Title: Sexy no Jutsu
Disclaimer: Nuh-uh.
Rating: PG ( K+ ) – for pervy pubescent thoughts and brief mentions of nudity.
Spoilers: How can I spoil anything that hasn't actually happened?
Summary: Part of the "Lifelong Love" series. "The purpose of this week's assignment," Iruka began, standing before his class of Cadets with a straight back and a smug expression. "Is to learn how to disguise yourself as the opposite sex." Implied SasuHinaNaru.
You can put away the torches and pitchforks now...
Part Four: Step Two
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Naruto as the smoke cleared, thinking to himself how so very tired he was of seeing that stupid, grinning, whiskered (what kind of eleven-year-old had facial hair, anyway?) face. Once this stupid project was over, Sasuke fully intended to stay as far away from that face as absolutely possible. He would never keep company with Uzumaki Naruto again.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke-san...," Naruto apologized, slumped over in a half-bow as he fidgeted with his fingers. "I'm tr-trying..."
Sasuke snorted derisively at Naruto's pathetic excuses. How could it be more difficult to transform into one person than another? If he had really been trying, then they could have finished up practice hours ago.
Barely clinging to the last bit of his patience, Sasuke addressed Naruto through gritted teeth. "Maybe if you'd stop thinking about Naru-tard and start focusing on me, you could do it."
Naruto sniffled and started blinking rapidly. "I'm s-sorry, Sasuke-san..."
As the first tear dripped from the end of Naruto's whiskers, Sasuke felt the frustration at him melt away and a different sort of anxiety altogether take its place. He hadn't meant to make him cry, or anything...
Leaning backwards with his hands pillowing head, Sasuke did his best to pretend that he was relaxed and aloof as he ever was. He teetered Hinata's chair on its hind legs, bracing the back against the edge of her desk to prevent himself from falling completely over, and forced himself to address his project partner in the monotone he usually used. "Just try it again, Hyuuga."
From his position, it was easy to watch the Hinata-turned-Naruto from the corner of his eye without her being any the wiser. He watched her as she nodded and wiped her face with Naruto's sleeve, replying, "O-Okay..."
Now that Hinata had stopped crying, Sasuke felt compelled to add, "And, this time, try to keep your thoughts free of the dobe."
Sasuke shifted his eyes a little more in Hinata's direction to better gauge her reaction. To his utter surprise, she was actually smiling a little and nodding more fervently at him. "I'll try," she promised, molding Naruto's fingers into the much practiced transformation jutsu hand signals.
In another puff of white-ish smoke, the figure of Hyuuga Hinata reappeared in Naruto's place, doing her best not to look discouraged. She formed the seals with her fingers again, her eyes squeezed shut as she fought to concentrate, and cried out, "Transformation no Jutsu!"
With a faint pop, Naruto was once again in Sasuke's presence, looking for all the world like he was about to cry (again).
The disappointment was so great within Sasuke that his chair slipped against the desk, almost causing him to fall over and onto the floor. He managed to catch himself at the last moment, however, and planted all four legs of the chair on Hinata's bedroom floor as if he had planned to do so all along.
Though Sasuke knew that Hinata (probably) couldn't help it, seeing her so incapable of transforming into him was beyond irksome. Even before Naruto had showed up for their meeting the day before Hinata had been having trouble forming a perfect Sasuke clone. One of her worst attempts had given him blonde hair, blue eyes and, worst of all, breasts. She had looked like a female Naruto wearing Uchiha clothes and Sasuke's patented haircut.
What made the ordeal disturbing, however, was the fact that she had been able to create a perfect copy of Naruto after only two or three tries. Even her botched attempts had been pretty good; one Naruto had retained Hinata's Hyuuga eyes and the hair had been a little too fine, the next had been perfect save for the lack of whiskers, and in her last failed attempt she had accidentally forgotten one of the insignia on his windbreaker.
After about half an hour of trial and error, however, her transformation of Naruto had been perfect right down to the last stitch on that butt-ugly jacket of his. Sasuke figured that the ease of her Naruto transformation probably lay in how often she thought about him. It was obvious that she had a little crush on the dobe, which, Sasuke knew, meant that she was probably thinking of him and sighing wistfully about it most of her daily life.
Naruto himself, of course, had felt the need to prance about and laugh at Sasuke's expense when it became apparent that Hinata could only successfully clone one of her partners. After about ten minutes of tolerating Naruto's gloating face, Sasuke had suggested that the dobe prance on home and stop distracting the people who were actually there to work. This "suggestion" had been punctuated by a non-verbal threat that accomplished two agendas at once; one, to get rid of Naruto and, two, keeping Hinata the unwitting, happily-ignorant witness of a very serious promise of painful death.
Sasuke had been mildly surprised that Naruto had gotten the hint at all, but supposed an entire lifetime of menacing glares had made the dobe an expert on who really meant to hurt him and who only wanted to. In the end, Sasuke didn't much care how or why Naruto had picked up on his murderous intent, but was glad to have him gone all the same.
