Part 4
Kirishima was waiting outside with his arms braced over his chest the moment Yokozawa stepped out of the apartment complex. His face was grim against the faint lighting available in the night, and he seemed pissed off judging from his stance. Yokozawa was reminded of a lion ready for a fight, especially with how fierce Kirishima's eyes were.
It took considerable willpower to not turn tail and go back to Takano's apartment, but he resisted the urge and walked to where Kirishima stood.
"How was the date with Takano?" Kirishima asked with a bite to his voice. He settled his arms back to his sides.
Irritated at his tone, Yokozawa spat, "Perfect. Couldn't have gone better."
"You had fun with him, eh?"
"What do you think?" Yokozawa turned to walk to where Kirishima parked his car. "Is Hiyori with your parents?"
"She's staying over for O-bon. They're going to visit some relatives of mine outside the city."
Yokozawa bit his lower lips, unsure of why he was so irritated with Kirishima. Kirishima did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, but it seemed as if they were both itching for a fight, and why was he acting like a brat? Especially after the talk with Takano; after his confrontation with Onodera? Hadn't he learned anything, or was he just...wanting to act spoiled with Kirishima?
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts that made no sense to him—perhaps it was the alcohol going to his head—he waited for Kirishima to unlock the car before he entered.
Putting their seatbelts on, Kirishima started the car and drove off. Neither said anything during the ride, the tension between them so thick, it was almost suffocating within the confines of the limited space in the car.
"Yokozawa," Kirishima finally said, breaking the silence when they reached Kirishima's place. He stopped the car, parked and took out the key in what seemed liked eternity. Yokozawa swallowed hard. The moment of truth was about to arrive.
He turned to face Kirishima. "Yes?"
Kirishima's lips brushed against his for the first time in two weeks, and Kirishima sighed. "I don't think I could go another day, much less, week without touching you. It's just not possible."
Yokozawa felt his cheeks blushed at Kirishima's words, the feelings of joy fluttering in his stomach. He was glad that Kirishima wasn't as angry with him anymore, though he realized that Kirishima had made the first move...again.
His joy quickly turned to self-disgust and disappointed in himself, especially when he had made a resolve to try to change, even a little bit. Where had his earlier resolve go?
Dammit.
Frustrated with himself, he unbuckled his seatbelt and stormed out of the car and into Kirishima's place.
"Yokozawa!"
Usually he'd wait for Kirishima to unlock the door when they came home together, but this time, he took liberty of the key Kirishima gave him and used it.
Walking inside the place he now considered his home, he took off his shoes and walked to his room, glad that Kirishima had been interrupted by a call from what seems to be his parents about Hiyori. Within the safety of his room, he took of his grey suit jacket and threw the tie around his neck onto the floor.
In the far mirror hanging on the wall opposite of the door, he saw that he looked like a wild mess come to life. His hair was uncombed and wild, his shirt was wrinkled and his face seemed tired from work and from drinking with Takano. Ever since Kirishima stopped coming home, he hadn't put much effort into caring for his looks, allowing a distinct beard to shadow his jaw. He winced at his painful reflection. It was distressing to see how pathetic he looked.
Dammit, this was not the look one wore when one tried the art of...seduction.
Feeling his mood getting even more depressed, he started to wonder, what did Kirishima see in him? That man could get any woman or man he wanted with his handsome looks alone—so why did Kirishima chose him? A big, gruff-looking bear with a plain face and a personality that most people who knew him would probably say could use more sunshine and rainbows?
What was so loveable about him that a man like Kirishima would stick around for?
Grabbing a towel from his dresser out of frustration from being unable to answer his own questions, he walked out of the room and went straight to the bathroom.
"Hey, Yokozawa," Kirishima said from the living room. "I want to talk," he started but was quickly interrupted over the phone.
Yokozawa ignored Kirishima's request and locked the bathroom door behind him. The remaining clothes on him were quickly stripped and he found the shaving cream aerosol and his razor off to the side of the sink and grabbed them. Pressing some cream into his hand, he started the process of quickly shaving his beard, all the while his ears strained to hear Kirishima's conversation over the phone.
