Chapter 4

'Morning!' Sara heard from behind her as she stared down at the letter lying on the kitchen table.

She quickly folded it back up and stashed it in her pant pocket as Hope came closer, lacing her arms around her mom's neck from behind to give her a warm hug.

'Well, good morning' Sara said cheerfully. 'So, how did you sleep in your old bed?'

'Wonderfully' Hope said lazily as she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured herself some orange juice.

She sat down next to her mom, smiling as she let her eyes roam around the room.

'There's something comforting about coming home and seeing that nothing has changed' she said with a smile. 'It's like... cheating fate, you know, like having both your old life and your new one'

That was an interesting take on things, Sara thought as she took her daughter's hand.

'So, you're enjoying school?' she asked.

Hope nodded and her smile broadened.

'It's great! I'm meeting lots of new people and I love living in residence...you really get immersed in campus life, you know' Hope answered.

Sara nodded – she'd had the opportunity of going away to university at Hope's age and she had fond memories of being away from home for the first time; she remembered the excitement she'd felt and how much she'd loved having the freedom to make her own decisions and choices, even the not so good ones.

'So, how did it feel seeing Cam again last night?' Sara couldn't help but ask.

'Good' Hope answered almost by rote. 'Strange, though. Like I'm not the same person anymore but... he is'

'He's changing too, honey' Sara said. 'Don't sell him short – you just haven't seen the changes yet, that's all'

'What do you mean?' Hope asked.

'Well, you don't have to go away to grow and change. Cam's taken on a bunch of new responsibilities at the gallery and he's started taking some graduate courses at the university' Sara added.

Hope let out a sigh.

'I don't know, Mom' she admitted. 'I don't know if he's the one for me'

'You don't have to decide that today, honey' Sara reassured her daughter.' Give yourself time to get reacquainted and see how you feel in a couple of months'

Sara watched as Hope's eyes seemed to glaze over, lost in thought.

'You know, sometimes life just hands you what you need without you even having to ask' Sara added, thinking back to her early years with Neal. 'Your dad and I weren't even looking for a committed relationship in the beginning; we were just taking things one day at a time... and then you came along and we both realized what we'd been too afraid to want in the first place'

'Mom!' Hope said with mock indignation. 'You're not suggesting I accidentally get knocked up by Cam, are you?'

Sara laughed loudly.

'I'm definitely not suggesting that!' she said. 'I'm just saying that life has a way of taking you down some unchartered roads when you least expect it'

'Got it' said Hope, suddenly realizing she was starved. 'So, do you want to take me out for something to eat?'

Sara laughed at her daughter's boldness.

'Well, I see some things never change!'

WCWCWC

Liam sat on the couch, idly glancing at the television as he texted back and forth on his smart phone.

'Busy this weekend?'

'Hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend this aft but I'm free later'

'Want to go to a movie?'

'Sure'

'Meet you at 7'

'Who's that you're talking to?' Neal asked as he prepared the meal he'd be serving the Burkes in a few hours.

'Just a friend from school' Liam said dismissively.

'Oh yeah? A new friend?' Neal asked, fishing for information.

'Yeah, his name is Cody. He's in my biology class' Liam answered, standing to make his way over to the kitchen.

'I've never heard you mention him before' Neal said nonchalantly. 'You know you could invite him over if you want. For dinner or just to hang out'

'Yeah, I'll see' Liam answered as he picked up a slice of carrot Neal had just chopped up and threw it in his mouth.

'So your birthday's coming up in two weeks, you'll have to tell us what you want to do' Neal said as he kept working.

'Maybe dinner out' Liam said as he leaned on the counter to continue their chat.

'Sure, whatever you want, buddy, and you can invite someone along if you like, anybody you'd like' Neal added, hoping he wasn't pushing too hard.

'Alright' Liam answered, suddenly uncomfortable. 'I better get going. I'm meeting Cam and Hope in an hour; we're going bowling'

'Bowling!' Neal repeated. 'Well, watch out for those gutter balls'

'Will do, Dad' Liam said with a giggle.

WCWCWC

'Neal, that was an amazing meal, as always' Elizabeth said as she pushed her chair away from the table.

Neal shrugged, letting the compliment wash over him. He and Elizabeth were both accomplished cooks and they loved to try to outdo each other. They each had their specialties though and just like El would never attempt an Osso Buco, Neal would never dare to serve her a shrimp risotto, definitely El's forte.

'So, how does it feel to have Hope home?' Peter asked as the foursome sat back, sipping their wine.

'Great! Although we haven't seen much of her today' Neal answered.

'I get the definite impression she'll be in and out of the house all summer, between working at the gallery and the school... and spending time with Cam' Sara said.