A full hour of practice after Naruto's hasty departure, however, hadn't improved Hinata's transformation. Even without the dobe in the room her mind was, apparently, still as focused as ever on his stupid face, his ugly clothes, and his ridiculous, unruly, vile –
"I'm s-sorry, Sasuke-san...," Hinata apologized again, maintaining Naruto's appearance as she slumped her shoulders. She was biting her lip and looking at her feet as if she were tempted to cry again, but held back her tears with an admirable amount of self-control. Something she had no doubt been forced to perfect as a public figurehead of the Hyuuga clan.
Though Sasuke had to admit to being annoyed (to himself, at least), there was no profit in making the girl cry. "Che, whatever," he said, resuming his former lounging position in the desk chair (while wisely keeping all four legs planted firmly on the carpet). "It's not like you can help it."
Oddly, this reassurance seemed to make Hinata feel worse. She bit down hard on her lip, staining her front teeth a pinkish-red, and began to blink rapidly. She didn't reply verbally, but nodded in agreement.
There was another pop that signified the fall of her guise and another pale cloud of smoke engulfed her body and spread throughout the room. Hinata's usual figure, sans her coat, materialized before Sasuke looking tired and frustrated with herself. Her face was a bit lighter than its natural pallor, undoubtedly due to the steady drain of chakra that the Transformation no Jutsu had demanded of her over the past few hours. All the more reason to throw in the towel, so to speak, for the afternoon.
"Maybe we should quit for the day," Sasuke suggested, stretching his arms and back out until he heard his joints pop. Sitting in Hinata's desk chair for hours on end was more physically demanding than combat training at the academy. "You can just do the covert-op part of the assignment as Naru-tard."
Hinata, apparently still unwilling to speak, bobbed her head again in affirmation. On the second of three sequential nods, however, her face slackened into an unresponsive stare and the last splotches of color left in her cheeks was absorbed in the pervasive paleness that had overcome her healthy constitution. As she raised slackened fingers to touch her forehead, her knees buckled and her body began a rapid descent to the floor.
Hinata's proximity to her writing desk, however, made it impossible for her fall straight to the ground without collecting a concussion along the way (Newton's first law 'n whatnot) ( 1 ). Luckily for the swooning Hyuuga heiress, Sasuke's chest made the perfect barrier between herself and impending fatality. With his body thrust protectively between her skull and the deadly mahogany corners, Hinata was spared the embarrassing (and incredibly painful) experience of almost certain head injury.
Sasuke, of course, wasn't as lucky as his rescued partner. He managed to avoid splitting his cranium open against one of the many sharp edges of the desk, but he was almost certain that he'd twisted his knee when he'd valiantly thrown himself out of his seat to shield Hinata. The chair itself had tipped over with him, tangled as it was between his legs, crushing Sasuke between the two matching pieces of furniture and his project partner simultaneously. He was also pretty sure that the swelling lump on the back of his head would have to be looked at by a Medic-nin, but sincerely doubted that it was serious enough to warrant a hospital stay.
"S-Sasuke-san!"
Shaking his head from side to side to clear away the mild case of double-vision he was experiencing, Sasuke forced himself to focus on Hinata. Considering that he had taken most of the impact (as multiple parts of his body were currently scolding him for) he didn't expect to find her missing an eye or anything but asked after her health anyway. "You okay?" he queried, grunting as her body shifted away from his.
Obviously fine, Hinata was sitting up looking even more conscious than before the fall. The adrenaline had hit her bloodstream, apparently. "I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? Should I call the family doctor? I'll go get him right – "
"I'm fine," Sasuke said, grunting as he sat up. Hinata moved out of his way, seemingly afraid of touching him again lest she break anything else. "Really," Sasuke reassured her, climbing to his feet. After walking around for a few paces, he realized that his knee was fine, just a little sore. Good.
"Are you sure...?" Hinata asked as she followed him about the room, searching his body for injuries. She even activated her Byakugan which, presumably, could detect internal damages.
Sasuke did a couple of flips in the center of her room to prove his good health. Even though the landing hurt a little (okay, a lot) because of his knee, he forced himself to be the picture of perfect health. The pain in his body slowly ebbed away leaving behind nothing but a hint of soreness in his knee, head and a couple other random muscles. Quite honestly, he was fine.
"I think we should call it a day, though," Sasuke suggested, leaning down to collect his school bag and notes scattered across the floor. "You're obviously too tired to do the jutsu anymore."
Hinata approached him and looked as if she were ready to cry again. "Really, I'm so s-sorr – "
"It was my fault," Sasuke interjected, placing his palm over her mouth. "I should've realized how much of your chakra was depleted and stopped you from doing the jutsu again. I'm sorry."
With his hand over her mouth, Hinata looked kind of funny with her eyes widening like that. Sasuke couldn't help but smirk a little at her.
He pulled his hand away from Hinata's mouth and reminded her, "I'll see you tomorrow. Noon in front of Ichiraku's Ramen stand, okay?"
"O-Okay...," Hinata agreed, nodding.
