Adam sighed joyfully, feeling the peace seep deep into his soul. "Room to breathe in the all this emptiness and solitude and just to feel alive! A man can find his soul here."
Hoss urged his horse down the slope, giving Joe's reins a tug as he passed. "Come on! Can't you see Adam and Pa want to be alone?"
Joe gave him a bemused look. "They do? Why?"
"They want to talk, man-to-man. An' they don't need us hanging around, do they? So, we'll just go ahead and get things started. You want to fish, don't you?"
Joe was happy enough to start fishing, having no use for gazing slack-jawed at a scene he saw just about every day of his life, but he was perplexed by Hoss' words. All his life, his father and brother had included him in their discussions and it was difficult for him to comprehend that there were situations where his presence was neither required not welcomed.
Everything keeps changing since Adam came home. And I don't like it when things change. Why can't things just stay the same?
He looked across at Hoss, who was carefully selecting his preferred fishing spot. "How long is he staying for?" There was a wistful note in his voice that was impossible to miss.
Hoss looked at him strangely. "What on earth do you mean? Adam's not going away again – he's come home."
But it's my home, not his! Joe's heart protested. "He's really staying? Forever?"
Hoss nodded. "Course he is! Boy, I have missed him! Things just weren't the same when Adam was gone." Looking back at the two figures silhouetted on the ridge, Hoss felt as if he had regained a long-lost part of his childhood.
Joe digested this information slowly, not liking what he heard. He had always thought that he and Hoss were best of friends, as well as brothers, but it had never occurred to him that Adam might have the same claim on Hoss' affections.
"Oh. I thought he was just visiting for a while, and then he'd go away again. Like he did before."
"No way!" Hoss said firmly. "Adam's gonna help me an' Pa run the ranch." He grabbed his fishing pole and settled down comfortably at the edge of the lake, not seeing the devastated look on Joe's face.
But what about me? Joe wondered. Where do I fit into this? What's left for me to do?
Watching the younger boys out of the corner of his eye, Ben shifted in his saddle and regarded Adam thoughtfully. "You don't regret your time at college, do you?"
A dreamy smile flitted across Adam's face as he drank in the beauty of the scene that stretched out before him. "Not for a single moment. It was all I dreamt it would be – and then some more! But I can't lie, Pa. There were times when I longed to be here breathing the clean air and living freely. Being away has made me see things through fresh eyes."
His words were music to Ben's soul. How truly blessed he was.
They moved off slowly, the horses picking their way down the narrow trail that wound gently down to the crystalline waters of the lake and joined the other two members of the family. Joe mumbled a greeting and then concentrated hard on fishing, determined to show his brother just how skilled a fisherman he was. Gradually, a little peace began to ease back into his troubled mind. He even offered some advice to Adam on where the fish were most likely to bite. For his part, Adam accepted the advice, while his mind floated back to memories of two boys paddling in the chilly waters, Joe clinging on to his hand and screaming with joy when the waves splashed them. The past and present seemed so incredibly close, and Adam felt that he could almost reach out and pull the two back into a coherent whole.
Dusk was beginning to fall as they rode back into the yard, tired but content.
"Bath and then bed for you, Little Joe," Ben commanded. "It's a school day for you tomorrow."
"Shall I give you a hand, Little Joe?" Adam volunteered. The day at the lake had been so companionable and relaxed that he found himself automatically slipping back into his role of elder brother.
Joe gave him a look of withering contempt. "I'm not a baby, you know!" he announced in ringing tones of deepest disdain, marching off to the washhouse, indignant outrage evident in every inch of his small body. "And my name is Joe!" The door slammed hard behind him, crushing Adam's buoyant mood.
"I was only trying to be helpful!" Adam protested, wondering how he had misjudged the situation so badly and bemused at how a small boy had the power to make him feel so dreadful.
"He'll come around," Hoss advised. "He's just a bit confused right now. Told me he thought you were only here for a visit. I set him straight on that score!"
The moment he finished, Hoss realised that he had said the wrong thing and cringed inwardly as his father and brother stared at him, their jaws slack with disbelief.
"Would you care to explain?" Ben said eventually. "Why on earth does Joseph think that Adam is a visitor and not home to stay?"
