Chapter 4: Family?
Hermione and James walked down the hall on the second level of Grimmauld Place. Because James didn't know where Harry's room was Hermione was in front of him leading the way. When they arrived outside Harry's door Hermione pulled her husband to a stop. She paused and turned to see James standing there looking at her expectantly.
"There's something you need to know about Harry." She started putting her hand on James's chest. "He's been through a lot." That was an understatement, she thought bitterly. "After Voldemort killed us he went after Harry."
She watched as a look of panic formed on James's face. "No, no, no. He wasn't hurt." Hermione hurried to explain. James let out a small sigh of relief but his back was stiff and tight as he waited for his wife to continue. "He survived the killing curse. The entire world believed that Harry had killed Voldemort that night but that's not what happened. Somehow Voldemort survived and he's been going after Harry every year since he started Hogwarts."
James's brow furrowed and a look of pain came over his face. He knew Hermione was holding something back, but there would be time for explanations later. Harry was their priority now. He needed to be there for Harry now. They both did.
Hermione took a deep breath and knocked on Harry's door. She waited to hear a muffled 'go away' from the other side of the door. It never came. Hermione locked eyes with James and then slowly opened the door. Harry was sitting on the edge the bed on opposite side of the room with his back to the door. His back stiffened when he heard the door's hinges squeak and he gripped the book in his hands so tight his knuckles turned white.
Hermione and James approached Harry hesitantly as if he were a scared animal that would bolt if they made any sudden movements. James eyed the book in his son's lap and couldn't help but smile. It was a scrapbook Hermione had started shortly after they were married. He thought back to what she had told him when he first found her looking through old photos and choosing which ones were worthy of being placed in the book. "These are pieces of us, James. Pieces of who we are and who we will become. I want to look back at these pictures and remember everything because everything we are, everything we've been through to get here, it's all worth remembering." It seemed like so long ago. It was so long ago, he reminded himself, almost sixteen years.
James went and sat down next to Harry making sure to leave a significant amount of space between the two. "May I?" James asked gesturing to the scrapbook. Harry paused before sliding the book toward James. James closed the book and laid it down in his lap. He ran his hand over the smooth leather before pulling his wand from his back pocket and tapping the book's cover lightly with the tip of his wand. When he was done he handed the book back to its owner.
Harry opened the book and had to take a deep, steadying breath. He watched as a young couple played in the snow outside Hogwarts. The woman in the picture was running to try and avoid the man's long arms from grabbing her. When the two got closer to the camera the man finally grabbed the woman by the waist making her burst into a fit of laughter. Harry had stared at the photograph a thousand times since it had come into his possessions. He knew every detail of it inside and out but now the photo had changed. The woman's hair had changed from a rich red color to a light brown. Her face was now rounder and her eyes were a warm chocolate brown, not green.
"We used a disillusionment charm on the pictures to make her look like Lily." James explained. Harry wasn't paying any attention.
"You have your mother's eyes." Harry muttered to himself. He had never understood why Sirius and Remus always told him he had his mother's eyes. Lily's eyes were green, his were brown. They hadn't been talking about Lily, he realized, they had been talking about Hermione. His mother. Harry looked up from the scrapbook and saw Hermione kneeling down in front of him. He looked directly into her eyes. The same color as his. He felt tears spring to his eyes as he looked at her.
"Oh, Harry." Hermione's voice cracked as she watched Harry's eyes fill with tears. She reached out and gripped his hand tightly in hers. This time he didn't flinch away. He needed the support that came from her strong grip. He needed it to keep him grounded. Everything was changing and she was the only constant. Whether she was Hermione his best friend or Hermione his mother, she was still Hermione. "We didn't know what to do. The war was getting worse and worse by the day and we didn't think there was any way we were going to make it through. But we knew we couldn't leave you. We couldn't bear the thought of not getting to see the man you'd become because who you've become is more than we ever could have dreamed. That's why we did what we did. Please understand. We love you so much, Harry. You can't even imagine."
By the time Hermione was done all three of them had tears running down their cheeks. None of them knew where to go from here. How could they ever be a family again?
"We know it'll take time." James began, clearing his throat. "We know it'll be hard but we have time. It's the one thing we didn't have enough of the first time around. We want you to take your time and get to know us as we are, not as you've imagined us to be. I want to get to know you as the man you've become. And hopefully, with time, we can find a way to be the family we were supposed to be. Can we please give this a try? All we want, all we've ever wanted, is for you to be happy. So if you don't want this-"
"I want to try." Harry interrupted without thinking. And he truly did. His whole life all he had ever wanted was his parents. It didn't matter how he got them back. All that mattered was that they were back. "I want my parents." His voice was so small and broken that it made his parent's hearts breaks they watched their son slowly start to crack.
"You have us." James said firmly reaching out slowly to lay his hand on Harry's shoulder. As soon as he felt his father's hand on his shoulder Harry fell apart. His head fell into his hands and sobs wracked his body. He knew he should feel embarrassed for not being strong. But he was just so tired of being strong. He let himself relax into Hermione's embrace and memorized the feeling of James's hand on his shoulder. Maybe he didn't always have to be strong. Maybe his parents could be strong for him. At least for a little while.
All James could do was squeeze his son's shoulder and watch as Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry and let him cry into her chest. He felt so helpless. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know if there was anything he could do. But he did know he wasn't going to leave. His son needed him, and because of that, he would always be there.