Sasuke, insisting that he didn't need an escort to the front door (he'd been t the Hyuuga compound plenty of times, after all, and it never really changed), told Hinata to go to bed and get a good night's sleep; she'd need all the energy she could get if she was going to transform into the dobe the next day.
"'Night," Sasuke called as he walked down the long hallway towards the front part of the house, waving the back of his hand at her as he went.
"Goodnight," he heard Hinata call after him.
Sasuke's smirk widened into a full grin; even with Naruto around, the following day promised to be a pretty good one.
— — —
Fidgeting restlessly with her fingers, Hinata stuttered, "A-Are you s-sure this is alright, Sasuke-san...?" Her face was bright red as she repeated her next suggestion for the fiftieth time; "I c-could practice a little m-more and – "
"It's fine," Sasuke returned, growing quite irritated with how, since the incident in her room yesterday, Hinata had failed to look at his face even once. Was physical contact with a boy really that bad? Or was it Sasuke, specifically, that disgusted her? "Iruka said that you only had to transform into one of us anyway. Stop worrying so much."
"B-But – "
Turning bodily away from his female partner, Sasuke quickly changed the subject with a loud, angry huff. "Where the hell is that dobe, anyway? Even he can't possibly get detention on a Saturday..."
Sasuke and Hinata were standing next to Ichirauku's Ramen – as per Naruto's request of a quick lunch before commencing with the project – waiting for their third, habitually late partner to show his stupid, whiskered face. Sasuke was willing to bet his entire family's combined fortune – of which there was quite a bit – that there was no one else in the village that was as consistently tardy as Naru-tard. He'd be willing to stake twice that amount on the impossibility that anyone else could come up with such worthless excuses for his lateness, either.
"I'm sure he's on his way...," Hinata said in her usual soft whisper. "He probably wanted to eat something first."
"We're meeting at a ramen shop," Sasuke reminded her sourly. "Eating is the entire point of meeting here."
Hinata, not the type to give up blind hope for a crush, opened her mouth to defend him a second time; "Well, I'm sure he's – "
"I'M HERE!"
Sasuke inclined his head towards the direction from which the shout originated and glowered at the approaching figure, who was drawing closer at a quick-paced jog. "You're late, Naru-tard. We've been waiting for half an hour."
Naruto skidded to a halt right in front of Hinata, teetering precariously on his toes as he fought to keep his balance by flailing his arms. "Woah!" he cried, flapping his arms harder as he began to overbalance and tilt forward. Hinata reached out to steady him, but found it impossible to do so while he was moving around in such a way.
Reaching out with a flat palm, Sasuke planted it in the center of Naruto's chest and pushed him backwards so that the blonde social outcast landed hard on his rump. Hinata saved (yet again), Sasuke's duty was fulfilled.
"Ow...," Naruto complained, rubbing his sore backside. He made no further comment, however, leaving Sasuke to believe that, for once, Naruto recognized his downfall as his own stupid fault.
"Can we get this started now?" Sasuke demanded, folding his arms across his chest as Hinata leaned down to help the dobe up. The Uchiha prodigy's eyes narrowed slightly when, for a split second, he thought he observed Naruto sneaking a peek down Hinata's jacket.
When fully upright and at a perfect vantage point for lecherous gawking, however, Naruto's eyes remained front and center, giving Sasuke no leave to suspect any perverted wrongdoing. Hinata, of course, had noticed nothing out of the ordinary and released Naruto's arm with shy reluctance once he was balanced properly on his own two feet.
"What are we doing, again?" Naruto asked, scratching his head and gazing at Sasuke with that squinty-eyed, dumbfounded look that everyone was so familiar with.
Having given up on Naruto ever knowing what was going on early in the project, Sasuke answered without his usual annoyed fanfare of huffing and scowling. Whipping out their assignment sheet, Sasuke began quoting directly off the page. "You will walk around Konoha as your partner to determine if you are able to properly imitate their gender-specific qualities. As you do this, your partner will be utilizing the concealment and spying techniques learned in Unit Three to both track your progress and keep a diary of it. You will take turns transforming and recording and the diaries will be turned in to me for credit," Sasuke finished, folding up the paper and stuffing it back into his pocket where it belonged. "Which means that we're going to take turns transforming into one another and taking notes. Got it?"
"I know what it means, you bastard," Naruto replied, spitting his tongue out at Sasuke. In the background, Sasuke was appalled to find that Hinata was giggling at the transaction.
Though he was sure that he was at least slightly red in the cheeks, Sasuke continued on with his assessment of the situation as if nothing about his demeanor had altered in the slightest. "Since we're already at one of your usual haunts, Naru-tard, I think Hinata should go first since she's going to transform into you. You better have brought paper and pencil."
"What?" Naruto exclaimed, jaw dropping open as if this were the most objectionable suggestion ever. "What about lunch first? You said we were gonna eat!"
"We were," Sasuke replied, sneering in vindictive triumph. "But you wasted all of our extra time by being late so now we're gonna skip it."
"But – But – "
"I-I'll bring you s-some ramen, N-Naruto-kun," Hinata promised, placing a trembling hand on Naruto's arm with a watery, placating smile. "Pork, r-right?"
