4


Okay, it was the second time Caitlin didn't know what to do.

On one hand she could just turn around and go back to the party and explain everything to Cisco. And on the other hand, she could keep wallowing in her own self-pity and confusion. The second option seemed better. It'd give her some time to herself. Away from prying eyes, from the pressure, from the distinct feeling she was doing something wrong.

Who felt guilt when kissing someone? Someone they liked?

Cisco was great; he was always there for her, always helped her out, always made her laugh. Always, always, always. He was a constant figure in her life that she couldn't bear the thought of losing. That's the way it always happened, didn't it?

You think you're happy and the next moment, they're gone, she thought.

Caitlin shuddered and pulled her jacket and scarf tighter around her as the wind suddenly picked up. She turned her gaze to the sky and looked at the clouds that hung low overhead. She expected, there to be a chill that evening, she saw it on the news. It was supposed to snow. She loved the snow. It was the best part of the holiday. But right now, the gray clouds were looking orange, taking on the glow from the streetlamps that lined the streets.

The empty streets where the only sound was the sound of her heels clacking along the ground.

Another chill rolled down Caitlin's spine and she pulled her jacket closer around her. Was it the cold of the night or was it fear? She knew walking out by herself at nigh tin Central City wasn't the best idea. There were metahumans and criminals everywhere. Despite Barry and Cadence being around to protect the city as much as possible, the crime rate had gone up enough that a citywide curfew was thought to be put in place. She needed to get home fast.

Where she was safe, warm, and able to sit with her thoughts while drinking coffee and watching the snowfall.

If it ever snowed.

Suddenly, there was a whoosh of air and a figure appeared in font of Caitlin, making her come to a screeching halt with a scream of surprise. Barry straightened himself, rubbing the back of his arm across his reddened nose.

"Caitlin!"

"Barry!" Caitlin brought her hand up to her chest, feeling her heart fluttering in her chest. Funny, it had been doing the same not long before. The thought of Cisco's lips on hers came to mind and Caitlin quickly shook it away with a flick of her head. She stepped forward shoved Barry hard on the shoulder. "Don't do that! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I'm sorry," Barry apologized quickly. "I just ran around the entire city looking for you." His breath came out in large clouds of fog. "I didn't think you'd get so far so fast." He gave her a funny smile. "Are you a speedster and didn't tell me?" He laughed at his own joke and Caitlin folded her arms, glaring back at her. "Ouch, and I thought it wasn't possible to be killed by a glare."

"What is it, Barry? I'm trying to get home," Caitlin said. She started off down the sidewalk once more, hugging her arms as tightly to her as possible. She'd forgotten her gloves and scarf in her hurry to leave the Ramon house. It was funny, really, that she was even bothered by the cold.

"I know," Barry agreed with a nod. He gestured with his arm before falling in step with her. With a friendly smile he said, "I'll walk you."

Caitlin couldn't help the small smile that came to her face. Barry was a great friend. "I didn't know it was possible for you to go so slowly."

Barry shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, hunching his shoulders forward to block the wind that blew his way. "When I want a lot of time to think or to just…relax, I prefer to walk."

"I thought anything slow made you want to lose your mind," Caitlin teased.

"Only when I can't do anything to speed things up, like going in for doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, getting my taxes done…" He started to count off on his fingers, making Caitlin roll her eyes.

"Right, everything else we do slowly must be so torturous for you. I'm sure you're a blast at amusement parks."

"When was the last time you went to an amusement park?"

Caitlin thought about it for a moment before sadness washed over her. "Ronnie and I went for his birthday. He really wanted to go to Six Flags and they're not my favorite place. But we had a lot of fun." She brushed her hair back from her face. "Actually, I had to talk him out of going back for our honeymoon." Barry gave her a look and she quickly explained. "We both got to decide something we wanted to do for our honeymoon. Going to Fiji was a gift from his parents, I wanted to go to Canada to visit Vancouver and Montreal, and Ronnie wanted to go to go a football game. I talked him out of that and settled on going to an amusement park."

"Nothing says 'love' like screaming on a rollercoaster," Barry said.

"That was the point. Ronnie made me try new things and experiences. Sushi, snorkeling. I hadn't played soccer in years and he convinced me to join an adult soccer league." She noticed Barry's surprised look and blushed. "Like I said, I used to play soccer all the time. I stopped after a while. And Ronnie liked to play. We didn't really get to join any teams or anything, but it was fun."

