EPISODE IV


"Wow, that was quite the blizzard…really odd conditions given the time of year" said Irma as she looked outside of her office window.

"It's March, what else do you expect?" said Vernon.

"I remember the 2012 heat wave we had"

"Do people catalog the years as they advance in age?"

"I have a top ten" said Irma

"Really? Who hosts it? Jimmy Saville?"

Raphael waltzed in with a phone attached to his ear.

"The weather may have been a bit unpredictable for a couple of hours, but there's no need to be slapping ASBOs on the kids involved in the skirmish at the arcades, all facts point to them sort of letting my brother get close to the device…"

"Bad huh?" said Irma as Raphael took one step through the doors of his office with a rather intimidating and grim imprint on his face, slowly stretching his lounge slightly towards the inside of his cheek and matching her eyes with his trying to intimidate her into averting her gaze.

"Put yourself in his shoes for a bit you tit, his brothers just saved us from a freak weather control device, but prior to that they were throwing their lot in with those weird Neutrino lads and lassies all over the fucking joint. The minute they saw a Burger King in the train stations, they pissed about more than the tramps do down there" explained Vernon, taking the butt-end of a pencil eraser and chewing it off.

"They were supposed to be from another dimension…so wouldn't they have to pass some sort of immigrant red tape?"

"Oh that's all we fucking need isn't it, Little Ms. Cloudy with a Chance of No Balls?" snapped Raphael as he put the phone down, "Pay attention to the details of late rather than gallivanting off to your shitty line dancing classes right after you spend five hours staring at a blank or blue computer screen working out what the on/off buttons do to symbolize your own catastrophic sex life. Farage ditched the decision to reduce net immigration, he wants future plans for that to focus on the highly-skilled, I'm trying to save the Neutrinos some face in this country should they decide to stay in it, their top-level flying fucking Cadillac, you know the ones from that dated fucking Milky Way ads they run all the time, are a class example of finesse that we can use to justify their stay and more importantly, their ongoing function"

Another call came in, Raphael picked it up.

"Hello? Leo, yeah…What do you mean they tailed it back to their home dimension? Where the hell are you at the moment?" said Raphael, grabbing one of the pencils and chewing the back end of it right off and spitting it back on the floor.

"You're in a giant ball with one eye? Yeah, a few pints at the YMCA will guarantee you that, c'mon be serious here, you just saved the fucking city…when…"

Raphael slowly bit his lip tensely as the details came in

"Listen 'fearless leader', do you have any idea what dropping those kids in and then seeing them out does to the immigration net debates? Nobody can debate anything without keeping track of the numbers, they can't make caps or targets, and now they're trying to spin this as people in this sad sack being bored of the trend. Not that hard to see their point either, it's been swamped by people having more digs at how close the SNP are getting to fucking Labor. We have to make this a priority, to make it look as if these kids and others like them are somehow worth the net migration"

"Hang on, are you actually siding with fucking UKIP?" said Vernon, a little panicked

"I'm just appropriating a dead issue, nothing's ever wasted" said Raphael

The conversation came to an end and Raphael stared out at the window, marveling at a massive yellow and black aura in the sky

"To think, snow, and thunder, and lightning, all coming out of the arse of a scientific instrument rather than God…and they'll still spin it as something of divine intervention, just to be fair sports. That's what this immigration net back-and-forth is. It's Tennis. We're batting the ball to each other and doing things with it, transfixing everyone, keeping the issue firmly in sight, it'll never get boring, it'll take on a life of it's own, 'cause there is life attached to this issue, and because of that, it will always have some sort of beat, we just need to make that pulse a lot stronger"

"So….big ball and one eye?" said Irma

"No idea what that means…but…I feel it's a good analogy for the situation. One guy's ball drops, another grows a big one, and keeps one trained gaze on the slip ups"