Hello all! Sorry these updates haven't been on a consistent day, I'm still hoping to post them on Saturdays (although with school starting up in a week I might have to go to every other week. Sorry!). Thank you so much for reading and your continuing encouragement in the reviews and PMs. I feel like I say this every time, but I'm blown away by how kind and gracious all of you are in your messages and reviews. I never expected this story to get such a response!

Downton show quotes are in italics, per usual. The second part of this chapter was based on a scene from episode 3 of The Astronaut Wives Club, "Retroattitude," with some altered dialogue.

As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!


Chapter Four

August 19, 1959

"I thought we were getting a break," Mary complained on yet another trip from the airport, the third in less than two months. Anna sat in the front of the rental car as Mary drove while their children occupied the backseat, happily chattering away in the afternoon sun. She was thankful Anna let them drive with the windows down, as the heat was stifling, although Mary did feel guilty as Anna's loose curls whipped about her face.

"I know, all this flying is putting a dent in our summer schedules. The girls had to pass up two slumber parties this week. I'd be angry with John if I didn't miss him so much," Anna said, clearly eager to get back to her husband. "I'll be glad when we move out here in September, although we'll all miss home."

Mary made a noncommittal noise of agreement, unable to voice her exasperation for her own husband. In the past two months, she'd quit her job in order to be available for the stupid trips to Virginia, although the bi-weekly stipend from LIFE had certainly helped ease their expenses. And Matthew's NASA paycheck, which she'd grudgingly accepted after she ran out of options. As much as she hated this dependency on him, under such circumstances, keeping up appearances and providing for their children was more important than her bruised ego. And it did give her a chance to consider flying again.

Along with that, they'd been in the process of packing up the house, something Mary was less than thrilled about since it meant going through all of Matthew's things as well as her own. Every time she saw something familiar, like an old shirt or a wedding photo that had been tucked away, it stung, reminding her of a time when things had been different.

When they'd been in love.

"I just want to be the one flying the plane," Mary commented truthfully. It had been ages since she'd actually flown, she was tempted to commandeer the plane this time.

"That's right. Rose said you have your pilot's license. I always love when John takes me up," Anna said, thoughtful. "It's so pretty up there. I can imagine it's even better when you're at the controls."

Mary found herself smiling, glad Anna and her daughters had arrived at the same time they had.

"You have no idea," Mary told her. "But then, Matthew always does say I love to be in control."

Her voice sounded bitter and she tried to disguise it with a laugh, but she felt the dynamic change in the car.

"I know it's none of my business, Mary," Anna began, breaking a rather tense silence, "but how are things going with Matthew?"

"What do you mean?" Mary asked in an undertone, thankful the children seemed occupied in the backseat. Cassandra was teaching George and Susan a new song she'd heard on the radio.

"We all saw what happened at the cocktail party the night of the press conference. When you were dancing," Anna said, careful as she spoke. "Don't tell me things are as peachy keen between the two of you as they seem to be for Sybil and Tom."

"You're right, it's none of your business," Mary said, brusque although she genuinely liked Anna and knew she needed another friend. But she couldn't imagine what would happen if the real truth got out. It did seem to be teetering close to the edge now. It was too close for Mary's comfort.

"I'm sorry for askin'," Anna said, and Mary heard the twinge in the other woman's voice.

"No, I'm sorry," Mary amended. "It's just...being in the public eye now. It's better to keep the more...sensational stories hidden."

"You're thinking I'll call up a tabloid and spill all the details to them?" Anna questioned. "It's not like John and I are perfect. He sings horribly off-key in the morning and I often throw a pillow at him to shut him up."

Anna's teasing note caused Mary to laugh.

"Plus, I can help, I'm sure," Anna added. "At least try to deflect attention away from you if necessary."

Mary didn't say anything, focusing on the road for a few minutes as she listened to the kids chatter away in the backseat.

"The truth is," she began, slow as she chose her words carefully, "we've been having problems for a few years now. It started as my fault, I'm sure Matthew would say that, at least. I was angry that he'd gotten into Edwards as a test pilot. Not that he was very gallant about it, but we started to argue more. I wouldn't move out to California with him and then Matthew visited less and less. I asked for a divorce."

Mary intentionally left out Matthew's possible infidelity, which he continued to maintain wasn't what she thought, but she was unwilling to believe when he offered no explanation. If he hadn't cheated, why was he still keeping it a secret? What else could have happened?

"A divorce?" Anna whispered, sounding shocked. "I thought John and I had some arguments, but I'd never even consider-"

"Our arguments are more like nuclear explosions," Mary said, chancing a glance at Anna, who looked rather confounded. "I just couldn't take it."

