A/N. I know the previous chapters don't have a name, but I like to call this one "Two conversations about one thing"

Thank you so much for reviewing, it really, really helps (please keep them coming, I'll behave). Just for the record, while I loved the after-Congo Luka/Carter friendship (the scene in season 10 when Carter runs after Luka just to ask him if he's OK after Sam took off is amazing), I think Carter's behaviour towards him in seasons 7 to 9 was condescending and self righetous and made me want to slap him with surgical gloves. And no, I don't think for a moment that Carter and Abby were in love. With each other (although in the next chapter - I don't want to give it all away - but we'll find out the true paternity of Joe. Or not).


She couldn't quite tell how much time had passed since she sat there, with her feet up on the couch, her head resting on her hands . Next to her, on the table, a snowglobe. She must've turned it upside down and back again for tens of times, remembering the last few days.

"… and then Mom called to say "Merry Christmas", which made me realize that this really was for the best and that I overreacted before, feeling like an eight - year- old. Hey, did the pizza get here yet? I haven't eaten anything since Boston," Carter pulled her out of her reverie.

"What?" Abby rose her head to look at him

"I asked if…are you still with that thing?"

"I like it. It's calming". She laid her head on her hands again, but this time she was looking at him.

"Do you need to be …calmed down?" he chuckled, tossed aside the towel he was drying his hair with and sat next to her.

"I'm going to make some tea. You want some?"

"No, I'm fine."

He got up and followed her to the kitchen, caressing her shoulder while she filled the teapot. He ran his hands down her waist and kissed her softly on the neck; in return, she reached for the box of tea and placed two tea bags in a large cup. She told him she was going to take a shower, which made him gave up his efforts and left him a bit dumbfounded. On her way to the bathroom, Abby took the snowglobe from the living room table and went to the bedroom.

"What is it with you and that thing?" He followed her in the other room.

"What do you mean?"

"You're gonna take it to bed now?"

"No", she raised her eyebrows. "I just put it on a shelf so it wouldn't break."

"Why do you care so much whether it breaks or not?"

"Just…watch the pot for a while, ok?"

"Hey, if I had known you have a thing for cheap paperweight, I would've gotten you tons of these".

He took the snowglobe and turned the key, watching the fake snow fall on the reindeers inside, its rhythm tuned in with the sound of Greensleves. It really was a nice gift, considering ER's tradition.

"Hey, Weaver called", he remembered. "She wants me back tomorrow. Is Luka suspended or anything?"

"I don't know", she said, as she turned on the shower.

"Is the family of that kid gonna sue? He could have his license taken away for this."

"I don't know."


"Here. Thought you might need that".

He looked at her briefly, but didn't move, which made her offer him the coffee again.

"It's freezing. Don't you have a jacket with you, or something?"

He didn't answer that either, but she cleaned the snow from the bench and sat next to him, neither saying a word for minutes.

"Luka…" Abby broke the silence, but he interrupted her.

"How is she doing?"

"She's going to be fine. She's young…I don't think there'll be any long term damages. She is going to need a lot of hospitalization, though."

He put the coffee cup down and buried his face in his hands.

"It's freezing cold tonight!" Abby continued in a soft voice.

"You should get back inside."

"You still need a few stitches. I think I could remember how to do that", she smiled.

"I'm fine. Go back inside."

Abby wrapped her jacket tighter and took another sip of coffee, but didn't move.

"I should've just left when Chen got here. If I hadn't gotten back…"

"What was Erin doing in your car, Luka? What was she doing in your apartment?"

He turned his head to look at her. His eyes gave away his terror, spoke the truth. She had seen this just a few hours before, in the locker room, when trying to confront him about his actions. His eyes, red, surprised her then; she was ready to set him straight. Instead, she witnessed a bit of his true self slowly coming back to life and she realized that the real him wasn't gone; it was just lost, trapped somewhere in there, forgotten for a bit. This was only a shield.

"It was her this morning, wasn't it?" she continued.

"She was just a little girl with a crush". He closed his eyes. "How about the boy?"

"You should go home, we'll deal with it tomorrow."

"He was…I should've never gotten back. I just wanted to help in case the guy didn't speak English. I should've… If I hadn't gotten back, the boy might still be alive."

"You can't really know that", she whispered. "He was…sick. He was…he has leukemia!"

"He still could've lived for another ten years."

"Well, what's done is done. You should … you have to put your energy into figuring out what to do next."

"You mean if there is a next."

"There's always one", she smiled softly at him. "You just have to…start making it."

"Like you and your mother?"

She chuckled. "No, for me it's always the same; the routine never changes."

"I'm – I'm sorry, I shouldn't…. What are you still doing here? It's past 3."

"Trying to figure out my own next."

"With your brother, you mean?"

"My brother…my mother…"

"Carter?"

She shrugged, took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one.

"Didn't you quit?"

"I did. And then I didn't. "

"What does Carter have to say about it?"

She chuckled. "He just doesn't appreciate the nicotine…and the inhaling…and exhaling."

"Can I….?" He pointed to the pack and as she nodded yes, he got one himself.

"You know, this is the first time you've actually asked."

"What?"

"You think I didn't know you sneaking behind my back while I was asleep and stealing my cigarettes?"

He smiled. "I was only trying to encourage you to smoke less."

"You should go home. Romano said something about an M&M next week. Did you finish talking to the police?"

"There wasn't much to say."

"For how long are you going to get your driver's license suspended?"

"I don't know. I saw you talking to the cops, what did they ask you?"

"The usual with these things."

"They wanted you to draw blood?"

"Don't worry about it, we took care of it."

"You shouldn't."

"Luka…You could've gone to jail. Or deported. Or killed."

"Wouldn't make much of a difference." He threw away the cigarette. "I couldn't stop. I still don't think I did."

"Stop...stop what? There are always choices."

"Maybe, but I'm not the one to make them. Or when I do… that boy is in a coma…Erin….I almost killed a kid…and his father….I just…You should stay away."

"I can't, I'm a sucker for disasters." She smiled and looked away. "What's going on, Luka?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? It doesn't seem nothing to me. Or everyone else."

"I guess now they have something to talk about for weeks."

"That wasn't my point. People are worried."

"Who?"

"People…you know…Susan….Kerry, even Romano was a bit worried tonight."

"Romano is worried about a lawsuit, Weaver worries about holes in the schedule and Susan fears she'll be the only one covering the floor."

"You don't really know that."

"Why would they care?"

"You should let people help you."

"I don't need help, I need to be left alone. And that's a bit hypocritical out of you."

"Ok…right. I knew this was going to be a mistake. I have to go back inside."

She got up to leave and made a few steps before he started speaking again.

"My mother used to have this small music box with a dancing ballerina. I used to sit for hours and just turn the key so I could play it over and over again; it fascinated me, but I loved it mostly because it was hers since she was little."

She thanked him softly.

"What for?" he asked.

"It was one of the most beautiful Christmas presents I ever got."

She turned around and this time left, leaving him alone on the bench in front of the E.R. It had started snowing, so he lifted his gaze for a few seconds and then covered his face with the palms of his hands again, so that the tears wouldn't freeze.