DO NOT OWN POKEMON

...Do i really have to state the blaringly obvious each and every time?

Oh well, on with the show. This chapter: The stages of loss begin and Ash has to face it or drown in it. Also will touch on the League POV and Giovanni's too since his is unexpectedly fun. For anyone who guessed it. Nicodemus Archleone from Jim Butcher's the Dresden Files was my study for Giovanni's characterization. Since the anime doesnt play with him much I decided to add some awesome flair to his evilness. And Nick is the scariest badass I have ever come across. He's smart, charismatic, and powerful. All things that, honestly, i can't help but think Giovanni is capable of.

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Chapter 3 :: Denial and Memory

Oak's Pokemon Corral

Pallet Town, Kanto

4 Days 'Post-Reunion'

Things were fairly peaceful at Oak's lab since Ash's return. Even if reporter's were bitching at him for not allowing them to interview Ash. The other hybrids had all gone their seperate ways shortly after their arrival and Ash could understand. They had no ties here, only to each other. And he had never really allowed them to form proper ties with him. He hoped they found the peace they were looking for.

Currently, Ash was upstairs, locked away from everyone, including his own pokemon. He had a lot on his mind. And as Ash paced the length of his room in Oak's house, he couldn't help but wonder what the professor had meant in their talk earlier. The professor had said he was concerned that Ash hadn't gone to see his mother's grave ["You really should take the time, Ash"] or the house to pay his respects at last ["I know it's been hard, being...away. But now you have the chance"]. But, the thing is, that Ash was just busy. He had just gotten back and was simply trying to adjust to freedom again. He still couldn't set one foot in the lab without remembering...

Giovanni, Cages, Pain and white White WHITE!

"Pikapi. Snap out of it!" The electric types voice sliced through the panic life a hot knife through butter and Ash felt himself collapsed. This had been his main problem lately. He was always getting stuck in these...flashbacks and he hated it. He either felt numb and detatched or normal...until one of these. They made him feel weak and he hated it. He was weak before when Giovanni...did.. what he did. Ash tried shaking the thought out of his head and stood, albeit shakily. He looked to see Pikachu staring at him, concern written all over his face and stubby arms crossed as if to say 'spill it, mister'.

"Pikachu..." Ash hated how weak his voice sounded. And his started held up one yellow paw and stopped him there.

"Pikapi, you better not be considering trying to either lie to me or hide what's going on with you. We all know you're having flashbacks and Darkrai tells me he's been having to eat way too many of your nightmares for him to believe you're really ok. And I have to tell you, the rest of us agree with him. You're...I know this will sound wierd, but you're taking all this too well. Your mom-" Pikachu's eyes widened slightly in shock as Ash interrupted him vehemently.

"I'm NOT AVOIDING. I'm not avoiding...anything. Pikachu. I'm just trying to adjust to being... free." Ash's voice got quieter after the initial outburst and Pikachu jumped from the bed to the dresser, grabbed Ash's fur and dragged his head down to eye level.

"Pikapi," the electric types voice was quiet and calm and way more level than he had expected. "I'm not going to waste my time or yours telling you what you need to figure out and what the rest of us, even Oak, know already. But, you WILL get your pouty ass Out of this room and join your family and me outside in the Corral. Capiche?" Ash couldn't help but feel cowed, and ashamed of locking himself away for the last few days like he had. His pokemon, his family had risked their lives. Bulbasaur and Squirtle had evolved all the way and the pokemon seperated from him had joined up, all to find him. And he had just been isolating himself, ashamed of...what happened.

"I'm sorry Pikachu...I didn't mean to avoid everyone. You guys went to so much trouble and put yourselves in danger and I just-" Pikachu shocked him a little but it didn't hurt as much since Ash was pretty sure his type shift was set to dragon on sheer preservational instinct. But, let it be known, that even with that, Pikachu's Thunder still packed a hell of a punch as Ash felt his body twitch out of control and hit the floor.

"Good. Pikapi, for the record, you don't have to apologize. You just have to drag your ass down the stairs after me." Ash's first pokemon smiled at him with a 'Devil may Care' grin and bounded out the door with Ash in hot pursuit.

"PIKACHU, THAT HURT!" Ash stopped in his tracks when Pikachu stopped suddenly in the middle of the Corral.

"What?" Ash couldn't help but ask as his friend stared at him.

"Just wondering when was the last time you looked in a mirror? Your hair's a Ratatta Nest and you've got bags under your eyes that Torterra couldn't carry. Pikapi, I've changed my mind" The electric type pushed his trainer back into the house and into the bathroom. "You can join the family after you shower. You still have soot and dirt from the base all over your fur. Which, need i remind you is WHITE. Right now it looks more grey than anything. So bathe, then join." Ash remained frozen as Pikachu turned to leave, his eyes locked on the thing in the mirror. The one that COULDN'T be him. No matter how he tried, he couldn't believe that thing was him. Far in the distance, he could hear the building whine of what must be a pokemon. It sounded pained and broken and tragic. And Ash only realized it was him as it stopped when he collapsed.