"Golly," Anna said, meeting Mary's eye before the latter turned to the road again. "But you came back?"

Mary nodded, releasing a heavy breath. She'd re-played that first telephone conversation over and over in her mind, analyzing her own reasons for agreeing to the whole charade. Part of it had been the chance to be at Langley, to be so close to the space program she could almost taste it, but she knew that wasn't the whole story. Part of her wanted to punish him for his bad behavior at Edwards, but that wasn't it either. As much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, she knew Matthew deserved this chance. And she knew she'd do anything to help him get to space.

"You're a braver woman that I am," Anna said after a few moments, admiration in her voice.

"Brave?" Mary asked, looking at Anna again. "For what? Nearly tearing apart my family? For resenting my husband?"

"For agreeing to do this for him," Anna corrected. "I know it can't be easy. Sometimes when John and I fight, I don't want to see him for a day. But having something makes you want to be free of him? Well, it takes real courage to come here and pretend like nothing is wrong."

"I'm just waiting for it all to spill out," Mary sighed, checking the rearview mirror, glimpsing Susan and George in the back. "Frankly, I'm surprised it's been quiet for this long."

"Well, now you'll have all the help from me that you need. I won't even tell John. Promise," Anna said. "And I'm sure any of the others would do the same for you."

Mary scoffed, doubting Mabel or even Edith wouldn't throw her under a bus if given the chance.

"Somehow I don't think that's true," Mary replied.

"Are you talking about Mabel? Or Edith?" Anna asked, her accuracy surprising Mary. "I don't know. I think their bark is worse than their bite. If they'd wanted, I'm sure they could have dug something up with speed, but not a peep."

"Maybe they're waiting until they have more leverage," Mary offered.

"Or they need a friend as much as you do," Anna replied gently.

Maybe.

August 20, 1959

"Matthew, where the hell are we going?" Mary asked as he drove the Corvette past the research center.

The sun dipped lower in the sky, bright orange reflecting off of the clouds and making them almost lavender in color. Anna had offered to keep an eye on the kids while Mary and Matthew were out, although Mary had yet to learn where they were going and was starting to regret her agreement.

"I thought you were showing me something for the agency?"

"No, this is something purely personal," he said, giving her a grin.

"Then I wouldn't have come," was Mary's retort. "God, you're annoying when you want to be. Which is actually most of the time." She let out a sigh. "I should have stayed at the hotel. Rose and Sybil wanted to play cards."

"You can play gin tomorrow after the test launch. Little Joe 1 is going to really be something," he said with a laugh.

"It's not as though the Soviets haven't already made unmanned launches," Mary interjected, crossing her arms.

"Well, we've got to start with the easy stuff before we can throw a man into a launch vehicle and propel him away from the earth," he said.

Mary rolled her eyes, in no need of an engineering lesson. Not when she'd been the one to tutor him in college.

"I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me drive," she said, groaning as she ran her hand over the leather interior. At least that was something.

"Because you don't know where you're going," he reminded her.

"Isn't that what a navigator is for? To tell you where to turn?" she shot back and he snorted.

"I am a little surprised you said 'yes' even on such vague terms," he began. Mary heard the tone in his voice, so smug. Ugh. "Can I ask why you did?"

"I don't know, can you?" she replied, irritated by him again, especially that he was ruining her enjoyment of a perfectly nice ride in the car. That would have been made all the more nicer with her at the wheel.

"Was it because of the kiss?"

Mary clenched her teeth at Matthew's smug tone.

The kiss. Ugh.

She wanted to scrub her brain with bleach to forget about what she'd done.

When Mary, Anna, and the kids had finally arrived at the hotel the day before, both Matthew and John were standing out front, a slew of reporters and photographers clustered together as they anxiously awaited the families' arrival. Mary had almost driven on past out of irritation, but two of the girls were complaining about needing to go to the bathroom and she had no idea where the nearest gas station was for them to do their business. So she stopped.

The children had happily spilled out of the backseat into the arms of their fathers with much delighted squealing, but Anna was much quicker than Mary about leaving the car. Instead, Mary dawdled under the guise of finding her sunglasses, but she remembered they were in her suitcase instead. She'd placed them there without thinking and now she had no protection from the cameras.

Oh, God, she thought, finally getting out of the car after getting a pointed look from Matthew across the hood.

"Hey, babe," Matthew had said, leaving the children on the sidewalk to meet her by the door. "Miss me?"

Mary knew his question was for the bystanders, more rhetorical than anything, but without her sunglasses she felt even more self-conscious than normal, like she did during the interview and photoshoot back in April.