Barry nodded. "Because he died, right?"

Caitlin lowered her chin into her scarf. Tears clung to her lashes as she struggled to hold back her sadness. Barry continued to walk alongside her quietly. After a few moments, he stretched out his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. Caitlin gave him a grateful smile and allowed herself to cry quietly. God, she missed Ronnie so much. She thought things would've been fine by that point, it had been about two years. She'd smiled again, had great friends, had great experiences. But the moment things started to remind her of him…

"What about your dad?"

Surprised, Caitlin looked up at him in surprise. "My dad passed away a long time ago."

"I know that, I mean..." Barry licked his lips. "Cisco was telling me about him, how this was your guys' favorite time of year."

"Yeah, Christmas was his favorite holiday. Before his illness got too bad, he worked hard to get the house decorated. Our electric bill would skyrocket every year around the holidays and mom would fuss but dad would reassure her everything would be fine." She shrugged. "And everything was fine. He'd had many patents and inventions that were selling, and mom's work was doing well. We were happy."

"When he passed…?"

"It was in the summer. But when Christmas came around again…I couldn't handle it. Mom didn't decorate anything, she became cold and distant. We didn't celebrate. I couldn't. I tried to go to my dad's grave and I couldn't go as far as the steps of the front porch before crying my eyes out. And after that, I couldn't stand the holidays or being around my mom. Or anything that had to do with it."

"Until you met Ronnie."

"Well…" Caitlin paused. She laughed to herself. "Yes and no. During school I had my colleagues celebrate and we did Secret Santa. That was always fun. Not as much fun as it used to be, but fun. I'd avoid coming home; knowing my mom was doing everything she could to not make it feel like home. I'd stay in the dorms or I'd go to a hotel and find something to keep myself occupied. People always say the holidays are lonely if you're alone but it can be fun if you know how to keep yourself preoccupied."

Barry's smile was warm, making Caitlin feel a little better. Stronger. She kept speaking.

"When I started at STAR Labs, Christmas was Dr. Wells' favorite holiday. He always said we were his family, and he did his best to make us feel that way. He was a perfectionist and worked us hard, but during the holidays he let us know how much he appreciated our help. Gifts for everyone, decorations, champagne, time off…but he always respected that I didn't like to celebrate so much. Cisco and Ronnie started around the same time and when Ronnie and I were only just getting to know each other, Cisco was the one I gravitated to as work friend. We're completely different but that's what made things work. He helped me relax and I helped him understand how to be serious about his work and not take things too personally if things went wrong.

"And he helped me enjoy Christmas again. He took me to his family's party and they made everything feel so warm and inviting and that I belonged. Not like an empty shell that my house was. I started to enjoy it more. And as the years went on I started to actually love Christmas again. Then I met Ronnie and…" she shrugged. "And everything was perfect again…until he died."

Barry suddenly stopped walking, nearly making Caitlin's arm jerk out of its socket from the abrupt motion. She turned back to him. "Barry?" He looked like he was trying to work something out. Then his eyes widened when he had an epiphany. "Barry, are you okay?"

"You're afraid," he finally said.

Caitlin's eyes shifted back and forth. "Afraid?" She repeated.

"You're afraid something's going to happen with Cisco," he explained. Caitlin continued to look at him in confusion. "I know you like him, Caitlin."

"He's my friend," she said slowly. "Of course I like him." Liar. The thought niggled in the back of her mind.

Barry shook his head. "You like him, Caitlin. You really care about him. And that scares you. Because you're afraid something's going to happen to him and you'll be alone again. You lost your father, Ronnie, Jay—"

"Barry." Caitlin couldn't manage more than a whisper of his name. That one still stung. How easily she could be played and with no remorse for the speedster that had claimed he loved her, cared about her. But continued to torture her.

"And you left the party because you realized it, when he kissed you. You realized what you were risking and you're afraid to lose it." Caitlin lifted her brown eyes to look at Barry. "Caitlin, Cisco loves you. He's not going to do anything to jeopardize that. And you can't allow yourself to miss out on something that can be really good because of that."

