Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to Tetsuya Nomura, Square Enix and some to Disney

Author's Note: Thanks to Maxie, my superb beta who catches all my stupid typos and more. Set sometime between the present and not too distant future, mostly in Chicago, lying somewhere between reality and pure fantasy. Rated M for sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll.


Chapter 4: Used to be Love Drunk Now I'm Hungover


"You should quit. Between the smoking and those darkroom chemicals, you're going to die of cancer by time you're thirty," Axel said, taking the cigarette from Zexion, hypocritically taking a long drag from it, blowing smoke rings as he exhaled. He took another drag while Zexion responded before passing it back.

"You're going to as well. Just because you only smoke occasionally doesn't make you exempt from the harm it causes. Hanging out with me and getting second hand smoke is just as bad, too." Zexion took a couple drags, nearly finishing the cigarette before passing it to Axel.

"And yet you continue to smoke." He took another drag from the cigarette before stubbing it out in the car's ashtray.

"I live with Vexen. You'd want a slow death, too."

"I don't think he likes me much."

"He doesn't like anyone. Don't take it personally." Zexion pulled out another cigarette and lit it up.

"Chaining today?"

"I just lost a commission. It would have paid the next two months of rent."

"So you're drowning yourself in nicotine? Fuck that. We're going to Delilah's tonight and you're going to drown your sorrows properly. My treat."

"Don't you mean Saïx's treat? I thought you wouldn't have any spare money with only working one day a week."

"I donated plasma twice last week. Did you know you could get paid for that? Made a fat $70 to sit around for a few hours a couple times and spending a bit of that time hooked up to a machine with a needle in my arm, listening to my iPod. Can't get much better than that."

"Smart, but you could always pick up more shifts at Standee's."

Axel grinned and stole Zexion's cigarette again. "Yeah, well, that's actual work. I figured I should start looking for some easy source of income. I'm thinking about breaking up with him."

"Again?"

"For real this time." Axel sighed and handed the cigarette back to Zexion.

"Fighting again?"

"Not really. I don't know. I'm bored and the sex has gone downhill. Not in quality, just in quantity. It's like we're fucking married and he's the wife. 'Not tonight, I have a headache.' 'Not tonight, you've been drinking.' 'Not tonight, I'm working on my thesis.' Well, he's never pulled the headache card, yet, but he's pulled all the others."

"Have you, I don't know, tried talking to him?" Zexion rolled his eyes.

"All we ever talk about lately is the band and that fucking bastard Xemnas and how to get out of that god awful contract I convinced them it was a good idea to sign. I want to kill myself."

"No you don't."

"Metaphorically."

"Right," he said sceptically.

"I should go. I've got to get this paperwork to Leon by ten."

"I'll drive you."

"It's only a few blocks."

"And it's five till."

"Oh."


Axel had been waiting for fifteen minutes already, frequently glancing over at the receptionist for the Heartless Records office, found on the 20th floor of the hotel, right next to the offices for Destiny Records and Radiant Records. The company's President and CEO, Sephiroth, owned the hotel and was rumored to have a penthouse apartment taking up the entirety of the 21st floor. No elevator in the building went up that high, so it was only a rumor that the floor even existed.

He wondered how long he'd have to wait if he wanted to talk to Sephiroth rather than Leon. Axel assumed it would be hours for a five minute meeting. Why he had to wait for Leon when all he needed to do was hand over the paperwork, he wasn't sure. He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair, staring down the clock, daring the second hand to make another rotation when the receptionist called his name saying Leon was free now. She pointed him down the hall towards his office. He passed a spikey haired blond carrying a handful of manila envelopes on his way. They nodded at each other and went their separate ways.

At the door Axel knocked twice before a voice from inside said, "Come in." He opened the doors and walked in, noting the sparse decor of the room as he approached the desk, the door clicking shut behind him.

"So, I've got the paperwork for you," Axel grinned and placed the manila envelope on the desk before taking a seat in a leather armchair, quite possibly the only thing in the office with any personality, excepting himself, of course.

"We're releasing the lineup for the first round of the competition this afternoon. Xemnas will no doubt see that Eight-Finger Dichotomy is on that lineup. You understand the implications of this?"

"Yeah, it means I'm going to have to make up some bullshit about it being a way to promote the band and earn a few extra bucks."

"And should you win?"

