Tuesday 2 August 2011
1:26am Have had brilliant night at Nikki's. And avoided slap in face and blazing row with expert efficiency. In fact, like to think was rather charming and loveable. But is probably a given. Ha! Consumed rather a lot of wine, as always, but am sure hangover will not be as catastrophic as Sunday.
Last few days, have felt almost like student again. Lots of partying, drinking, pondering about ambiguous kisses, pondering about when is next possible opportunity to get laid. Yes, definitely feel as if have travelled back 20 years to student life.
1:35am Sometimes would give anything to be student again. Except for abysmal nutritional health and mould lined wardrobes in student house. Although come to think of it, have recently had man in to fix bathroom mould, and am still too lazy/unable to cook proper meals and so live off takeaways. Am still student-like being, but with early mornings, less sleep and more reports to file on daily basis.
1:42am Have located half drunk bottle of wine in fridge. Is red. Puzzling. Red should be on kitchen side. White in fridge. Why is red in fridge?
1:43am Have decided am always drunk when wine is out, so probably explains presence of red wine in fridge. Am also puzzled as to why half bottle is left. Should really finish off, as have drunk a bottle already at Nikki's, so would be rude not to.
GLUG. GLUG. GLUG. Cold red wine ish goof, yeshh? Mmmmm. Lufly red coldd stuf!
2:37am Have decided was probably bad idea to drink red wine from fridge when have work tomorrow. Have made large coffee, plus large glass of water, and am now watching TV to sober up.
2:38am Is programme about butterflies. Nikki loves butterflies. Will ring her.
2:39am Rang Nikki, but realised would be asleep by now. Oops. Put phone down. Will send apology text in morn.
2:41am Nikki is calling. Hmm.
"Harry?"
"Well who else is going to answer my phone at half past two in the morning, you daft cow?"
"One of your adoring twenty five year-olds perhaps?"
"I was with you till just over an hour ago. How would I have picked up someone in that time? Do you think I stockpile them under the stairs or something?"
"I wouldn't put it past you Harry, although I doubt it this time, judging by your sob story earlier about not getting any."
"Not getting any what?"
"Sex, you numpty. Poor bachelor Harry isn't having his needs fulfilled. I just assumed you might have stopped off at your usual 'stockist' and picked up some poor, unsuspecting girl. Thought you might be ringing me to boast"
"I'll have you know, I came straight home. Like a good boy. And no, actually, in my mildly tipsy state, I discovered a rather precious programme on BBC2 about butterflies. Thought of you, then realised you were probably asleep. But you obviously weren't."
"No, I'm watching it. The butterfly programme. They're awesome. Did you see the whole bunch of Red Admirals they just released?"
"Nikki, I may have seen it and thought of you, but that's where the fascination ended. Red Admirals? They could be called 'Banana Shoehorns' for all I know."
Is laughing at my butterfly ignorance. Is a pretty good subject to be ignorant on though, I feel. Is not as if am oblivious to world hunger or politics or human disease, they're just butterflies for crying out loud. But love that Nikki loves them so much. Makes birthday present buying much easier.
Previous gifts have included; butterfly photo frame (that now has picture of us and Leo in), butterfly necklace (that have seen her wear on special occasions- am glad as cost bloody fortune!), butterfly blouse (that Janet picked out for me, thank god!), and am pretty sure a book about butterflies has graced her hands at some point in the past.
Is not that Nikki has butterfly obsession as such, merely that best friend has no imagination when it comes to presents.
"You make me laugh, Harry Cunningham. Now go to sleep. You don't want to be chatting to me all night, I'll be seeing you in... er, less than six hours. Eurgh! I'll be sick of the sound of your voice!"
"Fine. But this is the last time I thoughtfully ring you up with useful TV guide information in the middle of the night. You'll have to pay for such services in future."
"Ha! If you don't find yourself a girl soon, you'll be the one paying for services Harry!"
"Excuuuuuse me! I don't need to pay women for that kind of thing. There are plenty willing. Would just be useful if I could get them alone, without my best friend hogging all of my free time!"
"FINE HARRY. I'm sorry for taking up all of your free time. You know, I was only joking about getting bored of the sound of your voice, but if you actually are fed up with seeing so much of me, just say. I wouldn't want our friendship to hurt our working relationship. Night Harry."
She hung up.
2:59am BOLLOCKS. Was so close. Survived a whole night, steering clear of dodgy 'kiss' conversation, face slapping and blazing rows, then manage to cock it all up on one stupid, drunken phone call.
3:02am Stupid butterflies.
4:34am Can't sleep. Combination of wine, and fact that mental image of kissing Nikki has been replaced by image of raging, shouting Nikki, is not helping sleep process either.
4:54am Should have called her back straight away. Should have apologised. Will probably avoid me all day tomorrow. Can't call now. Will definitely be asleep, then will never forgive me.
4:56am Will text instead, so can read when she wakes up. Might ease tension at work.
4:59am Have text: So sorry Niks. Didn't mean it how it came out. Forgive me. x
5:00am Received text. From Nikki. Already? Bloody hell, is quick at texting. And is awake also.
Harry. Can't sleep. I'm sorry. I am a bitch. Forgive me. X
5:01am Hmmm. Seems text was sent at same time? Not as reply. Coincidence or what? Text back:
Are you psychic? Texting me at same time as texting you? X
Received another text as mine is sending:
Haha. Texting at the same time. How weird. Great minds ;) x
Have decided coincidence is way too weird. Will have to ring her.
5:03am Engaged tone. Who is she on the phone to at 5am?
5:04 Phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Harry, I tried ringing you a minute ago, but you were engaged."
"Same here."
"Are you pulling my leg?"
"No, but whoever is, tell them to get out of your bed, you're supposed to be trying to sleep!"
Is laughing at ridiculous joke. Love making her laugh. Gorgeous, dirty laugh!
"Harry, listen. I am really sorry for earlier. I know you didn't mean it like that, and I'm sorry I shouted. Time of the month and all that. Forgiven?"
"Yep. No problem. You're right, I never meant it to come out like that. Much as it pains me to say, I'm not sure I could ever get bored of your company. I was merely pointing out that my sex life might improve somewhat if I wasn't constantly seen with an attractive blonde on my arm all the time!"
"Attractive eh? I do hope you're not coming onto me at five o'clock in the morning, over the phone Doctor Cunningham?"
"Attractive. Who said anything about attractive? You must be hearing things woman. You need to get some sleep. See you in a few hours. Bye!"
5:14am Phew. Another close call. Unsure why called best friend 'attractive' so casually in conversation, but am glad was able to shrug off comment altogether, as would never live down otherwise.
5:16am Note to self: DO NOT, under any circumstances, call Nikki Alexander in early hours of morning for casual chat. Research so far shows outcome is likely to be catastrophic.
5:17am Now for sleep. Hello squooshy pillow.