Hoss shuffled nervously. "Well, I guess Little Joe don't really remember Adam too well. He were just a little 'un when you went away, and the fact is, he can't recall when you used to live here. " Hoss was painfully aware that he was not helping things.
"Little Joe doesn't remember me?" Adam repeated in a stunned voice, scarcely able to believe what he was hearing. Joe was such an important part of his life, his cherished baby brother, that he had automatically assumed that he occupied an equal part of Joe's affections. Suddenly, the boy's indifferent, almost antagonistic attitude began to make sense. At best, Joe regarded him as a mere houseguest. "I mean, I know he was just a little boy, when I left, but still…" His voice tailed off in despair.
Ben hastened to offer an explanation, trying to absolve one son's tactlessness, another's total indifference and to console the third. "Adam, you were never forgotten. Not a single day went by when you were not remembered and missed. We spoke about you often and I read every single one of your letters outloud to your brothers. You were always in our hearts. But of course Joseph has only a few memories of his mother too and you left just a few weeks after she died. Four years is a very long time for a little boy, after all. Almost half his life. Perhaps Little Joe decided that, like his mother, you were gone forever. I'm sorry, Adam, I should have realised how he felt and spoken to him."
Adam nodded, still rolling the unpalatable idea around in his mind and struggling to come to terms with it.
A sound of splashing accompanied by a high treble voice singing loudly drifted from the washhouse.
"I'd better go and check on him," Ben chuckled. "Despite what he may say, Little Joe still struggles to rinse his hair properly. And he never seems to remember to wash behind his ears."
"Don't worry, he'll come around." Hoss tried to reassure his brother, but Adam felt that part of the joy had gone from his homecoming.
"I'll see to the horses, if you like," Adam offered. It would be good to have some time alone to properly digest this unpleasant news and work out a plan of action to recapture the love he had once taken for granted. "You'll want to get ready for school too."
Hoss busied himself, undoing the cinch and removing the saddle. He picked up a currycomb and bkept his head well down, tending to his horse before he dared to speak. "Fact is, I left school some time ago, and I'm working full time now." The regular swishing sounds of the brush stood starkly between them and he was careful not to meet Adam's gaze, knowing only too well the importance his brother placed on book learning.
"Another joyful surprise," Adam remarked tartly. "Something else you conveniently forgot to tell me, brother? I'm in constant suspense, just wondering what the next happy little revelation will be. Only thing I can think of is that Pa will come bounding in, clutching some young lady by the hand, and then introduces me to his new wife, whom he's kept hidden under the stairs until just the right moment."
Hoss gulped and grabbed a stable rubber to complete his grooming chores. Adam was the natural scholar in the family, though Little Joe was as smart as a whip. For himself, Hoss had drearily endured his years at school, longing for a release. Working on the ranch suited Hoss: it gave him a sense of achievement and fulfilment. He just hoped that he could make Adam realise that this was the right choice for him, just as going to college had filled a need for Adam. Just because they were brothers didn't mean they had to be alike, did it?
Later that evening, with the younger boys upstairs and, it was devoutly to be hoped, asleep, Ben and Adam sat for a long time, talking idly and sharing experiences and ideas, beginning to sew the seeds of a new relationship. Adam realised what an engrossing companion his father could be, revelling in the way that Ben treated him as an equal, as a man.
For the first time, Ben realised what a large, gaping hole had existed in his life and just how much he had missed adult conversation in the evenings. For so very long, once Little Joe and Hoss were in bed he would sit alone by the fireside, letting his mind run back to the days when he and Marie would sit and laugh and plan and just love one another. That seemed part of another life. After her death, quiet evenings lost all their charm for Ben and stretched out in a long, lonely, seemingly interminable series, but now there was once again pleasure to be sought at the end of the day and a new enjoyment to be derived from looking towards the future.
He looked at his eldest child with pride: Adam had grown into a fine young man, with a keen brain bursting with new ideas he was eager to put into practice. Ben thought with pride of all the great things they could accomplish jointly in partnership. Together they could take the Ponderosa to new heights of success. It had been a terrible wrench when Adam went away to college, but the result was ample reward. Much of Adam's childhood had been clouded with sorrow, loaded down with hardships and responsibilities, which the boy had accepted without complaint, despite the fact his young shoulders were not able to bear the load comfortably. His time at college had been ample recompense for the earlier tribulations, an ideal opportunity to put himself foremost and to concentrate on his own dreams and desires.