"Like you said the other day, we'll deal with that when the time comes." Axel laughed and relaxed in the seat.

"We'll talk again before the finals if your band makes it that far."

"That all?"

"Yes."

"Catch ya later then." Axel got up and left the office, slightly annoyed that he'd had to wait so long for such a short meeting, and even more curious as to who the blond was that he'd passed on the way in.


"Vexen, Instead of walking home, can I get your help in getting these two to their place?" Zexion asked, motioning to Axel and Saïx making out against the wall behind his running car.

"Why can't you?"

"I've been drinking. The car's already warmed up. I'd walk them the few blocks to the Hotel, but I think Demyx and Naminé would castrate me if they got kicked out of their hotel room so these two can finish what they've started."

"It's not like you use them."

"That's not the point."

Vexen sighed. "You owe me."

"Whatever. Just help me pry them apart long enough to get them in the car."

"Wouldn't it be easier to shove them in as they are?"

"Hmm. Good idea." Zexion guided Axel and Saïx away from the wall, hands all over each other, sharing brief kisses as they staggered toward the car. They toppled into the backseat of the black four door sedan thanks to Vexen having opened the door for them, barely getting their legs all the way in before Zexion shut it behind them.

"I thought they were going to break up," Vexen said, trying to ignore them as he checked the rearview mirror, pulling out of the parking space."

"That's the way it sounded when I talked to Axel this morning," Zexion said, tuning to Q101 on the radio to drown out the sounds coming from the back seat. "If you guys stain the upholstery you're paying to get it cleaned." He turned the volume up a little louder.

"Hm. Wonder what happened."

"I don't care. I'm just glad that Axel isn't going to be crashing on our couch for the next however long."

"He's not mooching off us again. Ever."

Zexion sighed and reached into his coat pocket, withdrawing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Pulling one out of the pack, he placed it between his lips.

"Crack the window if you're going to smoke."

"It's my car."

"And it's my lungs. You might not care about getting lung cancer, but I do."

"Yeah yeah. Hurry up and find a cure before I die."

"It's not going to happen if I die of second hand smoke first."

"You and Axel need to lay off the lectures. I'm well aware of the havoc I am wreaking on my lungs," Zexion said, rolling down the window and letting in the cold January air before lighting his cigarette.

"Axel's a hypocrite. He still bumming cigarettes off of you?"

"Sometimes."

"You're an enabler."

"He's an adult and can make his own decisions."

"Just because he's old enough to vote and legally drink doesn't make him an adult."

Zexion glanced behind him as he took a long drag from his cigarette. "Good thing he's too busy to notice we're talking about him."

"He needs to hear it eventually."

"How long have you known him? Do you really think he'll actually listen?

"It's worth a shot."

"I think he's had enough shots for the night."

"I-"

"It was a joke," Zexion interrupted. "Where's your sense of humor?"

"I left it at home."

Zexion took another drag of his cigarette, focusing on the sounds of alternative rock on the radio, doing his best to ignore the wet and breathy sounds coming from the back seat. Another ten minutes passed before they pulled up to Saïx and Axel's apartment complex.

"Get out, assholes," he said, punching Axel lightly in the back. "I want to get some sleep."

"Sure you don't want to come and watch?" Axel teased, smirking as he pulled Saïx out of the car.

"Positive. And I'm sure those cops parked across the street don't want to either. Make sure you get into your apartment before you start undressing each other."

"Yeah yeah. Love you, too," Axel drawled. He waved to Zexion and Vexen, and then as they pulled away, to the cops across the street before Saïx lead him toward the door and into their building.

As they stepped into the elevator, Axel pressed him against the wall, breath hot against his ear as he whispered, "You know, I've never had sex in an elevator before."

"And you're not going to, either," Saïx replied as two drunk girls stumbled in after them, laughing and using each other for support. He pushed the button for their floor and stared down the giggling girls.

"Hey, you want to watch us?" Axel asked, pressing even closer to Saïx, grinding against him. The girls laughed but didn't answer. "No? Too bad, you would have enjoyed it." He winked at the girls as they stepped off the elevator, Saïx dragging him down the hall to their studio apartment.

"You're ridiculous," Saïx said as he unlocked the door, stepping in and turning on the light.

"You love it." Axel followed him in and locked the door behind them, kicking off his boots that he'd never bothered to tie in the first place. They landed haphazardly next to Saïx's carefully removed shoes. "Now, where were we?"