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Same Location

1 Hour Later

Pikachu felt guilty. Worse than guilty and no amount of reassurance from Sceptile, or Charizard, or even Darkrai and Mew could help change that. He knew Ash had been having a hard time with adjusting to his new...well, Pikachu couldn't think of any word that fit except for status. After all, Pikapi was a Legend now, naturally or not didn't matter. Pikachu just couldn't understand why Ash was avoiding himself that way. After all, anyone who has a brain knows how hard it is to avoid yourself. And Ash was doing just that.

He looked at Ash lying on the bed in Oak's lab while the elderly professor made sure he didn't break his head or anything else important. And so intently was he watching, that it surprised and scared the Starter when Darkrai asked the question they all wanted to know the answer to.

"Why did Ash react that way?" The question was innocent enough, but in the gravelly and airy tones of Darkrai, it still made Oak jump a good couple of feet and make a sound that he would deny until the end of his life. The elderly professor coughed and spoke, voice surprisingly steady after having barely been able to get his breathing back under control.

"Well, for humans, things like this are a little different. Ash may be feeling, on a subconcious level, that what he has become is unnatural or freakish. He may even believe that he has lost what makes him Ash. Any number of things along those lines could be the case really. To be honest, it may be more to do with the fact that this...change for lack of better wording, was brought on both against his will and by the wishes of a very evil man. He might be thinking that other things were done too. Tampering with a human mind is, after all, much easier than tampering with that of a pokemon. Less defenses and less hassle." Oak shook his head sadly.

"This is all mostly speculation from my point of view. But, I can guarantee this, Ash feels as though he has lost something. Not just his mother and home, but possibly his humanity. So, him avoiding facing himself in mirrors is likely his way of attempting to deny what has happened. It may also be the subconcious reason he hasn't visited his mother's grave or the ruins of his house. The two events, or losses if you may, are interconnected in such a manner that if he faces one. He must face both. Personally, I think it best if we all help him begin facing those things." The pokemon had all gathered round the window as the professor spoke and both groups, inside and outside, agreed to do whatever it took to help Ash face the truth.

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As the pokemon left the lab, Samuel Oak sighed, despair quickly taking root in his heart. He didn't know how he was going to explain what else he had seen. Ash's flashbacks and the sometimes violent reactions he had to them, especially in the lab, were a red flag for PTSD. Samuel ran his hand through his hair in frustration. It was to be expected that Ash would display signs of Post-Traumatic Stress. It was reasonable, some would even say it had been a certainty.

But, that didn't make it any easier to watch the suffering. Oak had dedicated his life to helping trainers and pokemon explore their bonds and make them stronger. And he had never seen a bond as strong as Ash had with his pokemon. So, frustration and despair aside, the professor would have to do the one thing he didn't want to do again. Leave it to the pokemon.

It was in the midst of this thought that the professor found himself in a very bad position. Ash was waking up behind him. On the table.

In The Lab.

A white lab with white wall and white coats. And PAIN. Ash couldn't get out but he found he could use his powers. They must have gotten slack about it. Panic flooded his mind and he lashed out, psychic waves assaulting the nearest machines as he struggled to his feet after falling backwards off the bed. WHITE. Blast the shiny machines, can't use that again. WHITE. Scientist backing away. How dare you, how dare you, howdareyoubeafraid! WHITE. Hurt the scientist make him pay, Pay, PAY!

"Pikapi! Stop, you'll KILL him!" Electricity flooded his body and Ash instictively type-shifted to dragon as his body collapsed. His hold on the scientist released and he made eye contact with the electric mouse as the haze began to clear. Panic began to recede and he realized how fast his heart was beating and how tired he felt.

"Pikachu...?" He sank to the floor, his starter jumping into his arms, little face etched with worry...and fear. "Why fear?" He didn't know he had spoken aloud until someone from across the room answered, voice as raspy and faint as Ash's waning strength.

"Because you had a Very violent reaction to a flashback you had when you woke up. You acted on it and began destroying everything you saw. In hindsight, I probably should have moved you back to your rooms or outside while you were still unconcious. As it is, try not to blame yourself Ash. It isn't your fault, but I would like you to talk with Lt. Surge about this." Ash felt his heart drop as he realized he had almost killed Professor Oak. He could feel the tears coming down and he couldn't stop them. He felt so, so weak.

"You're not weak, Pikapi. He's right, this isn't your fault and you can't blame yourself. So, if he's suggesting something that might help, maybe you should talk to Surge. We're worried about you Pikapi...You looked terrified and angry." Ash realized what seeing him lash out must have looked like to his family and to Pikachu. Family... yeah, they were his family, always have been and he had to do his part.