"Of course," she said, giving her best smile which she was afraid was less than satisfactory. So instead, she shut her eyes and gave Matthew a kiss on the mouth.

If Matthew had been surprised, she would have understood, for she hadn't initiated a kiss in so many months that she couldn't even remember when the last time even was. But what happened was even worse.

He kissed her back.

Mary pulled away after what she knew was too long, lightheaded and blushing for more than one reason, her fingers so tight on his arm she guessed they'd leave a bruise.

Served him right.

"Stop bringing it up," Mary warned him back in the present, pulling her thoughts away from the day before. Away from the remembered feeling of his lips. "God, I was just doing it for the cameras."

"None of them had even asked for a kiss," he said, giving her a suggestive grin before turning his eyes to the road again.

"When are you going to let it go?" she questioned with a scoff.

"When you just admit that you did it so you could kiss me," he said without looking at her. "You miss kissing me."

"Ha! I'd just as sooner kiss the tailpipe of the 'Vet than kiss you for pleasure," she retorted.

Matthew snorted.

"Nothing's stopping ya," he noted as he slowed to make a turn.

"Langley Air Force Base?" Mary asked, reading the sign out front. "What are we doing here?"

"I figured we could stop and I'll let you kiss the 'Vet," he teased.

"Very funny," she shot back. "Seriously, what's going on?"

Matthew slowed the car until he'd pulled into a spot near the front of the practically empty lot. He threw the car into park before turning to look at her, an excited look in his eyes.

"I don't know if I should tell you. It'll probably make you want to kiss me again," he said jokingly, although Mary could sense his eagerness. His arrogance. Like he thought she was dying to kiss him.

Not.

"You'd have to put a gun to my head for me to do that," Mary replied, biting, but Matthew took it in stride. "Why are we here?"

"Come on, let's go in and see," he said, flashing her a smile and opening the driver's side door. She scrambled out of her side before he had the chance to open it for her, in no need of his chivalry when she'd been doing everything for herself over the past year.

"Are we breaking in to steal something for NASA? Is the base a secret holding safe for the president's rubies? Are we going to meet President Eisenhower?" Mary questioned as she followed after Matthew who walked briskly towards the entrance.

"You're so full of shit sometimes," he said with a laugh and Mary found herself smiling.

"Come on, we're here, so just tell me why," she begged again as he opened the doors, pulling out his wallet as they crossed to the front desk.

"You'll see," was all he said.

Mary groaned as he flashed his NASA badge and they were allowed to pass through another set of double doors.

"Is it a secret astronaut club?" she asked, following Matthew down a hallway until they reached a door that read 'changing rooms.'

He ignored her question, pushing through the door and disappearing inside. Mary hesitated for a moment before following after him.

The large room was empty except for lockers along the walls and a line of benches down the center of the room. On the end of the nearest bench lay two green flightsuits, both with 'M. Crawley' stitched above the chest pocket and the Air Force insignia on the other side. Two pairs of flight boots, both black and shined to perfection, were on the floor beneath the bench.

Mary's heart pounded hard, as though it was trying to escape from her chest.

"What's all this?" she asked, eyeing the suits and the smaller pair of boots that she knew would fit her perfectly. She turned her head and Matthew grinned.

"I know it's been awhile since you've last been up," he said. "Well, in the front of the plane, anyway."

"Oh, my God," Mary exhaled, feeling like a little girl. "You're serious? We're flying?"

Matthew nodded. "Yep, squared it away this afternoon while you were dress shopping with the gals."

Mary rolled her eyes at his choice of words, but could hardly contain her excitement at the prospect. If she had known Matthew was cooking something up, she would have been more cooperative when he first tried to coax her into the car.

"I bet you want to kiss me right about now, don't you?" he asked with a wag of his eyebrows.

Mary pressed her lips together, inhaling through her nose before releasing it slowly.

"You're pushing your luck, Crawley," she said, grabbing one of the flight suits. She kicked off her shoes and pulled it on over her clothes.

"Aren't you going to get hot in all that?" he asked, unbuttoning his shirt.

"This isn't a free show," she replied, sitting down to tug on the boots. "Besides, the quicker I'm ready, the easier it will be to beat you to the cockpit."

Matthew hurried to pull on his own flight suit, apparently eager not to lose.

"What? Do you think you'll make me be in the jump seat this time?" he asked, stepping into his boots as Mary stood.

"Um, I think so," she said, heading for the door, although she had no idea how to get to the hanger. "If I remember correctly, you flew last time."

Matthew was on her heels in a heartbeat, taking her arm.

"You don't even know where you're going," he teased, pulling her in the other direction.

Mary sighed, shrugging him off.

"Take me and then we'll see," she said as they made their way through the corridors.

