"Q! Open up!"

No answer.

Xu's knuckles whitened on the take-out bag. This was the third time in a week that she had to enter the code to unlock their shared room. She banged the sequence of keys with her thumb and stepped back so the motion sensor would open the automatic door. If Quistis was poring over another goddamned book...

"I brought you a...Q? What the hell? Where's your head?"

Xu tilted her own head as she considered the snoring form on their couch. How the hell Quistis could sleep with such a massive tome over her face was a complete mystery to her. It easily weighed five pounds and looked as if it could hold down a tent in a Galbadian sandstorm. Quistis had always sought refuge in books, but to see her literally hiding in one was almost too much for Xu to bear with a straight face.

"Q?"

Quistis snorted and rolled onto her side. The book tumbled to the floor. Xu picked it up and examined it. Yellowing sheets of parchment and lines upon lines of nearly indecipherable hand-writing were barely contained by the plain brown leather. She pouted her lips in disappointment. The pages smelled of dust and age. It looked boring, but just the sort of boring that Quistis would enjoy. She was hoping for something inked in the tortured blood of innocents and bound in human skin. That would have been interesting, but no. It was just another book.

She tossed it onto the coffee table with the disdain of someone that has no patience for reading and began digging through the bags. "Scoot over. You're taking up the whole couch."

Again, no answer.

"Quistis?"

Another snort.

"Fine. We'll play it your way."

She pinched Quistis' nostrils together with one hand and used the other to cover her mouth. Bending so low that her nose brushed against her hair, she barked, "Quistis Trepe! Wake your ass up and give me some room!"

"Mmmf? Gey! Get theh huck offa me!"

The struggle was brief. Xu emerged as the victor when she sat on her captive's belly and pinned her to the couch.

"You slept through lunch." She pinched harder. "Again."

"Thorry." Quistis' eyes filled with tears. Xu convinced herself that they were tears of contrition instead of pain and released her grip. She allowed Quistis to sit up and return to the land of the living before she started her next assault.

"Oh well. Luckily for you, I'm merciful and kind."

A foil-wrapped sandwich was tossed into Quistis' lap. Afraid to hurt Xu's feelings, she unwrapped it and took a large bite.

"Eew."

Xu leaned back when it seemed that the suddenly-green Quistis might vomit in her lap. "Don't you dare throw up on me. I don't care how merciful I am, 'cause I'll kick your ass if you..."

"Ugh. You're not that merciful. This thing is slathered with mayo."

"Eh?" Xu snatched the sandwich from her and peered into its contents like a delicatessen soothsayer. "Oops. This one's mine."

She dove into the bread and meat with gusto, happily licking her lips when a bit of mayonnaise oozed from her mouth. Quistis felt her stomach turn at Xu's notorious eating habits. "I don't know how you eat that stuff."

"Mmm. It'sh yummeh. Makesh shandwichesh tashte great." Xu plucked a limp green disc from her sandwich and wiggled it in front of Quistis' face. "Wanna pickle?"

"You're disgusting."

"And you're picky." Scooping a slippery ribbon of mayo onto her finger, Xu playfully poked at Quistis' sunburned skin. "I should smear this on your nose. You're roasted. I told you we were out there too long the other day."

Still groggy, but not so sleepy that she would allow herself to be oiled down by a mayo-wielding sadist, Quistis laughed, "I didn't even want to go. You're the one that insisted when I was perfectly happy to stay here and read."

Xu sucked her finger clean and reached for a bag of chips. "You needed a break."

"I took a break last week."

"A real break. Coffee at that little bookstore doesn't count, ya fucking nerd."

Quistis shrugged. "It works for me."

"It is legal to crawl from your cocoon every now and then, you know."

Quistis pulled a slice of turkey from her sandwich and folded it twice, finally laying it on her tongue when the edges were matched against each other. Xu watched every movement with something beyond curiosity.

"What's with you lately? I've never known you to sleep past noon."

Swallowing the turkey, Quistis moved to the first slice of bread. She slowly peeled the crust away before answering, "Just not sleeping much."

Gesturing toward the book on the table, Xu mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs, "Not sleeping much? But that's all you ever do. Sleep and read. It's like you're studying for SeeD all over again."

"Hm..."

Xu wasn't fazed. Quistis spent more time in bed than anywhere else, always staring out the window or dozing, but never truly sleeping. Xu had behaved in a similar manner after she had first learned what it felt like to kill someone, but Quistis hadn't hurt anyone in years.

Had she?

"Hm what?"

"I suppose it would be more accurate to say that I'm not sleeping well."

"You were snoozing like a champ when I came in." Picking up the book, Xu flipped to a random page and tried to make sense of the ancient writing. "Though I can't blame you. This shit would put me to sleep in no time flat."

