"A gud boy lissenz wivout askin stuff. A gud boss orderz wivvout finkin. Cuz you iz supposed ta let yer fiztz do da finkin'!
"Where's those damn reinforcements?" yelled trooper Orvesk. The initial wave of the 7th, and 12th PDF were nearly decimated and the reinforcements were long overdue. And worse off, the Xenos had the very well fortified position of St. Markus, and all her defenses to hide behind. And to top it all off, the Galvana natives were using tech very unlike their own. It was much more advanced than what they have previously used, automated machines that had a sleek, yellow finish, that required no individual controlling them. And the soldiers fired down on the PDF with plasma rifles that were shaped like long rectangular snipers.
"How the kek should I know?" shouted back trooper Droskvin. He jumped to the side as a plasma shot vaporized the barrel of the heavy bolter he stood behind just a moment ago. He drew his laspistol and shot back at his attacker, his shots making blackened dots in the walls of the outpost. "We voxed in an hour ago! The 68th and 47th should be here by now!"
"Well kek them for being late!"
No sooner did he finish then a high pitched wail filled the sky. "Now what the heck is that?"
Overhead four troop transports streaked through the sky. As they neared Imperial line they...went faster. Confused troopers stared in bemusement as the transports continued on a crash course into the outpost walls, taking an ungodly amount of punishment. Just before the first transport made contact with the wall, the vox channels were filled with a deafening howl "FER DA EMPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!", and the ships crashed into the walls.
The wall crumbled from the impact, and the ship was torn to shreds. It was not carrying troopers however! It was carrying a squadron of Leman Russ tanks...at least they looked like leman Russ tanks after you took off all the extra bones, spikes and bizarre paintjob. The tanks fell right into the middle of St. Markus, their guns firing wildly in all directions. One shot went wild and hit the ship next to it, knocking out an engine. It spun out of control and crashed into the adjacent wall, with a similar effect as its predecessor, only this time a bunch of cackling troopers were flung in all directions firing a wide array of modified lasguns that seemed to shoot bullets instead of lasers. The 68th poured out onto the remains of the walls, shouting as they went. The Xenos tried to switch their heavy weapons but the 'men' were on them, shooting them at point blank and chopping them apart with their blades.
"What the kek?",Orvesk gaped.
"Was that ever covered in basic training?"
The vox crackled as a channel opened. "Oi, is dis da button wot makes it talk? Wotz da blinky fing mean? Izzit buzted? OI? ANYUN "EAR ME OVA DERE?"
Droskvin picked up the vox. "Loud and clear. This is sergeant Droskvin of the 7th Galvanian. Who is this I'm spe-?"
"Wot?"
"Who-?"
"...Wot? I can't 'ear nuffin! Wot you mean I gotta top pressin da button? I stopped prezzin it see?"
"WHO THE KEK IS THIS?"
"OI! NOT SO LOUD YA GAVE ME A 'EART ATTACK! DIZ IZ BOSS KRAKSMASH! I mean er...kaptain er...wot kinda namez do humiez give each uvva again? Ah zog it!"
"Well Captain Azogit, what the kek are your troops doing? We need to retake St. Markus, not blow it up!" he looked up and saw a 68th trooper firing a missile launcher at a group of Xeno sniping from the Westward wall. The missile apparently was a krak missile and blew the Xenos apart, as well as a sizeable portion of the wall. "At the rate your going, there will be no outpost to retake!"
"Wot youze gobbin about? Da big boss told us ta smash dem uvva Zenoz boyz and nuffin else!"
"No he meant to smash the Xenos, not the fort!"
"Well den 'e shoulda sed dat! Ang on lemme tell me boyz."
Droskvin closed the vox and waited for Captain Azogit's signal to stand down. It never came. Instead...
"Is he coming here personally?"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW?" Droskvin yelled over the high pitched whine of jet turbines.
"WHAT?"
"I SAID HOW SHOULD I KNOW?"
"BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE VO-WHAT THE KEK IS MAKING THAT RACKET?" Droskvin turned to the Imperial line to see a column of Leman Russ tanks. At least they looked like Leman Russ tanks. But who in their sane mind designed tanks with Lightning Strike Fighter Jet engines attached to the sides?
One of the tanks in the middle had a large apparatus strapped to the front of the turret. It looked like an enormous set of vox speakers but the tanks were moving too quickly to tell. A soldier climbed out and a booming voice echoed across the battlefield, even over the piercing wail of the turbines.
