Lister and the others are guests of Rimmers mother, only guest it seems is a bit of a loose word. Enjoy and please review.

Lister sat on top of a pile of silk pillows, while he drank what he hoped was a sort of beer. "Well, I don't know about you guys but this is the comfiest prison cell we've ever stayed in." He said chirpily.

"Prison, I thought she said this was the guest quarters." Questioned the Cat.

"Oh Yeah, and those two large guards at the door just outside are going to just let us walk on out are they?" replied Lister, gesturing to the door.

Rimmer stopped pacing. "She's flipped, I always thought it was father that was power crazy but now I see it was her, it all makes sense. The Risk club, the endless management classes and her always pushing, driving us on."

"Look man, I'm sure once she thinks it through she will come to her senses." Said Lister downing another cup of the beer.

"You don't know mother, once she sets an idea in place, there is no shifting her." Said Rimmer looking worried.

"May I suggest we put our heads together and work out a plan." Said Kryten.

"Well I say we stay here for now, enjoy the beer and see what Mrs Crazy Lips has got in store for her golden boy." Jested Lister.

"No way Lister, we find a way to escape and we leave her to this crazy world." Said Rimmer without any tone of regret at what he was suggesting.

"Sir, she is your mother, are you seriously suggesting we leave her with these rouges and low life's." Said Kryten sounding concerned.

Rimmer nodded. "Look, I don't expect any of you to understand, but this is my mother we are talking about, I left that part of my life behind a very long time ago. So can we please start thinking of a way to get out of here?"

20 minutes later and Lister is standing on Krytens shoulders while trying to open the small roof hatch with Krytens right forearm. "Nearly got it, just a little bit to the left Kryten. There got it."

The window pops open and Lister drops back to the floor.

"Oh great, so we're still stuck in here, only now we are going to be a lot colder." Remarked Rimmer.

"Hang on man, Cat do you think you can get through that window?" asked Lister.

The Cat eyed up the small gap and nodded. "Yeah, just stand back and watch the master of squeeze."

The others watched as he took a running jump, bounced and sprang high up to the window. He then squeezed through it and disappeared from view. 20 seconds later his face reappeared looking confused. "Err guys what now?" he asked.

"Go distract the guards somehow!" shouted Lister in a hushed tone.

"Oh right." Said the Cat disappearing once more then quickly returning into view. "How?" he said.

Lister frustrated at the Cat's inability to repeat the initiative he had taken earlier, called up to him. "I don't know, throw him a stick or something, just do it."

2 minutes later a large Gelf guard opened the door to the guest hut. He thrust his head inside and failed to notice the larger than normal pile of pillows and the pair of mechanoid legs sticking out from them.

"Gone, go tell lady!" he shouted back to the other guard, he then closed the door and turned his attention to the creature sitting on the roof blowing raspberries at him. He considered just using his harpoon gun but had received orders not to kill the guests and his aim was not what it used to be. He decided he would have to climb up there and get him.

As he reached the roof top the creature stood up, grinned and jumped off the rear of the roof and out of view. The Gelf growled and moved after him, only the roof was not made to hold large Gelf guards and with a sudden realisation of this fact it gave way and he crashed through the roof and onto the now empty pile of pillows. This wasn't a good start to his day.


Lister and the others had snuck out of the hut and joined the grinning Cat at the rear. "OK, let's get back to Starbug quick!" he said.

"I'll second that one." Said the Cat.

The four made their way through the camp trying to avoid looking like four escapees, while going as fast as they could.

They made good progress and soon had Starbugs green outline was in sight. "Right let's fire up the retros and get out of this place." Said Rimmer.

"Are you sure man?" asked Lister.

"Lister, I have never been so sure in all my life, let's go." Said Rimmer firmly.

Lister jumped into the flight seat and hit the start buttons, nothing happened. He tried again, still nothing happened. "It's dead. Kryten have you got anything?" asked Lister.

"Nothing sir, it seems that we have lost all ship start up access." Replied Kryten punching a few more buttons and getting nothing.

"It's her." Said Rimmer simply.

"What?" asked the Cat.

"My mother, it's her doing this." Said Rimmer.

"Naw can't be man, the bug was locked, only me and Kryten have a key." Said Lister.

"Yes indeed sir, and I have mine right here." Said Kryten holding up the small access key.

Lister patted his pocket and did a double take. "Err mines missing guys."

"See I told you, it's her." Said Rimmer and as if on queue the vid screen burst into life.

"You naughty naughty boy Arnold, did you really think I would let you leave." Said the image of Rimmers mum.

"Mother, what have you done?" asked Rimmer.

"I have locked you all out of the flight start up sequence, only I have the access code." She replied.

Rimmer slumped into his chair, there was no escape, his mother would always win. 'She always won.' He thought.

Next time: OK, I know there are a lot of Ace Rimmer fans out there (Inc me) and so all I am saying is stay tuned.