"You're holding it upside down, you idiot."

Xu squinted and brought the book to her eyes. "Ugh. No wonder! Your brain is probably still trying to process all this shit when it should be dreaming of me in a g-string."

"Har, har."

"Really though. What's up? " As it was obvious that Quistis had no interest in eating, Xu gathered the wrappers and bags and swept crumbs from the table. Stepping into the kitchen, she yelled from the direction of the refrigerator. "You've not been having nightmares, have you? I really am starting to worry about you. And you know that I hate worrying. Upsets my digestion."

Quistis thought to herself that the only thing that could disturb Xu's digestion would be a cataclysmic earthquake, but she held her tongue. "It's not really dreams, I guess. More just... memories of some things that have gotten all jumbled in my mind."

There was a racket of clattering tea cups and water splashing into a pot. Xu returned a few minutes later with steaming cups of green tea. She set one on Quistis' book. Sipping slowly, unable to say what she really wanted to say, she instead joked, "No prophetic nocturnal visions then? No dire predictions of doom and gloom?"

"Hardly." Shaking her head, Quistis took her tea and slid the book into her lap. Flipping back to the correct page, she resumed her reading. "I'm a teacher, not a prophet."

Any excuse to sit closer to Quistis was fine with Xu, so she leaned over and tried to read along. "Looks like you need to be both to read that stuff. Wouldn't hurt to be a chemical engineer too. That page looks like the formula for dynamite...or cinnamon toast."

Quistis laughed. "Dynamite? Cinnamon toast?"

"Don't give me that. You know how my cooking turns out. One is the same as the other, at least when I'm the one cooking. That page looks like one from that cookbook I caught on fire."

The laughter was quickly turning into painful abdominal cramps. Even her face was starting to hurt. "Oh please. The material isn't that difficult. I daresay you'd have more success translating this than you would attempting to cook again."

"Let's not discuss cooking in my presence, eh? I'm still traumatized."

"I told you that you should never have stuck that spatula into the toaster."

Xu downed the rest of her tea and jerked the book away. "Fine. I'll translate this bitch."

Quistis waited.

Three, two, one...

"This fucking word is longer than my arm! What the hell does it even mean?"

"Which one?"

Xu pointed an indignant finger at a word bristling with serifs and sharp accent marks. "That one."

"Let's see...that's moon."

"That thing has too many letters to mean moon, Q."

"It's actually part of an ode to an old goddess, but yes, they're talking about the moon here."

"Oh." Xu mouthed what she thought the word should sound like and cocked her head to the side. "One of those metaphor deals?"

"More allegorical, but close. Read more and you'll see what I mean."

Xu rolled her eyes. She appreciated the fact that Quistis thought she was smart, but there was smart and then there was Trepe smart. She seemed to forget all too often that not everyone had her brains. "Q, nobody this side of eternity can read this shit."

"You could if you'd let me teach you how to..."

Xu groaned. A lesson in dead languages was not how she wanted to spend her afternoon. "Later, maybe. Besides, I'd rather look at these charming woodcuts. Who's this bastard in the tights?"

Quistis blinked. Of course the book had illustrations, but she had been so busy translating the text that they hadn't crossed her mind. "What?"

"Octopus man." Xu spilled a bit of tea on the page and winced. Quistis had once chased her through their living room with a ruler for ruining one of her paperback romance novels. It wasn't an experience she cared to relive.

Quistis looked closer, There was indeed a figure with several appendages scowling at a figure dressed in plate armor. "He's not an octopus, you idiot."

"Looks like one to me."

"For the love of...give me that thing." On second glance, he did look like an octopus, all long arms and willowy limbs, but Quistis refused to give her the satisfaction of being right. Tracing her finger along the text on the opposite page, she frowned. "Hm. I don't know. I'll have to look up these characters. I only have a very basic knowledge of old Centran, so I'm a bit confused. I think this means nomad or wanderer, but I'm not certain. I'm confused by the emphasis on the..."

"I bet it means octopus."

"Would you give it a rest already?" Quistis slammed the book on the coffee table and massaged a spot on her nose just between her eyes. "It doesn't mean octopus."

"Squid?"

"Remind me to slap you later, smart ass." Leaning back against the cushions, Quistis closed her eyes and tried to change the subject. "How are things moving along?"

The transformation from silly best friend to strict headmistress would have startled anyone not accustomed to Xu's mood swings, but Quistis barely registered the change.

"Slowly, but yes, things are moving along."

"Good then."

"You could help me if you'd translate for those cavemen in hard hats." Something about the way Quistis was only politely listening riled Xu's infamous temper. "You're fluent in Moron after spending so much time with Almasy, aren't you?"

