Author's note
Hi everyone.
I am very sorry for not being able to upload any new content, as I have had an emotional couple of months that got in the way and got the best of me. I figured that maybe the best way to deal with these things is to just write.
Enough about me for the most part, lest carry on with the story...
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Chapter 4
The Sun slowly rose among the rooftops of the quiet street that Namine lives in. The curtains only allowed in a few beams into her room, but that was enough to stir her from her sleep. She brushed her blonde hairs away from her face and opened her eyes, only to stare into the photo frame that she had on the bedside table, accepting the cruel truth that she was dreaming.
Namine's room was among the ones that can be seen as organised, apart from the stray book her and there on the floor, but she always made sure that she picked them up. The photo on the bedside table was an old photo of them when they were younger. It was a specific date, but she always seemed to like that photo as it was among the times that she could've considered herself happy.
However, as she gets ready for another day, it seems like Roxas has found someone new, but for how long was to be seen.
Of course they were not going out, but she has seen the way that Roxas looks at her, and wished it was those eyes that he looked at her with, rather than the brotherly eyes she is accustomed to for all her life. Besides, before it would be too late, she has to tell him the secret that Xion enshrouds under with her innocents.
After finishing her breakfast and bidding her mother farewell for the day, Namine began walking down her street and making her usual transit to Merlin's, wondering if she is going to be late.
About a bus journey later and a short walk down a street later, Namine arrived at Merlin's. She could see Roxas and the old man were already at work, separating and organising Merlin's magnificent book collection.
The two noticed Namine when she walked in and greeted her with smiles. After setting down her bag behind the counter, Namine continued to the other end of the book shop. After a couple of weeks, the miniature monoliths made from books, scattered across the floor were no where to be seen, freeing up the space of the shop once more, making it more comfortable to walk to and fro.
While she was sorting out a shelf of what was going to be for fiction, she noticed a book, hidden behind some others that she hasn't sorted through yet. She slides the book out and dusts it off, seeing it has been there for many years.
The book was an anthology of love poems. She opened the hardback cover to see a message sprawled on the other side of the cover. It said.
'To my dearest Merlin, I believe you deserve to have the first copy of my book. Considering you are my inspiration for each word that is written here. -Mim'
Namine closed the book and stood up from the floor and made her way to the front of the shop. Merlin was back at his place, behind the counter, his head placed in another tome of his.
"Where has Roxas gone?"
She asked, as he was no where to be seen.
"He went to pick up some lunch, he said he wont be too long, what's that you're holding my dear?"
Namine looked down at the book and then remembered why she was there.
" I found a book that Mim signed to you. It was hidden behind some books"
She said as she gave the anthology to him. She could see his trembling hands take a weak hold of the book.
"It appears so. I have thought that I lost this or that it was stolen."
Namine's face grew a smile, seeing that she reunited Merlin with something that would mean a lot to him. Merlin saw this smile, as it warmed his heart, reminding him of a similar young face that he knew many years ago, but that was many years ago, it was time.
"Alas, I have no need for it. Why don't you keep it?"
Namine was shocked by he sudden offer.
"Keep it?"
She said, as all the thoughts in her head grew silent. Allowing herself to consider why he would want to do this.
"Yes. keep it. I should allow myself to let go of the past. Besides I believe you may need it more than I do."
Namine looked down at the old book. No words were said for a moment. She didn't understand what he was saying. She does talk to Merlin about worries and issues from time time after the past few weeks. However could he mean?... She thought to herself for a moment and then pushed the book back to Merlin.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Besides Mim gave it to you."
And with that, Namine continued back to the book shop, feeling a form of relief.
Merlin watched her as she walked away, noticing that she didn't look at him in the eye, as she denied the idea he proposed, smiling however, knowing that he is right. He picks up Mim's book, remembering the reason why she gave him it in the first place.
Namine carried on working in the back for what felt like a half hour. She finally finished a bookcase and was about to start the next, until she heard Roxas, and another voice that she dreaded to hear.
"Wow, this is so cool!"
Xion said from the other side of the book shop. Namine walks out to meet them, feeling annoyed and dread. Why is she here? She asked herself. Her heart felt like it would stop every time she saw them together. But still, she had to build up courage and act civil to the raven haired girl.
"Hi Xion"
Namine said curtly. Xion responded with a smile and a wave. Namine could see why Roxas would like her. Her bright blue eyes, her petite figure, milky pale skin, it seemed like her body was perfect. However Namine knew that was a lie and also knew Roxas needs to hear the truth. I really need to tell him, but how if she's here? She thought to herself once more, but the emptiness in her head was her only answer.
"I never knew a shop like this were still around."
Xion excitedly turned to Roxas like a child discovering an old fashioned sweet shop.
"I know, I was the same as you. I can show you some of the books that Merlin-"
Roxas was interrupted by a familiar piano medley. Xion took out her phone and looked at the screen. Namine could see it pained her to see whoever it was, that it made her leave the shop in an instant. Once she left, her gaze then fell upon the blonde standing in front of her, his attention focused on Xion.
He then looked down at Namine, to find her with her arms crossed and with a scowl on her face.
"What is it?"
Innocently, Roxas asked.
Namine however chose not to say it and unfolded her arms and turning away, before she could say
"Nothing."
Namine could feel Roxas' soft hand make a reach for her shoulder.
"You can tell me. What is it?"
Namine didn't look at him for a moment, before she slowly turned, reclining her back against one of the bookcases that line up in rows in the shop.
Namine didn't want to look at Roxas still, averting her eyes to the table in the middle of Merlin's shop, finding that from their help, the pile that was on top of it has halved.
She took a moment to think her words carefully and choosing the right words just right.
"Do you think that someone maybe hiding something from you?"