Caitlin shook her head. Barry didn't get it. When he had feelings for Iris, Barry never said anything about it and pined away until his feelings for her changed. But Iris was always going to be around, he'd never lose her. With Cadence, the two were both superheroes and were consistently on the field together. They could protect each other form getting hurt even if the risk was there. But their risk of life to protect the city was much more important.

She and Cisco were in the Cortex day after day, watching and helping their friends. Cisco was new with his powers and he wasn't ready to go out into the field yet.

But he will be one day, she thought. And, like Ronnie, she knew he'd run into trouble the moment he was needed. And…maybe leave her. Caitlin didn't respond to Barry's questioning look, waiting to see how she'd respond.

Instead, she kept walking.

Barry fell back in step with her and after a few minutes of walking in silence, arrived at her apartment. Caitlin was still annoyed with him but invited him inside for a cup of coffee anyway. It was the least she could do for him walking her home. But Barry declined, despite hovering nervously by the door as she went to unlock it.

Caitlin flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked at him curiously. "Is something wrong, Barry?"

"No. I just, uh, wanted to make sure you got inside okay."

"I think I can handle it."

"Right, yeah, I mean, you never know." Barry ran a hand over his hair, his eyes darting to the side while Caitlin pushed open the door.

She glanced towards the couch, her first instinct to pull off her car length coat and scarf to jump in the shower, and spotted Cisco and Cadence sitting on her couch without a care in the world. Cisco looked over when she entered and leapt to his feet, rubbing his palms on the sides of his jeans as Cadence calmly set her mug of coffee—no, hot chocolate—down and rested her hands in her lap.

"I was wondering when you'd get here," She said.

Caitlin gaped at her. For a split second she wondered how they'd managed to break into her apartment. Then she remembered. Flare. Teleporting ability. Vibe. Could open breaches. Right. She looked back at Barry, who closed the door behind them and gave a sheepish smile.

Of course, a set up, she thought. There was no other explanation. All of this was a set up.

"Look, Cade, I know you were trying to help," Caitlin said. "To help Cisco with his family problems and to help us and…I'm grateful for that. You're a good friend." Cadence gave a small smile. "But I really don't want to talk right now and—"

"I know," Cadence interrupted. She stood up from the couch and clasped her hands together. "I can't stay anyway. If I don't get home soon, my mom is going to corrupt Brady more than I could ever imagine. I wanted to apologize to you." She looked at Cisco. "We had a long talk while you were out and it explained some things. I've already apologized to him but I need to apologize to you. If I knew what would've happened when I made my suggestion—which I'm still saying you didn't have to take—"

Barry cleared his throat and Cadence broke off.

"Then neither of you would be so upset," Cadence quickly corrected herself. "I'm sorry, Cait," she said sincerely."

Caitlin smiled. She could never stay mad at her best friend too long. "It's okay," she said. "You were only trying to help." Finally, she looked at Cisco, tough couldn't quite reach his eyes. "And I'm sorry to be rude but I really don't feel like talking right now—"

"—I know," Cisco interrupted her. He reached to the side and picked up a festive looking bag. "I didn't think you'd want to. I just…wanted to give you your gift." He held it out to her. "Then I'll leave."

Caitlin hesitated then stepped forward to grab the bag. She was surprised with how heavy it was, almost dropping it as soon as the rope handles rested in her palm. Carefully, she set the bag onto the coffee table and reached her hand inside. As soon as her palm enclosed around the glass surface, she immediately knew it was a snow globe.

She started to stay something, a stilted 'thank you' before she pulled it out and all words stopped. It was the most beautiful snow globe she'd ever seen. In the dim lighting of the apartment—only a lamp by the TV was on—LED lights slowly faded from bright blues, reds, and purples, to illustrious greens and yellows in a circle. The snowflakes inside already swirled around as if she had shaken it, creating a snowstorm inside, covering the mountain that poked up in the center. As Caitlin stared, her thumb moved over a button and a soft song started to gently waft out.

What is that? Pain gripped Caitli's heart as the memories came. The classical music she and her father listened to. The song that he'd have her listen to every day of December until Christmas. The same music she'd shown to Ronnie later.

"It's…" She couldn't get the word out.

"I thought, maybe, since you used to love Christmas so much that it'd be a good present," Cisco explained quietly. "It's Wilton Mountain," he said along with Caitlin, who whispered the words.

