Written for: hd owlpost
Summary: Draco has the perfect plan to get revenge on all his classmates their last year at Hogwarts, until they exclude him from participating in the Christmas charity event. He should have expected it. It's what they always do. When he thinks the situation can't get worse, Harry Potter shows up at his door.
Rating: PG-13
Contains: Hogwarts High, Non-Magical AU, Suicide attempt
Notes: My knowledge of England is very limited, so if what I'm imagining in the story sounds too American it's because I'm too American. Thanks to C, L, and T for looking through this for me on such short notice and so quickly. Y'all are the best.


1994

Draco and Harry didn't speak much after Harry's thirteenth birthday party. Draco didn't want to talk about the party and it seemed like Harry wanted to forget it ever happened, so they had their usual polite conversations in the few minutes before class started or in the locker rooms before or after a football game or practice.

On Harry's fourteenth birthday, Draco was sure he got a present that wouldn't cause an incident. It was just a dice and card game set. Nice and cheap and rather unlikely anyone else would think to get it for him.

When he got to Harry's house, Mr Potter was outside.

It didn't occur to Draco that he was waiting for him until he stopped Draco before he got near the front door asking if he could speak with him.

Mr Potter rubbed his face for a while as if he couldn't find an easy way to say what he wanted to say.

'Listen, Draco, I understand that you like my son.' Mr Potter searched Draco's eyes for understanding and then continued with, 'I don't know you very well and I'm sure you're a great kid which is why I feel someone needs to tell you this. It's obvious that you are trying to buy my son's affection, but that isn't how relationships work. You can't buy people's affection.

'If you were friends with everyone and always got everyone something so . . . extravagant, then it wouldn't make everyone so uncomfortable.'

Part of Draco knew his feelings for Harry were obvious. But he'd never considered that Harry's parents had seen it. Draco didn't care how he made everyone else feel, but the word everyone implied he made Harry uncomfortable as well. Mr Potter tried to put a hand on Draco's shoulder but Draco stepped out of the way.

'If you were closer it wouldn't be so . . . odd. But you and Harry are not that close. You're the only one, not just on the team with him but in his class, that hasn't come around outside of his birthday. I've only ever seen you at his birthday parties and at the games and on those rare occasions my son always ends up locking himself away upset.

'I know you don't mean to hurt him, but you do. He tries so hard to include you where I don't think you really want to be in the first place. When you get upset, it upsets him and you seem to always be upset. I don't like seeing my son upset.'

Draco's stomach was twisting in knots at Mr Potter's words.

'You're not good for him, Draco. And you're setting yourself up to get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt, either.' Mr Potter stepped toward Draco, again. 'But it is inevitable because Harry can't return the feelings you have for him any more than you can stop yourself from feeling them.' Glancing at the package in Draco's hand, Mr Potter asked, 'What'd you get him?'

Draco was too numb to feel anything. He felt as if someone had hit him over the head. At the same time, everything Mr Potter said Draco thought himself before. In shock, Draco simply answered,

'A deck of card and some dice.'

Mr Potter forced a smile. 'You're free to come in and try to be his friend and only his friend. It's your choice. But if today ends up like the last couple times, then I'll have to ask you not come back.'

'I understand,' Draco said and then nodded. Mr Potter squeezed Draco's shoulder before Draco even saw his hand coming to rest on it, and then he turned away and went inside the house as Draco stared after him.

Because Draco knew that there was nothing he could do to stop this party being a repeat of the others, he took a breath to steady himself and got back on his bike.

Then he went home and gave up.

He gave up football.

He gave up trying to join in anything.

He gave up on Harry.

1997

When Harry got home that evening, he went straight to his room not wanting his parents to ask about the bag he was carrying. They'd recognise it right away just like he had when he saw it in Draco's closet. They'd told him once he couldn't accept it and that was before—well, everything else Harry had found in it.

Sitting down at his computer, Harry went to the school's website.

That evening gave Harry a bad feeling. It'd been a week since the charity drive had started and perhaps Draco had gathered all the stuff in his living room during that time, but it didn't make a lot of sense. Why not take it as he gathered it? There was no way he'd get it in there in one trip. Draco's car was tiny.

