Chapter 4
I am utterly aware that it has honestly been years since I've updated anything. Soooorry! Would it suffice if I said I'm a slow writer. No? I didn't think so but its true. That and I've been really caught up in the Supernatural fandom. I've taken note of some of the absolutely exquisite pieces I've read over there to influence might writing now.
That being said you need to re-read chapter 3 for those of you read before this update. I really couldn't stand the way the other chapter sounded and felt so it has been completely revamped. I repeat you will not understand this chapter if you don't reread that one.
Thank you for your infinite patience and wisdom, and all that good stuff. Please review let me know how it compares.
Wolf feels nauseous listening to the nurse describe Alex's injuries and after care. Despite the damages he has afflicted in the name of patriotism and the interest of the British state, the phrase "scratches on his corneas from the needle point" still turns his stomach.
Alex is still, sleeping off the effects of his close call. It was touch and go for a bit when Wolf had first arrived. He was grateful for his teammates understanding in giving him some space with Alex. But watching the frenetic energy of doctors and nurses, racing around in a frenzy that can only be understood as chaos, testing, unsure why he was tanking; misreading the hyperventilating, sluggish pulse, emerging shock; Wolf could have done with better company than Mrs. Jones. Except for the fact that she was able to get the tests results from the syringe processed faster.
Thanks to that, Alex is doped up to his gills in anti-venom, and muscle relaxants. Watching them slowly take effect, watching the child fight his cellular battle, oblivious to to his company, Wolf feels acutely tired and harrowed himself; like a family member out of their mind with worry. No, like a parent. He feels as though he should have prevented this, could have.
He gently smooths the boy's blond locks away from the thin white gauze covering his eyes under the soft, translucent blue visor. Its taped down so he can't scrape it away in distress when he first wakes. His lacerated eyelids and scraped corneas need to heal. The doctors say his eyelashes might temporarily fall out because of the trauma. That he'll needs drops regularly for a week to heal the eyes and prevent infection.
That he'll need someone to take care of him.
Wolf tears his eyes away from Cub's damaged ones to his bandaged wrists, thinking of how deceptive the weeping slits had been.
Working off of assumptions; dangerous shit.
Looking over his relaxed body in general, its easy to see that he's been slipping, falling in on himself ever since Jack was deported. He's thinner, beyond slim, no longer as fit. Less than healthy, to be honest since the Faisalabad mission. And therein lies Wolf's blame, since he knew this. Was present for the aftermath of Cub's insubordination in fact. He had felt that sending Jack back to the States was harsh, yes, but he didn't necessarily offer his assistance to stop the downward spiral either.
Who'd have known that the crash at the bottom would have been so fucking devastating. Because Wolf has no illusionary ideas about Alex coming through this unscathed.
"Who could?" he thinks
They say its possible for a person to wake up from a sleep or coma with their last conscious thought at the forefront of their mind. The fear or anxiety on resume. Eagle and Wolf find out that this is true.
Eagle's sitting by Alex's bed later that night, occupying the chair Wolf had indirectly declared as his own, watching Wolf pace in the expansive private room, explaining exactly why he was at fault.
Eagle doesn't blame him for the current situation; he's pretty sure Alex won't either, but listening to the string of events and their consequences, he can see why Wolf does.
Because someone should have stood up to MI6 to soften the heavy handed blow Alex was dealt for his part in the failure of the Faisalabad mission. But not Wolf. He hadn't been in the position to do that anymore than he had already been trying to.
To be fair those sort of missed placed loyalties and second thoughts to the cause that had led Alex astray are exactly the sort of thoughts of a teenaged boy with no guide in a hard situation. To be precise, he shouldn't have been in that sort of situation in the first place.
To go so far as to evict him from his childhood home to the second rate flat where he'd eventually been attacked was exceptionally harsh, to put it mildly; but it wasn't Wolf's fault.. Neither was the fact that Alex was alone at the house at the time. He lived alone for Pete's sake and he wasn't inclined to taking many visitors.
Wolf having extended the invitation to join team at his place to watch the game had been a caring, thoughtful act in itself. And the decision to follow up when Alex stayed worrying absent despite accepting gratefully was nothing short of life saving.
Eagle looks up again from his contemplation at Wolf quietly heated voice.
"Its just not fucking right. You understand what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, I get it," Eagle answers conversationally before give his best mate a hard look. "But it wasn't your prerogative to stop it or even fix it either."
Wolf stops his pacing, looking mildly annoyed thinking he'd had Eagle's supportive derogatory input.
"Don't be arrogant," Eagle continues firmly "You did what you could."
Wolf flops into the other, less comfortable chair a second after a dejected look fleets across his face.
"Somebody should have stopped it before it got to this. That's all I'm saying."
"I know, Ry, I know," Eagle answers softly, watching Cub's features begin to scrunch in discomfort.
"He's waking up." He whispers to Wolf who sits straighter dragging his hand off his face.
They suddenly realise he's mumbling to himself. The same mantra over and over in a desperate voice till they hear what it is he had needed them to hear; "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, please don't leave, please don't leave.
"My God," Eagle whispers reaching for the boy's hand.
"Alex, Alex listen," Wolf calls him softly, rubbing a rough palm up and down Alex's arm. The smooth skin reflects the tenderness of his age.
"Your safe now buddy. We didn't leave. You're okay now."
The look the two men share from across the opposite sides of the bed is pure anguish when he wont be consoled. He deadly still but his voice carries an anguish of its own.
Wolf works his hand into Cub's smaller one, stimulating his palm so that he instinctively grasps his hand.
"See you can move now. Your safe Cub," he soothes him with an earnest voice "The bastard didn't get you. We didn't leave."
Alex seems to have heard him and his other hand tightens around Eagle's as well before lifting in an aborted gesture to reach for his eyes.
His head tosses back and forth while Eagle presses the call button to signal the nurses.
"You're okay Cub." Wolf is still saying when Alex squeezes his hand and turns to focus on the general vicinity of his voice.
"Wolf?" his voice is croaking and whispery
"Yeah, I'm here. You're safe. Eagle's hear too."
Alex doesn't seem to acknowledge the rest of his sentence; his hand shakes fearfully and so does his voice.
"Wolf, why can't I see?"
Not quite a cliffhanger but sort of. I'll try to make sure not to take so long again. I've decided to complete my stories before I post them now so I have a new story that I'm very proud of called Reading Between the Lines Of Men that I'm working on. No date yet on when it will be released so stay tuned.