"Yes, mother, Hiyo isn't allergic to seawater—I know this because we've gone to the sea several times before. You should know this by now. No, I can't make it tomorrow, but I will on Sunday for the last day of the O-bon festival. Yes, yes...have fun—ah! Remember to buy sunscreen that's at least SPF35. Why? Because I don't want to have to deal with Hiyo having sunburns when I come over on Sunday. Her skin tans easily. Don't forget to buy an extra toothbrush—Hiyo texted me and said she forgot to bring hers from home. Is that all for now? Yes, good night."
Yokozawa heard Kirishima hung up the moment he was finished shaving. He walked to the shower stall and turned the water on before he stepped in. The cool water felt good against his heated skin, and calmed him down a bit.
"Yokozawa."
Kirishima's voice from behind the door was soft, barely audible if Yokozawa hadn't been straining his ears like a bat. He turned down the water volume in order to better hear what Kirishima had to say.
"I don't want it to be like this anymore," Kirishima continued. "I was in the wrong for pushing my ideals on you—forcing you to change yourself for my sake. I don't want that; I don't want you to be anyone other than yourself."
In an act of defiance to his usual self, Yokozawa kept his silence, choosing to hear Kirishima out and try to understand where he was coming from. Before, when they had argued, he had lashed out in anger over Kirishima's words that had cut his pride in half when he thought that Kirishima had been disappointed in him; with their sex life. But now, it was different. The result from this conversation had to be different than the one from two weeks ago, or else, nothing would change, and nothing would be solve.
Besides, he found that he wasn't angry anymore at Kirishima, or rather, he had not been angry at Kirishima to begin with. His anger had mostly stemmed from the pathetic and pitiful side of himself, like from earlier before in his room when he saw his messy reflection on the mirror and had a bout of self-pity.
He knew that he was weak, and he had self-confidence issues when it came to Kirishima's opinions of him. But now, his mind felt surprisingly clear, and receptive to Kirishima's words. This allowed him to see that Kirishima wasn't disappointed in him—at all. That had just been his bruised pride lashing out in anger to cover the hurt he had felt two weeks ago.
"I realized my mistake early-on after our argument, but I didn't want to admit to myself that I had become a hypocrite—after all, I told you that I didn't want you to change when we first began our relationship. You're probably angry at me, and I don't blame you." Kirishima stopped talking, and the silence echoed slowly for the both of them, like eternity.
I'm not angry at you, and I don't blame you for anything, Yokozawa thought. This argument had done more damage than he predicted; had caused the two of the to have more self-doubt than expected. The two of them were stronger than this—he knew this to be a fact. They had to overcome this pitiful bump in their relationship tonight, and the sooner, the better.
"I was simply sulking, Yokozawa...because I wanted...everything..."
His face turned to the door. Over on the other side was Kirishima. What kind of look was on Kirishima's face now? What was he feeling right now? Yokozawa wanted to see...he wanted to touch...
"...Kirishima..."
"...Yokozawa..."
That simple, heartfelt plead of his name said the same time he whispered Kirishima's touched a part of Yokozawa that had never been touched before; a part of him that he never knew existed. It shocked him, sent electricity down his spine at the powerful jolt he felt. The overwhelming emotions that overcame him almost knocked him down to his knees. It felt as if their souls had finally connected; had finally erased the invincible barrier that had overshadowed their relationship for what seemed like forever.
If he had not braced his hands against the tile walls of the shower stall beforehand, he would have caused himself a serious injury at his weakened legs giving out on him. But, an injury was the last thing on his mind.
His thoughts were focused on bigger things—no, more important things.
He finally saw it now, the depiction of a future that he'd inwardly resisted after all of this time. A future of him and Kirishima together. That part of him that had opened from Kirishima's quiet plead allowed him to take in the pure joy of knowing that only the man known as Kirishima Zen will ever have the key to this part of him for the rest of his life.
No one else would ever come close to filling the entire space that was engraved by Kirishima's existence. Ever.
By being afraid to allow himself to open up completely to Kirishima, he resisted all of the love Kirishima threw at him and tossed away the happiness that was so plainly in front of him. But no more.
He was ready to accept everything now and take responsibility for his love life.
