April 6th, Monday
"Why are you here? Don't you have classes in your elementary school today or something?" Allen asked irritably as Kanda was obviously present in the apartment the next day, despite it being ten o'clock. Weekend was over! Did the man really have nothing to do? Honestly, he just really wished for some peace. He had nightmares again tonight and he was not entirely sure he had it in him to not let it show. It was really difficult sometimes - dreaming about his past was not the same as dreaming about something random. He vividly remembered all the feelings. Desperation was probably the worst of them. He haven't slept well.
However, teasing Kanda was still pretty nicely distracting. He could tell his little remark made the man want to throw things at him.
"Don't make me crush your damned face, I'm twenty."
"What, you mean an adult? You sure don't act like one," he pressed on.
Kanda glared at him over his breakfast. "Look who's talking," he spat.
Allen just rolled his eyes as he opened the fridge. His nose scrunched at the lack of supplies. Well, he had to have toasts again, then. He should really go buy some stuff today. He was with his family for around a week and he made sure to eat pretty much everything before he went, not wanting to waste food.
He prepared his meal in silence and then sat with it at the table, right across his flatmate.
"Your face is ruining my appetite," Kanda said seriously.
"Happy to be of service," Allen bowed his head gracefully, sending him a brilliant smile. The man briefly looked like he was about to vomit.
"You― is that my cheese?" Accusing blue eyes narrowed and the gray ones just held his stare evenly.
"Maybe," Allen said, taking a bit of his toast, the loud crunching sound almost mocking. And yes, it was Kanda's cheese.
"I paid for it, you brat."
"Well, I paid for this table," Allen's gaze was daring now. "And I told you, I'm older now."
Kanda just scoffed at that, rising his chin with a victorious look. "I'm still taller."
He indeed was and him pointing it out definitely didn't go appreciated.
"Mmmmm, damn. This cheese is really good. I think I'm gonna have some more toasts."
"I'm not gonna be paying for your damn food!" Kanda was clearly thinking that Allen still ate as much as he used to, hence his serious tone. Allen had to bite the inside of his cheek not to snicker. He was definitely not going to correct him.
"Oh, but you already are. Your rent goes straight into my savings."
Allen almost choked on his laughter, and the toasts, when the comment made Kanda dramatically get up from the table. Having finished eating anyway, the man just stormed off to his room, leaving his plate and mug on the table. Fuck, maybe Allen missed him after all. Just a tiny bit.
"Kanda, I told you! The dishwasher!" he called after the man as sternly as he could manage.
When a string of curses followed in the distance, Allen just shook his head. He didn't have more toasts. He also took care of Kanda's dishes himself. And with that, he went back to work.
Or at least that was what he attempted to do, but couldn't focus. Honestly, why was Kanda just sitting around on a Monday? That is― Allen guessed he could be doing a major where he didn't have that much classes or something, right? Of course. No need to overthink it, really. But still, it wasn't letting him focus for some reason.
He knew all too well how it felt. Suddenly being in a world with no place to belong. He imagined it was how all the ex-Exorcists were now – if everyone was really born again. He couldn't think of any rule for it though, so that was probably the case.
Fuck, it was so messed up. They were given a fresh start and theoretically had all the perspectives that normal people had. But― really? Why would someone who was living on the battlefield suddenly go to school? Worry about education, family, relationships, employment? It didn't feel right. He remembered how tempted he was to just quit. To give up on this unnatural live. The world still existed and that was all the prize they needed, so what sense did it all make?
But it wasn't right. He knew that. A chance is still a chance. They could do all the things they couldn't back then. Lenalee made him see that. She was really happy now. With her family.
If― if Kanda was doing something stupid like― existing without a purpose and just waiting for something to finally kill him, he won't forgive him.
He closed his laptop with too much force, grimacing. He wanted to confront the man.
But― hey, really, he could be overreacting. Waiting for a few more days, observing, seemed like a much better idea.
Sighing, he got up, settling on making himself some tea. He could grab a snack, too. It's been a few hours since the breakfast.
As usual, he felt like he could eat a mountain of different foods, unable to decide on just one. It was a stupid problem, but it was still bothering him a bit, especially since Kanda made him think of it earlier. His stomach seemed so small now. How in hell could people function like this? Of course, back to the problem of the empty fridge, it wasn't like today he had that much of a choice.
He should definitely go shopping. Now. He absently pondered on buying back Kanda's cheese. He really wasn't one to disrespect other people's money, no matter how he enjoyed teasing the other man.
His thoughts were interrupted, because Kanda was sitting in the living room again. This time with a laptop, sat comfortably on a coach. But what really stood out in the picture was the fact the he had glasses on. Glasses. Oh God, he almost looked smart. It was unbearable.
"What?" the man snapped at him and Allen realized he must have been watching him with some kind of funny expression.
"They suit you," he said, gesturing at Kanda's face with a nod of his head. They really did. Even if it seemed a bit funny.
"Shut up," the man answered, pretty predictably, then just focusing back on his screen with a displeased scowl.
Scrambling around the kitchen in silence to have a drink before he left to go shopping, he gave Kanda occasional appraising looks. Yeah, the glasses really did suit him. Though it seemed sad in a way. The person who could heal close to any wound in the past, now needed things like that. He could only imagine how weird of a feeling it had to be for the man.
"Are you dyeing your hair?" Kanda asked suddenly, derailing Allen's train of thought. His tone was flat, the man probably not wanting to let him know he was curious.
"What do you mean?" he asked at first, really not getting it. But one dubious glance Kanda shot him above his frames was enough for him to realise his stupidity.
"Oh," he blinked. "No, it's my natural colour." Then he furrowed his eyebrows, specifying. "It always was."
Kanda actually looked a bit surprised.
"Did you really think someone could just have white hair like that? Really?" Allen laughed at him openly, which Kanda certainly didn't appreciate.
"Well, you weren't exactly normal, idiot," he snapped. "If you could have had that hand, then―," the man was clearly about to go into an argument on very uncomfortable topics, but then interrupted himself suddenly, falling quiet. "Never mind. Let's not go there."
Kanda wasn't looking at him now.
Allen relaxed his hands that tightened into fists somewhere along the way. It took him a few calming breaths before he spoke.
"Yeah. Let's not," he replied coldly, shutting himself inside his room again, mug it hand. Crap, he forgot he wanted to go shopping.
God damn it. He fucking knew having Kanda around wasn't a good idea. They― knew too much about each other. Had too much to shove into each other's faces. Kanda withdrew this time. Before he even begun saying something that could have bothered both of them, really. But Allen knew all too well – and Kanda did, too – how much overboard they could go sometimes when having a fight.
Kanda's past – not their mutual one, but the one from before they met – was what haunted his dreams that night.