Later on, as the fire was beginning to die down, Adam lit a lamp and went upstairs, treading softly. He hesitated outside Joe's door for a moment and then eased it open, shading the beam with his hand. Joe lay sprawled across the bed; his nightshirt rucked up around his hips, the bedclothes in a hopeless mess and his bare feet decidedly icy to the touch. Lying with one hand cradling his cheek, Joe was obviously dreaming of something pleasant, as evidenced by the happy smile on his face. Carefully turning down the lamp and then pacing it on the dresser, Adam retrieved the bedding from the floor and tucked it around Joe's skinny frame. He stood back and looked at the child, wondering where all the years had gone and despairing that he could ever find a way to bridge the gulf that yawned in an aching chasm between them.
At breakfast, Joe glowered in a bleary-eyed fashion from the seat next to Hoss, contemplating his oatmeal with disinterest while his father outlined plans for the day ahead.
"Hoss, I'd like you to check the fence lines on the northern pastures, please."
"Can Adam come with me? I thought I'd introduce him to some of the hands," Hoss asked.
Ben considered this for a moment. "Perhaps you could do that tomorrow, son. I'd planned on taking Adam into town with me today, so he could meet some of the men he'll be doing business with. Then, I also need to set up authority for him to draw on our various bank accounts, negotiate on contracts – that sort of thing. We'll ride in with Little Joe on his way to school."
Hoss tried hard to disguise his disappointment, while Adam groaned inwardly at the thought of yet another excursion on horseback. The muscles in his butt and thighs were screaming with pain and he wasn't quite sure that he would even manage to mount a horse, far less stay on board.
For once, Hoss felt his appetite disappear completely. Adam had only just come home, knowing next to nothing about ranching and already Pa was giving him lines of credit and suchlike, while he had worked away for over a year without these responsibilities ever being suggested. Conveniently ignoring the fact that entering into negotiations or checking the clauses of a contract would constitute a cruel and unusual form of torture to him, Hoss sought for a way to re-establish his rightful place in the family. His gaze fell upon Joe, daydreaming as usual.
"Stop playin' with that oatmeal and eat up, Shortshanks! You've gotta leave for school soon."
Joe scowled blackly, but managed to choke down a couple of mouthfuls. Even Hoss was turning against him! He wondered if he would ever get to spend time alone with his father, or if Adam was always going to be tagging along and getting in the way.
Ben sipped his coffee and contemplated the day ahead. At least there hasn't been any actual bloodshed so far, he mused. That was the one positive thing he could think of, so he concentrated on that, as the undercurrents of annoyed and aggrieved feelings swirled around the breakfast table like the wilful Washoe zephyrs.
Riding out with Hoss a month later, Adam looked at a barren area of ground with great interest. It was near enough to the ranch to be used as a useful holding paddock and grazing area, yet it was standing empty and unused.
Catching his quizzical expression, Hoss started to explain. "Thin soil. Only goes down a couple of feet before you hit the bedrock. Simply won't hold enough moisture to grow fodder or decent grazing. A real shame, for it come in right handy, being so close to the house."
Catching his bearings, Adam stood up cautiously in the stirrups, still not entirely confident in the saddle. He doubted if he would ever be half the rider that Joe was, and that was slightly annoying. It did not seem right that his little brother should be able to outstrip him so effortlessly. Their relationship had moved from outwardly antagonistic to mere disdain, and Adam was seriously beginning to doubt if it would improve beyond that, but he persevered. Despite himself, he had to admire Joe's stubbornness, no matter how aggravating it was. The kid just wouldn't budge an inch, despite his father's best attempts at mediation. There was obviously something troubling the boy, but Joe resolutely refused to discuss it.
Shading his eyes, Adam peered into the distance, where a stand of trees grew tall and straight at the top of a slight incline. "Didn't there used to be a stream over there?" he asked, a hint of excitement colouring his voice.
"Still is," his brother agreed. "But it's too far away to be any good. The moisture doesn't make its way down here."
