Thanks for reading everyone, feel free to review. :)
As always, nothing belongs to me.
Thursday, December 19, 1 pm
Great news #1: I think I actually did well in my French final.
Great news #2: I haven't been drugged and kidnapped (yet). Tina has been avoiding me for the majority of the day while Lana is too busy telling everyone about the hot date she has for tomorrow night to think about me ruining her plans.
Plus, Lars has assured me that he won't let anything bad happen to me.
By the way, what is happening with Lars lately? He keeps smiling to himself and starts laughing every time I start complaining about Christmas (ok, he always laughs when I complain so this isn't really news). I know he doesn't have a new girlfriend or anything since he is always asking me for advice when he asks a girl out (why me of all people, I wonder?).
During lunch I asked him what was wrong but he just smiled mysteriously and said nothing.
Yeah, right. I am not that dense.
If he's not careful, I am keeping his Christmas gift for myself this year.
Thursday, December 19, 5 pm
Great news #3: I am done with exams.
Great news #4: for the first time in … years? I have a whole afternoon off. No homework. No studying. No therapy. No Princess Lessons. Nothing princess related.
Is this how real holiday feels like?
It is so peaceful it is actually slightly annoying.
Is this how abstinence feels like?
Damn. Am I like that old guy in The Shawshank Redemption? You know, the one that hangs himself because he cannot survive outside of prison? Have I too been institutionalized and cannot live a princess-free life anymore?
Grandmere, you truly are an alien, aren't you?
Thursday, December 19, 6 pm
Maybe I could go pack?
Yeah … no.
Thursday, December 19, 8 pm
Rene just called.
Andrew is getting married.
You know, the guy I was supposed to date last summer but didn't because it turned out he was gay?
Well, he is marrying his boyfriend in Spain on the 26th.
And I am invited. Along with Rene, Sebastiano and Harry.
Oh my god. Is it possible that our old gang is getting together again? It would totally make this Christmas way, way better!
There's just one problem – I am kind of not allowed to see Harry this Christmas. Grandmere would freak if… I mean, I have to be on my best behavior this holiday, since her banker will be there and all … there's no way she would let me go to Spain, even if just for a day to attend the wedding. Especially a gay wedding since she is … well, you know, Grandmere.
And I shouldn't run away again, like I did last year.
But I really, really want to go! It will be so much fun!
I hate being a princess. Have I ever told you that?
Thursday, December 19, 10 pm
Just got off the phone with Sebastiano.
He is designing the wedding clothes for the groom and groom at Andrew's wedding. He has to do something special. Or something like that, I couldn't really understand what he was saying since he was so excited.
I can't not go. I just can't.
But … how will I pull this off? Without giving Grandmere a heart attack or at least give her a reason to endlessly torture me?
Thursday, December 19, 11 pm
Harry called me to say this wedding is something I am not allowed to miss.
I wish I could be as reckless as him. He doesn't care what his grandmother thinks of him disappearing for a few days during Christmas break. Actually, this year she has miscalculated the number of guests and ran out of free rooms in her palace which means that some members of the royal family have to sleep in servants' rooms. Harry is one of them (he didn't say where the poor servants are sleeping) and now he thinks his running away would doubtlessly improve his granny's math skills.
Well, at least he has a good excuse. What's mine?
I totally hate you, granny, for forcing me to spend Christmas away from my boyfriend and you are so lame with this whole banker romance so I am running away to teach you a lesson?
Why does this keep happening to me?
Friday, December 20, 1 am
I just realized Dr K has never called me back.
And we are paying this guy, seriously?
Friday, December 20, lunch
I passed all my exams.
Not that anyone is happy for me.
Tina keeps asking me if I can come to the carnival just for an hour or two.
Lana keeps complaining that her hair will stink from the air in the taxi she will have to ride to school (since she spent all her cab money on Christmas gifts - I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE GOT ME THIS YEAR!).
JP is standing way too close to me. Really. He keeps asking me if I'll show my face around the Carnival so that he could get one dance with me. Last time he asked me he stood so close to me that I breathed in his smell of dry cleaners. Since it is intoxicating in a completely opposite way than Michael's smell (in other words – it stinks), I of course moved backwards to get away from it. Only, the only way back was crashing into this sculpture that looks like a bird tree and has leaflets advertising the new products in the Ho Deli. So the bird tree basically fell down with me landing on top of it and the leaflets were flying around like confetti.
JP started apologizing and tried to help me get up but Lars pushed him away and pulled me up. Boris sent a dirty look to JP who went on and on about how sorry he was (Boris totally doesn't like JP. I wish I knew why. JP is a nice guy. I mean, he was there for me in the darkest hour of my life). Oh, and Lilly looked like she would rip her arm off and start hitting JP with it. Honestly, Lilly and Boris looked so much more like a couple in that moment than the entire time they were dating in our Freshmen year.
No, it was not one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Now I just wait for someone who recorded the whole incident with their iPhone, to upload it to YouTube and Princess Mia's fall will go viral. Shame I am not wearing my 'Save the Whales' T shirt.
But at least I passed all my exams.
Yaaaaaaay.
Friday, December 20, 5 pm
Grandmere just called to check if I didn't forget about tonight.
No, Grandmere, of course I didn't, how could I possibly? You are making the happiness in my life rot – how could I EVER forget about you?
Friday, December 20, 7 pm
I am officially late for Winter Carnival.
And Tina hasn't called me to tell me what she's wearing and which eye shadow she has on.
I knew it. I totally knew it; she was just being nice in school.
She will never speak to me again.
First my cat, new my friend hates me.
What have I ever done to deserve this?
Friday, December 20, 8 pm
The dermatologist Grandmere visited yesterday, whoever they are, they should lose their license. Grandmere looks even scarier than usual.
