Hey, guys, and welcome back to SaLR, last updated in October 2017. I hope three months hasn't been too long for you guys to come back. But as a quick recap, in our last chapter Radar… uh… Crisper, what was he doing again?

Crisper: (reading a celebrity magazine about Petra) I don't even remember. It's been so long!

Right, right (rereads all drafts, outlines and published chapters). Aha! In the last chapter, a furry, fiendish parrot decided to teach Radar a lesson by stealing his glasses. The intern blindly stumbled into tricky personality Eli, who's causing more harm than good in the name of 'helping out'. After a literal drag-race through town, a fervent apology to a mannequin and a pig judging that surprisingly didn't end in a catastrophe (or a pig-tastrohpe), Radar split paths with Eli and will never see him again… or so he hoped. And welcome to the present!

I'll go ahead and respond to reviews later, but for now HIT IT, CRISPER!

Crisper: Hey, Gamer, did you know Petra and Axel are dating? It says so right here!

Don't listen to anything in there! Those magazines are full of glorified lies, even more lies and above all, ships that will never be real!

Crisper: And yours aren't?

!

Crisper: That's what I thought. (hits it)

(hits him)


Eli had sucked his share of time and life out of Radar, and now the intern roamed the streets of Beacontown in peace, or silence at least. He needed to find his glasses, however he was going to do that. But whether he had 20/20 vision or couldn't see a lick (and he couldn't), he vowed he wasn't going to waste another lick of time, for Eli or anyone! Fooling around instead of preparing for a day as important as Founding Day could have explosive consequences. He could smell the sulfur already.

He stopped in his tracks. He sniffed the air and frowned. "That's not in my imagination." He yelled out when two hands latched onto his shoulders and spun him around.

"No need to scream, little guy. I won't blow you up or hurt you, I promise!" The stench of sulfur made him choke and cough a little bit. He didn't need to squint to see the woman with blue hair, not that his vision improved. Making out a face is easy when it's just inches from yours. "You're Jesse's intern, right?"

"Yeah, that's me." Her eyes drilled into his, only stopping to look him over. He could feel her rhythmically squeezing his arms, feeling them.

"Man, you've got some skinny arms! Do you drink milk?"

His cheeks warmed. "My arms are not skinny, and I think that's just plain rude. I'm just very lean, that's all."

"Right…." She roughly pushed him back. "Well, I'm Nohr, Ambassador of the lovely country of Boomtown." She seized his hand and thoroughly joggled it. Radar pulled his arm back before she could yank it off. "I'm here to request permission to give," she held her chin high and puffed her chest, "a speech."

"A speech?"

"A speech!" She blurted.

He squinted and rubbed his ears. "I heard you the first time, ma'am."

"Then why'd you say 'a speech' like you didn't—Oh! Now, I get it. Nevermind, then."

Radar rubbed his neck. "Um, what's your speech about?"

"Well," she wrangled his neck and strolled into the city, completely oblivious to his struggle to free himself from her brawny arms, "as a griefer, I've experienced secondhand the harsh results of stereotyping. Terrible stuff. Makes you wanna slap your daddy, if you had one. I don't, but I'm cool with that. Said he'd come home one night, we found his brains splattered all over the place the next day. He apparently had a run in with someone, but we're still not sure who and nobody really cares. Circle o' life."

Radar froze "Oh, wow."

"I know, right? Well, back to the subject, everywhere griefers go, we're seen as bald-headed Creepers looking for something nice to destroy. Truth is? Most of us are! I think we should be allowed to be proud of our affinity for all things explosive, the same way politicians feel proud about lying to the public!"

"Really…." Radar said, scratching his neck.

"Really! Griefing is looked down on as a shameful, harmful activity, when in reality it's quite therapeutic. I'm sure somewhere someone's proved that by now… Like King Axel!" She balled her hands into fists. "Oh, if you were here, I'd thank you, and blast you to smithereens, taking my rightful place as Queen of Boomtown!"

"Whoa, whoa! Isn't that a little harsh?"

"Not at all, and that is exactly the mentality that's fueled me to do this! I was just thinking the other day. What if there was something I could do to make people appreciate us more?" They stopped by a tree and she finally loosed him. Radar massaged his neck while she continued. "It took a while, but I finally asked myself, 'Nohr, where exactly do you see yourself in ten years'?"

"Uh-huh."

"And then I said, 'Self, I have no freakin' clue,', and then I said, 'That's alright, just thought I'd ask and make sure'. After that, I got into this weird conversation with myself about the meaning of life, and I still haven't found it! But that's besides the fact. What matters is this: TNT to the face and a shovel to the butt isn't gonna get us the social equality we deserve."

Radar raised a brow. "That is… um, shockingly astute."

"Why thank you, you're not so astute yourself." She dipped elegantly with a friendly smile. Radar pursed his lips, wondering if she said what she meant. "If there's one thing that'll guarantee us a spot in society, it's a riveting speech!" She latched onto his shoulder and pulled him close. Radar held his breath. "Think about it, people like two things in this world: Crying, and listening to things that make them cry. It inspired me to handcraft this amazing speech on Boomtown ethics," she whipped a cluster of paper from out of nowhere and gently laid it in Radar's hand. "Maybe we'll never see eye-to-eye, but when people see the real benefits of griefing, they'll be happy to let us do our thing!"