"Here," Saïx said, pulling Axel in for another kiss, walking backward through the open apartment, the pathway to the bed free of any obstacles, taking off their coats along the way.

Axel wondered about that, they should have had to swing around the armchair, in the little space there was between it and the coffee table. He broke the kiss and looked around, finding that the furniture had been rearranged. "When?" he asked.

"Today after talking with Tom, my thesis advisor," Saïx said, pulling him in for another kiss. "I had a lot on my mind."

"I like it," Axel said, kissing him after. His hands dropped down to his waist, thumbs hooking under the hem of his shirt, fingers teasingly sliding their way up his sides as he pulled the shirt up and over his head. "But not as much as this." He tossed the garment aside and kissed Saïx who hummed a sound of appreciation against his mouth.

They continued the final few steps, slipping through the crack formed by the two privacy screens separating their bedroom from the rest of the apartment until the back of Axel's legs were pressed against the edge of the bed. Saïx took off Axel's shirt, pulling back as he pulled the garment over his head and dropping it to the floor before pushing him down onto the bed. One leg sliding between his legs, thigh pressing against Axel's groin, eliciting a moan from the man beneath him.

"I've been thinking about this all night," Saïx whispered in his ear. He lightly bit his earlobe, tonguing the soft flesh as he pulled back. His fingers traced the tattoos under Axel's eyes, upside down tear drops. "I remember when you got those," he said, smiling fondly.

"You were piss drunk at the time. Hell, I didn't even remember getting them," Axel laughed.

"But I remember waking up the next morning, my head splitting, and the first thing I saw were those tattoos. They looked awful and I thought you'd been in a fight because of the crusted blood surrounding them."

"Mmmm, sexy crusty blood," Axel said sarcastically.

Saïx shook his head, "Not even remotely close. I think I stared at them for an hour before I noticed the piercing in my ear."

"Larxene said I talked you into that when you refused to get a tattoo."

"Why was she even there?"

"Because she's a fucking sadist and took pleasure in watching us get poked with needles?" Axel smirked and ran his fingers over said piercing, his expression fading into something more contemplative. "What's got you so reminiscent tonight? It got anything to do with your rearranging the living room?"

Saïx remained silent for several moments. "Had a bit of a wakeup call. That's all." He brushed his lips against Axel's, his tongue tracing the part of his lips, coaxing his mouth open, signaling the end of the conversation. Axel cupped his head in his hands, holding him there, Saïx's hands to either side of his head, fisted in the sheets. Tongue slid against tongue, tracing the contours of his mouth, quiet noises of pleasure slipping past lips as the two moved against each other, the space between their bodies diminishing by the second. Axel thrust his hips up against Saïx, silently urging him to get on with it. Fists unfurled from the bedspread, slipping between them, unfastening pants and fumbling to remove them without breaking the kiss completely, kicking them off as they fell to their ankles.

"Fuck..." Axel hissed as their erections rubbed against each other, his fingers tightening their grip in Saïx's hair. They shifted clumsily until they were comfortably situated on the bed. Saïx's mouth travelled down Axel's body with practiced precision, tonguing and nipping all the spots he knew would drive him crazy, smirking as Axel's breath hitched, his tongue sliding along the curve of Axel's navel. "Stop teasing, you fuck," he groaned, hips twitching upwards and fingers pressing against Saïx's scalp. He took him into his mouth, lips curled slightly over his teeth, tongue pressing firmly against the saliva-moistened flesh. His hands held Axel's hips still as his mouth moved up and down, tongue curling around with each change in movement. Unrelenting in his rhythm, breathing through his nose, he brought Axel to orgasm, swallowing the salty fluid without a second thought.

As he pulled back, Axel shifted onto his stomach, glancing over his shoulder at Saïx whose hands were gliding up his thighs, massaging his ass as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the small of his back before pulling away. He reached over to the nightstand, pulling open the drawer. His fingers shuffled around, seeking out a foil packet. He opened it, letting the wrapper fall to the floor as he unrolled the lubricated condom along his cock. He grabbed the bottle of lube and squeezed some of the slick fluid onto his fingers, letting it warm up before pushing one finger, then two into him, adding more lube until Axel was begging for more, his hips rocking against Saïx's hand.