Sitting back down carefully in the saddle, Adam positively smirked with joy. "Ah, but if we dam up that stream and then dug irrigation channels, we could bring the water down here and we'd soon have a decent pasture. It would take some careful planning, but I think I know how to do it. I worked on a very similar project in my last term, and I've brought the plans back with me"
Hoss gave him a look of pride, mixed equally with despair. "That'd be right handy," he agreed. "Pa sure will be pleased." Not for the first time, he wished he was more like Adam: it would be great to be able to come up with a plan like that, and have the knowledge and skills to be able to put it into action. Not for the first time, Hoss wondered if Adam were destined to be the shining star on the Ponderosa, while he and Joe shimmered unnoticed in the background.
Once the plan was explained to Ben, he was delighted with the prospect and willingly gave his permission for Adam to start work. However, there was another matter causing him concern.
"I see you're planning to change the work rotas," he remarked, being careful to keep his voice casual and light.
Adam nodded. "I've rationalised things and I think there will be definite advantages if we do things my way." He glanced at his father. "Is there a problem?"
Ben tried very hard to ignore the off-hand note in his son's voice. "Actually, there is. Quite a big problem. You put Asa Melvin and Frank Rogers in the same crew and now Frank has handed in his notice. I just wish you had discussed this with me first before you changed things."
"Sorry." Adam did not sound in the least contrite. "I wasn't aware that I should run all minor scheduling changes by you. I won't make the same mistake again."
That sally earned him a hard glare, but before Ben could respond, Joe piped up joyfully.
"Everyone knows Asa and Frank can't work together!" It was almost impossible to ignore the note of glee in his voice.
Trying very hard to be tolerant and holding on tight to the fraying ends of his temper, Adam regarded him gravely. "And why would that be?"
"Asa and Frank were courting the same girl last year and she chose Asa. They ain't never spoken since," Hoss explained.
Adam rubbed his chin and permitted himself a rueful smile. "I can see why my changes were such an unmitigated disaster! How about I go to talk to Frank, and then take another look at the rotas? I'm really sorry, Pa – I got carried away looking at the figures and just didn't thinks about the men involved. I know it'll take me a while to get to know everyone and their specialities, so maybe I could run over any plans with you?"
"With pleasure," Ben agreed. He was happy to encourage Adam to make his own decisions, but he had hoped to be consulted occasionally. After all, there was a great deal to be learned about running a ranch this size, even if you did have a college degree. He knew that his son was anxious to prove himself to men who regarded him as an interloper, still wet behind the ears, but it was depressing that Adam did not ask for advice or guidance until he was forced into a corner. At least the boy had the sense to admit when he made an error and he did have to make some mistakes along the way. At least this one wasn't as costly as the fiasco at the timber mill.
Without Ben's knowledge, Adam had ordered and fitted some expensive new saw blades. "They're the very latest," he explained proudly to the timber crews. "I got them shipped from back east and they'll cut through timber like a hot knife through butter. See the special arrangement of the teeth?"
There was just one problem: Adam had not realised that the blades were designed to cut hard wood, not the soft, resinous pine grown on the Ponderosa. First of all, the timber splintered badly and cracked along its length. Then the blades became clogged up with sticky resin and lost all their cutting power, before twisting out of shape. Realising the magnitude of his mistake, Adam went disconsolately home to explain why they would be late in meeting the timber order. His father's words rung in his ears, even now.
It's early days son and we all make mistakes. As long as you learn from this, we'll say no more.
He looked across at Hoss. "Would you come with me to talk to the men?" he asked. "You know them all and I could really use your advice and support."
Puffing out his chest with pride, Hoss was happy to oblige, delighted that Adam wanted his help. Perhaps book learning wasn't everything after all? Maybe he did have something to offer?
"I could come too," Joe offered, unwilling to be left out.
"We'll manage just fine, " Hoss assured him dryly. "You concentrate on finishing your chores and getting your homework done."
Joe dropped his head and stared hard at his feet, willing the tears standing in his eyes not to fall. Adam and Hoss were together all day, while he was stuck in that dumb old school. It just wasn't fair! His mind whirled back in time and Joe caught hold of a fleeting memory: he was running across the yard in pursuit of his brothers, calling out for them to wait for him. Then there was a tug on his clothing and he was swept up into his mother's arms.