Radar skimmed over the blurry sheet, biting his lip. He imagined what this would mean for Beacontown, and fought back a shudder. "Well, it seems… interesting," his grip tightened on the paper as he forced a smile her way, "but I'll have to take it up with Jesse. We've got a lot of stuff already planned, and this seems like a last-minute adjustment, but! I could put a reminder in my book and ask him when he feels better."

"Wait, Jesse's alive? When I came in here, everyone was telling me that—"

"Just don't listen to them. Jesse's going to be fine and well." He pulled his notebook and quill out of his inventory, just to sigh again.

"I can help with that." Eli's voice made Radar jump and nearly drop his book. He spun around and glared.

"You!" He shoved a finger at him.

"Wait, you mean you didn't see him following you or standing behind you this whole time?" Nohr tilted her head and pointed Eli's way.

"Actually, he can't see me or you or anyone, for that matter."

"Eli! You were following me?" Radar bent at the waist and put his hands on his hips, habitually driving a finger up the bridge of his nose to push up his absent glasses.

"Huh, I kinda thought he was your helper or something."

"Well, he's not." He turned and thrust a finger at Eli. "You're not! And you should really leave me alone, because I have very important things to do, and I can't keep getting sidetracked by you!"

Eli bobbed his head up and down. "Right, right. Of course. Nohr," he nodded your way, "I think he was about to write something down for you." He gestured dramatically towards Radar and reeled back. Nohr folded her arms and grinned. Radar chuckled heartlessly, returning his attention to his book. He could feel Eli looming over him, anticipating his surrender. Radar pressed the quill to the paper.

"And, what was your name again?"

"Nohr." He scribbled his best. "I wanted to do a speech during the FD parade."

"Speech… during… parade… got it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a little chat with someone."

"Alright, then, I'll get back with you later, skinny!"

"That's lean, thank you." He called after her. When she left, he turned to face Eli, eyebrows low and arms folded. "What do you want with me?"

"Hmm?"

"You heard me! You've been bothering me all day, and now you're stalking me. Why?"

"Just making sure you don't need any more help, that's all. From what I've seen, you can't see at all." He smirked.

Radar licked his lips and clasped his hands together. "Well, I appreciate the thought behind it, but the actions? Not so much." His foot tapped.

Eli ran a hand through his hair and down his neck, clicking his tongue. "Alright, alright. I understand we probably got off to a rough start—"

"—Probably!"

"So, why don't we start over again?" He took a step back and straightened his shirt. Radar tapped at his folded arms. "Hi, I'm Eli." He held out his hand. Radar inhaled and shook it.

"I'm Radar, and I don't need your help, so please leave me alone." He spun around and left before Eli could get another word out. Peace at last, but a peace that dissolved with the shuffling of footsteps behind him.

"Come on, you know you're going to need my help some time or another."

"Why are you so concerned about me needing help? Don't you have things to do?"

"Well, kind of? But, you know, when I see someone who needs help, I just can't help but… help, you know?"

Radar scoffed. "Insulting me in front of everyone I talk to and letting the world know how desperately I need my glasses back isn't very helpful." His legs pumped, his heart thudded, and his hands balled into fists as he tried to put some road between him and Eli.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry, alright? Uh… Radar!" Radar stopped in his tracks and turned around, a squinting glare on his face.

"Did I get your name right, this time 'round?"

"Yes."

"Look, I know you're busy with this whole planning Founding Day, but you can't deny you need some help with it, being mostly blind and all. I know, I know," he looked at his feet, "we don't agree on what 'helping' is, but if you'll just give me a chance maybe, you know. I could actually be useful, maybe?" Radar's brows furrowed. "You tell me what to do, I'll do it, from now on, and I'll try to be nicer about it, too. Quieter, much quieter." His folded arms fell to his side and he studied Eli closely. He looked different in this new light, seeming oddly familiar.

"You want to help?"

"Yeah."

"Leave me alone, then." And he walked off.


Weird ending, huh? Writing this made me feel like, 'Gee, this guy must hate his job sometimes.' But that is a story for another time….

Well, I'm sleepy, but I'm still eager to get to those reviews!

Watcher321: I should probably update that soon, shouldn't I?

Toni42: Very true. Eli's a strange, yet interesting character who decided to walk into this story. We'll see how it goes.

Alice Foreshadow: Very true.

NoItsBecky: Might I also mention how pure he is? This story may be rough on him, but I vow to give him the ending he so rightly deserves!

KrazyKat: *so tempted to say 'lol idek'* I just have my headcanons, I guess. There really isn't a reason they'd be a romantic couple or exes in-game, but if we left it at 'we shouldn't do anything because it's not canon', what's the point of fanfiction? I guess I just felt like I had to ship him with someone, and Stella seemed the right option. You know, Radar probably used to idolize Stella. Maybe when he was still in the "Oh my gosh, my hero likes me and she's perfect!", he ignored some of her worse traits and started to bond with her. But when her ugly side showed, the relationship soured. Anyways, that's my take on it.

Raintag: Well, thank goodness he didn't. I'm a really anxious person, and when I started thinking he was gonna turn, it was all I could think about. I felt a lot better around the middle of season 2 when it was too late for a huge change like that, but leading up to episode 5 I was so scared Telltale was going to do away with him. This sounds kinda weird, but I couldn't really handle Reuben's death very well. I really, legitimately wasn't sure how I would feel if Radar died. #TheFeelsAre4Real

Well, goodnight, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this update! Close it, Crisper!

Crisper: (closes it)