Sniffling, Naruto gazed at Hinata as if she were presenting him with a pot of gold, prestigious award or both. Throwing his arms around her entire upper body, Naruto pulled Hinata to him in a big hug as Sasuke watched, inwardly horrified at the spectacle. "I love you, Hinata-chan!" he proclaimed, rubbing his tanned cheek against her cherry-tinted one.
Just as Sasuke was about to step forward and rip his two partners apart, Hinata pushed Naruto away from her with both hands, her face flaming red. Apparently, the thrill of having Naruto confess his love to her as he held her in his arms was a bit too much for the Hyuuga heiress to handle all at once. "I'll g-go g-g-get it f-for y-you," she stammered, pulling her flattened palms away from Naruto's chest and severing the last bit of contact between them.
Forming the seals perfectly (if a little shakily) with her fingers, Hinata transformed into a perfect replica of Naruto without difficulty. Her face was still pretty red, but it was hidden better beneath Naruto's tan, making it seem as if she'd simply gotten a little too much sun on her nose and the apples of her cheeks.
Without another trembling word, Hinata spun around and marched into Ichiraku's Ramen shop, completely neglecting to ask Sasuke if she could bring him anything (which was rare). Perhaps because of this Sasuke bestowed the dumbfounded Naruto with an extra-scathing look as Hinata lifted the flaps above Ichiraku's entrance.
"Welcome to Ichiraku's Ramen!"
—
Attempt One: Ladies First
Hinata entered the ramen shop feeling distinctly ill and not at all hungry. In fact, the overpowering smell of broth and skillet-fried meat was exacerbating her condition rather than alleviating it. All-in-all, Hinata wanted to retreat from her assignment and go spend some time basking in her own company beneath her purple-flowered sheets.
Hearing words of love from Naruto had been what she'd always wanted, but the spectacle that had occurred outside was bittersweet for the Hyuuga heiress. While she wanted to delude herself that he was serious, Hinata fully realized that Naruto had spouted those words on an excited whim and, despite how she wanted to take them otherwise, knew that she couldn't. Naruto loved Sakura – that was perfectly clear – and, if Hinata hadn't been the single person in their class willing to take Naruto on as a partner, he wouldn't even be sparing her a glance today. Instead, he'd probably be off splashing pretty colors on the faces of the stony-faced Hokages, eating gigantic bowlfuls of ramen or following around the aforementioned pink-haired kunoichi and begging for a date. If he'd had the choice, Hinata knew, Naruto wouldn't be spending the day with her.
Hinata recognized Naruto's profession of love for what it was – nothing. She knew that the chances of Naruto ever loving her that way were so slim that it was probably more likely for her to end up with Sasuke, of all people, before even getting a single peck on the cheek from her dream guy.
So much for a simple assignment...
"Naruto!" cried the man behind the counter, presumably the owner. Hinata jumped as his loud voice intruded upon her gloomy thoughts, bringing her back to reality with a humiliating (and slightly painful) thud. "What'll it be today?"
Before she could think to stop herself, Hinata bent low in a prim bow and greeted the merchant formally. "G-Good afternoon, Ichiraku-san."
When she rose out of her bow, the man was looking at her as if she'd asked him for okonomiyaki ( 2 ) instead of his signature ramen. "Are you feeling alright, Naruto?"
Blushing, Hinata realized her mistake. Though she was tempted to bow again – this time in reverent, humbled apology – the Hyuuga heiress mimicked one of Naruto's patented gestures instead. Leaning heavily on one foot and crossing it over with the other, Hinata pillowed the back of her head in her palms, conjoined by the fingers, and forced a loud laugh. "I was just k-kidding!" she exclaimed, opening her mouth wide again to emit another awkward guffaw.
Ichiraku still didn't seem convinced, but let the subject drop. Perhaps he had settled on the idea that Naruto's milk had gone bad (again), or maybe he just didn't care as long as Naruto's money was good. "Take a seat," the merchant said with a bit of uneasy cheer, waving offhandedly at a stool in the center of the counter.
Judging by the seat that molded perfectly to Hinata's borrowed butt cheeks, this was obviously Naruto's favorite seat when enjoying Ichiraku's ramen. Hinata scanned the walls to read the little wooden plaques that advertised the establishment's food items, trying to determine what – if anything – sounded appetizing. It wasn't that she thought Naruto had poor taste – definitely not! Never! – it was just that the Hyuuga compound never served anything that the elders considered "common," like ramen or gyouza ( 3 ), which she noticed she could get either fried or steamed.
Though she thought that the steamed gyouza would probably do for an entree, Hinata scanned the rest of the wall for an alternative meal that might sound better. On a plaque on the far side of the restaurant from herself (which was a few yards wide, maximum), Hinata's attention was caught by large, multi-colored letters that proclaimed:
"Try the gut-busting, extra-large, meat-packed SUPER DELUXE ICHIRAKU RAMEN! Beef, chicken, pork and shrimp all in one monstrously-large bowl! Only the minimal amount of noodles and broth required."