"How about we flip for it?" Matthew asked once they'd reached the hanger and were making their way to the tarmac.

"No way, it's definitely my turn," Mary insisted, her pulse racing as she saw a Convair F-102 just waiting for them on the runway. She could practically feel the controls in her hands already.

"I don't recall agreeing to taking turns," Matthew retorted as they stopped by the plane.

She turned to him.

"You don't agree to turns, that's what fair," she snapped back. "You flew last time I was at Edwards and now-"

"Who told you life was fair?" he asked with a chuckle.

Mary somehow refrained from smacking him, rolling her eyes instead.

"Last time I checked, it was pretty fair to you," she said. Matthew snorted, but she continued. "You get to go into space, you got your wife back without even trying to make amends. Or even apologizing. You get a happy little family for all the world to see. Lately, all life has been is fair to you."

"Well, what about-" he began, but Mary sensed he was going to bring up his sob story about the Marines again and she cut him off.

"If I want a history lesson, I'll looked it up at the library," Mary said.

"I wasn't going to bring up Hawaii again, but now that you mention it, I think that was more fun for me," he said. "You at least weren't acting like a nag."

"A nag?" she questioned, indignant. "God, you're such a child!"

"Well, life seems pretty unfair right now, too, when I'm just trying to do something considerate for my wife," Matthew replied, aggravated. "I know how much you've been aching to go up again. Can't we just have a nice time?"

"And it's only gonna be nice for you if I'm just sitting there staring out the window, finding shapes in the clouds?" she questioned.

"Oh, come on, Mary," he groaned. "We've got to get used to being around one another again, you and I. Do you really want to have an argument about this?"

"I want to fly the damn plane," she said, narrowing her eyes. She turned away, staring at the plane with her arms crossed. "It's not like you haven't been having in the time of your life at NASA. Why can't I have a little fun?" She shot him a look over her shoulder, brow furrowed.

Matthew frowned, biting his lip as he stared her down. And then he broke into a smile and Mary's heart did a stupid summersault. God.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked, her irritation flaring up. It seemed Matthew was trying his hardest to get on her nerves today. And most days.

"I know how to settle this," he said, smug.

"I get to fly?" Mary asked, squaring towards him again and lifting her hands questioningly.

"Come and kiss me," he said.

"W-what?" she stammered, so surprised that her mouth fell open at his request.

"Kiss me, babe," Matthew insisted, taking a few steps forward, hands outstretched.

Mary stared blankly at him, which Matthew apparently took for agreement as he placed his hands on her waist.

But she pushed him away quickly, in no hurry to kiss him again or give him any satisfaction on that score.

"Like hell I will," Mary said. "God, you're so infuriating, Matthew Crawley! You think I'm going to pay you to fly this plane with a damn kiss?"

"Christ, I was just teasing," Matthew said, reaching into his flight suit for a quarter. "Fine, we can flip for it."

"Give me the quarter," she insisted and he passed it to her.

"You gonna flip it?" he asked with a grin. "Because you always toss it so damn high, it'll still be in space when I get up there."

"I'm going to call Anna to pick me up," Mary said, stalking away with the quarter in-hand.

"Oh, come on, baby," he moaned, following after her.

Mary stopped so suddenly that Matthew almost crashed into her.

"Stop calling me that," she demanded, voice hard.

"Baby?" he questioned. "But you love that."

"Babe. Baby. God, Matthew, get your head out of your ass for five seconds! You haven't called me that in over a year and nobody's around to hear you say it, so stop," she demanded. "Save it for the reporters."

"You keep calling me 'honey bear' and 'hot shot' and 'sweetie'," he complained. "How's that any different?"

"When did I ever call you by those names before, Matthew? Jesus, do you only pay attention when you're the one talking?" Mary sighed, heading back inside again.

"You don't need a quarter to make a phone call," Matthew said, trotting after her. "It's only gonna cost you a dime. I want my change."

"The fifteen extra cents are payment for you behaving like an ass," Mary shot at him, retrieving her shoes from the changing room without removing the flight suit. "Somehow I don't think it's enough compensation."

"Come on, don't be like that," Matthew groaned, following her out to the lobby. "If it means so much to you, I'll let you fly the goddamned plane. I'll sit in the jump seat like a good little boy, picking out shapes in the clouds if you want."

Mary stopped again, pressing her lips together in a forced smile.

"You sure know how to sweet-talk a girl, Captain Crawley. But I'd rather walk back to the hotel then spend another minute alone with you."

And with that, she stomped off to find a pay phone, feeling strangely satisfied by the dumbfounded look on her husband's face. If a bit childish all the same.


Thoughts?