"Dad's favorite place to travel," She said. "Cisco, how did you…?" She didn't have to ask how he knew about it. She'd told him once before. Only once. And he'd remembered. Not only did he remember, but he managed to bring together everything she loved into a gift. An expensive one. An emotionally expensive one. How…?

"I know you don't want to talk right now," he said quickly, taking advantage of her silence. "I just want you to listen. I'm sorry if I upset you in some way when I kissed you. I mean, I didn't know I was that bad of a kisser," he gave a nervous laugh. "But I'm sorry. About all of it. About our fight, about agreeing to let you pretend to be my girlfriend, about having to lie. I'm sorry, okay? I don't like to fight with you, I just want my friend back and for things to go back to normal."

"It can't," Caitlin said. She took in a deep breath and looked at Barry, who nodded encouragingly to her. "Because things aren't going to be the same, Cisco."

He looked crestfallen.

"I wasn't mad at you," She said. "I was mad at myself and the situation Dante put us in."

"Well, he hasn't always been the best brother. And I know my family was a little excited about you being there and my abuela giving you Victoria's Secret stuff probably wasn't the best idea…"

Caitlin did everything she could not to meet Cadence's eyes, knowing she was smirking in a 'I-told-you-so' way. "It wasn't that," she said. She gestured between the two of them. "It was everything else. It was…having to fake it in the first place…because it didn't feel fake to me. It felt real." Cisco tilted his head in confusion. "I heard you say it, that you had a girlfriend you loved dearly. And…that scared me because I couldn't tell if you meant it." She paused. That was a lie. "I did know you meant it. And…and…" tears came to her eyes as she shook her head. "I can't lose you, Cisco."

"I'm not going anywhere," Cisco reassured her.

"Everyone I've loved in my life is gone," Caitlin reminded her. "My dad, my mom, Ronnie, Jay…I can't stand the thought of losing you, too. But…it hurts too much to know we're not doing anything either because you love me, Cisco. I know you do. And…I love you, too."

A small smile started to come to Cisco's face.

"I don't want to be hurt again."

"If anyone does, I'll tear them apart," Cisco said firmly. He held up his hands. "I've got mad vibing skills and I'm not afraid to use them." Caitlin smiled a little. Cisco side-stepped the coffee table and moved to stand in front of her, tilting his head back so he could look her in the eye. "I'm serious, Cait. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I may do something stupid every now and then but…I've done that before and you've always reeled me back. Just like I finally managed to get you to admit that Star Wars might be better than Star Trek."

Caitlin screwed up her face. "I said it was a little more realistic, not that I thought it was better."

"Details." Hesitantly, Cisco reached out his hands and grabbed Caitlin's after she set the snow globe aside. Then he stood still for a moment, as if he were in a trance, smiling when he shifted back into focus.

"What?" Caitlin asked.

"Did you just vibe?" Barry spoke up for the first time since arriving.

"What'd you see?" Cadence asked eagerly.

Cisco looked Caitlin in the eye and his smile widened. "I saw something that'd make me really happy."

"Like?" Caitlin pressed. She had an idea of what it was, the mischievous glint in Cisco's eye seeming to prove her right without him having to say anything.

"You'll see," he said. Then he looked down towards their hands. "Hey," he realized. "You're not cold. Normally your hands are as cold as ice."

Instead of responding, Caitlin leaned in and gave Cisco a kiss, wrapping her arms around him as he tightly grasped her waist. This was Cisco, her friend, someone she loves. Someone she wasn't going to let anything happen to and he wasn't going to let anything happen to her. They'd done that long before they became part of Team Flash and would continue to do so.

"I'm just saying," Cadence said in a hushed tone to Barry when Caitlin broke the kiss and matched Cisco's grin. "That if it weren't for my suggestion, none of this would've happened."

Barry simply let out an exasperated sigh, looping his arm around her shoulders as he said, "Shut up, Cade."

Outside, the snow began to fall.


THE END


A/N: I meant t have this is up on Christmas Eve and/or on Christmas Day but you know how the holidays get. I hope you guys enjoyed this story. I really do like the idea of Caitlin and Cisco together as friends and even as a romantic couple so it was really fun for my first try. Thank you for those that favorited and reviewed. I do hope to write some more in the future.

I hope you guys had a great Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa (starts today) and New Year!

Cheers,

-Riley