James and Hermione left the room soon after Harry had calmed down promising to answer any questions he could think of in the morning. They passed the Weasley children on their way downstairs. Hermione almost cringed at the way Ron was looking at her; like she was a stranger instead of one of his best friends. The twins quickly danced past them and into their rooms looking far too excited than they had any right to be. Ginny gave the pair a small smile before telling the two that Molly was in the kitchen making dinner and wanted to talk to them. The young redhead gave Hermione's hand a light squeeze as she headed for the room they had previously shared. At least one of the Weasley's was in her corner, she thought sadly.
Hermione loved the Weasley's like a second family. They were the only family she'd ever had that understood magic, except James of course. Her biological parents died shortly after she graduated in the 70s. They were, like the Granger's, muggles and didn't understand magic. Hermione was incredibly thankful for her two sets of wonderful parents, but no matter how hard they tried they would never understand the biggest part of her; the part that was a witch. But the Weasley's did. Molly had loved her like a daughter and she hated to think that what she had done to protect her son would have changed that. Molly was a mother, surely she'd understand. Hermione chewed her lip absently as she walked down the stairs with James.
"What are you nervous about?" James asked pulling her close.
"What?" She asked back confused.
"You chew your bottom lip when you're nervous." James explained reaching up to run his thumb over her bottom lip. Hermione shivered and gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly. She may have remembered what it was like to be touched by James, but her body didn't. Just the slightest touch of his hand on hers was enough make body sing. James leaned down until his mouth was next to her ear. "Do you remember our sixth year? After we'd won the quidditch final? You'd been biting that damned lip of yours all night." His voice was rough and husky, hot breath hit the back of her neck and she pressed herself closer, molding herself to him. "When I finally asked you what was wrong do you remember what you did?" Hermione remembered. She remembered it as if it was playing out right in front of her. She could almost smell the firewhiskey in the air. James squeezed her hips, subtly demanding an answer. She nodded heavily into his shoulder. "You dragged me up to my dorm and you-"
"There you two are!" A smug voice called.
The couple pulled apart, but only slightly, to see Sirius standing at the entrance to the kitchen with a glass of firewhiskey and a smirk. "I was wondering if maybe you had taken a detour. You know the old room the two of you used to stay in is just as you left it." Sirius winked. His best friends wife rolled her eyes but blushed nevertheless.
"Leave them alone." Remus scolded. "They haven't had a moment to themselves since they got back."
"Well then what was that?" Sirius asked gesturing to the two on the stairs. "It looked pretty damn private to me. Hermione was practically panting."
"I was not!" Hermione exclaimed indignantly.
"Oh please." It was Sirius's turn to roll his eyes. "One more minute you would have let him bend you over-"
"Sirius!" Everyone in the hallway scolded with varying degrees of harshness.
Remus sighed but there was a smile playing on his lips. "Can't you just let them be happy?" He wasn't used to this anymore. For a while, right after Sirius was thrown in Azkaban and Hermione and James were murdered, he had given up hope that he would ever see any of them again.
"Speaking of being happy, Remus." Hermione raised her eyebrows at the werewolf. Remus caught onto her meaning quickly and looked away. "Let yourself be happy and stop pushing that poor girl away because one of these days she might not come back. There's only so much a person can take. Now stop with the 'woe is me' attitude and man up."
Remus felt a mixture of happiness and guilt flood his body, happiness because he never thought he'd get another life lecture from Hermione, not the way he used to before she died, and guilt because he knew she was right. He'd try to do better when it came to Nymphadora Tonks, he vowed silently to himself, but a small part of him still didn't think he deserved the younger woman. He could never be what she wanted.
Hermione walked forward and rubbed her hand up and down his arm comfortingly like she used to, like she knew exactly what he was thinking. He'd never realized how much he'd relied on her as a voice of reason until she wasn't there anymore.
Sirius must have noticed the lost look on James's face because as soon as he opened his mouth Sirius said, "Remus wants to shag my cousin." As if all James's questions would be answered with that simple sentence.
James eyes widened and he looked at Remus startled. Sirius had a lot of cousins, Bellatrix included.
"I don't - can you just - please." Remus stuttered blushing.
"Sirius," Hermione said addressing the marauder. "Shut up." Then she turned to James. "I'll explain later. I'll explain everything later." James nodded but still looked a little weirded out.
Hermione glanced at the kitchen door. Suddenly she felt anxious. "Is she angry?" She asked before she could stop herself.
"Not overly." Remus cleared his throat, thankful for the subject change. "More confused than anything else. I think she understands, but it's too big for her to process in one night."
Hermione nodded understandingly. "I can handle that." She said it more to herself than anyone else.
James remembered Molly and Arthur. Arthur more than Molly, but that was because Molly was always at home chasing after their five boys. Every time he had seen the two Arthur was always asking Hermione about random muggle things he was interested in and Molly was usually cooking or cleaning up after one of her sons. James had always admired how committed the two parents were to their family. He knew that if anyone could understand the decision he and Hermione had made it would be them.
"Shall we?" Remus said gesturing toward the door.
"If we must." James replied reaching for his wife's hand before following Remus through the door.
"Let the show begin." Sirius muttered to himself before entering the kitchen.