"Ok, I'll talk to Surge. And...I'm sorry, Professor. For the...damages and-" Samuel cut him off there as Tracey helped him to his feet. The professor and his assistant knew there would be a hell of set of bruises [and both were morbidly curious as to what pattern they would take, fingers or lines] but it was nothing compared to what they knew Ash was going through. And it was hard to watch him feel so isolated. Hopefully, Surge could help Pikachu and the other pokemon break through that barrier.

"Think nothing of it Ash. Like I said, I really shouldn't have brought you in here. But either way, Alex can help. He understands a bit of what PTSD can do." Ash reeled back, shocked and confused. PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He knew what it was, what it meant. His grandfather had had it, Ash could barely remember the man because it was so long ago and he was so young. He had barely been 3 years old the last time he saw his grandfather alive. Allen Ketchum had been a war veteran from the mainland when he came to the PokeRegions to get away. He had always said the 'exotic creatures were such a difference, he could almost forget'. Ash knew how his grandfather had acted in the presence of anything the ticked. There had never been a single thing in the house that made the sound and his mom had always made him leave his watch at home with her's when they went to visit.

Ashlet his shoulders sag in resignation. The professor was right. Anyone could have seen it, and as he looked at himself [forcibly] in the reflection of the shattered glass on the floor, he could only hope that Surge could give good advice.

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Pokemon League HQ

1 Hour Later

Charles Goodshow was a patient man, but when the phone rang and drowned out the monotony of their search, he very nearly leaped with joy at the change. The others present waited, curious as to the caller and the tension only rose as they saw the concerned and stricken expression the President was displaying. He hung up the phone and sighed, facing them all before making direct eye contact with Lt. Alex Surge.

"Lt. Surge. You are going to Pallet Town. It seems that Ash has been having... Flashbacks. Professor Oak thinks it may well be PTSD. He wants you to talk to Ash. And I agree with the sentiment, if anyone can help that boy out now, it's you." The atmosphere of the room was grim and Surge rose from his seat, face a stony mask of determination and anger.

"Of course, sir. You do realize, if I EVER get my hands on Giovanna Sakaki, I. WILL. KILL. HIM." He didn't raise his voice once, but his tone and expression bolstered no doubts. The Electric Gym Leader of Vermillion city meant what he said. And those present would absolutely feel no sorrow for Giovanni if the threat should ever come to life as Surge left to pack his bags.

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Unknown Location

Same Time

Giovanni felt a shiver run up his spine. He knew that someone, somewhere had metaphorically walked over his grave but he couldn't seem to bring himself to care. Ketchum had once again cost him millions, this time in one fell swoop. His base was destroyed and all he had been able to salvage was the tracking software and a broken beacon.

He had immediately thrown the beacon to his scientists in Johto telling them, basically, fix it or die. Because once that beacon was fixed, he would be able to begin tracking Ketchum. The Thorn wouldn't escape a second time, because eventually, that miraculous luck of his had to run out. And when it did, Giovanni would be there waiting. He was, after all, a Very Patient man.

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Oak's Pokemon Corral

Pallet Town, Kanto

2 Days Later

Lt. Alex Surge walked up the dirt path to Professor Samuel Oak's door and knocked thrice, sharply. When the door opened, he wasn't greeted by a weary smile and grey hair, but by a sullen expression set in a furry white face with green eyes. He sighed, knowing this must be Ash. He'd been briefed of course, they all had. Right down to whatever pictures Oak had been able to send, so he had known what to expect.

What Alex hadn't expected was the look of utter defeat on his favorite trainer's face [you could still tell it was Ash, only he had hair That messy]. He sighed and threaded his hand through Ash's hair, silky raven parting easily and leaving traces of moisture.

"You've had a hell of a time haven't you, Kid?" His voice was rough as ever, gravel baritone nearly echoing in the empty room. Not even a sign of his ever present starter, Pikachu, was in sight. What happened next very nearly caused him to have a heart attack as Ash, ever the type to hide his own emotions, threw himself into Alex's arms. All the blonde Lieutenant could do was hold the kid while he cried, all the pain and confusion soaking into his T-Shirt instead of Ash's soul.

After he calmed down, the two had the long needed talk. And as Pikachu peeked in through the window, he couldn't help but think that maybe everything would be ok after all.

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END of chapter 3.

I hadn't originally thought of adding Surge as a main anything. But he kinda wormed his way in there. War veteran + Trauma = PTSD more often than not. So i figured who would know better than one who'd seen it or experienced it.

Anyway, I might bring the hybrids back around but not here. They'll show [one of them] later. But I might do a side story or something featuring Orion, Glacia, Tesla and Amy.

So, Enjoy. Until next time.