Hinata's earlier queasiness returned to her and she held a hand to her stomach to soothe
the restless caterpillars that were squirming around in her stomach and attempting to turn themselves into butterflies. Hinata had never heard of something so unappetizingly awful! She was certain that, if such a bowl of animal by-product were ever set down in front of her, she would be physically sick on the spot.
"Here you go, Naruto-kun," said Ichiraku's one-and-only waitress in the most simperingly-sweet voice Hinata had ever heard. Returning her gaze to its previous position, she spied the waitress – or at least her bosom – directly in front of her. Apparently, the gods had hand-selected this young lady to be particularly...gifted and Hinata, knowing full-well that Naruto spent almost all of his spare time at this establishment, felt even worse about herself (and her meager "offerings") than ever.
After the few awed seconds spent jealously admiring "Chidori's" (or so her nametag labeled her) large...teeth, Hinata belatedly realized that she had been gifted with the largest, most disgusting bowl of ramen she had ever seen before in her life ( 4 ). In fact, it was the same bowl of ramen that she had only minutes before declared unhealthy for her constitution. "Um...I d-didn't order this," Hinata squeaked, eyes widening at how high the pile of meat in her bowl really was.
"I know," Chidori replied, leaning over to lean on the counter so that her "teeth" nearly spilled out of the top of her barely-appropriate kimono. "It's your usual, isn't it?"
As a wave of nausea began to overwhelm her, Hinata kept her mouth clamped firmly shut and dared not respond. She gulped once, forcing the army of butterflies that had successfully hatched from their cocoons back down to the hardly impenetrable fortress that was her stomach.
"Are you feeling okay, Naruto-kun?" Chidori asked, taking a step backwards and away from Hinata.
After waiting a moment to make sure that her breakfast wasn't about to leap out of her mouth, Hinata answered, "F-Fine."
"Ichiraku-san!" Chidori yelled to her manager, tugging forcefully on his sleeve. Her expression belayed a horrifying disgust that implied if Hinata were sick, she would be, too. Upon not getting an immediate response, Chidori tugged again, harder this time. "Ichiraku-san!"
Ichiraku, who had been speaking to another customer, answered with an annoyed growl. "What, Chii-Chii?" ( 5 )
"I think Naruto-kun's going to be sick!" she replied, ducking behind Ichiraku as Hinata placed a hand to her mouth and lurched forward. Nothing came out, but Hinata (and, most likely, all the onlookers, too) realized that it was only a matter of time before it did.
Leaping from the stool, Hinata dashed outside before the inevitable caused Ichiraku to close down his establishment for the rest of the day.
—
Poof!
Once outside and around the corner of the building, Hinata released the contents of her stomach onto the grass. When there was no more left to come out, she dry-heaved on all-fours until both her stomach and chest hurt.
After barely a minute of this, Hinata felt warm, soothing hands on her back and a person at her side. "Hyuuga, are you okay?"
Hinata opened her eyes and stared blankly at the mess she'd made, realizing glumly that none of it looked even remotely like butterflies. "I'm feeling better, Sasuke-san...," she replied honestly, leaning back to sit on her haunches. Sasuke's arm was still around her shoulders, keeping her steady.
Sasuke's other hand disappeared from her shoulder for a minute, doing something off to the side. A couple seconds later it reappeared offering her a perfectly clean handkerchief. "Here."
Hinata turned to look at him finally to tell him that she couldn't possibly ruin his handkerchief, that she'd be perfectly fine, but he cut off this thought before it could even be vocalized.
"Here," he said again, motioning for her to take the proffered piece of cloth. Hinata did so without any other presumption of argument and delicately dabbed the last vestiges of vomit from the corners of her mouth.
"Thank you," Hinata said, smiling to the best of her current ability (which wasn't much).
"Geeze," another voice interrupted, whistling at a low, amazed pitch. "You don't look like you eat much, Hinata-chan, but you sure had a lot in there!"
Hinata blushed as she recognized Naruto's voice and remembered what had occurred before entering Ichiraku's. If she'd had any half-digested food left in her stomach, Hinata might have thrown up again.
"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke replied with a snarl. "Your disgusting eating habits made are what made her sick!"
"Hey, it's not my fault that she's got a weak stomach! If she couldn't handle it – !"
"No one could handle the slop that you put into your body! You're such a – !"
"STOP IT!" Hinata screamed, clamping her palms over her ears to block out the sound of her teammate's bickering. What was really making her sick, what was really causing her stomach to churn and her heart to beat much too fast, was the animosity between the two boys. She had no idea why they hated each other so much, but she was tired of being stuck in the middle of it! "Stop fighting! Why are you always fighting?"
Wonderful, now she was going to cry.
At a complete loss for what to do, Hinata leaned into the closest source of warmth available to her – which happened to be Sasuke – to hide her tears and seek a bit of involuntary comfort. Normally she would be ashamed of causing such an imposition, but she knew that Sasuke wouldn't push her away – he was always close by like that.
