She was in love?

She looked so….

Torn.

He hated this guy even more.

He didn't even think that was possible.


She admitted to him something she had denied even letting her self properly realize. The wntire of that statement, the power of those words. She loved Justin. How could she have anything with what he did to her?

Doing to her.

Her head pounded but she went on.

"It was perfect. He didn't care that I came home at weird hours; he would be there with a smile and a hug. He accepted my choice of life and didn't question what I did or who I was. He was stable. Then it….. started."

She should have realised, should have picked it out. So stupid, so messy, so thoughtless. She let him take control of everything. She thought she would have been better but she was a broken doll in his arms, and he had turned into the puppet master.

"Esposito told me that Legarto meant lizard in Spanish. How could I have missed that? A clue. I'm a detective; I live off those things. He was too perfect- another stuff up."

She rolled her eyes then quickly looked down to her hands, her brow furrowing in the way that was uniquely hers.

"He disappeared sometimes, then he would come back knowing things that I just dismissed. Stuff about work or things about my life before him. I hadn't even told him any of it, but I let it go. I gave him too many chances that I just took as me being stupid or forgetting conversations I had presumed we had. I was a detective and I should have damn well-known better."

She was hissing the words out at the end, almost as if to speak the words was scorching her tongue.

"It was as if he was the perfect man, he used to be there, you know? He was my one, I truly thought he one person that you think you can rely on, trust, give your heart to. Trust. I trusted him that night."

July 30th – 3 Years before Castle

Da dum da dum da dum dum dum…. Her fingers tapped a relentless beat out on the steering wheel of her new Crown Vic. She was proud of the car, a statement of how far she had come in her work. She was holding back a smile and Esposito was giving her a look of disapproval.

"Seriously Becks- what's up?"

She rolled her eyes and kept drumming on the wheel. The traffic in front of them stretched on for miles and it looked like their trip back to the city would take a while. They had just gotten a break on a case and had caught up the killer in his web of lies, finally bringing peace to the family. Yet, that wasn't the thing that was making her happy.

"One- don't call me Becks. Two- you know already."

Her lips were pressed back and she was having a really hard time holding back her smirk. Justin was waiting for her back at home and they were going to go out for an amazing dinner. It had taken them ages to get in but tonight, it was going to be perfect. She was going to talk to him, relax and enjoy the bliss that they had. Nothing would bring her down. They were magic together, and tonight would be another perfect night.

That is if the traffic hurried up and they got back in time…. It was 2:00 now and they were 4 hours out of the city but at this rate- it wasn't looking so good. The honks and beeps and curses echoed outside the window and the city seemed like it had leaked some of its rudeness onto the highway.

"Yea I know girl- keep your head on your shoulders and get back with us. Before he whisks you away to fairy land."

Esposito looked out the window. Her forehead creased as she contemplated his words. What did they see in Justin that was so bad? He was trusting, caring, loving. He was her one and she didn't see what was wrong with him. He was so perfect for her. Why couldn't they see how good Justin was?

A loud honk next to them broke her out of her thoughts and she drove forward another couple of inches.

-8:00pm that night-

She ran up those stairs as fast as she possibly could, grabbing her keys from her pocket. They jangled as she fumbled for the right one, anxious to get inside. She started to begin unlocking the door when it was wrenched open. Sh let out a little gasp and then calmed when she looked properly and saw it was Justin's figure that had opened the door. Then she took a closer look at him. He was standing there and he was staring at her with a gaze that chilled her.

"Babe I am so sorry. We got stuck in traffic and it was just so awful-"

He pulled her inside and slammed the door closed behind them, pushing her against him.

"Why didn't you call? You should have called!"

His eyes were so livid, black orbs staring at her in a way that cut through her soul. He looked so mad, so angry at her that her heart began to quicken.

"I texted you- there was bad traffic and it was hard. I'm so sorry; I didn't realise I would be home this late. Justin, you're hurting my arm; can you please let go?"

He began to smirk, the corners of his mouth curling up. The twisted metal grimace was scaring her more and more by the second. He pressed harder against her arm, pushing it into the wall.

You want me to let go?" He whispered slowly.

Her eyes widened, frightened. This wasn't like him.

"You want me to let go!" His voice crept into a shout.

She was so scared, she was nearly shaking.

"I'll let go then."

He let go of her arm, stepped back and slapped her across the face.

"I let go."

She watched him walking away, her muted sobs creeping into the darkness as she slumped against the wall.


"He walked away then... but he came back. He always came back? Why did he come back Castle?" She shook her head, regaining her composure.