Harry's team were the lions and he was pretty sure Draco wasn't on it, but he scanned the list again just to be sure.

As Harry went through the lists one at a time a sinking feeling was in his gut.

They hadn't added him.

It could have been an oversight. Draco spent a lot of time after he quit the football team, quit everything, just trying to disappear. He knew people who'd thought he'd moved or was transferred to the public school his parents were known to have gone to. So it had worked. For many people, Draco had disappeared.

If that was what Draco wanted, then Harry had been happy that he finally achieved it and tried his best not to call attention to him. Although, Harry had never seen it, he assumed that Draco was picked on by their classmates.

Draco was shy and awkward whenever anyone was around. Harry had always found it adorable. But he talked freely when it was just the two of them.

Harry liked that, too. It made him feel as though he were part of a secret world with Draco.

Getting up from his desk, Harry went back to the bag. He hadn't gone through all of its contents while with Draco as they'd forgotten about the bag once they'd began kissing.

That Draco had continued to buy Harry presents even after he cut Harry out of his life confused Harry, but that his fourteenth birthday present was wrapped intrigued him. It meant that Draco had, at least, planned on coming to his party. It meant that something else happened that Harry didn't know about. Not just the Spin the Bottle game and not just the returned bag.

Pulling out the tickets, Harry stared at them again. It seemed unreal. He could go.

At first, the thought of bringing Draco hadn't come to him. Draco had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Harry anymore. But then they'd kissed. Harry could take him. He could take him as his boyfriend. Ron would have nothing to say to that. Sure Ron was his best mate, but Draco was his boyfriend.

Harry felt himself grinning at the thought. Draco. As his boyfriend. If they were boyfriends. Harry hadn't asked, but if they weren't then they were certainly on their way there.

It wasn't so much that Harry's previous relationships simply hadn't gone anywhere as much as it was that Harry wouldn't let them go anywhere. He wasn't stupid. Harry knew he was popular. It was mostly due to Ron and his older brothers' popularity, but people still tried to take advantage of it.

There was one guy whom Harry dated for a couple of weeks who wasn't into Harry at all when they were alone. Harry tried, but he wasn't all that interested in any of his dates either. They didn't make him feel the way Draco did when he was alone with them. That was the feeling he wanted back.

Harry hadn't known how to fix things with Draco, so he'd kept his distance.

How do you fix something when you don't know what's wrong with it?

Looking at the unopened gift from Draco, Harry remembered his birthday parties.

How he'd jump whenever the door made a sound, waiting for Draco and trying not to act disappointed when other people entered the door. How Draco would hide in a corner or near a doorway no matter how hard Harry tried to pull him into the middle of the room with him. How Draco kept disappearing from them. How Harry's father kept finding him crying after Harry realised Draco wasn't coming back.

1993

Lavender finally got her kiss from Ron that'd she'd been hoping for all night as the bottle spun. When she pushed her tongue into his mouth everyone around them erupted into applause and laughter. Harry looked over to the door to see if Draco was hovering near. He hadn't returned to his spot in the circle. With Ron distracted, Harry shifted out of the circle and went to go find him.

It would be better without everyone watching. Everyone else could have their game and Harry and Draco could have their real first kiss.

But Draco wasn't in the bathroom or hiding in the hallway or the living room. Harry found his dad in the kitchen cleaning up all the mess from when they were eating earlier.

'Have you seen Draco?'

His dad looked up and then gave a heavy sigh. 'Not since I gave him back the Game Boy,' he said. 'Did he leave, again?'

Rolling his eyes, Harry left the kitchen. He knew he couldn't win a fight with his father, and he knew his father's reason for giving back the game—he didn't need two—but it still bothered Harry that he didn't even mention it to Harry before he did it. Or let Harry do it himself. Not that it had gone spectacularly well the last time Harry did it.

But Harry would have fought harder for it this time. There was no reason to give Draco back the Game Boy. Even if it meant Harry would have two.

'Hey!' his dad called after him, but Harry didn't stop. He went into his room and shut the door, probably harder than he should have. He flung himself on his bed and buried his head in his pillow. That is where his dad found him when he entered the room and shut the door much quieter than Harry had.