Satisfied, Saïx closed the bottle and tossed it back into the nightstand drawer, rubbing the excess lube onto his cock before slowly burying himself inside him. He reached under Axel's hips and began stroking him, building up a matching rhythm between the strokes and thrusts, both men panting and grunting until Saïx collapsed against him, name slipping past his lips in a moan, hand stilling in a sticky mess. They laid like that a few moments before Saïx pulled away, removing the condom and wrapping it in a tissue before tossing it into the trash. He moved to the bathroom, leaving the door open, flipping on the switch and turning on the water to wash up. Axel watched him from the bed, smiling and struggling not to fall asleep before Saïx returned, a warm washcloth in hand for him to clean up with.

He couldn't bring himself to care anymore about what had put Saïx into this mood as he dropped the now dirty washcloth to the floor and pulled him in for one last kiss good night. As Axel drifted off to sleep, Saïx laid there, looking up at the ceiling, his mind playing over the meeting he'd had with his thesis advisor that afternoon.


The older man had come onto him, offering to write his thesis for him in exchange for sex. Saïx had been caught off guard by the bribe, never once having suspected that Tom would pull something like that.

His silence was taken for acquiescence and a mouth was pressed to his, tasting of stale coffee and cigarettes. He lost himself in the kiss for a moment, the taste reminding him of Axel, before he bit down hard on his lips, nearly drawing blood and pushing him away with unnecessary force. Saïx had stormed out of the office, the other man calling after him, "You're too uptight. I bet you haven't been fucked in months."

The event resulted in him catching the green line home, not wanting to risk running into any of his bandmates, or worse yet Axel, while his mouth tasted like someone else and his head was swimming with confusing thoughts. He walked into the apartment and threw a large expensive decorative vase across the room, watching as it smashed to pieces, debris flying all over the living room area. He broke a few more things in a rage before collapsing to his knees screaming and pounding his fists against the floor in frustration at his advisor, and at himself for having given in for even half a second.

When he calmed down, Saïx got to his feet and spent the next ten minutes thoroughly brushing his teeth and tongue, gargling antiseptic mouthwash multiple times before he felt satisfactorily cleansed. He stepped out of the bathroom and back into the mess of the living room and sighed as he went to grab the broom and dustpan. He cleaned up all the broken pieces and rearranged the room so the missing items would be less noticeable. He took out the garbage and returned to find he'd missed a call from Axel. He checked the voicemail message which consisted of Axel telling him about the plans for the evening and how the meeting with Leon had went.

Saïx spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what had happened, and why; of what his relationship with Axel had become and how he could fix it. Whether or not he should keep that meeting to himself, if he was prepared to accept the consequences of a bad reaction from Axel.


Late Wednesday night found the large group of friends crammed into a booth and a half at Standee's as Axel finished up his shift in the kitchen. He worked at the dive diner one evening a week as a cook, his shift ending sometime between 1 and 2am, or whatever time his replacement arrived. He'd started working there when he was eighteen as a means to pay off the damage he'd caused by playing with a lighter and setting one of the booth seats on fire in the process - not that they'd ever bothered repairing it beyond slapping a piece of duct tape over the burn mark, like all the other 'upholstery repairs' in the restaurant. He stuck around though because the pay was decent and they didn't expect too much of him. Besides, getting someone to hire you when you had tattoos on your face wasn't all that easy. And concealer was for pansies.

He washed his hands and joined the group, straddling a chair that was pulled up to the table next to Saïx. Marluxia, his arm draped possessively around Larxene, and Vexen sitting as far from them as possible in the small space, sat on one side of the booth with Demyx, Naminé and Xaldin on the other side. Zexion sat alone in the booth behind them, legs spread out along the seat and arm draped across the back so he could somewhat face the group and join the conversation. He seemed content to sit alone, and aside from a cup of coffee, the table was covered with digital proof sheets and traditional yet experimental prints slipped into plastic sleeves. Naminé was holding one of the sleeves in her hand, her and Demyx studying a proof sheet from their last show.

Mel, the waitress for the night shift, brought Axel a mug of coffee and topped off everyone else's mugs. "Decide what you want yet?" She asked, holding the coffee pot in one hand, hanging dangerously close to Zexion's prints. He protectively pulled them out of range and scowled, not that she noticed.

"Chocolate shake," Demyx said with a grin. They ate there so often that he didn't have to add that he wanted extra whipped cream and two cherries on top, Mel already knew.