"OI YA GITZ! DA GUVNA BOSS WANTZ DA BUILDIN BACK FROM DA ALYEN BOYZ SO STOP SMASHIN IT! " the thundering voice yelled out. Orvesk clamped his hands over his ears to avoid damaging his ear drums from all the noise around him. He still registered when the tanks rushed past him, bowling into the ruined wall, and crashing out the other side.
"DUZ ANY OF YA KNOW OW TA TURN DESE FINGZ OFF? AH ZOG IT DEY SHULD RUN OUTTA GAS SOON! DA REZT OF YA BOYZ GET TO FIGHTIN DA ZENOZ!"
"FER DA EMPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" boomed the soldiers that followed the tanks on foot, firing their weapons with abandon, hitting something about 10% of the time.
Orvesk gaped at the carnage scratching his head. "Where do you suppose you get a knife like that?" he pointed to one of the 68th, swinging his gun like a bat, a meat cleaver roughly stapled to the end. It tore a Galvana trooper in two.
"I dunno, but I'm pretty sure that isn't standard kit." Droskvin replied. "And I doubt that combat method was ever covered in training." The soldier then abandoned his gun as it got too wedged into a Galvana runner, and instead grabber the nearest Xeno, and started swinging his hapless victim into the enemy like a club. "Though I can see where that might be useful..."
...
"You have been a naught witch! A very naughty witch!"
"Heresy! I've been spouting heresy!"
There was a knock and suddenly the governor shoved Lady Garbina into his closet, putting a finger over his mouth as he shut the door. He hastily threw his fur lined governor's robe on and opened the door.
"Ah governor? Who was in here with you?", the invited administrator asked.
"No one." The governor said too hastily.
"Then what was that voice I just heard?"
"What voice?"
"That effeminate voice. It sounded like a woman."
"That was me. I uh...was...rehearsing a part for a play! Yes! You know how devoted I am to the Imperial Theater."
"I see. And what were you rehearsing for again sir? I don't recall you playing for any part?"
"Uh as...Tichomedis in the thrilling epic of 'Death of the Zanta Heresy', I was simply practicing for the audition you see, I believe I could be Tichomedis' spitting image."
"I see sir." The administrator did not look ready to drop the subject though. "I don't exactly remember the Witch queen asking for a spanking though..."
"It was the director's choice, he wanted to try a new angle to spice things up.", the governor waved his hands in the air. "Enough of this banter, are you here for something administrator?"
"Yes sir. The fort of St. Markus has fallen sir."
"I thought it already fell to the xenos!"
"It did. Then it was retaken by the 68th. Then it fell apart after they left."
"Oh dear. May I read the official report?"
The administrator flicked on his data slate and handed it to the governor, who began to read the glowing text as it appeared.
+++++From the Desk of Captain:OiItzMyTurnTaUzeDaFlashyFingy of the :Sicstee Eiff++++++
Oi Guvna Boss,
Dat fort wot youze wanted us ta get waz real blown up. We didn't do nuffin to it if datz wot yer finkin dat iz! Wait, no I mean we did take da place but den it uh. It fell apart on itz own. Yeah. Datz it. It was real old. So I fink da alienz knew dat coz day just gave it too uz afta a little scrap. Wot? Dat's how dey really fight? Whatta buncha pansiez! 'Ow come u haven't killed dem gitz off yet? Datz a stoopid excuze! You really oughta-wot? Still on? I fought I dun pauzed da fing! Diz button! Oh, datz da rekaff mashine button? Oh. Uh. Can ya-ah zog it all. Boss Guvvna, dem Zenoz boyz iz runnin an we gonna chase em all da way back to dere city now! Cuz we signed up fer a gud fight-I mean ta serve da Emprah an datz wot weze gunna do!
Actin Commanda o da Sicstee Eiff,
Ah I Wuz Nevah Gud Wiff Humie Namez
++++++++++Thought for the day+++++++++
Purge the Alien, the Mutant, the Heretic
The governor handed the data slate back to the administrator. "Well the 68th indeed are turning into quite the blessing! Taking the fight to the enemy like that."
"But they destroyed St. Markus."
"Yes but it was getting old anyway."
"It was only a year old!"
"Well it is a year too old. It gives us a good excuse to rebuild it. Make it happen."
"Yes governor..." the administrator sighed, as he left the room. The governor took off his robe and threw open his closet door. "Now where were we?"
Lady Garbina chuckled "You we're chasing the nasty Witch queen about your bedside."
"Oh yes...do you think I make a good Tichomedis?" the governor asked, striking a heroic pose as best he could wearing only leather underpants.
"We'll see yet governor."