'Do not abandon your guests,' his father said in a stern tone. 'They did nothing wrong and I will not have you mopping in your room after one kid leaving when you have a room full of them that want to spend time with you.'

Harry was biting his tongue. Partly to keep himself from crying and partly to keep himself from yelling at his father. That his friends had done nothing wrong was not entirely true. That Harry had done nothing wasn't either. He should have spoken up. He should have said something. Although, Harry still couldn't think of the words.

'I just need a minute alone,' Harry said, once he'd gained enough control to speak.

The anger had left his father's voice once he spoke again. 'Harry, you don't have to be liked by everyone. Some people aren't worth the trouble.'

His father left before Harry turned around. But Harry didn't know what he'd say either way. He didn't want nor need to be liked by everyone. And it wasn't that Draco didn't like Harry. He wasn't leaving because of that. At least, Harry hadn't thought so.

It was that every time they got close to each other, someone hurt Draco and caused him to run away. They might not have meant anything by it. They were probably trying to protect or help Harry out in their own minds, but all they were doing was getting in the way. His father's words made Harry wonder if Draco was going to think that Harry wasn't worth the trouble anymore.

After Harry had calmed down, he ventured out of his room and back down the hall.

There was someone sitting in the dark in the living room and Harry quickly walked toward them, hoping it was Draco.

'Hermione?' Harry asked as he got closer.

When she looked at him, her mouth hung open but she quickly recovered and looked away. But Harry had already seen the tears rolling down her face. Harry swallowed as he came to sit next to her. He'd been so caught up in his own drama, he'd forgotten about everyone else's. Hermione had a crush on Ron as well.

'I'm fine,' Hermione said when Harry reached out and touched her shoulder. 'I'm just being stupid.'

Harry shook his head. 'No, you aren't.' He took her hand and gave a pained smiled. 'Draco left, again.'

Hermione wiped her face and studied Harry's. 'Would you have? Had they not—'

'I'd rather it not have happened during a game, but yeah I would have had he let me.'

'I'm not sure your thirteenth birthday party would have been a good place to come out, Harry.'

'I'm not sure I care.'

That got Hermione to smile.

Just then Lavender, pulling Ron behind her, appeared in the doorway. 'Oh,' she said when she spotted them.

'Hey,' Ron said, smiling and flipped on a light. 'I'd wondered where you'd gone. You've been gone for ages.'

Headlights passed through the window as a car pulled in the driveway, causing Hermione to smile again.

'It's almost nine o'clock.'

Time for the girls to go home.

1997

On Monday, Harry cornered Hermione in the hallway as soon as he got to school and asked about Draco's name not being on any of the teams. She was on the planning committee.

'Some of the committee didn't feel it was fair,' she explained, but by the tone of her voice Harry could tell she was not one of those members.

'Didn't feel what was fair?' Harry asked. 'Excluding one person from a school-wide event?'

Hermione rubbed her forehead and began walking again as Harry fell in step beside her. 'His parents are rich, Harry. Everyone knows he could easily buy the competition and no one would be able to compete with him.'

'Do you think he'd do that?'

'Honestly?' Her look suggested he wouldn't like her answer, but he nodded anyway. 'Yes. I think he would, but I also think that it doesn't matter. The point is charity, not how we get it. But they felt that the other teams wouldn't even try or that everyone would be bitter about his team winning, especially if they won by a lot.'

Harry thought about the piles of stuff sitting in Draco's living room and had to agree with her on that point. He planned on donating a lot. His team would have won.

It still didn't feel right to him.

They separated and Harry went to find Draco, hoping he was still at his locker. Maybe Draco didn't care much about the competition or Harry could give him better things to think about.

As Harry came up to Draco's locker, he saw that Blaise was standing at his and nodded to him. 'Draco here yet?'

Blaise gave Harry a confused look. 'Um, I don't see him.' Then he shrugged. 'He's usually here by now, so I guess he's not coming today.'

'Do you have his number?' Harry didn't like that he wasn't at school. They hadn't spoken since Harry stayed at his house for dinner the other night.

'No.' Blaise shook his head. 'We're not really that close. We just walk to some classes together and sometimes sit with each other at lunch.'