As Sasuke's hand began awkwardly stroking her back and Naruto's voice began to coo placating words at her, – "C'mon, Hinata-chan. Don't cry...we were just kidding! C'mon, don't cry..." – Hinata began to calm down a little. After a couple minutes, Hinata didn't know why she was still clinging to Sasuke's side since the tears had abated long before, but she was unwilling to let go.
With a couple more sniffles, Hinata (somewhat reluctantly) pulled herself away and wiped up her tears with the handkerchief she'd borrowed from Sasuke. Despite the splotches of vomit here or there, it smelled kind of good so she allowed her face to wallow in it for a few extra seconds. "S-Sorry...," she said after awhile, lifting her face up to look at her teammates. She knew she had to be all puffy and gross-looking, but figured that it didn't really matter anymore – Sasuke wouldn't care and Naruto didn't love her, so what was the point? "W-What's next?"
"Maybe we should take you home," Sasuke suggested, calling Hinata's attention to himself. She turned her eyes only to look at him and received a strange sight in return.
Sasuke, who was apparently straining to keep some sort of expression off his face, was grimacing at her. Well, not grimacing, exactly; one of his eyebrows was raised while the other one was pulled low over his eye and his mouth was...twisted. There wasn't any other way to describe it, just twisted. He looked so funny that Hinata couldn't help but laugh at him.
Sasuke's expression changed again, making him look even funnier, and Hinata's laughter was renewed. He changed it once more and Hinata, caught up in her fit of laughter, fell backwards and out of her crouched position to sit flat on the ground. If Hinata hadn't known better, she would have thought that Sasuke was doing it on purpose!
"I'll b-be fine, Sasuke-san!" Hinata promised between laughs. "What's next?"
—
Attempt Two: Second is the Worst
Naruto, for the life of him, couldn't figure out what was going on between that jerk Sasuke and Hinata. He almost (almost) thought that they might be dating, but then reconsidered when he remembered how much Sasuke hated girls. After all, when a guy gives a speech that entails nothing but the sentence "Girls are annoying," one kinda figures that he's not interested in going out with one.
Oh, crap. What if he was batting for the other team?
Naruto shuddered at the thought and scooched further away from Sasuke in their little "Make Hinata-chan Feel Better" circle. No sense taking chances.
Sasuke gave him a weird look, but said nothing and refocused his attention on Hinata. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?"
Hinata, displaying the first all-natural smile Naruto had ever seen on her face, shook her head no and replied, "I'm fine, Sasuke-san. Let's continue working on the project." Weird, she wasn't stuttering, either.
"Fine, let's go somewhere else though. Maybe the park?" Sasuke suggested, flashing a look at Naruto that implied "agree or die."
Though Naruto had an urge to be as defiant as always, he felt bad enough for Hinata to play along. Even if she was a weirdo, she was a nice weirdo who deserved a bit of fresh air after being violently sick. "Yeah, that sounds good."
Hinata nodded in acquiescence and started to stand up. Sasuke, way ahead of her as always, got to his feet first and leaned down to help her up. "I'm fine, Sasuke-san, really," Hinata said, attempting to move around under her own power. After a few steps to prove that she was, indeed, "fine," Sasuke agreed to let her walk on her own but continued to watch her like a mother hen.
"It's your turn next, dobe," Sasuke said, flashing Naruto a severe look.
After Hinata's little freak-out, Naruto decided that arguing with Sasuke was possibly detrimental to her health and, therefore, his. For a gay guy, Sasuke sure paid a lot of attention to Hinata, which didn't make much sense to Naruto. Oh, well, better her than him. "Whatever," Naruto replied, standing up at last and stuffing his hands in his pockets.
On the way to the park, Naruto noticed even more of Sasuke's weird behavior towards Hinata. He was standing pretty close to her, but every time she happened to look his direction he would leap another few inches away as if she'd caught him doing something naughty (or perhaps dirty; did gay guys look down girl's shirts? Didn't that kinda defeat the point of being gay?). The bastard also looked like he was making a huge effort to keep him away, as if Naruto were some sort of enemy hell-bent on doing...something to Hinata. It was just too weird!
They stopped to rest on a bench next to this quaint little man-made pond thing – complete with cute baby duckies and senior citizens to feed them – so that Hinata wouldn't get sick from so much walking around. Geeze, Sasuke was such a prissy, girly worrier! The jerk said something about this corner of the park being kinda secluded and perfect for transforming without drawing attention or whatever, but only after Naruto had called him a pansy-man worrywart. This whole let's-not-fight-for-the-sake-of-Hinata-chan thing was starting to have some benefits (ie, fewer bruises, cuts and incidences of head trauma)!
Anyway, Naruto kind of half-listened while Sasuke reminded him about his mission for the project – blah, blah, blah, blah – and then demanded that he go ahead and transform. So Naruto stood before his two teammates and, concentrating hard on the image of Hinata he'd received the night before (great-looking knockers 'n all), performed the proper hand signals with his fingers.
Poof!
The next instant, he was a great representation of Hinata!
"You idiot!" Sasuke bellowed, bopping Naruto on the back of his head with a closed fist. After making sure his head was shielded from further attacks, Naruto looked up to find a slightly red-faced Sasuke glowering at him.