'They stopped by the house this afternoon' El said. 'She looks great; really energized'

Sara nodded in agreement. 'You know, seeing her like that...it reminds me of my first year away at university, that feeling of freedom, that I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted - '

She noticed Neal looking somewhat uncomfortable beside her and she stopped, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently. Whenever the subject of higher education came up, it always seemed to make him slightly uneasy – although he worked hard not to let it show. Sara knew it was a sore spot for him; he hadn't had the advantage of a formal education - although in his adult years, he certainly could have chosen to pursue one if he'd wanted to. Although Neal could never be described as having a chip on his shoulder, certain things from his past still stung and he'd tried to overcome that loss by giving his own children all the advantages he'd never had growing up. Now that his own kids were well on their way, he was doing more of the same with the kids from the art school – giving them a chance at a better life despite their less than stellar beginnings. He could relate to what they were going through and whenever Sara or the Burkes talked about their more privileged upbringing, it still brought out a twinge of envy and sadness for Neal even after all those years.

'You know we're just really glad we can give her this' he said, expertly deflecting from his uneasiness.

'Well, you two have done an amazing job with her... with both of them. You should be very proud' Elizabeth said as Neal and Sara looked at each other fondly.

'So, who's up for some dessert?' Neal asked, changing the subject and rising from the table.

'I'm stuffed but... did you by any chance...?' Peter began as Neal gave him an eager smile.

'... make pineapple upside down cake?' Neal finished.

Peter's eyes lit up at the mention of one of his favorite desserts.

'Why don't you ladies go sit in the living room and give us a few minutes' Neal said. 'I want to show Peter something in the studio and we'll bring out dessert as soon as we're done'

The women took their wine glasses and made their way to the front of the house, settling in on the couch, revelling in the wonderful meal they'd just enjoyed.

Sara had been dying to get a few moments alone with her best friend since the Burkes first arrived; she wanted to show El what she'd discovered that morning and get her take on it. The moment the men were out of range, Sara pulled out the letter she'd been keeping from her husband all day.

'Look what came in the mail' she whispered as she passed it over to El.

Elizabeth frowned as she noticed the tape that was holding the letter together and Sara just pointed to the piece of paper, urging her to read.

'This is addressed to Neal...' Elizabeth said as she looked down.

Sara nodded guiltily and urged El to open it and read.

'Just read it' she said, her voice urgent.

El became silent as her eyes moved over the tattered page.

Dear Neal,

I can only assume that since I haven't heard back from you since the last time I wrote, you have no interest in getting in touch with me. I am torn between respecting your wishes and fighting to give us one last chance to connect before it's too late. As I said in my previous letter, I don't have much time left. I realize it is very selfish of me to ask but I don't want to leave this earth without reaching out one last time and trying to make peace with you, to try to explain things to you in the best way I know how.

I've struggled my whole life with trying to be a good mom and sadly, I have fallen well short of the mark. Unfortunately, you were the collateral damage in my struggle to become a better person. I don't want to make excuses for my behavior because there are none and I know I've caused you a great deal of pain over the years. I would just like to have a chance to sit with you and talk, try to understand what you went through and have you hear about my painful journey. I hope you will reconsider. Please know that these are not just empty words: I think about you every single day and I pray that you are safe and happy whatever you're doing. I love you, son.

Mom

'This is from Neal's mom!' Elizabeth said a little too loudly.

'Shhh. Quiet!' Sara admonished her.

'Has he seen this?' El asked, her voice hushed.

'No, he ripped it up and threw it away without opening it' Sara whispered.

'And you went through the garbage and picked it out?' El asked, her voice indignant.

'Well, sort of...' Sara answered sheepishly.

Elizabeth gave her a dirty look; as if she had never done anything sneaky in her life, Sara thought.

'It sounds like she's written to him before' Elizabeth said.

'I know, that's why I'm worried. He's never said anything to me about it' Sara admitted.

'Well, if he threw it out, he obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with her' El said.

'I know but... El, this is his mom and it sounds like she might be dying' Sara whispered.

'Still, you should talk to him about it' El said.

Sara looked at her friend, her face scrunched up as she considered El's advice.

'He'll be upset that I'm sticking my nose in; you know how Neal is about stuff like that'

'Yeah, but this is big, Sara, you need to tell him that you know' El insisted.

'Hey, ladies' Peter interrupted as he came into the room carrying two cups of coffee.

El looked up guiltily and immediately hid the letter behind her, stuffing it behind the cushion on the couch as Sara looked on, alarmed. Peter gave his wife a questioning look, her not so covert movement obviously not lost on him.

Neal followed with a couple of plates of dessert and handed one to each of the women.

'Hope this lives up to expectations' he said as he turned to go back into the kitchen for two more helpings.

Peter raised his eyebrows expectantly at the women; it was obvious that whatever they were doing when he'd walked in wasn't meant to be shared with him or Neal.

'This looks amazing!' El said loudly, shutting her husband out.

Peter settled in beside her, his eyes not leaving hers; one thing was for sure, he'd get to the bottom of things before the night was out.

TBC