Let your brothers go. You're too little, Joseph. Was this what his life was going to be like? Forever chasing after Adam and Hoss, but never quite catching up?
"What are doing at school now, Little Joe? Anything interesting?" Ben could see how hurt Joe was at the unintentional exclusion and his heart ached in sympathy for the boy. He knew from personal experience how difficult it was being the youngest in a family and he wanted to bring the boy back into the conversation, to try to make him feel a part of things once again. He raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Adam and was gratified to see an immediate flash of understanding cross his face.
"Miss Jones set us a project to work on and when we're finished, there's gonna be a special show, after school. With cakes and lemonade and everything!" Joe announced. "I'm working on something real special and it was all my own idea!" He looked around proudly.
Taking the heavy hint, Adam leant forward. "That does sound intriguing! Can you tell us what it is, or is it a secret?"
"It's secret alright! But you'll see at the show. Fact is, I'd better get started on my plans." Joe marched off self-importantly, while his family struggled to keep straight faces until he was out of sight. At least ten minutes passed before he came sheepishly downstairs, with inky hands and wildly ruffled hair. He approached Adam gingerly, with an expectant expression on his face.
"I might just need a bit of help with my plans…"
Adam tried to choke down the lump that suddenly rose in his throat. There was something so trusting about the way that Joe stood before him, head tilted to one side and looking nervously at him that tugged at his heart. He knew how stubborn and independent Joe was and it meant so much that he was one chosen to help.
"Sure thing, little buddy. We could work on it together, if you like?"
Joe beamed gratefully and grabbed his brother's hand, dragging him towards the stairs. "Great! But you have to promise not to tell anyone!" he beseeched.
"I promise!" Adam vowed fervently. "It'll be our secret, just between you and me!" He reached down and tossed Joe over his shoulder and then dashed upstairs. The peals of gleeful laughter from both brothers rang out clearly.
In Joe's characteristically messy bedroom, Adam studied the plans closely, and was careful to offer a few, very tactful suggestions, lavishly interspersed with extravagant praise for the boy's detailed plans and imaginative ideas. At last it seemed as if Joe was finally starting to accept him and Adam did not want anything to bruise this delicate new relationship.
After a while, Joe sat back on his heels and looked up curiously. "Will you come to school to see the show?" There was an undertone of uncertainty in his voice.
"Of course I will, little buddy. I wouldn't miss it for anything."
Nibbling his lower lip, Joe persisted. "You're not just saying that, are you? You're really not going away again?"
Adam hunkered down on the floor beside him and put a consoling arm around his brother's thin shoulders. "Joe, I'm not going anywhere. Trust me."
Pushing away, Joe stared at the floor. "But last time, you said you'd come back and you didn't." A tear ran down his cheek. "You didn't come back. Not for Christmas or Easter, or even my birthday. You just left." Pulling in a heaving breath, Joe struggled to continue. "And I missed you, Adam. I missed you so much that it hurt, right here." Thumping his chest for emphasis, Joe flung himself into Adam's arms, for the first time since his return home.
How glibly they had all assured the child that his brother would be back, carefully explaining that Adam would be gone for a long time, but he would come back. To a small boy, the distance between summer and Christmas stretched out in an eternity, and no-one had thought to check that Joe had actually understood his brother would not be coming home for not just one, but four Christmases four birthdays and four Easters. Hugging him close, Adam began to realise how betrayed Joe must have felt.
"I missed you too, buddy, more than you can possibly know." As he soothed the child, Adam felt that his homecoming was finally complete. The past had forced its way back into the present, but it was finally resolved, allowing him to move on.
Downstairs, Ben noticed that Hoss seemed to have lost interest in his pudding and was merely pushing his apple fritters around the plate. As the middle child, Hoss had always been in demand: it was either Adam and Hoss doing things together, or Hoss and Joe. When Adam returned, this familiar scenario continued, but now things appeared to be changing. This bugeoning new relationship between oldest and youngest brothers was a novel and unwelcome experience for Hoss, who was clearly feeling as left out and abandoned as both his brothers had done in the past. Ben began to feel worried. His shy and reserved middle son found it difficult to make friends outside the family and he tended to hover on the sidelines at social events, fearful of rejection. In contrast, Joe just bounced up to people, making friends in an instant, while Adam's cool wit and nimble mind made him an engaging companion.