Quietly, almost so low that she couldn't be sure if the words were uttered or imagined, Xu heard Quistis whisper, "Shut up."

"Fine. Sorry."

"Just...don't bring him up anymore."

Quistis brought her feet up from the floor and tucked them beneath her legs. The motion turned her slightly to the side and away from Xu. A few minutes passed in which Xu could only open her mouth and close it again, unsure of what to say that would make Quistis forgive her. She knew that Seifer was a sensitive topic at the best of times, but as she lately had been, withdrawn and quiet, he was the worst possible subject to introduce into a conversation.

Ten minutes passed, then fifteen. Quistis didn't say a word. She just frowned at difficult passages in her reading, occasionally shifting her weight on her ankles.

Silence. Xu hated silence. She hated it even more knowing that she was the reason for it.

Feeling a curious knot in her throat, desperate for something to make that fine line disappear between her friend's eyebrows, she mumbled, "Do you remember that day in the woods? When that caterchipiller sprayed you in the face?"

Quistis smiled, though just barely. "Remember? How the hell could I forget? You were laughing your ass off!"

"Well, you looked funny." Xu would never admit it, but she had been terrified that day. Once she had pulled the suffocating strands from Quistis' face and saw color return to her lips, all she had been able to do was laugh.

"How could you think that was funny?"

"Well, you were gasping and bug-eyed. You looked funny. Like a frog." Xu thought for a second and added, "A frog with glasses. Adorable, really."

"I couldn't breathe, you know."

Xu drew her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs. "You couldn't sleep back then, too."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. You were just having a...I guess it was a nightmare that night, but it must've been a bad one. "

Quistis rolled her head to the side and looked at Xu's profile. She could see a small vein ticking a steady, quick rhythm in her temple. "You watched me sleep? That's a little creepy."

Watching. She had done nothing but watch for years. Xu was tired of watching and waiting. Suddenly standing, she snarled, "I wasn't watching you. I heard you crying and it woke me up. You were..."

"I was what?"

She had been bent backwards, every muscle rigid and stiff. Xu had been able to hear her joints creak from the strain, but when she stumbled to her bed, she had been knocked into the dresser by some unseen force. When the fit passed, Quistis collapsed on the mattress in a heap, sobbing and begging for help. Xu held her the rest of the night, too afraid to leave her to find assistance. When she woke in the morning, she said she was a bit sore, but nothing more. It was as if the night before had never happened. "You were kind of arched up, like someone was pulling you up by your chest. Scared the hell out of me."

Touched by the concern in her voice, Quistis tried to talk some sense into her friend. "I'm sure you were just seeing things, Xu. You probably saw me stretch or something and in the darkness it looked like..."

"No." She had been dizzy for twenty minutes after being hurled across the room. There was no mistaking that. "I know exactly what I saw."

Quistis chewed her lower lip in thought. "Don't be silly. I'm sure you were half-asleep yourself and..."

"The air around you was moving. I saw it. Hell, I fucking felt it."

"Oh, please."

"Shut up. I mean, you looked the same and you acted the same the next morning, but there was something wrong with you. I felt the same fucking thing I felt when that bastard worm nearly killed you."

"Don't be silly."

"And like for the past few days. I can feel it when you do these things."

Quistis rubbed her eyes and sighed loudly. "Don't be silly, Xu."

Xu kicked the coffee table and sent the tea cups and book skittering to the floor. "God, will you stop that! That's all I ever get from you. Don't be silly, Xu. Don't be foolish, Xu. Shut your mouth, Xu. That's not prudent, Xu. All the time."

"I don't say..."

Bending down to pick up the tea cups so she wouldn't have to look at Quistis, Xu spat, "You do and you know it. You're the only person alive that actually uses words like 'prudent' in daily conversation."

"I don't feel like arguing about this again."

"What's wrong with your eyes? Why do you keep rubbing them?"

No delicacy at all. Xu didn't dick around when she wanted information. Quistis didn't want to tell her how much they burned, how it hurt to open her eyelids. "I don't know. Allergies or something."

"Bullshit. You've been doing it again."

Quistis fingered the silver edge of her glasses. The doctors had told her that her corneas were fried from exposure to extremely bright light, possibly from a welding torch. They ignored her when she told them that she had never been exposed to anything bright enough to harm her and she certainly hadn't been welding metal. Only Dr. Kadowaki had tried to dig a bit deeper into Quistis' medical records, eventually pulling her out of class one day to run a series of tests. The results had been...interesting to the doctor.

"I'm fine."