Whoever was smart enough to hide all the mirrors in the Plaza should get Nobel Peace Award. She would start the World War III if she saw her swollen face.
Friday, December 20, 8:30 pm
Wait – maybe she indeed saw her face? That would explain why I am the target of her anger.
Why does she see me as her punching bag? I mean, granddaughters are not supposed to be used as a stress reliever. We are supposed to be the first person that gets to try granny's delicious Christmas cookies.
Oh, right, I forgot. Grandmere is not from this planet.
Friday, December 20, 9 pm
This won't take long, right? I mean, I still have to pack.
Friday, December 20, 9:30 pm
It doesn't look like she'll be done soon. She just keeps going on and on.
Friday, December 20, 10 pm
I am getting a headache.
Friday, December 20, 10:30 pm
I just realized I haven't spoken to Michael today.
He doesn't even know I passed Trigonometry. He deserves to know, I mean, last week, due to time difference, he was up half the night every day tutoring me on Skype.
Friday, December 20, 11 pm
**Grandmere's List Things I Am Allowed/Not Allowed To Do During This Christmas**
1. Do not sneak out of formal events to play badminton (how could I? It's not like you invited Harry this year or anything)
2. Do not talk about parking meters (can't you let it go? It was 3 years ago!).
3. Do not talk about snails/throwing snails into the sea (I still think it was a great thing. When you die, Grandmere, I will make it an annual event. I will invite all the school kids and hire a ship and we will be throwing snails into the sea while sailing. I have it all planned out already)
4. Do not talk about recycling bins (you mean mention that I am in therapy?)
5. Do not talk about the need of traffic lights in Genovia (why do you assume that I feel the need to badmouth Genovia? I love Genovia, I just dislike being its princess. You are totally paranoid, Grandmere. May I suggest you seek professional help?).
6. Do not talk about the need of more animal shelters ANYWHERE (Firstly, we need animal shelters. Secondly, I am a princess and I should be supporting great causes. It is the only thing I like as a princess so why are you trying to take this away from me?).
7. Do not talk about the endangered species being more important than financing wars (if people cared half as much for environment as they do for oil, there would be no need to protect endangered species because no species would be endangered!).
8. Do not talk about the need of improving public transportation system in Genovia (did the minister from transport tell her that I spoke to him regarding making it free for all citizens of Genovia? Because Genovia could totally do that, we get enough money from tourists. If we don't repaint the palace every year but just once every five years, we could have free transport plus do you know how less polluted the air would be?).
9. Do not invite any tourists into the palace (well, maybe if emergency personnel down at the beach were more qualified, I wouldn't need to do this two years ago. Ever thought about that, granny? Plus … aren't princesses supposed to be kind and generous? You are sending me mixed signals, Grandmere …)
10. If someone mentions Norway, compliment it (I like Norway. Just not its cuisine. Do you know that people there don't lock the doors because there is virtually no crime there? Education is also totally free)
11. If Arne's nephew asks you to dance, do not refuse (Grandmere, I am not just a piece of meat, have you ever noticed that?)
12. Do not refuse meat – EAT EVERYTHING (I need to think of something. Since Pierre, the chef, is too afraid of Grandmere to make me a vegetarian meal)
13. Do not bite your nails (here's how attentive my grandmother is. I stopped doing that a year ago!)
14. Make sure your nail polish is intact at any given moment (I have people paid to do that for me. Tell them that)
15. Do not walk around the palace wearing your pajamas (like I have ever done that)
16. Do not walk around wearing those dreadful shirts Sebastiano made that have those promiscuous lyrics on (I hate Vigo for telling her the meaning of 'If You Seek Amy'. When Dad heard about that, it almost got Sebastiano deported from Genovia)
17. Make sure you don't get food on your hair while eating (does she think I am a Neanderthal or something?)
18. Make sure you don't have lipstick on your teeth when smiling (I'll just keep my mouth shut while smiling, noted)
19. Make sure you don't step onto your dress while walking (well, why do I have to wear the long ones?)
20. Make sure you don't fall downstairs when entering the room (oh, thank you for pointing out how imbalanced I am!)
21. DO NOT FEED THE STRAY CATS! (she still hasn't forgotten about that? Well, what was I supposed to do? They were hungry!))
22. Don't yawn in front of guests (maybe if you made sure the Genovian princess gets the required 8 hours of sleep every night, I wouldn't feel the need to yawn. Or maybe if for a change I was forced to do something not totally boring. I am a breathing creature?)
23. Smile at everyone (I believe I am the one who always says thank you to servants? And I always wish them good morning?).
24. Do not yell at the servants in front of the guests (are you confusing us, Grandmere? That's what you always do!).
25. Do not stay up all night because princesses do not have dark circles under their eyes (it's not my fault if 11 pm is the only time when I can call Mum. The rest of the day I am always opening a new hospital wing, greeting new parrots in the Genovian ZOO or visiting graves of my dearly departed ancestors)
26. Make sure you do not set the sleeve of the gentleman sitting beside you on fire (oh come on! I never did that! It was only in that stupid movie, which, by the way, broke Michael and I up)
27. If something, god forbid, falls on the floor during the dinner, do not get up trying to pick it up! (look at the comment above)
28. Do not start screaming if someone gives you anything made of animals for Christmas gift (I learnt my lesson last year, trust me)
29. Do not have any kind of sliding in your socks competition with anyone. Princesses do not do that (whatever, Grandmere. I already told Francois I am beating him this year, finally. You won't be with me for the entire trip. I mean, I'll be alone at least when you'll get Botox injections, right?)
30. Do not throw up all over royal gardens just because you ate something that does not agree with your mental stomach (not fair. Rene did that not me.)
Seriously. Why doesn't she just forbid me from breathing?
To Be Continued.
Broughttoyouby:::winter.