"What?" Naruto demanded defensively, rubbing at the bump that was swelling on his skull. No concussion this time, but damn did that hurt! So much for "no more fighting."
Sasuke, looking as if he wanted nothing more than to hit Naruto again, sneered at him. "You did the transformation wrong, dobe!"
Naruto felt the short hair at the back of his head, prodded Hinata's round little face and even checked the back of his hands to make sure they were girly enough. There was nothing wrong with his transformation! "I did not!"
"Then what do you call...," Sasuke paused, closing his eyes, and pointed to Naruto's chest. "...those!"
After blinking with confusion a couple of times, Naruto dipped his head down to look at whatever offending feature Sasuke was pointing to. Oh, those. "Oops," Naruto said, rubbing a sheepish hand against the back of his head as he grinned at his teammates. "I guess they're a little big, huh?"
Hinata, her face hidden in her hands, didn't seem capable of response. Sasuke sneered and replied, quite sarcastically, "You think?"
Reaching up to take one in each hand, Naruto squeezed and jiggled his obscenely-large breasts in an experimental manner. They seemed alright to him, even if they weren't quite...Hinata-ish. Then again, judging by what he'd seen the night before, Hinata might have a set just like them (or possibly even bigger!) in a few years or so. Still, on an eleven-year-old's body, Naruto supposed that they were a little out-of-place...
Poof!
Naruto changed back to his usual form with the intention of starting all over. "Okay, let's try this again," he said, forming the hand signals perfectly.
Poof!
Big-boobied Hinata, at your...erm...service.
Dodging another punch from Sasuke, Naruto made the smart choice of ducking behind Hinata. Obviously, the asshole had some sense of chivalry because Naruto had never seen him turn violent against her. Hell, he'd hardly even raised his voice to her!
"C'mon, jerkface!" Naruto called out, gesturing for peace behind the darkly-blushing Hinata. "It was an accident! You kept knocking her up yesterday, remember?"
Sasuke reached behind Hinata in a mad grab for Naruto, but the latter managed to evade the former's hands again. Sasuke made another violent grope for Naruto from Hinata's other side, but was again unsuccessful. "Hold still, dobe!"
"Stop!" Hinata shouted, looking straight at Sasuke. The Uchiha prodigy listened immediately and withdrew his hands, though he still looked as if he wanted nothing more than to rip Naruto limb-from-limb. From the safety behind Hinata's back, Naruto made a face and a rude gesture at Sasuke, knowing full well that the Uchiha could do nothing about it. "W-What if I loan Naruto-kun my j-jacket? Th-That might help..."
Without waiting for any response, Hinata grabbed the zipper on her jacket and pulled it open, revealing a bit more skin than she had shown even the day before. This tanktop was black like the last, but one of those...those...linguini-strap things. The kind that showed a decent amount of cleavage, but managed to keep just about everything else covered. From Naruto's position over Hinata's shoulder, he had a perfect view of paradise...
Then again, from his position as an extra-busty Hinata, he had an even better view.
Either way, Sasuke looked like he was about to leap over Hinata and kill him. Man, gay dudes just didn't make any sense...kinda like girls.
After receiving Hinata's jacket, Naruto immediately donned it and covered up his newly found assets. This seemed to placate Sasuke, so that made everyone happy.
"Well, I'm off to go do Hinata-chan things!" Naruto proclaimed, saluting to his two teammates. An instant later, he was gone.
—
After about half an hour of leaping through trees to get as far away from Sasuke and his gayness as possible, Naruto was beginning to get hot. No, literally hot; the figurative was kind of a given based on his temporary cup size.
Anyway, once Naruto felt that he was a decent distance away from the homicidal-maniac-trapped-in-a-pre-pubescent-male's-body, he stopped his fevered run through the trees and jumped down onto one of the more widely-used hiking trails, figuring that witnesses might be helpful if Sasuke ever caught up with him.
He waved to a family picnicking in a clearing not far to his left and, expecting them to shun him like everyone else did, received a pleasant surprise when they waved back. Unzipping the jacket Hinata had loaned him to cover both of their modesties, he pulled it off and threw it over his shoulder as he began to walk down the trail, whistling and strutting in a very un-Hinata-ish way.
After a few yards, Naruto heard a rustling in the trees somewhere above and behind him. Looking up, he saw a flash of color bouncing from limb to limb and catching up to him with great speed. "Shit!" Naruto cursed, throwing down Hinata's jacket to make a quick getaway.
Naruto dashed down the trail at top-speed, listening to Sasuke's approach from what seemed like every direction. Every time Naruto took a left, Sasuke was right there. Whenever he took a right, Naruto realized that he hadn't left Sasuke behind. No matter what, it felt like the asshole was right on top of him (and that really grossed him out)!
"Man, how do girls run with these things, anyway?" Naruto panted, clutching at his chest to keep his overly-inflated mammary glands from bouncing all over the place. "Being a girl sucks!"