"Fine? " Xu jerked her thumb towards the ceiling where the fireproof tiles had blackened in thin, exact lines. "Fucking fine? You've left goddamned scorch marks on the ceiling! How the hell did you even do that?"

She refused to look up. "It just...happens now."

"You said that you had it under control. You told me that you didn't do it anymore."

"I do have it under control!"

Xu gave up the cleaning as a lost cause. She was afraid that she'd throw the tea cups at Quistis if she laid her hands on them again. "This shit isn't normal, even for you. You need to see someone about it."

Quistis laughed. "Who the hell am I supposed to see about it? It's not as if I can find help for this in the goddamned phonebook!"

"Well, there's always the doc..."

She was screaming by this point, her eyes wild, impossibly blue. "It's not a fucking doctor I need, Xu."

Xu stood still as Quistis stalked to the door. "Wh-where the hell are you going?"

"To see someone."

"Who?" Xu felt as if she had swallowed lead. "But you just said that..."

"I'm well aware of what I just said."

"That's not what I meant, Q." The door slid open and she was gone. Xu sat on the coffee table and buried her face in her hands. "Damn it. That's not who I meant at all."


The cafeteria was closed for cleaning and the quad was filled with sunbathing students.

No good.

Quistis wandered to the library, but hesitated by the door. A group of girls were whispering over a computer monitor and pointing in her direction. She simply wasn't in the mood to be ambushed by inquisitive Trepies eager to study during the short summer break.

No good there, either.

Curious to see the progress in the training center, she wandered through the halls until she reached the flimsy barrier formed by two intersecting strips of yellow construction tape.

Ducking under the tape and shoving a piece of plywood to the side, she entered the construction zone and sneaked past a couple of sweating crew members.

The main demolition hadn't extended to the central support columns in the training center, so the secret area still remained, though it was no longer quite as secret with blue contractor's chalk marking the walls. It was far easier to slide into the fissure in the concrete without palm fronds slapping her in the face, but that made the illusion of secrecy all the sillier. It had seemed thrilling and fun when she was younger. Now it just looked like the thing it was: a cracked gray wall near a circuit breaker. When she stepped inside, the rest of the secret area seemed much as it used to be, but the fact remained that it was no longer what it had been.

Moving to the edge of the balcony, she ran her fingers along the underside of the railing until she felt a solid lump under her hand. Quistis tapped the hardened pink glob of bubblegum she had pressed there so long ago and wondered why she couldn't remember the flavor. Everything else about that night was so clear. She could almost feel his hesitant hands on her waist and his hot breath in her ear. She would have smiled at the memory had it been more complete.

There had been an illicit bottle of white wine and a shy, hurried kiss. They sneaked in after dodging two instructors, giggling at their cleverness. She was fond of him, though certainly not in love. He was simply older and handsome, and unfailingly considerate, even wedging the door closed so they might have a bit of privacy from other like-minded students.

She pried the gum loose and observed the marks left by her teeth.

Had she smiled then? Did she smile for him when he kissed her? It was a pleasant kiss, if somewhat sloppy. She must have smiled. Surely she did. After all, they spent the night on the concrete floor and nearly missed the next morning's class. She would have smiled at someone that important.

Gentle. He had been so very gentle. She was almost certain he loved her.

Seifer was sparring with her in the training center when she learned he had been killed during his SeeD exam. It was a missile, the messenger told her. None of his squad survived. She thanked the girl for her information and sent her on her way.

There was a vague recollection of Seifer staring at her, waiting for her to do something, anything. When the messenger was gone, he told her to ready her weapon. They practiced for hours after that. Feints and lunges, quick slices in the air and great clouds of fire. She dodged him over and over again, unable to land any blows of her own. Seifer wouldn't stop and she didn't want him to. She had been unable to tell if the white streaks on her dusty cheeks were from tears or from sweat. He could tell, but didn't say anything to her about it, instead just tossing her the rag he used to clean his gunblade so she could wipe her face. He had left her there after that, alone with a rag that smelled of oil and sweat.

"That stupid asshole..."

Disgusted, Quistis tossed the gum to the floor to be swept up when the crews finished their work, or perhaps just kicked to the side for another few years. Pushing aside the temporary door made from industrial plastic, she strode from the training center and resumed her long walk.

She wouldn't hate herself until later that night, when she finally recalled the taste of strawberry gum but couldn't remember the color of that boy's eyes.


Note: Okay. Secret area. Quistis mentions to Squall that she hadn't been there in a while. Why not? What kept her from that place? What made it special to her and what made her want someone to listen to her there? Who knows, right? I still think Quistis was the first out of the orphans to get lucky. She did everything early, after all.

Also, ever noticed that Quistis bends backwards before she casts a spell, just like the caterchipillars? Funny, ain't it?