"I'll take a slice of apple pie," said Naminé. Xaldin and Axel both ordered burgers with fries.

"Chili fries," Marluxia said, motioning to Larxene to indicate they'd be sharing.

Vexen ordered two eggs over hard with dry wheat toast, and Saïx a stack of pancakes with a side of sausage. Zexion ordered nothing as usual. As she walked away, Axel started telling them a story about this guy who'd come in during the dinner rush who took up two seats by the window for his wide ass.

"Susie came over and hollered the order at me. The guy wanted a cup of chili, a burger, two eggs over easy, sausage, bacon, hash browns, pancakes and a," he burst into laughter, holding one finger up as he tried to stop laughing, "and he wanted a fucking diet coke to drink. What the fuck? Who orders a meal like that and then asks for a fucking diet coke?"

"What, no dessert?" Larxene asked snidely.

"I think that's what the pancakes were supposed to be. He drowned them in syrup. Susie had to refill the syrup bottle after he left."

"I'm surprised he didn't leave on a gurney." Vexen looked horrified and thanked whatever deity there was out there that he was studying to work in pharmaceuticals and not as a doctor.

"Too bad he didn't go to Dick's, I'm sure Larxene would have loved to have him at her table." Marluxia laughed.

"I would have torn him a new one." Larxene smirked. She worked at Dick's Last Stand, a restaurant where she was paid to be humorously snarky to her customers. She had to tone it down a little, after a customer had complained that she'd been too much of a bitch and not in a funny way.

"While we're talking about weird customers, you should have seen the kid that came into Kstarke today," Demyx said.

"Ugh. I hate that kid. It's not the first time he's come in there asking stupid questions," Xaldin groaned.

"He wasn't that bad, just odd. He kept asking questions about which band was better, and naming off all these obscure bands. I think he was hoping to stump us."

"No, he was just being a douche who thought he was superior because he knows all these underground bands from twenty years before he was born."

"He wasn't that young, Xaldin. He was probably in high school."

"Fine. Ten years before he was born. If I felt generous, I would buy one of those t-shirts that say 'I listen to bands that don't even exist yet' and give it to him next time he comes in. But I don't."

The converstion was interrupted when Mel finally came out with their food. She brought Zexion a side of hash browns, saying: "You're too skinny, you should eat something, hun." She always brought him something random, usually something the cook had made by mistake but hadn't been taken out of the kitchen yet. He never complained. She walked away and returned a minute later to top off their coffees.

Snippets of conversation were exchanged as they ate, Vexen complaining about how he had to work every day the week after next because of the Battle of the Bands competition. He was a bartender at Seventh Heaven, the elite bar slash venue on the lobby and basement floor of the Hotel, where the competition was being held. Naminé, upon finishing her pie got into a discussion with Zexion about which photos she'd like to see enlarged and whether or not they'd look good printed on fliers advertising their next show.

It was 4am before everyone piled out of the booth to go pay. Vexen and Zexion leaving together in Zexion's car. Marluxia, Larxene and Xaldin walking down the road to their apartment building - Xaldin and Marluxia were roommates and Larxene had become, more or less, the third roommate when she started dating Marluxia, spending more time there than at her own place. Saïx had slipped outside while everyone was paying and had called a taxi, which was waiting for him, Axel, Demyx and Naminé to take them back to the Hotel.


Most of the remaining week and a half was spent avoiding Xemnas. They used the studio and practice rooms while he was in meetings, and busied themselves with classes, work and anything else they could think of to fill the time. Two days before the competition, Xemnas finally cornered Saïx on his way back from class.

"I must be seeing things because last week I was positive I saw that Eight-Finger Dichotomy was on the lineup for Radiant Record's Battle of the Bands. I knew that couldn't be right though, because you're already signed to Thirteen. I know you wouldn't plan on defecting when I've gone to such extravagances for you. It's not easy or cheap to be able to use the best recording studios in the city. You understand that a breech of contract would be costly to both you and Radiant Records."

"We're using the opportunity to get our name even more out there. You can't get better advertising than participation in the competition," Saïx said. "Unless you'd rather foot the bill for advertising of that scope."

Xemnas opened his mouth then closed it, taking a deep breath. "Very well. Make it to the finals - but don't win - or it's a waste of time." He didn't wait for a response and walked away.