"He was so incredibly sorry every time; It started small but got bigger. 10 minutes after that time he ran back in, apologizing and crying. I thought it was real. It happened a month later, this time he threw me against a wooden table and bruised my body. It kept happening in a never ending cycle. I would slip up, and if I was good it would only be a small slap. After that he never touched my face again, it was too obvious for everyone to see. Then he threw me into a table and I broke my arm. I told everybody I was just clumsy."

She pushed her hair behind her ear, grimacing as she tried to carry on. With every piece of her story she was ripping away part of her shell to reveal a torn, bruised and shattered body.

"It got harder to keep up the act but I got better at lying. People that got suspicious got stonewalled and nobody tried to question me abbot it. After one night, I tore apart one of the officers that asked me about my ribs. We had been sparring and he landed a blow on one of my ribs that he had fractured. My reaction had scared him and he was worried. He was only trying to help. The things I said were so mean, so awful that I became so icy on the outside but so weak within. Al the abuse finally built up when he hit me so hard I go knocked out and fell on a marble edge that put me into a coma. I didn't wake up for two weeks. The doctors saw my body and made the connection. Everyone found out."

She closed her eyes. Memories of a haunted past and broken dreams pierced through her like a bullet. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move, and the beating of her heart drowned out everything. Yet she still was breathing.

She had too.

"Then the real things came out. Esposito ran a background check on him. He had done this before, to his old girlfriend but the police hadn't prosecuted him because she didn't follow up on the charges. I was so stupid. He had planned this all along, the lies and deception. He had watched me Castle, before I even knew he existed. Watching me move, sleep, work, and undress. He had done his research, finding out what would draw me in, what would make him more appealing to me. He was a stalker, a phycopath"

She was so naive back then. So willing to give her heart fully to any man who was there for her. How could she try to trust people again knowing that she let him in so completely? God, all she wanted was her mum.

But that was the luck she had, wasn't it? A person taken from her, people using her and what was she? Alone. How long would it take for Castle to realise how destroyed she really was and back out?

"He wouldn't stop. The trial was made but the time in-between was hell. I was so scared of him coming and finding me, hurting me. The nightmares wouldn't stop and I just wanted to die. I probably would've if it wasn't for Lanie… She was always there."

The revelation left Castle reeling, clutching onto her hand with a renewed grip. How could this man break her so entirely? She was so strong and she had just admitted that she would have committed suicide if it wasn't for her best friend. How many people knew that?

His eyes and heart lit with an ignited fry and hatred for this man who had weaseled his way into Kate's life and left broken bodies and torn shells scattered around. Who did he think he was? Running round her life, wrapping it up in a web of lies, bringing her higher and higher only to let her drop when the noose was tight enough.

He would find him. He wanted to kill him.

"He was found guilty. Put away. At the sentencing, he just sat there, smiling at me. When he had his chance to speak, all he said was 'I love you Katie and I'll be back'. He promised to me that he would come back. I put on my poker face and just sat there. Staring at the wall. I went home that night and I just sat on the couch, tears running down my face. I dint make a noise. Then I got up and went to bed because there was no point in being awake. I learnt the next day that the girl he had done this to committed suicide. I didn't want to be another notch on his belt. I put him away."

She looked up at him, those gorgeous green eyes etching a torment on his soul. The spoke legions, filled with such a broken, determined, pain.

"Now he's back, he's out. He wants to fulfil his promise and Castle, you are in the way. Maybe there is some part of me that is still broken by him , but you have given me strength. I'm not his little play toy Castle, not anymore He wants to kill you Castle… I know he does. I'm not going to ever let him Castle."

He watched those eyes turn to steel in front of his own face, set in stone. She was amazing. She was is light, his strength. She had promised him that she would never let anyone hurt him.

And somewhere along the painful reopening of her wounds, she had taken a step forward.

She wasn't just Detective Beckett; she had begun to deal with it as Kate Beckett. She had begun to see all that she and Castle could be.

She would never let him take away Castle, she would sacrifice herself before that ever happened. She was strong.

Castle had made her strong enough.


A/N: Hi guys.. First off I'm so sorry for how long it's been since I updated! I am in school and have had so many exams that have been taking up my time and writing took a massive back seat. I'm also dealing with the death of my Aunty (Rip Aunty M xx) and it's been a tough time.

Thanks to all the people who are still reading this :) Even though my updating might be a little crazy, I have no intetions on giving up on this story. Question for you guys: Would you rather me update faste but with smaller chapters or wait longer for bigger ones?

All your reviews make my days so thanks,

Liv :)