Although a part of him was pleased to see his brothers getting along, Hoss was beginning to feel excluded and slightly jealous. "Wonder what Joe's got planned?" he asked, struggling to keep his voice neutral and light.
Ben saw through the subterfuge immediately, for Hoss wore his heart on his sleeve and his normally cheerful face had a distinctly woebegone look. Nevertheless, he appreciated the effort his son was making.
"I'm sure we'll find out before too long. Little Joe's not very good at keeping a secret, is he? But actually, Hoss, I'm glad we've got a few moments alone, as there's something I want your advice on."
The subterfuge worked brilliantly. Hoss perked up immediately and was soon occupied in helping his father to plan the celebrations for Adam's birthday at the end of October.
"I think we should make this birthday really special," Ben said. "After all, it's the first big celebration since Adam came home and we do have four years to make up for. Have you got any ideas?"
Hoss leant forward eagerly and spooned up a large mouthful of apple fritter. "Reckon I have! I think it's time we got Adam a real good horse of his very own. Something special." He took another mouthful of pudding, working things out in his mind. "You used to talk about a friend with a horse ranch outside of Nevada City – how about we go up there and let Adam choose himself a new mount?"
"I'd almost forgotten about Jim Ross! It must be five years or more since we last met," Ben mused, recollecting how Jim had bred some of the finest horses he'd ever seen. "Well done Hoss! I think that would be just perfect."
Basking in the praise, Hoss was soon helping his father to plan out the route they would travel. By the time Adam and Joe finally came back downstairs, the preparations were complete. There was just one snag: they would be gone for over a week.
"I don't mind missing school!" Joe volunteered nobly. He looked offended at the laughter that greeted this guileless proclamation. "I could do with a new horse too," he added, hoping this might swing the decision in his favour.
"In the first place, you are not missing school. Your education is far too important." Joe slumped back in his chair. "In the second place, it's far too long a journey over rough ground for a small boy. And finally, you are riding a perfectly good pony," Ben informed his youngest son firmly, covering all possible grounds for argument.
"Sides, when you're a bit bigger, Cherife's ready an' waiting for you. He's a real good horse," Hoss offered.
Joe's mouth turned down, "I always get hand-me-downs!" he said plaintively. "Hand-me-down horses and hand-me-down clothes! It's not fair. I could go up into the attic right now and see my entire life up there waiting for me, all packed up in mothballs. I never get anything just for me. This shirt used to belong to Hoss and my winter coat was made over from one of Adam's and…"
"We do not want a run-down of your wardrobe, Joseph," Ben warned. "This is Adam's birthday treat and you will not spoil it for him. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir," Joe said softly, his entire body drooping with disappointment.
Ben had to steel himself to remain firm and resolute, for he knew perfectly well that Joe hated to be left behind and tended to worry and fret whenever his father went away. He looked was still very young and looked so small and vulnerable that Ben was sorely tempted to give way, just this once. Still, it was a valuable opportunity to spend some time with his two elder sons, and Adam really did deserve a special birthday treat this year to make up for all the years he had been away from his family. "It's only for a week or so," he consoled Joe. "Hop Sing will be here to look after you, and you'll be at school for most of the day anyway."
What if something happens? Joe worried. What if something happens and you don't come back?
He hated it whenever his father went away on a trip and felt quite sick at the prospect. There was always a nagging thought, gnawing away at his mind that he was never quite able to suppress, the awful fear that Ben would ride out of the yard one day and simply not come back, just like his Mama had or even Adam. Except that Adam had come back, after all. That made Joe feel slightly better, but he could not quite shake the feelings of injustice.
"Why do I always come last?" he asked. "It ain't fair, Pa. I'm fed up with being the youngest."
"Oh Joseph! You know that I love you just as much as I love Adam and Hoss, don't you? And there are some privileges that come with being the youngest."
Joe looked sceptical, but he took the bait dangled so enticingly before him. "Yeah? When do I ever get to go first?"
Adam swatted him gently on the butt. "When it's time to go to bed, kid! Now scoot!"