That was when she chose to look at him in the eyes to make her question sincere and the reaction that Roxas gave, shown that it must have worked.
"Like what?"
Namine began to fell numb, her heart was beating faster. Just tell him She thought, as her words were failing her.
"Like something that would not only affects the person themselves, but everyone around them and the perception they have on you."
She looked up at him, pleading to herself that he got the message.
"I'm not sure if I understand you Namine. If there is something you need to tell me, just say it."
Yes, just say it She thought, but the message was lost and Namine found defeat and decided to walk away, along with saying
"Forget it. Its nothing"
And with that Namine stormed off, tasting a bitter sense of defeat in her mouth.
I wont let her get away with this. I wont let her beat me she thought, as she carried on sorting the books that she was working on earlier. Ignoring Roxas for the rest of the day, hoping not to look at his beautiful blue eyes.
The day came and gone and Namine gathered her bag from under the counter. Merlin was craning over the old mahogany counter like he always did. When she turned to the door, Roxas was standing there, staring out at the darkness, the street lamps shining down on the pavements. Her throat grew tight, feeling guilty after leaving him there in a strop. Why is he still here? He should've left by now but it made sense that he would wait for her, it was getting dark and he always cared for her. I will always be his little sister. She thought to herself, as she walked to the door.
"Come on, lets go home, you. Bye Merlin."
The old man looked at them both and waved.
"farewell, until next time"
He said, a smile could be seen under the bristles of his grey moustache.
The two blondes left the book shop and started walking the usual route to Namine's. After some time, Namine looked over at Roxas, as neither of them spoke. Roxas was preoccupied with something, she could see it painted on his face.
Roxas could see Namine was looking at him and decided to stop, while standing under one of the street lamps that stood stalwart in the surrounding, cold night.
Namine's insides felt like they were being lurched around by strings, as she knew the words that he would say.
Roxas looked down at Namine under the light, her eyes glistened, displaying some of the shades of blue in those eyes. The eyes that he grew up to know so well. He also noticed her hair looked as if it shone brighter in the dark.
"Namine, what did you mean about earlier?"
Namine couldn't really look at him in the eye, but she knew she must and kept looking up at him. The light above him blacked out most of his features. His ocean blue eyes were the only thing that stood out in the dark. His sandy yellow hair, however looked like it was drinking in the light above him, almost casting a shadow on Namine.
"like I said, it was nothing, lets just go home, I'm getting tired."
She tried to walk away, but she was stopped when Roxas held her shoulders. Namine looked back into his eyes in the shadow of his brow.
"Please, tell me what it is if it is something that really bothers you?"
Roxas pulled her closer. No, don't pull me closer, Please Roxy don't. At this point Namine didn't want to look at him, in fear that her cheeks would betray her. She couldn't think of what to say next, all thought seemed to fail her. She felt helpless once again.
Finally, Namine decided to speak, but she knew he would like what she was going to say.
"I just think Xion...Xion is hiding something from you."
Roxas was shocked by the remark. Namine looked back and saw there was a glitter in his blue eyes.
The blue eyes that reminding her so much of sapphires.
"Hiding what?"
He said. Namine turned away again, as she felt blood rushing to her head, knowing that he would definitely notice. She didn't say anything for that moment, Roxas was growing slowly impatient.
"Namine, if you say is true, I need you to say it. What is it that she would be hiding?"
Not 'would be', 'she is' hiding something, but however the words didn't want to come out.
"She will begin to make noticeable changes, that you will see"
She looked back into his eyes, feeling brave again.
"what are you talking about, changes like what?"
He pulled her a bit more closer this time that they spoke a bit more quieter this time.
Her head was swimming with intoxicating thought. Her nerves were failing her, as her legs began to shake. She was anticipating to say it. She didn't ant to say it, but she knew it was the right thing to do.
"She...Xion...Xion is..."
just say for Christ sake, whats stopping you? Tears began to fill in the corners of her eyes, as she looked down. Helpless.
"Namine?"
It's not fair. It's not fair. Namine couldn't remember what had happened next. She didn't remember ever looking at Roxas. She didn't remember when she lifted her hands, clasping around his head. But she did remember when her lips were pressing against Roxas'. She will never forget that. Please forgive me.
The moment seemed like it lasted forever. Namine's eyes were closed, but she felt as if another sense had replaced it. She could smell the lovingly scent of his cologne. She could hear their breathing and wind rustling past their hair. She could feel her heart was beating against her ribs. She could taste the saliva on his lips. Namine took a moment to finally realise what she had done and quickly retracted her lips and hands, realising what she was doing and she then became the sister that Roxas once knew.
The two didn't say anything. Roxas was shocked for a moment, just going through what happened. Namine felt embarrassed. She turned back to where they were going.
"come on, lets go home."
Neither of them spoke again. Not even about Xion. Once they reached Namine's, they didn't even exchange good byes. Namine turned to say something, but her mouth only opened and closed, making her look like a fish.
She gave up and walked up to the front door, she turned back to see Roxas had already left, he was already walking towards his home. Her heart felt like it would stop beating at the sight of him leaving the way he did.
Once she got inside, she ran up to her bedroom, collapsing on to her bed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. What have I done? I have ruined everything. I should have kept my mouth shut. She sat up and went for her phone in her bag, maybe if she texted him now, she would tell him something, anything to sum up why she did that.
As her hand went into the bag, Namine felt something else in it. She pulled out the book she gave to Merlin earlier. She opened the cover again, remembering the sweet words that was given to Merlin. However she found a note written in very fine calligraphic writing.
'Namine, I don't have much time in this world, but you have more. I hope you find a moment to tell him how much he means to you. As much as Mim meant to me. Merlin.'
Namine placed the book to her bedside table, next to the photo of her and Roxas. she didn't dare want to get so may tears on it.