Harry had thought Blaise was Draco's best friend. It was really the only person Harry saw him around ever. Although, as Blaise had said. It was only by their lockers or on their way to the classes they shared; sometimes at lunch.

'Do you need help with something?'

'What?' Harry asked confused.

'What do you need to see Draco for?'

'Er.' Of course, it would seem odd to Blaise, to anyone, that Harry and Draco were suddenly friends or more than friends. They were never seen speaking to each other. Even Ron, who knew that Harry used to be sort of friends with Draco, would have found it odd out of the blue. 'I just wanted to see him.'

Harry looked away hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt. He wanted to do more than just see him, and suddenly Harry realised how idealistic he'd been with the whole thing. He couldn't just walk up to Draco in the middle of the hallway at school and kiss him good morning.

It was a stupid idea. They needed to talk. Harry needed to know where they really stood with each other and how comfortable Draco was with them being in public.

'Well, if I see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him.' Then Blaise waved Harry off and headed to class.

Harry nodded but was still lost in his thoughts. He didn't like that Draco wasn't at school. He didn't miss school often, not that Harry kept careful track but he noticed him and they still had a few classes together. He wasn't a sickly person and Harry knew he wasn't sick because he'd just seen him.

On his way to his first class, he passed the front doors and decided to skip it.

There were more important things at stake right then and Harry felt that he needed to talk to Draco right away. He should have asked before he left the other day. He should have come by the next day instead of waiting to see Draco the next day at school. Harry wasn't going to wait any longer.

Harry'd waited for Draco long enough.

1995

Even though Draco didn't quit football in the middle of the season, it still felt sudden to Harry. One year he was there with them, and then the next without a reason or explanation he was gone. He was a good player when he let himself be.

Sometimes he just seemed out of the game, though.

Harry waited by the coach's office to be noticed and once he was Madam Hooch gestured him inside.

'What can I do for you, Potter?'

'I was just wondering if you'd heard from Draco.'

She got that look on her face that Harry's father had sometimes when Harry brought up Draco. It was a sad look. A cross between pity and exasperation. As if she was happy enough not thinking about him and there Harry was refusing to leave well enough alone.

'No, he didn't sign up this year. I haven't seen him.'

'Did you call? See why?'

When Harry had just moved to town, his parents did most of the work to get him involved in things. But Madam Hooch had approached him about joining the football team after seeing a group of them out playing during a break. Draco and Ron had already signed up but Harry had been nervous about it. He didn't like trying out for things.

She'd made speeches about how teams were like families. If they were like families, then she should have worried about Draco not showing up as much as Harry did. Before she answered, Harry could already tell what she was going to say. Even though he was sure she'd have called his parents if he suddenly quit the team, like she had when he was sick for a week the year before, she hadn't for Draco.

'You can't force people to be a part of something they don't want to be,' she said as she shook her head.

But Harry was rather certain Draco did want to be, so he confronted Draco himself.

'Why'd you quit the team?'

Draco shrugged. 'I just didn't want to play anymore.'

'But you love football,' Harry said while trying to catch Draco's eyes.

Draco wouldn't look at him.

'You know you can talk to me, right?'

'Look,' Draco said, still not looking at Harry but off into the distance. 'You don't have to talk to me. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything. I quit the team because I don't like being places I'm not wanted, and no one wants me there.' Draco held up his hand to keep Harry from arguing with him, but at least, he looked at him. 'Don't say you want me there, because you don't.

'We're not even really friends, Potter. You invite me to your birthday parties, but you don't invite me to your house. You don't come to mine and you didn't come to my birthday party.'

'That's just because—'

'We're not actually friends,' Draco interrupted him.

Harry felt as though Draco slapped him across the face. They didn't have to go to each other's houses to be friends. Harry had a lot of friends that he'd never even met the parents of and had certainly never been to their houses.

'You don't have to be my friend. It's not an obligation to be friends with everyone.'

It was just like what Harry's father had said to him, but it hurt more hearing it from Draco.

'I want to be your friend.' The moment Harry said it he wanted to take it back because Harry knew what he wanted from Draco was more than that. Because Draco had been there those times before and he knew that or should have known that.

'I'm not sure your friendship is worth it.' Draco walked off before Harry could ask what he meant by that. What was "it"?