Finally, Naruto achieved a feint and, instead of turning right at the fork as he made it seem he was going to, he bounced off a tree and took the left path instead. He turned his head to look behind him and, finding no darkly-colored blurs following him, whooped in triumph. He had finally beaten that damned Sasuke at something! Finally outsmarted him! Finally showed him who was really – !
Catching a root with his toe, Naruto fell face forward into the dirt. Because of his momentum, the impact was particularly hard, causing Naruto to see little stars and birdies flying around his head. "Woah...," he muttered, dirt stirring around his head as he exhaled. "Pretty...sparkly..."
"Hyuuga!" shouted a loud, familiar voice. Oh, damn; not him. "Hyuuga! Are you okay?"
"Mnm...ph...," was all that Naruto could muster. He considered thinking it weird that Sasuke was calling him "Hyuuga," but decided that he had better things to worry about (like his ribs; despite all the extra cushioning, they were aching pretty bad).
Naruto felt himself lifted up off the ground and leaned backwards against a solid, guy-smelling body. A set of arms was looped around his waist and (creepiest of all) a nose was practically nuzzling his forehead.
"Hinata...," Sasuke's voice whispered in his ear. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"
Reality struck Naruto like a megaton of Choji's; Sasuke was holding him, nuzzling him and whispering affectionate concerns in his ear! Holy fuck...what they said about guys picking on the ones they like most was (disturbingly) true!
"Um...S-Sasuke-san...?"
Naruto felt Sasuke's head move away from his and, illness probably still written clearly across his face, he followed suit. The real Hinata, standing there in her cleavage-y tanktop, was staring at the cuddling boys with a face so pale that it was almost translucent. For the first time ever, Naruto realized that her eyes weren't white, they were kinda purplish; the only reason he noticed was because, with her pallor such an unhealthy color, they stood out against the starkness of her face.
It was kind of a weird thing to be worried about, considering the circumstances, but Naruto would later reminisce on how focusing on Hinata's eyes was better than thinking about the situation at hand.
—
Attempt Three: Aborted
When Sasuke returned to his empty apartment early that afternoon – having decided to call the game on account of intense humiliation – he flopped down onto the floor beside the door immediately. He felt drained of all feeling (even disgust) and incapable of coherent thought. Thanks to Naruto abandoning Hinata's jacket somewhere in the woods, Sasuke had mistaken him for her and...and...well, self-preservation would eventually block the memory out entirely, so Sasuke decided not to dwell on it further.
Sasuke stayed in that same spot all night, ignoring his ringing phone and intentionally neglecting to turn on his lights. Hinata left message after concerned message on his machine, but the Uchiha prodigy had no intention of calling her back – ever.
Sasuke hoped that, after all three of them had a good night's sleep, they'd all wake up and pretend it had been an awful, disturbing, very bad dream that should never be mentioned to anyone.
Now, if only Sasuke could get to sleep...
Footnotes:
( 1 ) Newton's first law of motion states that, "An object will remain at rest, or continue to move at a constant velocity, unless a net force acts upon it." This basically means that an object (or person) will keep moving until something forces it to stop. Ie, if you fall, you'll only stop when you hit the floor (or something else on the way down).
( 2 ) Okonomiyaki – commonly referred to as "Japanese pizza" or "Japanese omlette." It's basically a circle of batter with a tasty sauce and varied toppings. Shrimp, pork and noodles are popular flavors, I hear.
( 3 ) Gyouza – dumplings or "pot stickers." Often filled with chicken, pork or seafood and veggies. As mentioned above, they can be either pan-fried or steamed, depending on preference. Really tasty with a nice side of soy sauce to dip them in. They're often served as side dishes at casual restaurants and bars in Japan.
( 4 ) EDIT: Oops, I guess I should've double-checked my sources n.n; "Chidori" actually means something like "a thousand birds," as explained by Kakashi in the series. I got it mixed up with "Cho," which really DOES mean "butterfly." My bad! Thanks so much to Hali-chan, who brought the mistake to my attention. If I mess anything else up, please let me know! I'd rather fix it than look stupid (for an extended period of time, anyway).
( 5 ) If any of you out there are fans of DBZ, you might already be aware that Chidori's nickname "Chii-Chii" is a reference to her breasts. I couldn't resist n.n
—
Authors Notes: That's right! You get three different POVs in this chapter n.n Different, huh? And extra long! Then again, it should be considering how long I made y'all wait for it...n.n;
So sorry about the long wait, guys. College can be a bitch when it comes to demands on free time. Okay, so it was mostly the working-every-weekend thing from October through mid-November that really kept me from updating, but both sources played a role in the tardiness of this chapter. Y'know that part in the middle of this chapter about being habitually late and having stupid excuses? I'm sure y'all can relate to Sasuke's annoyance over it n.n;
Oh, and Sasuke's not going to complete his part of the assignment. I can't see him going through with it now, do you?
Next chapter you get to find out why this story is entitled "Sexy no Jutsu" n.n
Don't forget to drop me a line and let me know if you're still interested!
If I didn't have time to write, do you think I'd have time to beta? Un-beta'd.
. ( . Ms Videl Son . ) .
