Don't Ever Let It End

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

Thank you for all the support for this story. As always the lyrics are from Nickleback's 'Don't Ever Let it End'.

. . .

Well I'm tired of pretending

But I'm terrified of it ending

. . .

Though it was late, Derek couldn't sleep. He was more than aware that in a few short hours he would have to get up and prepare for a day at work and whatever that might bring. One thing he could guarantee was that it would involve a healthy dose of his solace. Even if they were whisked away on a case the minute he walked through the door he was never far away from her.

Finally giving up on any idea of slumber, Derek got out of his tousled bed, throwing back the twisted sheet as he rose and huffed towards the door. Insomnia was an unfortunately side effect of the job – though tonight's restlessness was nothing to do with the horrors they saw and more to do with the one joy he had in his life.

Having spent another blissful weekend in the company of his best friend, his conscience was niggling at him once more. Hell if it wasn't bad enough that everyone who knew or met the pair of them assumed there was something more to their relationship, now his own mind was joining in the taunting. And to make it worse it was sounding more and more like his mother each day.

Dragging a heavy hand down his tired face as he reached the kitchen, Derek poured himself a large glass of chilled water before resting back against the solid wood counter. Looking at the glass in his hand he placed it down – he had no idea why he had even poured it; he wasn't roaming the house in the night due to thirst. What he desired was not going to be found lurking in his kitchen cupboard.

'Well if you know what you want, why aren't you going to get it?' the chiding tones of Fran Morgan echoed in his head.

Derek sighed, because . . . then he shook his head. He couldn't - they have long ago agreed that they would do nothing to threaten their friendship, and after all, hadn't Pen herself only yesterday told him how she needed them? Not him, them, as they were - the complete package. They had an unwritten rule.

'Huh – rules! Since when did breaking the rules ever bother you Derek Morgan?' his mother's voice questioned.

Derek snorted out loud at that, if he had received one lecture from his mother growing up about abiding by the rules then he had received a dozen. She had literally got to the stage where she was banging her head against the brick wall. She could have saved time and effort by recording it the first time and just playing daily. But he had grown up, he knew the rules you abided by and those you could afford to bend a bit. However, it had been a while since he had out and out broken any rules that he could think of.

'Really?' Fran encouraged.

Derek pushed off from the surface, hoping he could escape the inner monologue. Heading through his lounge, he was aware of Clooney lifting his head from his resting space on the couch, "It' okay, boy, only me," Derek muttered as he reached down to scratch his companion behind the ear. Clooney settled again and closed his eyes; he had long got use to Derek's random midnight wanders.

Derek opened the doors to his backyard. Heading out onto the porch, he slumped down into one of the chairs he kept out there. Looking up at the clear night sky he suddenly felt a chill run down his spine. It was cooler than he expected and sitting out in only a pair of sweat pants maybe was not the best of ideas. Yet the breeze was equally refreshing and seemed to have cleared his head, well at least his mother was no longer nagging him.

Watching the stars above, he settled back, finally finding peace in the restless night. However there were no answers. What did he do about a problem like Penelope Garcia?

He loved her, that there was no doubt about. It had taken him a long time to realise it, but never the less he knew he was in love. And not just the brotherly/sisterly love they professed to ever one who would listen. This he had come to accept was something much deeper, the sort of love that made a man think of settling down and starting a family. Yes he still had the sort of dreams that would make a sailor blush, but now they went side by side with weddings and imagining what their children would look like.

Derek shook his head; that was not the sort of thing he should be filling his head with. It would only bring his mother's voice back in full force as she came hunting after her grandbabies - and that he did not need!

However, how could he risk everything he had with Pen on a 'what if'? He had never had a relationship that lasted longer than a couple of months, he got bored easily, Pen deserved better than that. Dragging his hand over the rough stubble of his face, he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them.

This was the circle he kept rotating - knowing in his heart that Penelope was the woman for him, while his mind argued that he was not the man for her.

Stretching his legs out, Derek lifted himself slowly from the seat and returning indoors. He needed some sleep if he was to function tomorrow. As he passed the couch he absent mindedly reached out to pet his dog before trudging back to up to his bed. Hoping beyond all hope that this time he could settle into some sweet dream of his Baby Girl - rather than another wrestling match with his conscious.

'Then maybe you should stop arguing with me, for once in your life!' Fran spoke as Derek shut his eyes.

It was going to be a long night he realized and turned onto his side.